Average visitation schedule

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Ohio

I was wondering if someone could tell me normal visitation schedule during/after divorce? My husband has asked for a divorce.

We have been married 17 years. 3 children: 11, 8, and 4. I have been a stay at home mom since our oldest was born. Our main division is he wants the kids from friday evening till sunday evening. My problem with this, is that it not only leaves me finding and paying daycare 4 days a week, of which, at this point I can't afford. And I don't feel I will be getting much awake, quality time with them. I also worry that if this schedule is agreed to short term, I will have a harder time changing it later.

We have (so far) been able to compromise on the major issues without attorney involvement, but I feel like I am forgetting something. Like I am going to realize one day too late, he suckered me. I guess my main question is:
How important are things like visitation, Child support amount etc during the divorce process in the judges decision of a final ruling?

Thank you for taking the time to read this.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

The parenting schedule your husband proposes is a very bad one. You should not agree to that. It should be every other weekend with the two of you also each having some time during the week. Dad should not get all the "down time".

 

[SESmama]

You definitely neednto at least talk with an attorney. Also, just because you don't want to rock the boat for the kids, it already is. Realize you are not fighting just for assets for you but for the support for the kids as well.

Whe coming up with a parenting plan make sure to address school breaks, holidays, summer vacations, extra curricular activities & costs, medical costs & insurance, and any other details that may come up as the kids get older.

 

[Ohiogal]

Thank you for replying. That definitely sounds more fair to me. He definitely won't agree to any alimony. I have found (I hope, temporary) full time employment but definitely not a career position. I can barely make rent and pay a sitter. I hate leaving the kids with a sitter but daycare is just way above my budget. I would like for him to either pay the daycare until I can get a job in my field or take the kids at night and I would change my shift so I could keep them during the day. In my opinion that is cheaper, better and safer for the kids. At least until school resumes. He has taken in his secretary as a roommate during the week and I think that is his aversion to having the kids there on weeknights.

In your opinion an average judge would order him to pay daycare at least through the summer, considering he makes 15X what I do? He says a judge would order me to pay half which on 3 kids at minimum wage just isn't possible. Even a second job would just increase the daycare costs at this point.

He will not be responsible for all daycare. YOU will have to pay a portion. Have you applied for Title XX?

 

[saleen556]

The parenting schedule your husband proposes is a very bad one. You should not agree to that. It should be every other weekend with the two of you also each having some time during the week. Dad should not get all the "down time".

How is dad getting all the down time? Assuming he works Mon-Fri then all weekend he would have the kids. Where is the down time in this?

To the OP, I believe if you get a lawyer that your husband will wish he never went down this road. You have nothing to worry about.

 

[CJane]

How is dad getting all the down time? Assuming he works Mon-Fri then all weekend he would have the kids. Where is the down time in this?

By "down time", LDiJ was referring to Dad having every weekend - essentially all of the non-school/non-work time with the kids, while Mom would be left with the few hours during the week that the children and her would be home at the same time.

 

[Isis1]

How is dad getting all the down time? Assuming he works Mon-Fri then all weekend he would have the kids. Where is the down time in this?

To the OP, I believe if you get a lawyer that your husband will wish he never went down this road. You have nothing to worry about.

weekends are down time with the kids. with the schedule dad is porposing, mom gets the: get the kids up, dressed, fed, off to school, pick up from school, get homework done, get dinner, get baths, and then tuck them in to bed. for 5 days straight. that's not right.

 

[single317dad]

OP, here are some links that have information about Ohio's divorce and custody laws.

First, a PDF file from the Ohio Legislative Service Commission (you need Adobe Reader or a compatible reading program):

http://www.lsc.state.oh.us/membersonly/127parentingtime.pdf

In Ohio, each county has local rules that establish standard visitation schedules. Here is a list:

http://www.cornwell-law.com/ohio-visitation-schedules-by-county/

Here is the Ohio state code regarding calculation of child support:

http://codes.ohio.gov/orc/3119

 

[saleen556]

weekends are down time with the kids. with the schedule dad is porposing, mom gets the: get the kids up, dressed, fed, off to school, pick up from school, get homework done, get dinner, get baths, and then tuck them in to bed. for 5 days straight. that's not right.

Thanks for clarifying this I just misunderstood.

 

[stealth2]

Basically, saleen, the point is that Dad wants all of the "fun" time, while Mom gets all the "work" time. Each parent should have the chance to just relax with the kid/s.

 

[kmf3066]

Thank you single317dad for those links. They were very helpful in seeing what the courts feel is fair. There is a lot of useful information in there. Ohiogal, I haven't applied for anything. I didn't know what Title XX was. I googled it and am still trying to understand it. One question would be is it income based? Would my husbands income be calculated in as well? I assumed since we are still legally married and his income is way over poverty, I would be denied.

I dropped the kids off Friday. I tried to get out without any real conversation but he started saying we need to get this visitation schedule finalized because he doesn't like leaving it up in the air. I told him I wasn't comfortable with the way it is either. I said that I had been talking to some people and I think I should talk to an attorney to just look over what we had discussed so far. As expected he wasn't happy. He said if I can afford an attorney then I don't need his help anymore. (He has given the kids a total of 60 dollars cash (for various items they asked him for while they were with him, and spent 183.45 for groceries. I have been out of the house for 47 days)

I told him that was fine, but this visitation/child support/who pays what, stuff isn't as cut and dry as he thinks, and I need help with it, so I will let him know by Wednesday who I have chosen to help me. He said that this "every weekend" wasn't set in stone and that maybe if we worked together we could find a daycare that he could afford, to help me with the kids during the week. I just said I'd let him know, and walked away.

I don't think he believes I am really going to get a lawyer. Once he knows I am serious, I see him hiding and moving around as much financial stuff as he can. I feel really stupid and I'm sure you guys are going to think I'm an idiot but I really don't know a lot of his financial stuff. When I left he gave me one of the paid off cars. It's now in my name and I pay the insurance on it. He paid first/last/deposit on my 2 bedroom apartment and paid to have the utilities turned on in my name, which equaled 2134.00. I will feel better when I can get that paid back so he has nothing to hold over my head.

It's just a mess. Hopefully the attorney will be able to figure it out. Seriously tho, thank you all so much for your advice. I've been reading other threads here and searching on the internet. This divorce stuff isn't easy.

 

[Ohiogal]

Thank you single317dad for those links. They were very helpful in seeing what the courts feel is fair. There is a lot of useful information in there. Ohiogal, I haven't applied for anything. I didn't know what Title XX was. I googled it and am still trying to understand it. One question would be is it income based? Would my husbands income be calculated in as well? I assumed since we are still legally married and his income is way over poverty, I would be denied.

If you and your husband are not living together then his income would not count. If he pays child support or provides other support, that would count. Also some courts might give him 50% parenting time if he asks for it. I know of a few counties that would start there unless you could prove it would be a detriment. Regardless of whether or not you would agree to that.

I dropped the kids off Friday. I tried to get out without any real conversation but he started saying we need to get this visitation schedule finalized because he doesn't like leaving it up in the air. I told him I wasn't comfortable with the way it is either. I said that I had been talking to some people and I think I should talk to an attorney to just look over what we had discussed so far. As expected he wasn't happy. He said if I can afford an attorney then I don't need his help anymore. (He has given the kids a total of 60 dollars cash (for various items they asked him for while they were with him, and spent 183.45 for groceries. I have been out of the house for 47 days)

And you left the house, why?

I told him that was fine, but this visitation/child support/who pays what, stuff isn't as cut and dry as he thinks, and I need help with it, so I will let him know by Wednesday who I have chosen to help me. He said that this "every weekend" wasn't set in stone and that maybe if we worked together we could find a daycare that he could afford, to help me with the kids during the week. I just said I'd let him know, and walked away.

He will not have to pay daycare UNLESS you are working or going to school. Those are the only items for which the court would order he must help pay for daycare.

I don't think he believes I am really going to get a lawyer. Once he knows I am serious, I see him hiding and moving around as much financial stuff as he can. I feel really stupid and I'm sure you guys are going to think I'm an idiot but I really don't know a lot of his financial stuff.

Don't count on him being ordered to pay for an attorney. That could happen but that may not happen as well. Depends on your county.

When I left he gave me one of the paid off cars. It's now in my name and I pay the insurance on it. He paid first/last/deposit on my 2 bedroom apartment and paid to have the utilities turned on in my name, which equaled 2134.00. I will feel better when I can get that paid back so he has nothing to hold over my head.

Why are you going to pay him back?

It's just a mess. Hopefully the attorney will be able to figure it out. Seriously tho, thank you all so much for your advice. I've been reading other threads here and searching on the internet. This divorce stuff isn't easy.

Take all the emotion out of it. Finances are not based on emotion. They are based on calculations and numbers. Custody is based on the children and NOT on you or your husband. Expect that he will get shared parenting of some form with joint decision making.

 

[kmf3066]

We are not living together. There hasn't been any "official" child support. He has given me the car and paid the amounts I listed above. That is all. I don't mind 50% parenting time. That would actually be helpful. He/being there isn't a detriment at all. That is their home, with their stuff, friends etc. and where they are most comfortable.

I left because he was moving in his secretary as a house guest/renter. He said it needed to be done for financial reasons, I disagreed. The house (and everything else) is in his name.

I am working 45 hours a week, but only make $7.65. I also started cleaning a neighbors apartment for $20.00 a week. I have a BS degree but am having a hard time finding a job in my field. I haven't worked in 12 years. He would only pay the first month on my apartment so expecting to have to wait 1/2 weeks before I got paid, I took the first job I could.

Oh I hope he has to at least help pay the attorney or I'm screwed. I don't think I could afford a law student much less a skilled attorney.

I'm paying him back because he said I had to when I asked for the money. That is why I am keeping track of exactly how much I borrow from him.

I don't mind joint decision making as long he doesn't start basing his decisions on what hurts me instead of what helps them.

All I know about the finances is: I know he makes about 195,000 a year from work. There are 401K's, stocks, bonds, he owns shares in a few companies, and I've heard him mention he has investment capital in a couple of things. We owe about 70,000 left on the house. Our student loans are paid off (he paid off mine). 3 cars, 2 paid off, 1 we still owe about 18,000 on. I know he has 4 credit cards, I'm not sure what is owed on them or if he has more of them. The checking, savings accounts are in his name so I don't know what is in them or if he has more accounts. Oh and let's not forget whatever rent amount his roommate is paying to stay there during the week.

He hasn't filed for divorce yet. We were trying to agree on division of stuff when I asked him to help me care for the kids some during the weeknights or help me get daycare because I don't like leaving them with a sitter so much and the cost since it is summer break is more than I can afford. He refused so I came on here to see how visitation is normally divided to see if I was being unreasonable.

Thank you for your responses Ohiogal!

 

[stealth2]

(He has given the kids a total of 60 dollars cash (for various items they asked him for while they were with him, and spent 183.45 for groceries. I have been out of the house for 47 days)

<snip>

When I left he gave me one of the paid off cars. It's now in my name and I pay the insurance on it. He paid first/last/deposit on my 2 bedroom apartment and paid to have the utilities turned on in my name, which equaled 2134.00.

So he hasn't actually not supported you/the children at all. That's a pretty substantial amount for the time period you're talking about. And it's actually pretty stand-up of him.

 

[gr8rn]

When looking for attorneys, you can ask for a payment plan. I paid my attorney $100 a month till I paid him off. You may have to pay a retainer to start, but please don't let this stop you from retaining an attorney. Because you will get much more than ex would offer you, and your attorney will help you navigate the court system. Peace of mind is a great thing when you are going through something so stressful.

Your ex will need to bring all financial information to the child/spousal support hearing. So will you. Don't worry about paying ex back just yet..you may be able to pay him back much easier when you have the child and spousal support. Save your money for a retainer first.

 

[kmf3066]

There hasn't been any "official" child support. He has given me the car and paid the amounts I listed above. That is all.

I think you may have misunderstood this comment. It wasn't meant to be a negative. I was trying to make clear that there is no court ordered child support amount as we have yet to go to court. The "That is all" is meaning that is the extent of assets, (cash, items, trades etc.) that has been exchanged.

I in no way meant to suggest that he wasn't supportive of the kids and I leaving. He has asked for the divorce, I agreed not to fight the divorce but explained the kids and I have no other family, no where to go, no money, and no way get there. He gave me the car and said he would loan me the money to get into a place. He knew I wasn't going anywhere without the kids and he would never let the kids be homeless or hungry. Yes, he has some faults in the fidelity department but I've never said he is a bad dad.

As for stand-up...we will have to agree to differing opinions on the definition.