50-50 or shared custody with child support

[fajenr]

First off, let me say Thank you to everyone for all their input.

Secondly does anyone see any reason why a judge might deny my request for 50-50?

As far as I'm concerned it would definitely be in my children's best interest. My wife's work schedule is so off the wall that the kids spend most of the time at a sitter or at their Grandmothers house ( and Grandma is starting to get sick of the kids being there 4 to 6 hours a day) Also on some accounts the sitter has told me that my ex takes the kids to the sitter on her days off.

I would MUCH rather have the kids with me so I can give them the attention that they are lacking from their mother.

 

[proud_parent]

Secondly does anyone see any reason why a judge might deny my request for 50-50?

Yes; a judge would deny your request if you are unable to prove the requisite change of circumstance established by Iowa law. Please refer to my earlier posts in another thread in the Child Custody and Visitation forum:

...change of circumstance is still the standard for modification of a visitation order in Iowa.

Case Law:

To justify a modification of visitation rights, the party requesting the change must show there has been a change of circumstances since the filing of the decree. Nicolou v. Clements, 516 N.W.2d 905, 906 (Iowa Ct. App. 1994); In re Marriage of Jerome, 378 N.W.2d 302, 305 (Iowa Ct. App. 1985).

The degree of change required in a modification of visitation rights is much less than the change required in a modification for custody. Id. The focus is on the best interests of the children. See Iowa Code § 598.41

...
Iowa Code Online (search for 598.41 CUSTODY OF CHILDREN):

http://coolice.legis.state.ia.us/Cool-ICE/default.asp?category=billinfo&service=IowaCode&ga=82#598.41

Did your ex have a "constantly changing work schedule" at the time the current order was filed? If not, you may have a change in circumstance. Has the present visitation schedule been unworkable (e.g., does she frequently request you to change pickup/dropoff dates and times owing to her schedule? and do you have documentation that you have often done so at her request?) If so, you may have a change in circumstance. Has your ex been found in contempt (more than once) of the visitation provisions of your order? If so, you may have a change in circumstance.

If you are unable to prove change in circumstance, then frankly your best shot at 50-50 might be to come to an agreement -- in writing -- with your ex and petition the court to modify the order per your agreement. (I believe the Courts refer to this as "litigation by express consent of the parties".)

 

[ProPerDoper]

What about Family Court Services Mediation?

In California, the first step in a modification motion is mandatory mediation by Family Court Services.

Whether or not OP has a justifiable change in circumstance, filing a motion puts him in front of a mediator and provides the judge with a recommendation by that mediator at the hearing. (Assuming that process is followed in IA also)

If OP petitions as a Pro Per litigant, he may well get some slack from the strict requirements of the IA Family Code, depending upon the judge.

I'd attempt it if it were me, as I've found most courts very open to a 50/50 timeshare, especially if the kids are young. As long as, of course, both parents are reasonably sane.

 

[LdiJ]

In California, the first step in a modification motion is mandatory mediation by Family Court Services.

Whether or not OP has a justifiable change in circumstance, filing a motion puts him in front of a mediator and provides the judge with a recommendation by that mediator at the hearing. (Assuming that process is followed in IA also)

If OP petitions as a Pro Per litigant, he may well get some slack from the strict requirements of the IA Family Code, depending upon the judge.

I'd attempt it if it were me, as I've found most courts very open to a 50/50 timeshare, especially if the kids are young. As long as, of course, both parents are reasonably sane.

In some states getting ordered to mediation is not quite as automatic as it is in other states. Also, in many other states (maybe even most other states) mediation is confidental and the mediator is not allowed to make any recommendations to the judge. The mediator's sole job is to help the parties come to an agreement, and if they cannot, then the judge decides, but the judge gets no info at all about what happened in mediation, nor does the judge have any contact with the mediator, unless there is an agreement.

50/50 is gaining more favor, but for example only, in my state a judge typically won't order 50/50 unless the parents agree to it. The reasoning is that 50/50 takes alot of cooperation to work, and if the parties aren't in agreement, its less likely to work.

So, you definitely can't use CA as an example of what might happen in another state, as far as those issues are concerned.

 

[ProPerDoper]

In some states getting ordered to mediation is not quite as automatic as it is in other states. Also, in many other states (maybe even most other states) mediation is confidental and the mediator is not allowed to make any recommendations to the judge. The mediator's sole job is to help the parties come to an agreement, and if they cannot, then the judge decides, but the judge gets no info at all about what happened in mediation, nor does the judge have any contact with the mediator, unless there is an agreement.

50/50 is gaining more favor, but for example only, in my state a judge typically won't order 50/50 unless the parents agree to it. The reasoning is that 50/50 takes alot of cooperation to work, and if the parties aren't in agreement, its less likely to work.

So, you definitely can't use CA as an example of what might happen in another state, as far as those issues are concerned.

No....I suppose not.

Even so, seems worth additional effort to learn the procedures of the local area and possibly pursue additional timeshare. Some dads want to be more than just a visiting father in their kid's lives.

 

[CourtClerk]

And may I add that often times, families cannot afford the additional cost of a mediator (which is sometimes very costly), while it is free in California, we do things much differently than other states. So I would leave California information where it belongs... with posters that live in California.

 

[deltadart1]

My son's situation

What is the name of your state? Iowa

Hello,

Currently I am paying child support for 2 children and my visitation schedule is every Wednesday and every other weekend. Also my ex-wife and I both live in the same school district.

My question is I am planning on trying to get 50-50 custody of my children. 10 visitation days a month just isn't enough! And they spend more time at their grandmothers house than they do at their mothers due to her constantly changing work schedule and wanting to go out on weekends. I found a really good schedule online that would evenly divide the days.

Dad: Monday and Tuesday
Mom: Wednesday and Thursday
Dad: 3day weekend

Mom: Monday and Tuesday
Dad: Wednesday and Thursday
Mom 3day weekend

so on and so on. . . . .

If this ends up working out will I still have to pay child support? I know I would probably still have to pay half of the kids' health insurance cost and half of co-pays, prescriptions, etc. etc. Is there any reason as to way a judge WOULDN'T allow this? Or do we need to go to court at all?

Oh, I know talking to my ex-wife about this matter won't work. She'd be vey upset to find out that her "fun money", (a.k.a child support money) might be stopping.

I know I probably left a bunch of stuff out but I was in a hurry to post this.

ANY help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

My state is Iowa also. My son's situation goes like this. He has his son Wed to Sunday and the next week he has him from Thursday to Sunday. He also pays for the whole child care bill. She has him pick up his son at her place which is 45 miles from where he lives. He also has to drive him back. I'm just finding these fact's out. This has been going on for close to 3 years. He thought this arrangement was working out until he get's a letter that she's asking for more CS. She's capable of working but chooses not to. Needless to say he has finally hired a lawyer and will see what happens. But in his situation I see no reason why he should have to pay any CS. He has his son more days than she does and he is the one who got off his rear and has the full time job. I ask you,who is being the better parent here?

 

[LdiJ]

My state is Iowa also. My son's situation goes like this. He has his son Wed to Sunday and the next week he has him from Thursday to Sunday. He also pays for the whole child care bill. She has him pick up his son at her place which is 45 miles from where he lives. He also has to drive him back. I'm just finding these fact's out. This has been going on for close to 3 years. He thought this arrangement was working out until he get's a letter that she's asking for more CS. She's capable of working but chooses not to. Needless to say he has finally hired a lawyer and will see what happens. But in his situation I see no reason why he should have to pay any CS. He has his son more days than she does and he is the one who got off his rear and has the full time job. I ask you,who is being the better parent here?

Just because you see no reason why he should have to pay CS doesn't mean that the law necessarily agrees with you, or that a judge would necessarily agree with you. Also, the schedule you described is 4 nights one week and 3 nights the next. That's 50/50, not "more days than she does".

While its possible that a 50/50 situation could result in no CS paid, that is not necessarily the norm, therefore the OP needs to know what to realistically expect.

 

[deltadart1]

I'm happy about this

I'm very happy that my son want's to spend time with his son. Has stepped up to the plate from day 1 and has been a good father. Only wished the mother had done the same. It must be nice to sit back and not have to work and expect the father to keep doing more. It's no wonder that these situations turn messy. We watched our grandson over the weekend and we had a long talk with our son. He said he was completely blindsided by the letter he got saying that she wanted more CS. He told us the lawyer he hired will check into her background and every detail will come out. What exactly that means I don't know. Like I said,it must be nice to sit back and say the heck with it,I don't want to work and oh by the way I want more CS. So much for everything being equal.

 

[ProPerDoper]

I'm very happy that my son want's to spend time with his son. Has stepped up to the plate from day 1 and has been a good father. Only wished the mother had done the same. It must be nice to sit back and not have to work and expect the father to keep doing more. It's no wonder that these situations turn messy. We watched our grandson over the weekend and we had a long talk with our son. He said he was completely blindsided by the letter he got saying that she wanted more CS. He told us the lawyer he hired will check into her background and every detail will come out. What exactly that means I don't know. Like I said,it must be nice to sit back and say the heck with it,I don't want to work and oh by the way I want more CS. So much for everything being equal.

Be prepared for more injustice, however.

While the system established to insure adequate support of kids in divorced families may have been designed with good intentions, I've found that many times the injustice in the end (following an anticipated round of litigation as you describe) is the amount of money spent on attorneys, and the friction that further separates the ability of the two parties to co-parent.

Just think how much better it would be if both sides sat down and agreed that they have an equal responsiblity to provide for and parent the kid(s), utilized the structure provided by the system along with the self-help court system, and agreed (stipulated) between them.

All the funds spent to come to a decision (because one or both parents refuse to be reasonable) which could have better been used to provide for the kids is the real tragedy.

It is real, measurable, and often inevitable waste.

Keep in mind also that while the injustice feels terrible for you and your family, there are always people out there that have it much, much worse. Some dads are allowed to see their children on a very limited schedule.

 

[proud_parent]

Pardon me, deltadart1...are you fajenr's mother?

It seems to me that you have hijacked another poster's thread. Please keep your questions and comments in one of your own threads, so that OP does not have to wade through a lot of irrelevant responses to find the answers that pertain to him.

 

[deltadart1]

Sorry to hijack-Last comment

I do apologize to fajenr. I do understand his situation and hope for the best. Bottom line is just because you are the mother that should't mean that you can just set everything on "cruise control" and expect the father to jump through every hoop. This is why I have no problem in my son trying to get primary custody if it should come to that. My how things would change is she was the one who had to pay the CS and always had to worry about being hauled back into court to pay even more. My guess is she is probably getting all her legal help free of charge. This is where I agree with fajenr's post. 50-50 shared custody. He pays for his half and she pays for her half. Almost forgot. This past weekend my son had to work mandatory overtime. Didn't find out about it until Thursday night. He called the mother up and asked if he could bring his son back early because he had to work. She refused and he could not find a babysitter at the last moment so we watched him this weekend. Just remember the mother doesn't have to worry about situations like that cause she "ain't" got a job. I ask you again. Who's the better parent?

 

[CJane]

I do apologize to fajenr. I do understand his situation and hope for the best. Bottom line is just because you are the mother that should't mean that you can just set everything on "cruise control" and expect the father to jump through every hoop. This is why I have no problem in my son trying to get primary custody if it should come to that. My how things would change is she was the one who had to pay the CS and always had to worry about being hauled back into court to pay even more. My guess is she is probably getting all her legal help free of charge. This is where I agree with fajenr's post. 50-50 shared custody. He pays for his half and she pays for her half. Almost forgot. This past weekend my son had to work mandatory overtime. Didn't find out about it until Thursday night. He called the mother up and asked if he could bring his son back early because he had to work. She refused and he could not find a babysitter at the last moment so we watched him this weekend. Just remember the mother doesn't have to worry about situations like that cause she "ain't" got a job. I ask you again. Who's the better parent?

Ask in a thread that you're not HIJACKING.

 

[deltadart1]

fajenr-Please keep us informed

What is the name of your state? Iowa

Hello,

Currently I am paying child support for 2 children and my visitation schedule is every Wednesday and every other weekend. Also my ex-wife and I both live in the same school district.

My question is I am planning on trying to get 50-50 custody of my children. 10 visitation days a month just isn't enough! And they spend more time at their grandmothers house than they do at their mothers due to her constantly changing work schedule and wanting to go out on weekends. I found a really good schedule online that would evenly divide the days.

Dad: Monday and Tuesday
Mom: Wednesday and Thursday
Dad: 3day weekend

Mom: Monday and Tuesday
Dad: Wednesday and Thursday
Mom 3day weekend

so on and so on. . . . .

If this ends up working out will I still have to pay child support? I know I would probably still have to pay half of the kids' health insurance cost and half of co-pays, prescriptions, etc. etc. Is there any reason as to way a judge WOULDN'T allow this? Or do we need to go to court at all?

Oh, I know talking to my ex-wife about this matter won't work. She'd be vey upset to find out that her "fun money", (a.k.a child support money) might be stopping.

I know I probably left a bunch of stuff out but I was in a hurry to post this.

ANY help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

fajenr,Please keep us informed of your situation. I'm in Iowa also and it will be interesting how they handle your case. In my son's case he has his son a total of six months out of the year.

 

[fajenr]

Well, I've decided that I am going to talk with my ex and try to get her to agree to the 50-50 split custody. I really hope she can see that it is in the best interest of OUR children. If she won't agree I guess I will have to take further action. I'm not saying that she's a bad mother, but more like an absent one. The kids spend most of their time at sitters or grandparents (who are chain-smokers by the way) I would much rather have them be with me. I really want to spend as much time as I possibly can with them while they are still young (4 and 6 years old) because you know what happens as they get older. . .

Well, anyway, thank you all for your input. I really appreciate it.

Deltadart1, I will let you know how things work out after it's all done.