agreement in place

[protectinggeo]

What is the name of your state? pa
the gp's and i have a new agreement that says they get more time than the dead father. also in the agreement they are to make up the time he misses with them for his (my sons) activitiesi.e. sports. But now they are saying they get every weekend with him in june because they are making up time but this leaves no time for us and other people i.e. friends. Can I go to court and use that as a reason to lower the amount of time they have?
Also, in our agreement it says they get one week in the summer. they are telling me they are going to take him to mrytle beach but they won't give me the address of where they will be staying because her daughter doesn't want us to know where thay live. And they won't tell me how they are going to get there. Can they do that? It says in our agreement they must have activities planned but they refuse to tell me what they will be doing with him.

 

[stealth2]

Is this a court-ordered agreement? How about trying to come to a compromise? If your son's activities have infringed on the ordered time they have with him (you didn't say how often they are to get him), then they do have the right (according to your post) to have that made up. So you need to figure out how you're going to do that.

Does the order require them to provide you with contact info for when they're on vacation with him? Are they required to provide an address? Or travel details?

 

[rmet4nzkx]

What is the name of your state? pa
the gp's and i have a new agreement that says they get more time than the dead father. also in the agreement they are to make up the time he misses with them for his (my sons) activitiesi.e. sports. But now they are saying they get every weekend with him in june because they are making up time but this leaves no time for us and other people i.e. friends. Can I go to court and use that as a reason to lower the amount of time they have?
Also, in our agreement it says they get one week in the summer. they are telling me they are going to take him to mrytle beach but they won't give me the address of where they will be staying because her daughter doesn't want us to know where thay live. And they won't tell me how they are going to get there. Can they do that? It says in our agreement they must have activities planned but they refuse to tell me what they will be doing with him.

I have read your other posts and have some further questions.
Did the deceased dad ever work enough to qualify for social security survivor's benefits?
If so, did you apply for his benefits and how much do you receive?
Who paid for the life insurance?
Did they/grandparents file probate?
Were his parents made representive for their son's estate?
What exactly are the terms of your court ordered visitation?
Was dad ordered to pay child support while alive? If so how much, was he in arrears?
Why did you chose to have a child with this man who from your discription was controlled by his mother and was not permitted to work or even to have a driver's liscense?
You say you pretty much resolved your issues with dad but they blame you and also told your child that their child committed suicide rather than lying to your 8 yo child, who is old enough to figure these things out?
Was dad disabled in some way and that was the reason for what you describe as an overcontrolling mother?
There are some developmental disabilities, where persons with normal to high intelligence have difficulty functioning or making decisions, therefore, they may have difficulty with employment, driving safely and a high rate of suicide like dad. That doesn't mean the parents are bad parents because they protect their child or provide a structured and suportive environment, such family systems are frequently very closed in order to function and you are an outsider who disrupted their stable environment. It is natural that they place some responsibility on you during their grief.
In you posts thus far, you have been continually trying to find ways to deny the grandparents access to their grandchild with whom they had developed a relationship, by trying to rush a step-parent adoption after you inform us that your husband has known the child all his life and not tried this before. As dysfunctional at it may have been, your child had relationships with both his father and grand parents.
Then you are upset when the grandparents attempt to administer their son's estate because it goes against your assumption. If you wanted to administer his estate, why didn't you apply to be administer for probate on behalf of your son? If your son didn't work, who do you think paid for the life insurance and who do you think is the likely benificiary? WHo did the insurance company pay? How much?
When it is clear that the grand parents have standing to file for visitation and a step-parent adoption won't prevent it, you consider moving out of state, but you were too late to stop the visitation. 8yo boys watch all sorts of inappropriate/violent TV and games, it is the thrill factor. When left to their own means, even children of pacificts, play violent pretend games and point pretend "finger" guns and shout, "Bang!" It is a part of being boys and the parent's job to put these games into proper context. Ever see a "Roadrunner" cartoon? Pretty violent!
Now you have a court ordered agreement and you are trying to prevent them from visitation by using your son's activities as an excuse and trying to circumvent their option for makeup time, I can see why they had that option in the agreement, they could see you comming. Now who is controlling and this agreement is only a few months old at best?
Go ahead and take them back to court and explain why you can't play nicely with others.

 

[stealth2]

Rmet - could you, like, please put spaces between your paragraphs/questions? That's just a mess to read.

 

[protectinggeo]

you are not in situation and are assuming a lot

have read your other posts and have some further questions.
Did the deceased dad ever work enough to qualify for social security survivor's benefits?Yes , my son recieves social security
If so, did you apply for his benefits and how much do you receive?I applied for them, after his family told me that G would not get anything
Who paid for the life insurance?It was a policy your employment gives you when you work for them
Did they/grandparents file probate?No there wasn't anything of an estate, he lived with them and pretty much didn't own anything
Were his parents made representive for their son's estate?No
What exactly are the terms of your court ordered visitation?One weekend a month, some days before holidays and a week in the summer. That is more than the father saw the child a lot moreWas dad ordered to pay child support while alive? yes 49.00 dollars a week.If so how much, was he in arrears?four months
Why did you chose to have a child with this man who from your discription was controlled by his mother and was not permitted to work or even to have a driver's liscense?Okay now this is were you get pretty insulting. You don't know enough about the situation you imply judgement. I was a teenage mother and dug my self out of a big hole and did not become a statistic. I didn't realize he was a loser until I was pregnant. He lied and malnipulated a lot.
You say you pretty much resolved your issues with dad but they blame you and also told your child that their child committed suicide rather than lying to your 8 yo child, who is old enough to figure these things out?Okay, Like I said before he the father lied to both his parents and me about everything, We had already discussed waiting to a later date to explain things to him
Was dad disabled in some way and that was the reason for what you describe as an overcontrolling mother?No she controls everyone around her that is why she doesn't like me. I won't be manipulated and controlled any more. The father was a normal individual.
There are some developmental disabilities, where persons with normal to high intelligence have difficulty functioning or making decisions, therefore, they may have difficulty with employment, driving safely and a high rate of suicide like dad. That doesn't mean the parents are bad parents because they protect their child or provide a structured and suportive environment, such family systems are frequently very closed in order to function and you are an outsider who disrupted their stable environment. It is natural that they place some responsibility on you during their grief.First of all that is so far off you are again being insulting and judgemental when you know very little about the situation.
In you posts thus far, you have been continually trying to find ways to deny the grandparents access to their grandchild with whom they had developed a relationship, by trying to rush a step-parent adoption after you inform us that your husband has known the child all his life and not tried this before.I could not get the adoption because the father did not want to give up his rights, and not for a good or well intention reason. He once told me quote " What would people think if I gave up my rights to my child As dysfunctional at it may have been, your child had relationships with both his father and grand parents.
Then you are upset when the grandparents attempt to administer their son's estate because it goes against your assumption. If you wanted to administer his estate, why didn't you apply to be administer for probate on behalf of your son? I tried but there was nothing to do he had nothing. If your son didn't work, who do you think paid for the life insurance and who do you think is the likely benificiary? My son is the beneficiary. That has already been establish. The grandparents are trying to get the money to pay for his funeral and they think thay should have it to take care of for my son. WHo did the insurance company pay? How much?They have not made a decision.
When it is clear that the grand parents have standing to file for visitation and a step-parent adoption won't prevent it, you consider moving out of state, but you were too late to stop the visitation. 8yo boys watch all sorts of inappropriate/violent TV and games, it is the thrill factor. When left to their own means, even children of pacificts, play violent pretend games and point pretend "finger" guns and shout, "Bang!" It is a part of being boys and the parent's job to put these games into proper context. Ever see a "Roadrunner" cartoon? Pretty violent!
Now you have a court ordered agreement and you are trying to prevent them from visitation by using your son's activities as an excuse and trying to circumvent their option for makeup time, I can see why they had that option in the agreement, they could see you comming. Now who is controlling and this agreement is only a few months old at best?
Go ahead and take them back to court and explain why you can't play nicely with others.
When you have a child whose is forced to go with someone who hates you and wants more than anything to hurt you come talk to me. These people are not interested in my child they are interested in soothing themselves and looking good to others. They don't care about what is best for him.

 

[stealth2]

When you have a child whose is forced to go with someone who hates you and wants more than anything to hurt you come talk to me.

I do. The fact remains - you have a court order. And if your son's activities have cancelled 3 month's worth of visitation? I'd suggest you get a bit more accomodatnig.

 

[protectinggeo]

I have been

I have invited them to come get him after them and take hime to them and be apart of them. but they have no interest in doing any of this. they do not want to a part of his life they want him to have a separate life with them. she even has him call her mumu. They have been invited to every activity in his life and have come to one thing three years ago because I ask them in front of their attorney. have any more questions ?

 

[rmet4nzkx]

I was not being insulting.

Your posts throw up red flags.

Some of your facts conflict with others.

You have a court order you need to comply with it or be found in contempt.

 

[protectinggeo]

I know that

I know that and have followed all the requirements and would continue to but they are taking my son out of state and leaving me a cell phone number. is this right?

 

[stealth2]

I have invited them to come get him after them and take hime to them and be apart of them. but they have no interest in doing any of this. they do not want to a part of his life they want him to have a separate life with them. she even has him call her mumu. They have been invited to every activity in his life and have come to one thing three years ago because I ask them in front of their attorney. have any more questions ?

Totally moot. You also stated that the order provides that:

they are to make up the time he misses with them for his (my sons) activitiesi.e. sports.

You don't get to decide that since they didn't attend, or take him after, or whatever, that you don't have to provide make-up time. You do. Or you can be found in contempt. This really is not a difficult concept. If you schedule the boy for activities that infringe upon the 1 w/e per month that the court has signed off on, you have to make it up. And since you don't deny that they are due 3 weekends as a result - you better find a way to make it up that they agree with.

What makes you think you're too good to follow a court's order?

 

[stealth2]

I know that and have followed all the requirements and would continue to but they are taking my son out of state and leaving me a cell phone number. is this right?

Again - does the order require them to provide any more? You never answered that question.

 

[protectinggeo]

last to replies I am not saying that i will violate the order i have lived by it and will continue to do so i just don't agree with it and would like to change it.

no the order does not cover this. but they are leaving the state and won't tell me other than the city they will be in. It does say they have to do activities with him.

 

[stealth2]

last to replies I am not saying that i will violate the order i have lived by it and will continue to do so i just don't agree with it and would like to change it.

Given how recent this order seems to be, you're not likely to be able to get it changed absent a huge change in circumstance.

no the order does not cover this. but they are leaving the state and won't tell me other than the city they will be in. It does say they have to do activities with him.

If the order doesn't require them to provide you with further info, here's a newsflash - they don't have to! And come on - you REALLY think they're going to go on vacation and do nothing the whole time with the kid?

I can see why these grandparents filed for visitation.

 

[protectinggeo]

so they can take him out of state and not tell me where they will be? you are not being helpful and i see that you have no intention to. This will be my last reply to you.

 

[stealth2]

so they can take him out of state and not tell me where they will be? you are not being helpful and i see that you have no intention to. This will be my last reply to you.

If the court order does not restrict them from doing so, and does not require them to provide you with the address, then they're not required to do so. Be happy that they provided a cell number.