S
suicidal
Guest
I don't know whether to even try to fight back or kill myself. Live in Pa.,common-law marriage since 1978,three sons-oldest,21,youngest,13.Abusive,manipulating,poss.mentally ill,'good-talker'(people believe his lies)I'm totally trapped.I've been a chronic pain patient for 6 years.Can't work. Soley dependant on him. He broke my ribs 5 years agnly the dr.knows.Never called police because of threats by him.He intentionally lied to one dr.and said I'd abused my meds(I hadn't)also accuses me of being alcoholic(I am-its the only way I can keep my sanity-I KNOW I wouldn't need to drink if he were gone. He sexually abuses me and if I say 'no',it can get very frightening.He totally denys any wrongdoing on his part,and always looks like the 'good guy'.He's filed bankruptcy 2x(my name is 'mud'again!)All he wants is to sell house so he can have a pocket full of cash.He's financially irresponsible,but blames it all on me.(I NEVER buy anything!) I told him if we 'divorce',that I want to keep the house as its ridiculous to make me rent an apt,when the rent will cost as much as the mortgage pmt is now. He also has firearms and licence to carry. Afraid he'd actually try and kill me if they were taken away from him.Plus,he jokes about it being 'cheaper to keep her',yet he lies constantly and gets enraged if I don't forgive him.He's addicted to porn on the internet,and God only knows where else.I'm scared to death of getting an STD.I've NEVER cheated on him in the 25 yrs.we've been together. I want to be able to keep the house.He tried to get me to go along with being declared 'incompetent',a few years ago.Said it was so that he could show the kids just how sick mom is,and needs peace and quiet,and if they saw a document from the courts,they would behave. (he's insane!) All he's been doing for quite awhile is trying to figure out ways to take the house from me.It is also in my name. He wanted to send me to hospital to de-tox from alcohol and pain meds.,which its proven that I need the pain meds,he just wants it on record that I was in a place like that. I did not go. Its all too much to explain,but I'm afraid I'm going to have a nervous breakdown soon. He also wanted for us to go to a 'counselor'whos ALSO a lawyer to 'put all our cards on the table'.I told him the pain meds haven't affected my brain as he'd like people to believe,and that I was not so stupid as to see a lawyer with him,(HE'D be paying this guy)tell him MY side of story,and then have it all used against me later. He's a really good talker and is very believable.He knows that any extra stress causes me more physical pain and he uses any opportunity he can to do just that. Other times he's as sweet as sugar. (more like 'equal' cos he's just as phony). He'd never let me work and now I can't.I know that I'd get better some physically if he weren't here making my life totally miserable.I also may have lupus.I just don't see any way OUT of this except for suicide sometimes. Can anyone out there give me some advice? He also checks on me during the day. I don't want him to know what I'm planning to do(IF I decide to get protection papers on him-can my drinking be used against me? I don't go to bars,I drink beer at home at night. He's also drugged my drinks a few years ago,I caught him but I had to play dumb,cos it looked as if he were gonna kill me right then and there.) As you can see by how I'm writing,I'm very desperate right now. Its 2:30 pm.,he'll be home soon. Please help me.
from suicidal
from suicidal