Aaaauugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[faithnlve]

What is the name of your state? Vt....Got a call from good ole Stepmom. She told me that I was useless to be able to go to school meetings, get involved in my son's IEP TEAM conferences because I have other children to worry about and should concentrate on them since I have full rights to them and not my son whom lives with my ex She then went on to state that she loves my son as much as I do, and I need to learn to deal with the fact my ex has full legal rights and say in everything and I do not. She is the one taking the time with the schools to make sure he gets everything he needs, and that instead of stepping in on all the work she has done for him to just get on with my life and enjoy the time I have with him when he is with me. Now What???????????!! CJane**************...give me some good advice please before I decide to go for a visit to my exs house!! Faith

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Deep breath .... breathe in .... breathe out ...

Write a poison pen letter and then torch it ...

Ignore the call and go to the IEP ...

 

[Zephyr]

What is the name of your state? Vt....Got a call from good ole Stepmom. She told me that I was useless to be able to go to school meetings, get involved in my son's IEP TEAM conferences because I have other children to worry about and should concentrate on them since I have full rights to them and not my son whom lives with my ex She then went on to state that she loves my son as much as I do, and I need to learn to deal with the fact my ex has full legal rights and say in everything and I do not. She is the one taking the time with the schools to make sure he gets everything he needs, and that instead of stepping in on all the work she has done for him to just get on with my life and enjoy the time I have with him when he is with me. Now What???????????!! CJane**************...give me some good advice please before I decide to go for a visit to my exs house!! Faith

why do you even talk to her? I wouldn't

and do you have joint custody of any sort? why does he have FULL- or was that just improper word usage?

 

[moburkes]

why do you even talk to her? I wouldn't

and do you have joint custody of any sort? why does he have FULL- or was that just improper word usage?

Yep, I'd have hung up on her ass a LONG time ago.

 

[CJane]

My only advice besides not to talk to the SMom if it upsets you, is for you to make an appointment with the school for JUST YOU. Tell them this should be a conference to get you 'all caught up' on your son's issues/IEP/grades/etc.

DO NOT accuse the school of doing anything wrong. DO NOT make waves beyond those required to get people to talk to you. Say "I realize there's been poor communication in the past, and I'd like very much to rectify that"... take responsibility for your part in not knowing these things about your son - even if you don't feel that you should have to.

Then talk to that attorney.

Given VT law, you likely ARE going to have to 'deal' with the fact that your ex is the decision maker. But you can certainly be more involved in the day to day than you have been.

 

[CJane]

why do you even talk to her? I wouldn't

and do you have joint custody of any sort? why does he have FULL- or was that just improper word usage?

Because in VT, unless the parents AGREE to joint custody, then SOLE is the only option.

 

[faithnlve]

Any more deep breathes and I will be hyperventilating...I cant even stop crying! She would not let me get two words in. She is acting angry towards me! I am not good with confrontations. Plus I got an email from my son's teacher (whom was very nice), and he was confused why the step mom has made so many decisions without dad, and why dad never filled out one form himself. He said he thought she was my sons mother! And my ex will not set up an IEP meeting without her and there is only one meeting per year. She also informed me that she is doing everything legally since my ex has ok'd for her to make all the decisions and has entrusted her to keep him up to date. Wow, do I feel like my heart has been ripped apart. I used to feel bad she could not have children with my ex....but now I wish she could have a dozen. My meeting with this attorney is on Tuesday. What are good questions to ask????? Can I change anything? Is this a change of circumstances or not? I need help please! Faith

 

[faithnlve]

why do you even talk to her? I wouldn't

and do you have joint custody of any sort? why does he have FULL- or was that just improper word usage?

No joint, he has sole legal custody. He has full because the judge did not like me, and I had been petitioning to remove her from family court along with a couple hundred other parents...I also had a judicial complaint on her. Thats our justice system. She knew I was the one taking care of 100% of our son, but it's who you know. Plus he left me for this other woman....and we could not agree on anything.

 

[Zephyr]

Any more deep breathes and I will be hyperventilating...I cant even stop crying! She would not let me get two words in. She is acting angry towards me! I am not good with confrontations. Plus I got an email from my son's teacher (whom was very nice), and he was confused why the step mom has made so many decisions without dad, and why dad never filled out one form himself. He said he thought she was my sons mother! And my ex will not set up an IEP meeting without her and there is only one meeting per year. She also informed me that she is doing everything legally since my ex has ok'd for her to make all the decisions and has entrusted her to keep him up to date. Wow, do I feel like my heart has been ripped apart. I used to feel bad she could not have children with my ex....but now I wish she could have a dozen. My meeting with this attorney is on Tuesday. What are good questions to ask????? Can I change anything? Is this a change of circumstances or not? I need help please! Faith

please say she put that in an email!!!

 

[faithnlve]

As a matter of fact YES! The teacher did put that in his email. CJane**************.she called me on the phone. I thought it was my ex. I was hoping to say something to her about how I felt with her making sole decisions and leaving me out of the loop. But she sucker punched me before I could say a word. I have all the school documents now, and they show her signature on everything....and proof that she signed as my sons parent/guardian. It also proves she filled out all documents, even giving out medical history of my pregnancy with my son, which is all incorrect. What would be a good way to conduct myself with the attorney, what are good questions to ask? Faith

 

[Zephyr]

mmm.....do I hear gavel whacking in the not so distant future? by golly I think I do!

 

[CJane]

Ok faith, you'd better actually take action on this.

It is HARD to change from sole to joint. Even in a state that presumes joint, and yours does not (obviously).

You need to focus on SMom's overstepping - and your ex basically turning all parenting over to her. Focus on the fact that he's NOT PARENTING, but allowing his wife to do-so in his stead.

And you have to realize that IF custody is changed, you will be the CP of ANOTHER child with disabilities. Are you REALLY at a place in your life where that's going to work for you? You need to step back, set your hurt and anger and frustration aside, and determine if YOU having SOLE CUSTODY is in yours and your child's best interests.

 

[milspecgirl]

at the beginning of the school year, my hubby and I went to the school and he signed all kinds of papers giving me the right to make decisions that affected SD in his absense. Since he works construction and can hardly be reached, the school contacts me and I handle all of it. Of course, mom in our picture is no where to be found and has supervised only which she hasn't exercised in 15 months. If he has sole custody, it is possible that he has given her those rights to act on his behalf.
Now, that being said- she had no right to say to you what she did and I would be calling her out on it.
Also, contact the IEP director and schedule your own meeting. Ours has no problem with that at all.
contact your lawyer and contact the school. give them your contact info and explain that you want to be informed

 

[janM]

It also proves she filled out all documents, even giving out medical history of my pregnancy with my son, which is all incorrect.

Does this mean she was posing as you, as the natural mother? Is that not fraud? Not to mention violation of privacy (medical history)? Did you give them the real history?

 

[CJane]

As a matter of fact YES! The teacher did put that in his email. CJane**************.she called me on the phone. I thought it was my ex. I was hoping to say something to her about how I felt with her making sole decisions and leaving me out of the loop. But she sucker punched me before I could say a word. I have all the school documents now, and they show her signature on everything....and proof that she signed as my sons parent/guardian. It also proves she filled out all documents, even giving out medical history of my pregnancy with my son, which is all incorrect. What would be a good way to conduct myself with the attorney, what are good questions to ask? Faith

You need to provide the attorney with COPIES (don't give them originals) of all the documents from the schools, all medical records for your son - or proof that you've requested them and been unable to obtain them - the emails from the teacher, any emails from her or your ex, etc. Have it all organized to the nth detail... at the very least, have manila folders that say "Communication between EX and FAITH XX/XX/XXXX-XX/XX/XXXX" or "SONS Medical Records". A 3-ring binder w/tabs is better.

Make a list of questions so you stay focused.

1) What are your HONEST chances of overturning this w/in your budget?
2) Failing a change in custody, what can be fought for so that SMom is brought in line?
3) Is there any recourse against the school for allowing her such leeway with YOUR child?
4) etc.

Only you know what's been happening, and only you can come up with appropriate questions. Read back through the bazillion threads ( ) you've posted on here and pull questions from them.

Most importantly, you want to optimize your time with the attorney. No wringing your hands or woe-is-meing in there. Be businesslike, professional and assertive. Pretend if you have to. Know exactly what you HOPE to accomplish as well as what you're willing to accept. Be realistic about the amount of money you have to spend on this, and about what is REALLY in the best interests of all of your children.