Am I Understanding This Correctly

[ohlalalynn]

Then if you are planning to move, give dad the address. He can then file in court to prevent the child from being moved or get an order requesting the child be returned to the jurisdiction. It is a risk. No one is going to be able to guarantee that if you move, dad won't fight you or that you will retain primary custody. If you move out of state, how will dad be able to exercise his 50/50 time?

The whole issue now is that there really won't be any way to maintain 50/50 for that much longer. When we redid the order, two years ago, like I said no one was listed as primary. And neither address was listed. The situation was pretty bad. I was about to be dropped by our daycare provider because he came there screaming at her and cussing with the kids there one day. Then he was threatening to file charges on her for forgery because he was claiming he never signed the paperwork for her to be there. Now mind you, she had already been there for over a year while we were together. However, to try to smooth things out and try to get things simmered down I agreed to a new daycare. As I noted earlier that is about 15 miles from his home. So her current daycare is in neither housing district. He approached me about schooling for her since she will be turning 5. I old him that I researched all the schools on the states website. The school her current daycare is at is the lowest ranked. The schools by his house are next. But the schools in my school zone are the highest. He wanted nothing to do with that. So I sent him an email offering to do mediation to try to come to some agreement. He refused that. I received a phone call last week where he told me that he was going to enroll her where he wanted to and he didn't care what I had to say about it. I reminded him that we have joint and neither of us can do that. So it looks as if we're headed back to court regardless.

I was just curious. I have been at my current job for 5 years. I like it, but I should and could be making a lot more money. But I would have to travel to the city. Which I definitely don't want to do. I could go north and make more. But it would be across the state line. Housing is substantially cheaper. As well as taxes. I would be able to afford private school.

We wouldn't be able to keep the 50/50 once she enters in school. It's a 2/2/3. With the current travel distance it just isn't possible.

 

[Ohiogal]

The whole issue now is that there really won't be any way to maintain 50/50 for that much longer. When we redid the order, two years ago, like I said no one was listed as primary. And neither address was listed. The situation was pretty bad. I was about to be dropped by our daycare provider because he came there screaming at her and cussing with the kids there one day. Then he was threatening to file charges on her for forgery because he was claiming he never signed the paperwork for her to be there. Now mind you, she had already been there for over a year while we were together. However, to try to smooth things out and try to get things simmered down I agreed to a new daycare. As I noted earlier that is about 15 miles from his home. So her current daycare is in neither housing district. He approached me about schooling for her since she will be turning 5. I old him that I researched all the schools on the states website. The school her current daycare is at is the lowest ranked. The schools by his house are next. But the schools in my school zone are the highest. He wanted nothing to do with that. So I sent him an email offering to do mediation to try to come to some agreement. He refused that. I received a phone call last week where he told me that he was going to enroll her where he wanted to and he didn't care what I had to say about it. I reminded him that we have joint and neither of us can do that. So it looks as if we're headed back to court regardless.

I was just curious. I have been at my current job for 5 years. I like it, but I should and could be making a lot more money. But I would have to travel to the city. Which I definitely don't want to do. I could go north and make more. But it would be across the state line. Housing is substantially cheaper. As well as taxes. I would be able to afford private school.

We wouldn't be able to keep the 50/50 once she enters in school. It's a 2/2/3. With the travel distance it just wouldn't be possible.

That is your opinion. How far apart are you? Some parents have driven their children an hour to school in order to keep a 2/2/5. You have a job but you want more money. Don't expect that you will be allowed to enroll the child in private school without dad's agreement. Rankings on schools are not the only thing or most important thing courts look at to determine where a child attends. It depends a lot on the child. Has your child been in preschool? Has she been tested for kindergarten readiness? If you expect to enroll her next year, you better file now so that you have a decision before school starts. You can ask that the court ORDER you both to attend mediation.

 

[ohlalalynn]

That is your opinion. How far apart are you? Some parents have driven their children an hour to school in order to keep a 2/2/5. You have a job but you want more money. Don't expect that you will be allowed to enroll the child in private school without dad's agreement. Rankings on schools are not the only thing or most important thing courts look at to determine where a child attends. It depends a lot on the child. Has your child been in preschool? Has she been tested for kindergarten readiness? If you expect to enroll her next year, you better file now so that you have a decision before school starts. You can ask that the court ORDER you both to attend mediation.

With no traffic we are an hour and a half apart. With traffic who knows. That depends on what the delay or problem is. I realize that it depends a lot on the child. But I've also been told that they wouldn't take anything they say into consideration. She does not like her current daycare. She cries almost every day when I drop her off. As far as preschool is concerned, no she hasn't. I wanted her to go when she was at the previous daycare and he denied it. She was supposed to go to the daycare she is at now because of the educational value, but that was apparently not correct either. I was told they had a daycare program. However there is no curriculum? I have checked into two other facilities that have everything mapped out. I spoke with her current daycare provider about kindergarten. Because dad is trying to get her enrolled for this coming year. Even she said that she is not ready. She said she is smart, but that she can't sit still for the 8 hours that is required. Furthermore in order to do that she would need to pass the placement test which she said none of her students have been able to pass.

I am working on filing. I had a lawyer up until the holidays when he decided to try to deny me my court ordered Christmas Day time. He was verbally aggressive with my lawyer and she basically said that he's been a handful the whole time and she just doesn't have the time to dedicate to it and his behavior. So now I have to go through the process of finding a new attorney. Which is why there is a delay in the process.

I realize I have a job and trust me I am thankful for that. But I think that if you aren't trying to improve yourself, your life or the quality of life for you kids that would be even worse. It would be nice to not have to leave the house at the crack of the rooster or come home at almost 7PM so that I can spend some quality time with her.

 

[CJane]

I think you need to sit down and make a list of the issues that you're having, because you're all over the place, and not making yourself clear.

1. Daycare is inadequate and not in EITHER parent's school district.
2. Child will be starting school soon - maybe needs preschool/pre-k/some sort of intervention for preparedness - and Dad is balking.
3. A decision needs to be made about school districts
4. The age of the child CAN be a change in circumstances, especially with her starting school, and perhaps the schedule needs to change from 2/2/5 to something else.
5. Mom's employment prospects would improve with a relocation - which may or may not be provable in court

Build on the above. Figure out what your desire is, based on what you think is best for the child, for each of the points you come up with. THEN go to an attorney and explain what it is you're trying to accomplish, and go from there.

 

[Proserpina]

Then if you are planning to move, give dad the address. He can then file in court to prevent the child from being moved or get an order requesting the child be returned to the jurisdiction. It is a risk. No one is going to be able to guarantee that if you move, dad won't fight you or that you will retain primary custody. If you move out of state, how will dad be able to exercise his 50/50 time?

Yeap. Given that there is no presumption either for or against relocation this one will really depend on who makes the best case in court.

50/50 is going to be a huge issue though.

 

[ohlalalynn]

That is your opinion. How far apart are you? Some parents have driven their children an hour to school in order to keep a 2/2/5. You have a job but you want more money. Don't expect that you will be allowed to enroll the child in private school without dad's agreement. Rankings on schools are not the only thing or most important thing courts look at to determine where a child attends. It depends a lot on the child. Has your child been in preschool? Has she been tested for kindergarten readiness? If you expect to enroll her next year, you better file now so that you have a decision before school starts. You can ask that the court ORDER you both to attend mediation.

Also too...I will put this out there. I am in no way trying to relinquish dad of his time with our daughter. I have made every attempt to include him in things. To adjust schedules to accommodate him. To contact him. To keep him informed. To have him at things like doctors appointments. To send him photos when she is with me. He wants nothing to do with it. It must be his way or no way. I have changed holiday schedules for him, just to have him come back and do something absurdly rude. I've taken the brunt of phone calls, while he is on the phone with our daughter calling me names, talking badly about me. Or phone calls where I know she is in the room because I just spoke with her only to have him get on the phone and start screaming at me. The daycare adjustment was out of my way, but I did it because I felt it would be a good move for my daughter. She comes home crying most days. She goes there crying most days. When I raise issues or try to talk about things I only receive nasty responses. So I have done more than my fair share of trying to make it work. And I'm not trying to take anything away from him. I'm just trying to get her into a good school in a good neighborhood that she will actually enjoy.

 

[ohlalalynn]

I think you need to sit down and make a list of the issues that you're having, because you're all over the place, and not making yourself clear.

1. Daycare is inadequate and not in EITHER parent's school district.
2. Child will be starting school soon - maybe needs preschool/pre-k/some sort of intervention for preparedness - and Dad is balking.
3. A decision needs to be made about school districts
4. The age of the child CAN be a change in circumstances, especially with her starting school, and perhaps the schedule needs to change from 2/2/5 to something else.
5. Mom's employment prospects would improve with a relocation - which may or may not be provable in court

Build on the above. Figure out what your desire is, based on what you think is best for the child, for each of the points you come up with. THEN go to an attorney and explain what it is you're trying to accomplish, and go from there.

Thank you. That is a tremendous help.

 

[ohlalalynn]

Thanks for all the information yesterday. I have an appointment this evening with a new attorney.

 

[ohlalalynn]

So I had a consultation with one of the lawyers that was recommended to me last night. I just wanted to get others opinions on this. When I first talked to her I told her who my ex's lawyer was. Last night when she was looking over things she told me that she hoped he would retain the same lawyer because she knew this woman. The woman use to work for the lawyer I interviewed. This didn't sit very well with me. I'm not looking for someone who is buddy buddy with opposing counsel. I'm looking for someone to actively defend me and look for the best interest of our daughter. What is your thought opinion on this?

When I asked questions about the case, how the procedure went. What I should look forward to. Her response was that she would file for modification of custody. We would then have a hearing in front of the master and request a transfer to the office of family services. I guess that is where we would try to hammer out a new order. She kept asking about prior things that were irrelevant and nothing can be done about that because that part is over and done with. One of the things she asked about was when he had to go to the hospital for an evaluation. And she said something about requesting to have psychological profiles completed. What are your thoughts on this??

 

[mommyanme]

The whole issue now is that there really won't be any way to maintain 50/50 for that much longer. When we redid the order, two years ago, like I said no one was listed as primary. And neither address was listed. The situation was pretty bad. I was about to be dropped by our daycare provider because he came there screaming at her and cussing with the kids there one day. Then he was threatening to file charges on her for forgery because he was claiming he never signed the paperwork for her to be there. Now mind you, she had already been there for over a year while we were together. However, to try to smooth things out and try to get things simmered down I agreed to a new daycare. As I noted earlier that is about 15 miles from his home. So her current daycare is in neither housing district. He approached me about schooling for her since she will be turning 5. I old him that I researched all the schools on the states website. The school her current daycare is at is the lowest ranked. The schools by his house are next. But the schools in my school zone are the highest. He wanted nothing to do with that. So I sent him an email offering to do mediation to try to come to some agreement. He refused that. I received a phone call last week where he told me that he was going to enroll her where he wanted to and he didn't care what I had to say about it. I reminded him that we have joint and neither of us can do that. So it looks as if we're headed back to court regardless.

I was just curious. I have been at my current job for 5 years. I like it, but I should and could be making a lot more money. But I would have to travel to the city. Which I definitely don't want to do. I could go north and make more. But it would be across the state line. Housing is substantially cheaper. As well as taxes. I would be able to afford private school.

We wouldn't be able to keep the 50/50 once she enters in school. It's a 2/2/3. With the current travel distance it just isn't possible.

You request a modification BEFORE you move and address everything with school, timeshare and moving.

 

[Proserpina]

So I had a consultation with one of the lawyers that was recommended to me last night. I just wanted to get others opinions on this. When I first talked to her I told her who my ex's lawyer was. Last night when she was looking over things she told me that she hoped he would retain the same lawyer because she knew this woman. The woman use to work for the lawyer I interviewed. This didn't sit very well with me. I'm not looking for someone who is buddy buddy with opposing counsel. I'm looking for someone to actively defend me and look for the best interest of our daughter. What is your thought opinion on this?

I know how you feel, but it's not really plausible to want an attorney who hasn't met or doesn't like the other party's attorney. I like to think that ethics by far trumps a friendly relationship.

When I asked questions about the case, how the procedure went. What I should look forward to. Her response was that she would file for modification of custody. We would then have a hearing in front of the master and request a transfer to the office of family services. I guess that is where we would try to hammer out a new order. She kept asking about prior things that were irrelevant and nothing can be done about that because that part is over and done with. One of the things she asked about was when he had to go to the hospital for an evaluation. And she said something about requesting to have psychological profiles completed. What are your thoughts on this??

It's not unusual to request psych profiles - but OG not only knows way more than me but also the probability of how this affects you.

 

[ohlalalynn]

Neither parent did that. As dad moved twice and mom moved once.

 

[torimac]

"Buddy buddy" is not really an issue. Granted, I have not worked with an excessive amount of lawyers, but you have to understand that they can separate the personal and the court room. I was always amazed that they could quote chapter and book in the court room and have an aggressive approach to defending their client’s wishes in a divorce court, but once done with the case, the lawyers are discussing lunch/golf plans.

The familiarity with the other lawyer might be beneficial. You will want to review the history of the lawyer. Unless this is a very small town and you are worried that everyone knowing everyone will harm the case, I would not worry about who the lawyer knows.

I happen to work in the computer industry. I know quite a few other computer people-I have even been in competition for the same job with some of my colleagues. That competition did not damage the working relationship or even friendship I have with them. She’s a lawyer-she’s going to know other lawyers.

 

[stealth2]

So I had a consultation with one of the lawyers that was recommended to me last night. I just wanted to get others opinions on this. When I first talked to her I told her who my ex's lawyer was. Last night when she was looking over things she told me that she hoped he would retain the same lawyer because she knew this woman. The woman use to work for the lawyer I interviewed. This didn't sit very well with me. I'm not looking for someone who is buddy buddy with opposing counsel. I'm looking for someone to actively defend me and look for the best interest of our daughter. What is your thought opinion on this?

Pretty much any lawyer you retain will be on a reasonably (professional) friendly basis with the other. Doesn't mean they are "buddy-buddy"... Since they no longer work together, I don't see a conflict of interest. If you want a laqyer with no relationship whatsoever? You will be hsrd-pressed to find one.

When I asked questions about the case, how the procedure went. What I should look forward to. Her response was that she would file for modification of custody. We would then have a hearing in front of the master and request a transfer to the office of family services. I guess that is where we would try to hammer out a new order. She kept asking about prior things that were irrelevant and nothing can be done about that because that part is over and done with. One of the things she asked about was when he had to go to the hospital for an evaluation. And she said something about requesting to have psychological profiles completed. What are your thoughts on this??

Even if things are in the past, etc., it helps your lawyer to have the history of the case. I'd personally have no issue w/a psych eval. We were supposed to have one. Big deal. I'm (relatively) psychologically stable. If these darned voices would stop talking to me...

 

[ohlalalynn]

Trust me this town isn't that big and I know lawyers are going to know other lawyers. I would be amiss if I didn't think that. I was asking because when I had a lawyer assigned to me from SARC he could have cared less. He was more worried about getting me to agree and sign so he could treat opposing counsel to lunch. Not once did he defend any of my concerns and even my dad commented about how bad he was pressuring me to just agree to things.