Active Army husband, took me to the US, abandoned me, violated ATROs and TRO 6 times

[Tara G.]

California
My husband and I decided I would move to the US so we could be together. After a few weeks he abandoned me. I found out later that he made money on me through the BAH he said he hadn't received. As we had a physical incident, and endless financial and mental abuse situations, I got so scared one day and went to court myself to get a TRO, which he violated twice, also ATROs 4 times. I had lost 15 pounds in a week due to stress, been talking all along with MilitaryONE, a military therapist and taking medication now. I never meant to hurt my husband's career, and tried for the longest time to just find a mediator and end the fighting. It took me 5 months to speak to his command. My husband violated the Affidavit of Support with USCIS and now also withdrew my visa petition which makes me an illegal immigrant and there is a possibility I may get expelled from reentering the country. He tried taking all my belongings away from me which is why I had to speak out to Victim's Advocacy on his base. He left me stranded and keeps cancelling insurances, credit cards, etc. I am drained and am sure he is not doing well either. I prefer not going to court, but dont know how I could handle the situation. I heard he has a No Contact Order from his command as well, but I dont know when it expires. Since I am an immigrant I get asked if I just claim all that because I want to get the Green Card through VAWA and that I am spiteful, but that is not the case. I get lots of support from shelters, Military, but nothing seems to work. If I help myself, I am afraid he will lose his job. Is there anything I could expect from his Command to help me or us?

 

[Shadowbunny]

California
My husband and I decided I would move to the US so we could be together. After a few weeks he abandoned me. I found out later that he made money on me through the BAH he said he hadn't received. As we had a physical incident, and endless financial and mental abuse situations, I got so scared one day and went to court myself to get a TRO, which he violated twice, also ATROs 4 times. I had lost 15 pounds in a week due to stress, been talking all along with MilitaryONE, a military therapist and taking medication now. I never meant to hurt my husband's career, and tried for the longest time to just find a mediator and end the fighting. It took me 5 months to speak to his command. My husband violated the Affidavit of Support with USCIS and now also withdrew my visa petition which makes me an illegal immigrant and there is a possibility I may get expelled from reentering the country. He tried taking all my belongings away from me which is why I had to speak out to Victim's Advocacy on his base. He left me stranded and keeps cancelling insurances, credit cards, etc. I am drained and am sure he is not doing well either. I prefer not going to court, but dont know how I could handle the situation. I heard he has a No Contact Order from his command as well, but I dont know when it expires. Since I am an immigrant I get asked if I just claim all that because I want to get the Green Card through VAWA and that I am spiteful, but that is not the case. I get lots of support from shelters, Military, but nothing seems to work. If I help myself, I am afraid he will lose his job. Is there anything I could expect from his Command to help me or us?

Just a couple of things. First, he can't take away your health insurance. Second, you can talk to the Victims Advocate office to find out when the Military No-Contact Order expires.

When you say "nothing seems to work" then it sounds like your best bet is to divorce him and move to your home country. His Command is doing what they need to do (no contact order, ensuring you get support). What else would you like his Command to do?

 

[Tara G.]

Hi, Thank you for your reply.

Yes, my military ID and health insurance is the last one that is left. I spoke to victims advocacy, they tell me I can go home and ask from Europe whether the military would ship my container back, but then there is a possibility that they would not and I am not allowed to reenter the country. I asked over months to get a copy of the No Contact order, no one replies, not even with an expiration date. All the information I am getting is very limited and I dont understand why.
We are now going through a divorce.
I gave up everything in Europe, I lived all over and have nothing over there anymore and wouldn't know where to go either. All my belongings are in the US.

I wonder if the command could help me with a move, or tell him to stop violating the restraining order as I will have to bring it up in court or report it and his job is the only reason why he hasn't come after me yet, so I dont want him to lose it. What are the usual things the Command could support me with?
Thanks again, I truly appreciate your reply.

 

[Shadowbunny]

Your Victim Advocate is going to have the most relevant information about your situation and what resources (and options) are available. If your husband is violating the TRO then you need to report it; either to his command or to the Military Police. You can also talk to the post chaplain.

This article https://www.bwjp.org/assets/understanding-military-response-domestic-violence.pdf has some really useful information and resources. Page 50 mentions the special circumstances when a foreign-born spouse is involved, so you'll want to read that. Immigration is a complicated issue; even with the military's support their is no guarantee that you will be allowed to remain in the US. You may want to consult with an immigration attorney as well.

I wish you the best of luck, and appreciate the thanks.

 

[LdiJ]

Hi, Thank you for your reply.

Yes, my military ID and health insurance is the last one that is left. I spoke to victims advocacy, they tell me I can go home and ask from Europe whether the military would ship my container back, but then there is a possibility that they would not and I am not allowed to reenter the country. I asked over months to get a copy of the No Contact order, no one replies, not even with an expiration date. All the information I am getting is very limited and I dont understand why.
We are now going through a divorce.
I gave up everything in Europe, I lived all over and have nothing over there anymore and wouldn't know where to go either. All my belongings are in the US.

I wonder if the command could help me with a move, or tell him to stop violating the restraining order as I will have to bring it up in court or report it and his job is the only reason why he hasn't come after me yet, so I dont want him to lose it. What are the usual things the Command could support me with?
Thanks again, I truly appreciate your reply.

I do not believe that the military would help you financially with a move back to Europe. However it possible, but not guaranteed that you could get financial help ordered from your husband to move you back to Europe. If that gets ordered the military might help you collect that help from your husband.

 

[Shadowbunny]

I do not believe that the military would help you financially with a move back to Europe. However it possible, but not guaranteed that you could get financial help ordered from your husband to move you back to Europe. If that gets ordered the military might help you collect that help from your husband.

This is incorrect. There are situations where the military will move dependents due to "personal safety" concerns. It is outlined on pages 128-129 of the memo that I linked to above.

 

[LdiJ]

This is incorrect. There are situations where the military will move dependents due to "personal safety" concerns. It is outlined on pages 128-129 of the memo that I linked to above.

In that case the OP should be discussing it with the JAQ people who are helping her.

 

[Tara G.]

Thank you so much for all the input and great advice! Victims' Advocacy did inform me that in some situations the Army can hold the active duty member responsible for the move, but so far, I have not learned whether it would be the case for me, though I requested it.
I heard about VAWA, it is an option. The only thing is that through the withdrawal of my husband's petition for me, it might take 10-24 months until I have a work visa again. My current one will get voided. Due to his withdrawal and me using the EAD card to enter the country last time, I am now an illegal immigrant, who entered the country illegally. Which is why I might get expelled from reentering in the future and also a reason for me to apply for VAWA.

I do wonder whether my husband has thought the withdrawal of the petition through, it cannot be good for a security clearance if you are married to an illegal immigrant.

Truly liked the article, it's very interesting, especially since it shows the responsibilities of supporters and options for victims.

Thank you!

 

[Shadowbunny]

This is why you MUST speak to an immigration attorney. Your situation is very complicated - an attorney is really your best bet.

 

[Tara G.]

Yes, I agree. I speak to immigration on base and found another attorney. Was told by the latter that Uscis might give me a hard time as my husband is the service member though.
I will see how things go. Thanks for your kind help!

 

[Shadowbunny]

Good luck, Tara. I wish you nothing but the best.

 

[Zigner]

I do not believe that the military would help you financially with a move back to Europe. However it possible, but not guaranteed that you could get financial help ordered from your husband to move you back to Europe. If that gets ordered the military might help you collect that help from your husband.

Unless you know, then you shouldn't make statements about the military based on "belief" alone. I've done that several times and been genuinely surprised that the logical way to do things is not the military way.