Being forced out of my home!

[GaynSkrwdinNY]

What is the name of your state? NY
I am a NY lesbian who should be positively affected by the recent ruling legally recognizing out of state same sex marriages (Feb 1, 2008) but I am NOT. My wife (Canada 2004) abruptly left the relationship the day after Christmas 2006 without notice or discussion (I love you and adore you, plans for next year made that Christmas day). Five weeks earlier "we" had taken out a home equity loan, maxing out the equity in our JTROS house to pay off HER debts. She refused to be held responsible for $43k of "marital" debt, and there was no legal way to stop her because she was not my "legal" spouse in NY at that time, so I was forced into bankruptcy. I still retain my rights to "our" home. She went to Vermont and entered another civil union with another party without divorcing me, but somehow that is not considered bigamy because we are gay. I have just received a summons for a Partition claim on "our" home (She is the Plaintiff, I am the Defendant) giving me 13 (remaining) days to respond or have her claim enforced. No lawyer will help me because it's either "too complicated" "deals with International law" or, of course, because I am virtually destitute because of the bankruptcy. Even the Legal Aid clinics won't help because they don't deal with "THAT" kind of divorce ... Does ANYONE know ANYBODY that can help me?!?!?!

 

[Silverplum]

You're not "covered" because your dates don't match up.

Is the property in CANADA or NY?

What is the name of your state? NY
I am a NY lesbian who should be positively affected by the recent ruling legally recognizing out of state same sex marriages (Feb 1, 2008) but I am NOT. My wife (Canada 2004) abruptly left the relationship the day after Christmas 2006 without notice or discussion (I love you and adore you, plans for next year made that Christmas day). Five weeks earlier "we" had taken out a home equity loan, maxing out the equity in our JTROS house to pay off HER debts. She refused to be held responsible for $43k of "marital" debt, and there was no legal way to stop her because she was not my "legal" spouse in NY at that time, so I was forced into bankruptcy. I still retain my rights to "our" home. She went to Vermont and entered another civil union with another party without divorcing me, but somehow that is not considered bigamy because we are gay. I have just received a summons for a Partition claim on "our" home (She is the Plaintiff, I am the Defendant) giving me 13 (remaining) days to respond or have her claim enforced. No lawyer will help me because it's either "too complicated" "deals with International law" or, of course, because I am virtually destitute because of the bankruptcy. Even the Legal Aid clinics won't help because they don't deal with "THAT" kind of divorce ... Does ANYONE know ANYBODY that can help me?!?!?!

 

[GaynSkrwdinNY]

You're not "covered" because your dates don't match up.

Is the property in CANADA or NY?

I'm not sure I understand your comment. We had a community "wedding" in 2001, then went to Canada when they legalized same-sex marriages (at her instigation) in 2004. At the end of 2006 (12/26/2006), she "declared" that the relationship was over, without discussion or compromise. I was forced into bankruptcy (finalized Aug 2007). The NY ruling was Feb 1, 2008. And I received the summons for Partition a week ago. What dates don't match up?

 

[GaynSkrwdinNY]

Is the property in CANADA or NY?

Oh ... the property is in NY. And we are both US citizens and NY residents.

 

[Silverplum]

I'm not sure I understand your comment. We had a community "wedding" in 2001, then went to Canada when they legalized same-sex marriages (at her instigation) in 2004. At the end of 2006 (12/26/2006), she "declared" that the relationship was over, without discussion or compromise. I was forced into bankruptcy (finalized Aug 2007). The NY ruling was Feb 1, 2008. And I received the summons for Partition a week ago. What dates don't match up?

"Out of state" is not the same as "from any other country."

Property: in Canada or NY?

 

[GaynSkrwdinNY]

You're not "covered" because your dates don't match up.

I may not have been clear ... we are STILL married. She has not filed for divorce in EITHER Canada or NY, so we were married when she entered into the Vermont civil union and we were married when the Feb 1 ruling came down, and we were married when she filed for Partition, and we are STILL married now. There has been no divorce, no filing for divorce, or even a filing for legal separation. She just left. Period.

 

[GaynSkrwdinNY]

"Out of state" is not the same as "from any other country."

The ruling states that any same-sex marriage" legal in the jurisdiction in which it was performed will be legally recognized in NY" and was dealing specifically with a Canadian marriage, ironically from 2004.

 

[Ohiogal]

You are not being forced out of your home. You need to respond to the lawsuit. She wants you to pay her half of the equity and refinance the mortgge in your name alone.

 

[GaynSkrwdinNY]

You are not being forced out of your home. You need to respond to the lawsuit. She wants you to pay her half of the equity and refinance the mortgge in your name alone.

I plan on "responding" ... albeit Pro Se (as I still cannot find legal representation), but in essence, I AM being forced out because what mortgage can I get with a bankruptcy?! A bankruptcy that SHE caused by refusing to held responsible for her half of our joint debt (which she could because it was in "my" name and our marriage was not recognized). Certainly not one I can afford, if I could get one at all. And, as I had indicated earlier, we had just taken out all the equity in the house to pay off her unsecured debt just five weeks before she left, so there IS no equity in the house. As a side note, "we" had three other properties in HER name that were acquired during the marriage. She still has those, and she wants the home I live in too to Once Again pay off her debts. She came to the relationship without a stick of furniture and a significant amount of debt at high interest. I had a full household and perfect credit. This IS a horror story.

I am asking for guidance ... where can I go to find help? Legal help.

If she were a man, this never could have happened (and she couldn't have gotten "married" again in another state without it being a crime).

 

[las365]

Stop looking for a family law attorney and look for an attorney who handles business partnership disputes. When gay couples break up, those are the laws that may most closely apply.

You need to stop looking at this as a divorce (from a legal standpoint- I know that's what it is emotionally). The law has not caught up with gay marriage and may not for a long time.

Think of it as if it were a business deal gone bad. In the course of the partnership, apparently four properties were acquired. Approach finding a lawyer with that mindset.

 

[GaynSkrwdinNY]

Thank you las365. I did think of that, but I don't know if it would apply now that NY DOES legally recognize my marriage (and ironically her new VT civil union ... she has rights in NY from BOTH "contracts"). The claim for Partition was filed AFTER that ruling.

Is it a "business venture" or a "family dispute"??? And now that she has mutually exclusive "contracts" that directly conflict with one another, is there criminal law involved as well? Is her decision to create a home equity loan and use it to pay off her debts knowing that she did not plan to honor the terms of that loan criminal fraud or civil (it was clear misrepresentation as she was already in another relationship and left our relationship just 5 weeks after the disbursement of those funds for her sole benefit)?

Beyond the "emotions" of it, I really don't know where I legally stand.

Do I look for an attorney who can help me (pro bono or sliding scale because of the bankruptcy) in business law?, family law?, criminal law? civil rights / discrimination? Even the Bar Association doesn't know how to classify this. I have spoken to their office as well. I have an appointment for a 30 min consultation with a lawyer to review what I have written in response to the summons, but that is as much help as I have been able to find. And, I must admit, I am terrified of trying to handle this on my own! But I feel like I have searched everywhere for help, and I just don't have anymore ideas of where to look.

 

[las365]

I'm not a lawyer, the input I can offer is minimal. Take a look at this article.

http://www.allbusiness.com/services/legal-services/4062502-1.html

Contract Law appears to be the key.

 

[GaynSkrwdinNY]

Thank you again.
I have read the article.
I will bring it up in my 30min consultation and ask if an "implied" agreement would be viewed the same (sadly, my wife refuses to come to agreement in settlement ... you can see this by the $3000 offer and the immediate claim of Partition instead of counteroffer ... but the agreements made during the relationship may indeed be enforcible).

 

[LdiJ]

I really don't see where you had a legal marriage in a state for NY to recognize. You stated that you had a "wedding" in 2001, and that you went to Canada in 2004, but when did you actually acquire a marriage license and have a ceremony performed in a state that recognizes gay marriage?

 

[GaynSkrwdinNY]

This ruling occurred only a month ago.
Perhaps this is why you have not heard yet.
Here is an article that explains:

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/02/nyregion/02samesex.html?_r=1&ref=nyregion&oref=slogin