A message

[summerdawn]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Ca

I got this message on Facebook. This is weird and I don't even know if it is actually dad sending it or if it's SM or MIL-as far as I know dad doesn't even HAVE a FB, and mine has SM blocked so I don't know how a message came through from their computer if it IS from dad.

Mr. Binky T. Clown
[email protected]

***************************March 21, 2009
ATTN: Summer Dawn
Re: Matter of: Visitation

This Message is to inform you that I will be at the court ordered drop off area tomorrow on the 22, at 3:30 pm

I will be waiting for the kids at the curb in front of the arch way, I request that you stay by the arch way like we previously agreed upon, for it is in the court order that we have curb side pick up and drop off, which means that you do not approach the car and all communication be done before and after the pick up and drop off not during.

I think it would also be wise to point out, that after reading over the stipulation it says that I have the kids on every second and fourth Sunday, up to now we've been trading off every other Sunday, so I would like to switch it to how the order intended it, so I will have the kids on the 22 and you will have them on the 29 and 5th then I will have them on the 12th and 26th.

please be waiting at the court ordered area at 3:30 for the pick up and at 6:30 for the drop off, I will respect the curb side pick up order and not approach your house, their have been some occasions were when i've arrived you were not their so please be their at the appointed time,

I currently do not have a phone and I'm no longer receiving phone calls at the 867 5309 number so please don't try to contact me using that number unless for emergency purposes, so if you wish to contact me please e mail me at [email protected]
Thank you in advance

Sincerely,
Binky T. Clown

While I will be at the drop off area, I was going to go there at 1 because that is what time his visit begins, and if he wasn't at the drop off point by 1:30 I was going to go in and send him a certified letter stating the kids and I had waited for him from 1:00 until 1:30 and he did not show up.

Unfortunately our court order has nothing about forfeiting if late for visits [I am including it in the modification request] so I guess if I don't come out at 3:30 I will probably be in trouble. Does this message warrant a reply or should I just stay silent and be at the drop off at 3:30?

In other news, SM has taken to harassing my friends that she is mutual acquaintances with via FaceBook email/private message (such as dad's aunts and sisters in law that I have been friends with for over ten years). They are feeling quite awkward and the situation is really annoying. I have merely told my friends that I will not be putting anyone in the middle and I am sorry for the inconvenience of her angry emails, and that I will not be taking part in the drama.

I have had no contact with father [or MIL or SM] at all but for a certified letter I sent out on Monday letting him know we waited and he did not show up for his visit. I keep getting hang up calls a LOT though. I don't know for sure it is them, but I wasn't getting them before all this started. Dad knows I don't have caller ID so he could call day and night and I wouldn't know if it was him.

**I have my OSC almost ready to be filed this week. I have heard that in the state of California, as soon as you file for a family law court date they automatically send you to mediation. Is this true if we already have a court order, but are modifying it? I hope so, because it will get us face to face communicating with each other without SM's presence.

 

[summerdawn]

Sorry, I just saw this message from the FB site in small letters below the bottom of dad's message:

Sending message... Reply: Mark as Unread | Delete If you send Binky T. Clown a message, you will give him permission to view your list of friends, as well as your Basic, Work and Education info for one month.

If I send a message back, SM will be able to see my other friends as well and that will enable her to send THEM messages and harass them. Right now she is only bothering mutual acquaintances because they are the only ones she can get ahold of. If I send him any messages at all I think it will be by certified letter, or possibly the email address included, but even then I don't know if that is actually dad's email addy or one MIL or SM set up to send messages on his behalf.

 

[Isis1]

i should know the answer to this. but for the life of me i realized my two year custody case has been off the same OSC. so i have had only one mediation. it would make since to at the very least request a mediation date and it can be ordered dad attend that same mediation appointment.


as far as answering the facebook communication, it might be crazy lady, it might be dad. if it is court ordered the place and TIME, you cannot get in trouble for not being at the court ordered PLACE and TIME. i'd take this as communication, NOT respond, then block the address. dad can contact you directly at your personal e-mail address. not use facebook or any social site for communication.

my sister and I also ran into this same issue and did a few test runs. (our mother is trying to us on social sites) defintely do NOT respond unless you want someone to access your page for the 30 days without add ons.

 

[summerdawn]

i should know the answer to this. but for the life of me i realized my two year custody case has been off the same OSC. so i have had only one mediation. it would make since to at the very least request a mediation date and it can be ordered dad attend that same mediation appointment.


as far as answering the facebook communication, it might be crazy lady, it might be dad. if it is court ordered the place and TIME, you cannot get in trouble for not being at the court ordered PLACE and TIME. i'd take this as communication, NOT respond, then block the address. dad can contact you directly at your personal e-mail address. not use facebook or any social site for communication.
my sister and I also ran into this same issue and did a few test runs. (our mother is trying to us on social sites) defintely do NOT respond unless you want someone to access your page for the 30 days without add ons.[/QUOTE]

Thanks Isabella, i'll block it right now and I won't be using any websites to communicate besides normal email. I think I will be printing this message out as well, for my records.

I definitely won't be responding. If SM is already harassing people she knows are on my FL I don't want her to have access to the rest of my FL. This is so crazy and immature.

Oh, I have one more question. Dad's mom signed for my certified letter. If someone in his household signed for it the courts WILL assume he got it, right?

 

[Isis1]

i should know the answer to this. but for the life of me i realized my two year custody case has been off the same OSC. so i have had only one mediation. it would make since to at the very least request a mediation date and it can be ordered dad attend that same mediation appointment.


as far as answering the facebook communication, it might be crazy lady, it might be dad. if it is court ordered the place and TIME, you cannot get in trouble for not being at the court ordered PLACE and TIME. i'd take this as communication, NOT respond, then block the address. dad can contact you directly at your personal e-mail address. not use facebook or any social site for communication.
my sister and I also ran into this same issue and did a few test runs. (our mother is trying to us on social sites) defintely do NOT respond unless you want someone to access your page for the 30 days without add ons.[/QUOTE]

Thanks Isabella, i'll block it right now and I won't be using any websites to communicate besides normal email. I think I will be printing this message out as well, for my records.

I definitely won't be responding. If SM is already harassing people she knows are on my FL I don't want her to have access to the rest of my FL. This is so crazy and immature.

Oh, I have one more question. Dad's mom signed for my certified letter. If someone in his household signed for it the courts WILL assume he got it, right?

in all honesty, dad's mom could come into court and say she did sign it but forgot to give it to dad and/or lost it. so that's kind of iffy, if you ask me. worth a shot if you ask me. wait for OG or CC to really answer that technicality.

i will giveaway one hint that actually helped me in my case. i alway send NCP letters by mail and CC the courts. yes, i did send slightly condescending drivel along with pertinent information. NCP would try to use those letters as evidence against me, all it turned out was he proved to the court i was sending him important information he kept stating he wasn't receiving.

 

[summerdawn]

in all honesty, dad's mom could come into court and say she did sign it but forgot to give it to dad and/or lost it. so that's kind of iffy, if you ask me. worth a shot if you ask me. wait for OG or CC to really answer that technicality.

i will giveaway one hint that actually helped me in my case. i alway send NCP letters by mail and CC the courts. yes, i did send slightly condescending drivel along with pertinent information. NCP would try to use those letters as evidence against me, all it turned out was he proved to the court i was sending him important information he kept stating he wasn't receiving.

This sounds like an excellent idea: How exactly did you address it to cc the courts? When they receive it, they just put it in your file? I was told I could not submit any one sided communication to the courts other than the papers I filed...

 

[MichaCA]

Hi,

I live in N. Calif. My experience is each time a motion is filed, there is a mandatory mediation date prior to the court date.

I know you are asking for no third party interference. I don't know what those guidelines are, perhaps check out some specific wording for communication between you and dad needs to be in a context that is clearly private communication between you two, ie; his or your private email account, his cell, your cell, whatever.

 

[CourtClerk]

Here is the problem with most women:

They just want to talk talk talk talk talk and run their mouth some more and what AMAZES me about most of those is that none of them know when to respond and when NOT to respond. Not everything needs a reaction. LEARN TO CLOSE YOUR MOUTH.

Don't respond. Have the children where they are supposed to be at 3:30. End of story. No 1298387219 pages of a thread on this subject. I'm going to church, when I get back, I'm sure you guys will still be talking about it. Why? See the first sentence of the second paragraph.

 

[summerdawn]

Here is the problem with most women:

They just want to talk talk talk talk talk and run their mouth some more and what AMAZES me about most of those is that none of them know when to respond and when NOT to respond. Not everything needs a reaction. LEARN TO CLOSE YOUR MOUTH.

Don't respond. Have the children where they are supposed to be at 3:30. End of story. No 1298387219 pages of a thread on this subject. I'm going to church, when I get back, I'm sure you guys will still be talking about it. Why? See the first sentence of the second paragraph.

OK, ty CC.

Will the courts schedule me mediation automatically when I file my OSC?

Sorry, I think I foud my answer to that:
"I live in N. Calif. My experience is each time a motion is filed, there is a mandatory mediation date prior to the court date."
Thanks, Micha


Will the courts consider that dad got my certified letter if his mom signed for it?

 

[CourtClerk]

OK, ty CC.

Will the courts schedule me mediation automatically when I file my OSC?

Sorry, I think I foud my answer to that:
"I live in N. Calif. My experience is each time a motion is filed, there is a mandatory mediation date prior to the court date."
Thanks, Micha


Will the courts consider that dad got my certified letter if his mom signed for it?

Your county only requires mediation on an OSC if you haven't gone in the last 90 days. You call conciliation court, get a date and write it on the OSC prior to filing it.

 

[summerdawn]

Your county only requires mediation on an OSC if you haven't gone in the last 90 days. You call conciliation court, get a date and write it on the OSC prior to filing it.

Yay! We haven't gone to mediation since last April. Hopefully we can hash a bunch of this stuff out in mediation then!

Thank you for the instruction.

 

[Ohiogal]

in all honesty, dad's mom could come into court and say she did sign it but forgot to give it to dad and/or lost it. so that's kind of iffy, if you ask me. worth a shot if you ask me. wait for OG or CC to really answer that technicality.

i will giveaway one hint that actually helped me in my case. i alway send NCP letters by mail and CC the courts. yes, i did send slightly condescending drivel along with pertinent information. NCP would try to use those letters as evidence against me, all it turned out was he proved to the court i was sending him important information he kept stating he wasn't receiving.

A certified letter is considered served if it is signed for ANY person -- at the address the court has -- who is over the age of 18. If she is sending it to his Court recognized address, and mom signs for it while she is there, service is normally good.

 

[sipa]

Simply put there was really nothing to respond too.

Does your court order state 1pm for pick up or 3:30. If is states 1:00 then I don't understand his logic of telling you he would be there at 3:30. Especially since he seems to have legal guidence out his butt.

But then again Mr Binky Clown and his legal team seem to make up their own rules as they go

 

[summerdawn]

Simply put there was really nothing to respond too.

Does your court order state 1pm for pick up or 3:30. If is states 1:00 then I don't understand his logic of telling you he would be there at 3:30. Especially since he seems to have legal guidence out his butt.

But then again Mr Binky Clown and his legal team seem to make up their own rules as they go

He stated 3:30 because that is when he always takes his visits, even though they are supposed to start at 1. He has only taken the full time once, and that was back in August. I am requesting in the modification that his visit be modified from 1:00-6:30 to 3:30 to 6:30 because that is the time he always takes.

 

[wileybunch]

Simply put there was really nothing to respond too.

Does your court order state 1pm for pick up or 3:30. If is states 1:00 then I don't understand his logic of telling you he would be there at 3:30. Especially since he seems to have legal guidence out his butt.

But then again Mr Binky Clown and his legal team seem to make up their own rules as they go

It says 1:00. She waited until 1:30 last time and then left and sent a certified letter informing Dad so that may be why dad's giving her notice that he's starting his visit at 3:30 instead. Since there's no clause that visits are canceled if he doesn't show up within x amount of time, he has the right to do this.

And CC is right. And, there very much is a woman behind this. Gender biasly speaking, men don't have time for this petty crap (ie. sending notes through Facebook, not having a tel # for them to be available at for the mother of their kids to at least leave messages through, etc.).

Summerdawn, the less communication, the better. Just be there at 3:30 like has been advised, don't respond, but do seek to put some boundaries around how late he can be with visitation. I think a CP should be flexible, too, so you'll have to decide how much flexibility you want to give when seeking the court to put boundaries in. And, do stick to the exact letter of the CO so if you were alternating Sundays, go back to the court-ordered numbered Sundays, no further discussion needed.