Any Advice on Dealing with an Guardian ad Litem in Fond du Lac, Wisconsin?

[Luthuran]

I'm in the middle of a custody modification at the moment and mediation wasn't successful so a guardian ad litem is being assigned to our case. It's already been moved from the mother having sole custody with visitation at her discretion to us having joint and 4 days every week via a temporary order. However, the visitation schedule set by the temporary order isn't in our son's best interest to continue and doesn't reflect what we've actually been doing. He spends the majority of the time at my home every week and I have significant involvement with his school, doctors, extracurriculars, and other aspects of his life. His mother has challenges that make it difficult for her to handle the logistics of being a parent so I often end up taking care of the majority of it, including paying for almost everything in addition to child support and providing transportation. I feel that the custody order should reflect that. What are the best options for helping to show the guardian ad litem my side of things?

 

[LdiJ]

I'm in the middle of a custody modification at the moment and mediation wasn't successful so a guardian ad litem is being assigned to our case. It's already been moved from the mother having sole custody with visitation at her discretion to us having joint and 4 days every week via a temporary order. However, the visitation schedule set by the temporary order isn't in our son's best interest to continue and doesn't reflect what we've actually been doing. He spends the majority of the time at my home every week and I have significant involvement with his school, doctors, extracurriculars, and other aspects of his life. His mother has challenges that make it difficult for her to handle the logistics of being a parent so I often end up taking care of the majority of it, including paying for almost everything in addition to child support and providing transportation. I feel that the custody order should reflect that. What are the best options for helping to show the guardian ad litem my side of things?

You simply lay out the facts for the guardian ad litem in a very calm and truthful manner, without any exaggerations or badmouthing mom. One of the important things, that you did not mention here, is how long the current situation has been going on. If its been only a few months, that won't give you as much traction as it would if it has been a lot longer than that. So if its been a lot longer than that, you need to emphasize how long it has been going on.

I also like the way that you said the bolded above. That was very good wording. The Guardian ad Litem will want to know what you feel those challenges are, and explain them as carefully as you worded the above.

 

[Zigner]

What US state?
I'm not really sure what you're asking. Are you asking us to help you know how to interact with the specific GAL you're dealing with?

 

[not2cleverRed]

What US state?
I'm not really sure what you're asking. Are you asking us to help you know how to interact with the specific GAL you're dealing with?

Wisconsin. It's in the thread title. I only know that thanks to .

 

[stealth2]

Hopefully, you have a clear parenting log that shows what you've been doing & when. When you talk to the GAL, face to face, you should be able to talk about your child and his/her care & needs pretty "off the cuff". When I dealt with a GAL (not in WI, but in NY), I was able to tell her w/o hesitation stuff like: favorite foods, favorite books, fears, favorite teacher, what they want to be when they grow up (at the moment), etc. Sizes (clothes/shoes) were along the lines of "well now XYZ, but #1 is due for a growth spurt, so that will change..." Basically stuff that shows regular involvement. LOL I was much more detailed in my answers to interrogatories (my lawyer said she'd never seen anything like it...).

Basically, keep it kid-focussed. You DO NOT want to bash Mom. Leave her to dig the hole.

 

[Zigner]

Wisconsin. It's in the thread title. I only know that thanks to .

I scrolled past it too quickly and couldn't see it - oops.

 

[Luthuran]

You simply lay out the facts for the guardian ad litem in a very calm and truthful manner, without any exaggerations or badmouthing mom. One of the important things, that you did not mention here, is how long the current situation has been going on. If its been only a few months, that won't give you as much traction as it would if it has been a lot longer than that. So if its been a lot longer than that, you need to emphasize how long it has been going on.

I also like the way that you said the bolded above. That was very good wording. The Guardian ad Litem will want to know what you feel those challenges are, and explain them as carefully as you worded the above.

What would be good ways to word those challenges? He's 9 at the moment and it's been going on pretty much his entire life, but is more severe when she's having greater difficulty with her anxiety, suicidal ideation, and depression. Prior to moving closer, she wasn't willing to let me be as involved as I would have liked to have been and her parents played the roll in helping her handle everything. I moved back to Wisconsin a few weeks shy of two years ago and since then, I have been involved to the greatest extent possible and usually handle the majority of the logistics. Another challenge she's dealing with at the moment is that her parents have moved to a different state. This makes it difficult/nearly impossible for them to step in to make sure things are able to get done on her behalf. She's an awesome mom when she's stable and really cares about our son, but her mental health difficulties, transportation arrangements, and work schedule make it difficult for her to follow through on our son's appointments, medications, school communications, and extracurricular activities on a frequent basis.

 

[Luthuran]

What US state?
I'm not really sure what you're asking. Are you asking us to help you know how to interact with the specific GAL you're dealing with?

Wisconsin and I'm looking more for general information. A GAL is in the process of being assigned, but I have no idea what to expect, what the process is, what questions they'll ask, or what information I should have ready to give them if it's needed.

 

[Luthuran]

Wisconsin. It's in the thread title. I only know that thanks to .

Thanks! I just got back from my son's counseling appointment so hadn't had the chance to make any replies yet.

 

[Luthuran]

Hopefully, you have a clear parenting log that shows what you've been doing & when. When you talk to the GAL, face to face, you should be able to talk about your child and his/her care & needs pretty "off the cuff". When I dealt with a GAL (not in WI, but in NY), I was able to tell her w/o hesitation stuff like: favorite foods, favorite books, fears, favorite teacher, what they want to be when they grow up (at the moment), etc. Sizes (clothes/shoes) were along the lines of "well now XYZ, but #1 is due for a growth spurt, so that will change..." Basically stuff that shows regular involvement. LOL I was much more detailed in my answers to interrogatories (my lawyer said she'd never seen anything like it...).

Basically, keep it kid-focussed. You DO NOT want to bash Mom. Leave her to dig the hole.

I have been keeping track of things like time, interactions, appointments, events, where he's at, when and for what reason, but after reading your post, I'm wondering if I'm keeping enough records. What sorts of things should I be making sure I have available to show them when I meet with them? I can answer those questions pretty easily, but the answers change so often that what's true on one day is not always likely to be true to next. I have no interest in bashing her. She's a good mom when she's stable, but she does have several challenges that make things difficult for her to do so.

 

[stealth2]

The stuff you're keeping track of is good. Other stuff (the "changeable" stuff), you talk through/around. Favorite food: "Well.... last week, he loved the burgers I threw on the grill. Yesterday p, he told me the mac and cheese I made was "his favorite!" Guess I'll see what he thinks of *blah* tomorrow!" Favorite Book: "She loves when I read her Goodnoght, Moon. But I bought Piggy In the Puddle (great book, btw) this past weekend - I hope she likes it!" Favorite Activity: He loves TBall. He really liked batting last weekend. Until he was put in left field with Madison. They had fun picking dandelions. Who knows what he'll like next weekend!" The key, IMO, is to show that you're both in tune and willing/able to roll with the punches. That you understand your child changes as s/he grows (I'm assuming s/he is young... I can talk forever about teens, too! LOL)

I'm going to PM you a link to the guys - I think they'll be able to guide you well.

 

[Luthuran]

The stuff you're keeping track of is good. Other stuff (the "changeable" stuff), you talk through/around. Favorite food: "Well.... last week, he loved the burgers I threw on the grill. Yesterday p, he told me the mac and cheese I made was "his favorite!" Guess I'll see what he thinks of *blah* tomorrow!" Favorite Book: "She loves when I read her Goodnoght, Moon. But I bought Piggy In the Puddle (great book, btw) this past weekend - I hope she likes it!" Favorite Activity: He loves TBall. He really liked batting last weekend. Until he was put in left field with Madison. They had fun picking dandelions. Who knows what he'll like next weekend!" The key, IMO, is to show that you're both in tune and willing/able to roll with the punches. That you understand your child changes as s/he grows (I'm assuming s/he is young... I can talk forever about teens, too! LOL)

I'm going to PM you a link to the guys - I think they'll be able to guide you well.

Thanks! That really helps. (He's 9 at the moment and growing up way too quickly. He's gone up two sizes since October. XD)

 

[stealth2]

Thanks! That really helps. (He's 9 at the moment and growing up way too quickly. He's gone up two sizes since October. XD)

Honestly? It's easy when you're involved.

 

[LdiJ]

What would be good ways to word those challenges? He's 9 at the moment and it's been going on pretty much his entire life, but is more severe when she's having greater difficulty with her anxiety, suicidal ideation, and depression. Prior to moving closer, she wasn't willing to let me be as involved as I would have liked to have been and her parents played the roll in helping her handle everything. I moved back to Wisconsin a few weeks shy of two years ago and since then, I have been involved to the greatest extent possible and usually handle the majority of the logistics. Another challenge she's dealing with at the moment is that her parents have moved to a different state. This makes it difficult/nearly impossible for them to step in to make sure things are able to get done on her behalf. She's an awesome mom when she's stable and really cares about our son, but her mental health difficulties, transportation arrangements, and work schedule make it difficult for her to follow through on our son's appointments, medications, school communications, and extracurricular activities on a frequent basis.

Actually the way that you explained here, particularly saying that she is an awesome mom when she is stable, was very good. It was explanatory without being bashing and it gave mom credit for being a loving mother. I think that a GAL would respond well to that.

 

[Luthuran]

Honestly? It's easy when you're involved.

Thanks. I'm probably just over-stressing this whole thing. It's just that he's my world and I can't afford to screw this up. He's the one that would pay the consequences.