Any Advice on Dealing with an Guardian ad Litem in Fond du Lac, Wisconsin?

[Luthuran]

Actually the way that you explained here, particularly saying that she is an awesome mom when she is stable, was very good. It was explanatory without being bashing and it gave mom credit for being a loving mother. I think that a GAL would respond well to that.

Thanks! That really helps.

 

[Ohiogal]

As a GAL in Ohio, (and an attorney), be honest and sincere. Put the child first in all communications. Answer all questions honestly and to the full extent that you can.

 

[Luthuran]

As a GAL in Ohio, (and an attorney), be honest and sincere. Put the child first in all communications. Answer all questions honestly and to the full extent that you can.

I'm actually too honest at times so telling the truth should be easy to remember. *chuckles* My son is my world so everything I do is with his interest in mind. I want to make sure I don't screw this up because our son is the one who will pay the price. How does the process normally work? What should I make sure I have available to me when speaking with them? What kind of information are they going to want me to provide? What kinds of questions will they normally ask?

 

[t74]

Your son is old enough that he should be educated as to what to do in an emergency or if he is in danger, Do NOT involve him with details about his mother's issues. With luck there is a program in your area to teach children safety and basic first aid. At the very least, scouting participation will give him life skills in a non-frightening manner,

I also suggest that in the even of a problem that you immediately write a narrative of the circumstances for your notes Names and details fade with time.

 

[Luthuran]

Your son is old enough that he should be educated as to what to do in an emergency or if he is in danger, Do NOT involve him with details about his mother's issues. With luck there is a program in your area to teach children safety and basic first aid. At the very least, scouting participation will give him life skills in a non-frightening manner,

I also suggest that in the even of a problem that you immediately write a narrative of the circumstances for your notes Names and details fade with time.

Thanks for the suggestions. I have been working on life skills with him and he's in 4-H. He also has my phone number and our address memorized. He hasn't managed to memorize his mom's number yet. I do my best to keep him out of it and if I have to discuss any of his mom's challenges, I do so when he's at school or otherwise not in my vicinity with no way for him to overhear. He already worries too much about what he hears from others outside of my home and control. He doesn't need to hear it from me. When he asks about things, I usually just tell him that it's something for his mom and me to discuss and not something he needs to worry about. I know he's not learning it from me, but he always seems to know way more about what going is on then he should. I could make guesses about where he is hearing it from, but I don't want to make assumptions. When he expresses negative comments about his mom, I do my best to turn it around to something positive, but it's not always possible.

 

[t74]

I wish more of the posters here had your attitude. For better or worse, your son is rapidly approaching the age when his peers have more influence on him than the adults in his life. Organizations like 4-H, scouting school clubs, church youth groups run by responsible adult role models who have positive programs for the children in their care should help relieve the stress he feels.

 

[Luthuran]

I wish more of the posters here had your attitude. For better or worse, your son is rapidly approaching the age when his peers have more influence on him than the adults in his life. Organizations like 4-H, scouting school clubs, church youth groups run by responsible adult role models who have positive programs for the children in their care should help relieve the stress he feels.

Thanks. I'm not perfect, but I really do try to be the best parent I can. Reducing his stress and improving his self-esteem is a big part of why I worked so hard to convince his mom that 4-H, counseling, and more recently, medication, were a good idea. They've made a world of difference over the past year so the few years it took to convince her was more than worth it. He has anxiety and depression on top of ADHD so he has a really hard time dealing with changes in his life and tends to believe and internalize every negative comment anyone makes about him. I do my best to counteract them and show him how proud I am of him even when he doesn't reach his goals, but others in his life haven't been as encouraging so the two outliers of my fiance and I didn't make much of a difference until he was able to finally start seeing it for himself. My role as a parent is to help him learn to be a productive member of society and to eventually be able to handle life by himself so that's the goal I have in mind when figuring out what to prioritize and teach him. Whenever I eventually pass away long down the road, I want him be able to handle life without me and to know that his dad may not have been perfect, but that I loved him to the moon and back, never made him feel like less than an awesome kid, and that I always tried my best to be a good dad no matter what. That's not possible if I focus on badmouthing the person who makes up half of who he is. Regardless of any disagreements her and I may have, he shouldn't have to be the one who gets stuck dealing with the consequences.

Lately, I've been focusing on life skills (i.e. how to check-in at the doctor's office, how to do laundry) and self-advocacy skills (i.e. how to respectfully disagree with someone, how to deal with negative situations) since that's where he's struggled the most in the past. When I first moved back to Wisconsin just shy of two years, he didn't know how to do much for himself and had little ability to do things independently. He didn't know how to do the buttons up on his clothes, make a sandwich for himself, relay his phone number or address, answer/politiely talk on the phone, call for help in an emergency, etc. So, I've been teaching him all of that and more. He needs to know that he's capable of doing things for himself, have the opportunity to do them, and have the self-confidence to do so even when others tell him that he can't do anything right.

This past 4-H year was his first and it's made a huge difference in his self-confidence. I couldn't be happier at the progress he's made over the last year. He's a lot more willing to speak up in front of the group and jump into things. At the beginning, he absolutely hated public speaking and was convinced that he could never do anything right no matter how much I encouraged him and showed that I believed in him. This coming 4-H year, I'm actually volunteering to lead one of the projects that he chose. Thankfully, he still looks at me as a role model for now and I do my best to be a good one, but I can already see the changes as friends start to be more important..

 

[t74]

As the parent of an ADHD adult, I'll pass along the best piece of advice I was given (the first time when I had a 18YO college student with academic problems). The head of academic support services told me that ADHD kids operate socially at 2/3 their chronological age, So when I started expecting him to behave like his non-ADHD siblings had behaved at the adjusted age, I found this to be right on, We basically sent an academically gifted 12 YO to college and wondered why he could not remember to turn in his homework, He went back at 30 and finally finished. We had been suffering through behavior issues since he was 3 with meds, psychologists, group therapy, testing, ... Had we known then what we know now, all of us would have been less stressed.

 

[Luthuran]

As the parent of an ADHD adult, I'll pass along the best piece of advice I was given (the first time when I had a 18YO college student with academic problems). The head of academic support services told me that ADHD kids operate socially at 2/3 their chronological age, So when I started expecting him to behave like his non-ADHD siblings had behaved at the adjusted age, I found this to be right on, We basically sent an academically gifted 12 YO to college and wondered why he could not remember to turn in his homework, He went back at 30 and finally finished. We had been suffering through behavior issues since he was 3 with meds, psychologists, group therapy, testing, ... Had we known then what we know now, all of us would have been less stressed.

That's a good point to remember. I have ADHD too and it's not something anyone ever told me. I'll have to keep it in mind. Thanks!

 

[t74]

That's a good point to remember. I have ADHD too and it's not something anyone ever told me. I'll have to keep it in mind. Thanks!

And be sure to take meds if prescribed. Many in the past believe people outgrow ADHD; Many do, but others do not Fortunately, the ADHD traits that make the school environment difficult make for very successful adults.