Assaulting a Minor??

[16&23]

Have you thought about a "Personal Protection Order"?

If you feel really threatened by these people, by all means, you should go and get a PPO.

Every time that you are threatened by them, you need to make a police report. Every piece of documentation that the police have, make it easier for you if something should happen in the future.

Also - don't get upset with what some of these people here reply. Some people are not helpful at all when it comes to answering the one question that you have.

And don't feel bad for being with who you are with. I am now 22 years old, and if I would have listened to my father, and other people, than I would not be with my fiance' now of 6 years. (Whom my entire family loves!)

I made it through high school, focused on my goals, and now work for a wonderful advertising agency. No one ever thought that I would make it as far as I have.

You'll do fine - just keep on the right track. (It already sounds like you are.) And remember - don't let these "ignorant" people intimidate you. There ARE things you can do!

Take care!

- Kari

Thank you Thank you Thank you
Things are definetly hard when alot of people are against your relationship, but we keep saying "keep the faith" You can't help who you fall for, you can leave them and think about them non-stop, or you can get through the beginning hard times together. Thanks for your support. And advice, i thought of a P.P.O but i think i'll wait and see if something worse does happen.
Thanks again,
~Amber~

 

[16&23]

You are right, some minors end up in good relationships, but those are far and few in between.
And it's a lot easier if you have your parents full blessing AND don't have the bf's ex and her family chasing you around threatening you.

I agree it is few and far between. But our relationship has survived so much already, we'll do fine. And my mom, and step-mom totally support us, It's dad who isn't so sure. And I can't blame him either, he's a dad! But I'm sure he'll come around.
His family support us, it's just his ex-family.

 

[OhBullship]

The minute you try to get an order, your relationship is exposed to anyone interested enough to do anything about it, and those who are interested WILL do something about it.

You either have to learn to deal with this, or you get away from the cause. If you were half as mature as you believe you are, you would not ignore it when people are trying to HELP you.

By the way, a person CAN control who they fall for, if they have the slightest bit of self control. We might not be able to help who we find attractive, but we can keep ourselves from acting like a slobbering dog every time we are attracted to someone.

 

[AHA]

It is not your job to protect his interest from before you got involved with him. You have to tell your bf about this!!!!!!!!!
Since he is no longer with the ex there are already problems between them, it's not up to you to suffer for her and her mom's childish behaviour. It is however partly your bf's reponsability since he is the adult legally in your relationship. And it's his former life that is causing you serious (and eventually criminal) problems. This is not about the baby and you don't want to have to tell your bf about this for the first time when you're lying in a hospital bed after being beaten to a pulp by his ex and her posse do you? By keeeping this to yourself and letting them continue to treat you this way, you are giving them exactly what they want and you are the only one that loses. Stick up for yourself, tell your bf, make him do something about it and if he doesn't......you're out the door and out of his life by YOUR choice.
I can understand that you don't want to raise this flag to your dad, because that will probably be the end of your relationship by your dad's choice, but you really need to tell your bf and also think about if this is the life you really want. You have to agree that for us strangers to read your story it's not far fetched for us to wish you out of the relationship since it's only causing you distress and worries about possible future bodily injury. No woman should have to have those worries, much less a minor. You are legally still a child and that's what many of us here are most concerened about. A child should live in a better situation than you are right now. You have a whole lifetime of being an adult and having adult problems like this, but by then you'll be better equipped to solve them yourself. I know someone advised you to ignore everyone's posts but hers because her relationship turned out perfect, but chances are she didn't have overcome death threats from the bf's past.
Only you can make the decisions, just not legally , but we are all adults who have been through tough times and want to give you a mature view of your relationship and what it can cost you.
I wish you all the best, but you seriously need help from your bf to keep that ex and ex in-laws off your back. Show them you've got some guts and won't let them get away with treating you like that.

Do you really rather be grateful for someone who advised you to stay in such a situation and just HOPE that they won't do anything more serious to you?
Does your mom and steph mom know that this relationship contains death threats by the bf's ex? If I was a mom I wouldn't be so supportive of it.

If you have a genuine relationship based on love and trust, you would have been able to tell him about this the same day it started. If you have been through so much already, as you say, surely this is something you would be able to share with him.

 

[OhBullship]

I'm curious about something: Since you claim to care about this guy and his child, how are you going to feel when he is limited to supervised visits with this child, because of being charged with statutory rape? Have you even considered what your "relationship" with him will do to his relationship with his child when you guys get caught?

 

[16&23]

The minute you try to get an order, your relationship is exposed to anyone interested enough to do anything about it, and those who are interested WILL do something about it.

You either have to learn to deal with this, or you get away from the cause. If you were half as mature as you believe you are, you would not ignore it when people are trying to HELP you.

By the way, a person CAN control who they fall for, if they have the slightest bit of self control. We might not be able to help who we find attractive, but we can keep ourselves from acting like a slobbering dog every time we are attracted to someone.

I don't know exactly how self-controlled you are, but I for one am not some slobbering dog. Actually I am very self-controlled. I want to be with J, if i felt that something was wrong, I would easily step away from it. However, I am fine and content with my relationship. I am not ignoring those who think they are trying tro help me, I take everyhting that everyone says into account. I have made changes in our relationship due to some people's advice.
Don't question my maturity. I had to be mature very early in life. I have raised 2 kids, (no they aren't mine) I am doing fine. My question was not how to handle my relationship with J, but to handle the problem with his ex. How about something that doesn't have to do with ending my relationship.

 

[16&23]

AHA,
Thank u for your advice. I don't like the situation I am in with J's Ex. But I am finding ways to deal with it, and not let it get in the way of my relationship. I did take everyones advice and I told J last night about the threats. He was upset, and went over to his ex's to straighten things out. I don't know how it went yet, because I am in school.
Yes my mom knows about the threat, she plans on talking to his ex-family when she comes to get me next weekend (she lives 4 hours away) So i am not sure how that will go over. It could make things worse, or better. But I feel better after talking to mom and J. Thank you.

 

[16&23]

I'm curious about something: Since you claim to care about this guy and his child, how are you going to feel when he is limited to supervised visits with this child, because of being charged with statutory rape? Have you even considered what your "relationship" with him will do to his relationship with his child when you guys get caught?

We have talked about this so many times, I love his son, and I don't want to be part of a reason that "Daddy" gets taken away. However, all my parents agree that it is my decision to make, and they aren't going to report it. Dad doesn't like it, but he'd never call the police unless something bad happened and I wanted him to.
I thought that the only way you could get into trouble was if the minor's or the adults parents reported it, am I wrong? Can anybody report it?
And the only other one that could would be his ex, and she wouldn't because she wouldn't want to take J away from her son. That's her problem in the first place. She's afraid that if J is with me, then she will lose her relationship with her son, to me. It's absurd, but it's all in her head.

 

[OhBullship]

We have talked about this so many times, I love his son, and I don't want to be part of a reason that "Daddy" gets taken away. However, all my parents agree that it is my decision to make, and they aren't going to report it. Dad doesn't like it, but he'd never call the police unless something bad happened and I wanted him to.
I thought that the only way you could get into trouble was if the minor's or the adults parents reported it, am I wrong? Can anybody report it?
And the only other one that could would be his ex, and she wouldn't because she wouldn't want to take J away from her son. That's her problem in the first place. She's afraid that if J is with me, then she will lose her relationship with her son, to me. It's absurd, but it's all in her head.

If she doesn't want you to be a part of the child's life, then she can easily use the relationship to limit the contact he has with the child. What you two are doing is illegal, and ANYONE can report illegal activity. If you try to take legal action to control her, then YOU are exposing the relationship. Once that relationship is exposed it can easily be exploited.

If she doesn't like you, or doesn't like you being around her child, she can make it happen. His relationship with you shows poor judgment on HIS part. Like it or not, you are a child. It doesn't matter why you are mature, or how many children you have already raised, you are still a child. Did you know that if this is exposed, he could be forced to register as a sex offender for the rest of his life?

If you are going to continue with this relationship then you are going to have to learn to live with the consequences of it. One consequence is that the law is NOT on your side. You have to put up with what they are doing or you run the risk of him getting into serious trouble.

 

[stealth2]

This is such a trainwreck waiting to happen. ANYONE can report this relationship - a teacher, a school counselor, a friend's parent, your next door neighbor, HIS next door neighbor, one of her friends, etc. And then *poof* it all goes up in smoke - INCLUDING his relationship with his kid.

 

[16&23]

Thanks for telling me this. It does make me think. But I don't know the path I'll take just yet, when you all say to leave him, you make it sound so easy. But believe it or not, there are emotional attachments here.. obviously, otherwise I wouldn't go through all this crap. But, only time will tell.

 

[16&23]

Just a quick update for all of you who have been posting to me...

I have broken up with J, and have decded to concentrate on my life now, without him. If we are meant to be then we can be together in a few years, but I doubt it.
Thank you all for your advice, I know I wasn't willing to listen at the time, but I just wasn't seeing through what J was about. I really and truly appreciate all your help.
Thank you so much.
~Amber~

 

[MeganKW]

People need to quit being rude and telling people how to live. No matter what you say she is just going to continue the relationship anyways. Just give the advice she asked for instead of random comments on age. People have to learn their mistakes on their own terms. Not from some internet forum.

 

[AHA]

Just a quick update for all of you who have been posting to me...

I have broken up with J, and have decded to concentrate on my life now, without him. If we are meant to be then we can be together in a few years, but I doubt it.
Thank you all for your advice, I know I wasn't willing to listen at the time, but I just wasn't seeing through what J was about. I really and truly appreciate all your help.
Thank you so much.
~Amber~

GOOD ON YOU!
Now you have proven maturity. Like you said, if you are meant to be, you'll find each other later when it's more troublefree.

 

[OhBullship]

Just a quick update for all of you who have been posting to me...

I have broken up with J, and have decded to concentrate on my life now, without him. If we are meant to be then we can be together in a few years, but I doubt it.
Thank you all for your advice, I know I wasn't willing to listen at the time, but I just wasn't seeing through what J was about. I really and truly appreciate all your help.
Thank you so much.
~Amber~

Way to go!!! You will not regret this, and your life is worth your full concentration. I'm very glad you saw it before it went too far for you.