Any suggestions

[barrett21]

What is the name of your state?Tn
My husband has a court date set for the 16th of August to see if his 6 year old son and his mother will be able to move to kentucky and if so to set a new parenting plan. The distance from our house to hers will be about 250 or 260 miles give or take a little. The mother says that the every other weekends will be fine and can stay the same. My husband isn't sure because when school starts he thinks this will affect his son. He wants to see his son as much as he can but he don't want to wear his son out in the process. So my question is do You think it's possible to keep the weekends? The pick up and drop off time is at 6:30pm. Please if any input let me know or suggestions maybe.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state?Tn
My husband has a court date set for the 16th of August to see if his 6 year old son and his mother will be able to move to kentucky and if so to set a new parenting plan. The distance from our house to hers will be about 250 or 260 miles give or take a little. The mother says that the every other weekends will be fine and can stay the same. My husband isn't sure because when school starts he thinks this will affect his son. He wants to see his son as much as he can but he don't want to wear his son out in the process. So my question is do You think it's possible to keep the weekends? The pick up and drop off time is at 6:30pm. Please if any input let me know or suggestions maybe.

That's a good 4-5 hour drive...it might be pushing it a little bit to try to keep the every other weekend. However, during the school year there is a 3-4 day weekend almost every month. Therefore that might be a better way to go. Example:

September: Labor Day weekend
October: Fall Break
November: Thanksgiving (rotate Thanksgiving Day but take the rest of the holiday each year)
December: 1/2 of Christmas Break
January: Martin Luther King Day weekend
February: Presidents Day weekend
March/April: Spring Break
May: Memorial Day weekend
1/2 to 3/4 of the summer

That would be a little easier on the child, and would make travel easier for both parents. Plus, if the transportation interfered at all with work schedules then it would only interfere once a month.

Another good way to keep in touch (if affordable) is webcams. If both homes have computers with DSL or Cable Modem service and webcams, then dad and the child can see and talk to each other regularly, without long distance charges.

 

[barrett21]

Exactly

See that is what my husband and I thought also. But the mother insists that it should remain the same. That's one of the reason's we could not agree and had to go to court again so soon. She says that she cannot give my husband more than the 16 days he gets now for the summer because she cannot go that long without seeing her son but I try to explain to her my husband has to do that all the time and he lives. She also states that it would interfere with the 4th of July when it's her turn and mothers day weekend. My husbands feels that when his son gets in school it will be to much on him he hates the drive now and it's only 106 miles were talking double the miles now. Plus the mother of the son is going to be having her second child in october she will be so busy to be doing all that driving and me and my husband have a two year old it is so hard on them when there that little to sit so long.

Right now the judge has given her permission to go on to kentucky until the hearing but she has made the mother responsible for all of the transportation i think maybe she is trying to show her what she is in for by wanting to keep this schedule. And with the schedule laid out how you did it's almost the same as if he was coming twice a month for his weekend it's just once yes but it's longer times. My husband is just not sure he doesn't want the mother telling there son daddy didn't want you twice a month but he is only trying to do what is right. The mother says we can meet halfway but we try to tell her it is still 5 hours drive for the child that is alot. Maybe we can work it all out. If his son did only come on that schedule like You laid it out what do you think is the most summer visitation the judge would grant him i mean he needs some time with him he is only going to see him once a month.

 

[stealth2]

My kids go to their Dad's once a month (~350 miles each way). The set weekend often coincides with a long weekend, but not always. We alternate holidays (i.e. if I get Thanksgiving, he gets several days over Christmas, I get New Year - the next year we switch) and Spring Break (we don't have any other week-long breaks, just at Christmas & in Spring). We're supposed to alternate regular Easter and I get Orthodox Easter every year - if they coincide, my Easter takes precedence - but I let him take regular Easter whenever he wants. I get Mother's Day, he gets Father's Day (the weekend - although he often doesn't take it). Summer is from the Friday after school ends until the weekend before school begins, with the kids being home for a week in July and a week in August. We switched things around some this year as they wanted to take a trip while the kids would still have been with him, so we're moving the July week to August and I'll get my time in a block at the end of summer - the exchange for that was allowing our son to come back in July for Scout Camp.

As for summer in your husband's situation..... have his sit down with a calendar and come up with a few alternatives... Ours (when we do it as written) breaks down pretty much as three weeks with Dad, one week with Mom, three weeks with Dad, one week with Mom, two weeks with Dad, home. 21 days isn't THAT much longer than 16, but if the 16 makes her happier, propose something like 2 1/2 weeks (16 days) with Dad, 1/2 week or a week with Mom.

It makes much more sense, if y'all are modifying now anyway, to modify in a way that will make sense when the kid is in school - then you don't have to go back and do it again.

I can tell you, from personal experience, that the drive can be a killer. Ours is minimum 6 hours each way - no traffic, one pit stop (I'm mean that way LOL). Considering we have NYC smack between us, no traffic is laughable - the drive is usually more along the lines of 7hours. With a 6pm pick-up. Needless to say, I prefer to have the kids fly as they're old enough to go on their own. But if I had to do that drive twice a month? Shoot me now.

 

[Zephyr]

that type of drive really is a killer, especially just for a weekend, friday night is gone for driving, you can do something saturday, but then sunday (church?) then get laundry done and everything packed up for return, have lunch and the day is done too. so the only real day you have is sat

 

[haiku]

got to agree with the others who have suggested one weekend a month preferably the holiday ones.

its a LONG drive, and you are going to spend most of the weekend in the car, the kids will barely have enough time to unpack before they repack.....

my family follows almost exactly the layout outlined in LDiJ's posting, it works for us, visitation is stressful enough, this way eases it a little bit.

 

[stealth2]

that type of drive really is a killer, especially just for a weekend, friday night is gone for driving, you can do something saturday, but then sunday (church?) then get laundry done and everything packed up for return, have lunch and the day is done too. so the only real day you have is sat

In our sitch, Dad would pick up from school (3-ish), so home by 10. I picked up at 6, so he had two full days. But we didn't get home 'til at least 1am (more often than not they hadn't had dinner - so we had to make a stop for that plus an extra pit stop). And I'm an effin' mean Mom and make 'em go to school the next day.

 

[barrett21]

I agree

See that is what my husband is trying to tell her. It is so hard to do that it kills the whole weekend for him. She tried to propose that one weekend we would do all the drive and then the next she would do all the drive but that is out of the question. My husband had a semi run him over in March so we only have one vehicle in which i use to go to work. Then she said we should meet halfway. She said my husband should be forced to do the drive he does now. Right now he only takes him back 106 miles on Sunday to meet her. She brings him on Friday. So she is saying she is going to do all of that driving we don't believe that. Plus with all of the bad weather in the winter and all of that I don't see it working out not to mention her new baby on the way. She is a stay at home mom. But let me tell you she don't mind to drive because she is living in clarksville currently right now and she drove from there to murfreesboro to work for verizon wireless and I bet that is at least 60 or 70 miles if not more until she got pregnant and quit.

I wish him and her could work things out like stealth mentioned but they are both so stubborn I wish they could open there eyes and see how much they hurt there child not each other. He is such a good kid I just want to see the best for him. I think with a new schedule like in the earlier post it would give my husband more time because right now he sometimes has to go over a month without seeing his son with the holidays and stuff. Like right now his son left July 5th and doesn't come back until August 12th that is a long time. At least this way with the new schedule he will see him once a month.

 

[stealth2]

Well, in reality, it's not both of us working anything out. I either agree with his proposal, or I'm a bitch. I decide which I want to be depending on the circumstances.

 

[barrett21]

oops sorry

Sorry I thought that's what You meant. Well my husband and her they can't even hardly talk without butting heads and I don't know why it's that way. She talks to me fine we used to talk all the time until her new husband came along and then she changed. She even brought me a gift basket to the hospital when I had my daughter and bought her and me and everyone in my husbands family x-mas gifts then when her husband came along she totally changed. Which we don't even know if or what the judge will decide about letting her stay yet but I'm sure they will more than likely allow it. My husband has to meet with his lawyer soon to talk about options that's why i asked about the every other weekend. I think it's a bit to much myself but it's not my child nor my business he has to decide on his own. The only reason I give any input is me and my daughter we go along for the rides right now I have to drive my husband because he cannot due to his accident.

He says he might consider keeping the weekends if she will keep bringing him on Friday and he take him halfway back on Sunday to her. She is a stay at home mom now so it would not interfere with her work. But I told my husband that she could not get here by 6:30 because she has to wait for the child to get out of school on Friday. I am going to show him this other schedule and see what he thinks. Thank all of You for your good advice.

 

[barrett21]

Few more questions?

Okay I got a few more questions. It seems that my husband's son's mom is set on the every other weekends. I think she is so set on them because she has with held so much visitation in the past she don't want the judge to think she is trying to take visitation time from my husband now so that she can move. My question is if my husband ask that she do all the drive on Friday like she does now and meet her halfway back on Sunday do you think the judge will think this is to much? I did look it up and it is about 281 miles one way. His ex and her Lawyer say's my husband needs to be forced to at least do the drive he does now right now we go 106 miles one way and then back. So my husband is thinking they mean like one way on sunday like he does now not on both days. My next question is will it be to much to ask for longer stay in the summer if my husband does keep his weekends? Right now he gets 16 days but he wants to ask for half of the summer to cut down on the driving for everyone. Please just let me know what You think. Thanks!

 

[haiku]

personally, I would still argue, that one of the once a month schedules with longer time in summer, as mentioned up thread would be MUCH healthier for the families involved than every other weekend.

 

[barrett21]

That's why my husband thinks if he ask her to do most of the drive she might back down off of the every other weekend. But my husband's problem is he don't want to hurt his son's feelings. His son tells him he loves it that he gets more time with him now and my husband just started getting these weekends in March. He just don't want his son's mom to tell his son well I tried to get daddy to keep the weekends and he said no, because when she moves the first time my husband was getting his son once a week and she changed it to every other week and when his son would come he was so mad at my husband and our family until he finally started to sort of understand what was going on. She says stuff like my husband should be ashamed because it's just a drive if it were her she would drive 400 miles to see him if it's what it took. Another thing is I read on here all the time were people are doing more of a drive than we would be doing. If they met halfway each time they would both be doing about 2 1/2 hours drive. But like my husband said he shouldn't have to pick up everytime she moves. That's why he wondered about half the summer if he had his weekends still to cut on driving.

 

[stealth2]

I'm not understanding how more time in the summer cuts down the driving. If he has the kid (say) six weeks instead of two, that's at least the same number of trips and possibly more - if the six weeks are split up.

 

[barrett21]

true

Well yeah that's right. I didnt' think about it being split up. Is that how they do it in most cases of 6 weeks split them up? My husband was thinking like She could have the child in May when he got dismissed from school for one week then the child could come to him and stay until the last week of June in which he could spend it with his mother. Then whoever had the July 4th holiday could have the first two weeks of July and the other parent have the last two. That way you wouldn't be dealing with every other weekend in the summer it would be longer stays or is that a bad idea. He don't want to get up there and look stupid in front of the judge.