awarded child support, then "quit" job

[Proserpina]

Adultery.....I love it! Ha ha....I'm gonna get her a sweater for christmas with a big fat "A" on it......and the letter "A" is gonna be decorated like a christmas tree

So, thanks.....I will confront her on the issue. If she is not divorced soon, I'm packing my bags and ridding myself of this headache completely.

Despite what the sticky says, I DO feel that I am entitled to ask these questions on her behalf due to the fact that my family has been paying the legal fees associated with the custody battle.

Like it or not, it's still adultery (this IS a legal site - we're dealing with law here, not moral compasses). And like it or not, this does not concern you. Your family is CHOOSING to pay her legal fees - this does not entitle you to become involved in the legal matters themselves.

As far as her paying her child support......you can't squeeze blood from a turnip. She has financial obligations, that she cannot get out of, without ruining her credit and who knows what else. She was also the custodial parent (kept the kids all week, and gave them to her husband every other weekend....kids went to school by her house, she paid daycare expenses after school....etc etc...) for the past two years....and the commissioner did not care about any of this.

Not paying her child support may result in: garnishment, levy of accounts, license suspension and/or jail.

Bad credit? That will be the least of her problems. Seriously - somebody's priorities are completely messed up here.

Its just a messed up situation....I was hoping that something could be done about this Living....Walking....contradiction of a man. You wanna talkt about Pots and Kettles.....he is the epitome of both! He is a "legal" drug addict, has been for years....and its SADLY ok in the law's eyes. We were addicted to opiates for 6 months....he has been addicted to opiates for 6 years. Do you not see a problem here?

Do you know the difference between dependency and addiction to opiates? That's a rhetorical question because - again - this is NOT your business.

 

[WeeMan]

Well....hold on a second. Before I go confronting her, accusing her of keeping her husband around as a "back-up" in case things don't work out between us**************...is it really that easy to get a divorce? She just has to head to the court house, file, and its done? Even when there are kids involved?

 

[moburkes]

Since she's no longer paying daycare, and she's no longer paying for the kids' sahre of the utilities, etc, and she no longer has to buy clothing, etc, she should have a little extra money for child support. Since his parents seem to be the only non-druggies in the family, the kids are in the right place. You don't stop using drugs for about 2/3 months and consider yourself clean. It doesn't work that way.

 

[moburkes]

Well....hold on a second. Before I go confronting her, accusing her of keeping her husband around as a "back-up" in case things don't work out between us**************...is it really that easy to get a divorce? She just has to head to the court house, file, and its done? Even when there are kids involved?

Yes and no. It will get the ball rolling. It won't happen overnight. It never does, but it WILL happen.

 

[WeeMan]

Like it or not, it's still adultery (this IS a legal site - we're dealing with law here, not moral compasses). And like it or not, this does not concern you. Your family is CHOOSING to pay her legal fees - this does not entitle you to become involved in the legal matters themselves.



Not paying her child support may result in: garnishment, levy of accounts, license suspension and/or jail.

Bad credit? That will be the least of her problems. Seriously - somebody's priorities are completely messed up here.



Do you know the difference between dependency and addiction to opiates? That's a rhetorical question because - again - this is NOT your business.

Do I know the difference between dependency and addiction? Are you kidding me? Have you been through a treatment program? Are you a substance abuse professional? The word "dependency" sounds like a cop-out word conjured up by the morally corrupt doctors and pharmaceutical companies pushing highly-addictive pain-killers on people who do not need to be on them for the rest of their lives. Addiction is addiction. Just like Alcohol IS A DRUG. But this system doesn't see it this way.

 

[moburkes]

Do I know the difference between dependency and addiction? Are you kidding me? Have you been through a treatment program? Are you a substance abuse professional? The word "dependency" sounds like a cop-out word conjured up by the morally corrupt doctors and pharmaceutical companies pushing highly-addictive pain-killers on people who do not need to be on them for the rest of their lives. Addiction is addiction. Just like Alcohol IS A DRUG. But this system doesn't see it this way.

To be honest - we don't care. We're not concerned with your opinion, just the facts. The facts are that 2/3 months "clean" doesn't mean anything. You're not a party to this legal disagree in the eyes of the court. If your family wants to pay legal fees for this "girl you do not fully trust" which makes not a damn bit of sense (an that's an OPINION and a FACT), then that's their/your problem. That's the only issue which concerns you legally.

 

[Proserpina]

Well....hold on a second. Before I go confronting her, accusing her of keeping her husband around as a "back-up" in case things don't work out between us**************...is it really that easy to get a divorce? She just has to head to the court house, file, and its done? Even when there are kids involved?

I hate to be this jaded and cynical but...

...look. You've become involved with a woman who for whatever reason hasn't bothered to file for divorce yet. Your family is also, as you've said, at least contributing to her legal fees...now it's entirely possible that she herself doesn't realize that she can file by herself without her husband's agreement or consent.

But it wouldn't be the first time that someone has taken advantage of someone else. And if you don't trust her, why on earth are you even involved?

Now with regards to Dad's drugs (as I just read your further post) there's a reason I asked. Dad has a legal prescription for these drugs - as you've said. There is obviously (whether or not YOU agree with it doesn't matter) at least something of a legitimate reason he needs these drugs; a medical issue.

Yours were not legal. Yours were not to deal with a medical problem - and truly, if you can't see the huge difference in what that means to a custody dispute I really don't know what else to say.

(not to mention the huge difference between having a medical condition requiring painkillers, and recreational drug use)

 

[Silverplum]

Why are *you* so upset about this, anyway?

Your thread title would indicate you are upset that Dad was awarded CS...not that your adultery-partner is paying it...

None of your actions make sense.

 

[WeeMan]

To be honest - we don't care. We're not concerned with your opinion, just the facts. The facts are that 2/3 months "clean" doesn't mean anything. You're not a party to this legal disagree in the eyes of the court. If your family wants to pay legal fees for this "girl you do not fully trust" which makes not a damn bit of sense (an that's an OPINION and a FACT), then that's their/your problem. That's the only issue which concerns you legally.

If you've noticed, the topic of discussion has taken a MAJOR turn here. IT IS NOW MY BUSINESS. I am asking questions concerning MY LIFE, and taking part in a debate on "legal" drug abuse, and double standards in this country.

The earlier discussion was concerning HER court battle, not mine. I agree, it's legally none of my business.

I just like to hear others views on the whole drug debate...it cracks me up to hear your opinions. It really does. Let me pose a question......what would you say if someone approached you and told you Advil has medicinal value, but Motrin does not? Seriously....what would reaction be?

 

[Proserpina]

If you've noticed, the topic of discussion has taken a MAJOR turn here. IT IS NOW MY BUSINESS. I am asking questions concerning MY LIFE, and taking part in a debate on "legal" drug abuse, and double standards in this country.

The earlier discussion was concerning HER court battle, not mine. I agree, it's legally none of my business.

I just like to hear others views on the whole drug debate...it cracks me up to hear your opinions. It really does. Let me pose a question......what would you say if someone approached you and told you Advil has medicinal value, but Motrin does not? Seriously....what would reaction be?

This isn't your soapbox. You've been given the correct legal answers - bottom line? This is NOT your legal matter.

 

[>Charlotte<]

If she wants a divorce, she doesn't need his cooperation.

I've edited a lot of this for brevity, but the entire statute can be reviewed here:
http://www.le.state.ut.us/~code/code.htm

Look for Title 30--Husband and Wife, and then open the subfolders.

Utah Statute 30-3-1. Procedure -- Residence -- Grounds.

(1) Proceedings in divorce are commenced and conducted as provided by law for proceedings in civil causes, except as provided in this chapter.

(2) The court may decree a dissolution of the marriage contract between the petitioner and respondent on the grounds specified in Subsection (3)...

(h) irreconcilable differences of the marriage; or
(j) when the husband and wife have lived separately under a decree of separate maintenance of any state for three consecutive years without cohabitation.

Note that (j) is "or", not "and"--the three year separation doesn't appear to be a requirement.

If there are minor children involved, once the petition for divorce is filed, the petitioner must attend a one hour "divorce orientation course" within 60 days of the petition. The respondant must attend that same course within 30 days.

(5) The divorce orientation course shall be neutral, unbiased, at least one hour in duration, and include:
(a) options available as alternatives to divorce;
(b) resources available from courts and administrative agencies for resolving custody and support issues without filing for divorce;
(c) resources available to improve or strengthen the marriage;
(d) a discussion of the positive and negative consequences of divorce;
(e) a discussion of the process of divorce;
(f) options available for proceeding with a divorce, including mediation, collaborative law, litigation, and a discussion of post-divorce resources.

The cost of the course is a maximum of $20, but that can be waived is any participant is unable to pay. The fees fund the Children's Legal Defense Account.

Utah also has an Online Court Assistance Program which provides instructions and the forms required to petition for divorce.

http://www.utcourts.gov/ocap/

 

[WeeMan]

Ok.....I don't think she is being totally dishonest with me.....holding onto the past...etc. She HAS attended a divorce orientation class...and I think it is in the works. But I do think her husband is being a pain in the ass about it, and contesting it. I'm not 100% sure.

It IS something that bothers me**************we actually met on eHarmony (go ahead and laugh)...and hit it off rather quickly. She was lying about being divorced, and I did not find this out until we were in court. I should have dumped her on the spot, but didn't.....she's HOT. Former Miss Utah runner up, seriously.

So, now I'm stuck....don't know what to do. Ive been helping her out as much as possible to close out her former life, and start a new one with me. Its been tough. We've been through alot together in the past year.....criminal case, custody battle, DCFS case.....my head is spinning. I just want her to get divorced.....and get custody of her kids back. She really is a loving, devoted mother. I will give her that. She is a much better parent than the father.....always has been....and deserves custody.

 

[Proserpina]

Ok.....I don't think she is being totally dishonest with me.....holding onto the past...etc. She HAS attended a divorce orientation class...and I think it is in the works. But I do think her husband is being a pain in the ass about it, and contesting it. I'm not 100% sure.

It IS something that bothers me**************we actually met on eHarmony (go ahead and laugh)...and hit it off rather quickly. She was lying about being divorced, and I did not find this out until we were in court.

Dude she lied to you about a MASSIVE thing. This wasn't a little white lie. But hey.

So, now I'm stuck....don't know what to do. Ive been helping her out as much as possible to close out her former life, and start a new one with me. Its been tough. We've been through alot together in the past year.....criminal case, custody battle, DCFS case.....my head is spinning. I just want her to get divorced.....and get custody of her kids back. She really is a loving, devoted mother. I will give her that. She is a much better parent than the father.....always has been....and deserves custody.

Ok stop. Please.

A loving, devoted mother does NOT chose illicit drugs over her kids. It really IS that simple. She's free to try and regain custody, and at some point she might be successful. But frankly unless Dad messes up BIG time, he's going to remain the primary custodian.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

I read thru this with interest to figure out WHY they would give custody to a "drug addicted" person.

The key here is: HIS drugs are prescribed by a doctor; mom's drugs were illegal. BIG difference here.

You see, I could PROVE that my X could NOT handle the children. My X has been on Oxycontin for now 14 years. I had the PROOF of his inability to be reliable. I documented like mad, had the receipts from the prescriptions (helps that he was on MY insurance), etc, etc. I could guarantee that I was on NO illegal drugs.

That mom is saying that "oh, I have bills to pay. Let someone else (aka grandparents) worry about putting food in your belly and keeping a roof over your head, " will NOT help her cause in "getting the children" back. Regardless, there would have to be a change in the CHILDREN's circumstances for custody to be changed.

MOM is the deadbeat here. Her FIRST payment should be the child support because it is important that the CHILDREN be taken care of.

 

[Silverplum]

Ok.....I don't think she is being totally dishonest with me.....holding onto the past...etc. She HAS attended a divorce orientation class...and I think it is in the works. But I do think her husband is being a pain in the ass about it, and contesting it. I'm not 100% sure.

It IS something that bothers me**************we actually met on eHarmony (go ahead and laugh)...and hit it off rather quickly. She was lying about being divorced, and I did not find this out until we were in court. I should have dumped her on the spot, but didn't.....she's HOT. Former Miss Utah runner up, seriously.

So, now I'm stuck....don't know what to do. Ive been helping her out as much as possible to close out her former life, and start a new one with me. Its been tough. We've been through alot together in the past year.....criminal case, custody battle, DCFS case.....my head is spinning. I just want her to get divorced.....and get custody of her kids back. She really is a loving, devoted mother. I will give her that. She is a much better parent than the father.....always has been....and deserves custody.

Well...now that we know she's a former Miss Utah runner up...she deserves something.

A sash, a spray of roses, and some other nice parting gifts.