Being Taken to Court by GP

[LdiJ]

The parent is not the bad guy here. If it was the grandparent posting, we'd be berating him/her for suing the daughter in law and telling him/her to expect to never see the grandkids again. Mom seems to have good reason not to want them around and it seems like she did try to maintain a relationship with them after her husband died for a time. It doesn't sound like the kids were very close to the GPs and whether her decision is right or wrong, she is the parent and has the legal right to decide who spends time with her kids! And here you are telling her that the GPs are right to sue her? And trying to diminish the loss of her husband? What is wrong with you??

CandG918 apparently has an axe to grind.

 

[mistoffolees]

I came to this forum to ask for legal advice. mistoflees is suggesting I go to counseling to find out my motives. I'm a parent. I'm not subjecting my children to their behaviour.

I was suggesting no such thing.

I simply agreed with the statement that someone else made that the grandparents suit is not entirely without merit. They had regular contact with the child before the child's father died and then you cut off contact. Whether that's sufficient to win a case is unclear, but arguing that there were no grounds at all is wrong.

Note that I didn't take a position on whether you were justified in cutting off contact, either.

I also objected to your attacking people who were volunteering their time to give you advice. If you don't like their advice, you don't have to follow it.

 

[LdiJ]

I was suggesting no such thing.

I simply agreed with the statement that someone else made that the grandparents suit is not entirely without merit. They had regular contact with the child before the child's father died and then you cut off contact. Whether that's sufficient to win a case is unclear, but arguing that there were no grounds at all is wrong.

Note that I didn't take a position on whether you were justified in cutting off contact, either.

I also objected to your attacking people who were volunteering their time to give you advice. If you don't like their advice, you don't have to follow it.

Misto, Candg918's advice was very inappropriate and quite insensitive.

 

[janemc]

Find A Lawyer, and Educate yourself it will help:

Current Case Law:
http://www.courts.state.md.us/opinions/coa/2007/35a06.pdf

Keep abreast of your case here:
Maryland Judiciary Case Search

 

[mistoffolees]

Misto, Candg918's advice was very inappropriate and quite insensitive.

I disagree. It was probably a bit insensitive, but it was not inappropriate.

OP cut off all relations with the child's grandparents and, therefore, the child's father's side of the family. That's not good for the child nor is it good for the rest of the family. In many ways, it's not even good for OP - if she would only realize it.

That is not meant to convey a lack of sympathy. I'm certainly very sorry for her loss. But to argue that the grandparents have no place in the child's life and that everyone involved should be OK with that is just plain wrong (unless the grandparents are a danger to the child which doesn't seem to be the case).

OP may win, legally, but the child still loses.

 

[ecmst12]

I don't think we have enough information to say that for sure. There are certainly SOME GPs out there that kids are better off not knowing. Some of them post on this board! Belittling OP's loss rather then giving her the benefit of the doubt as to having her kids' best interests at heart doesn't seem like the way we should be going.

 

[stealth2]

Quite frankly, judgmental people like you ought to stay out of legal advice forums such as this one. I'm looking for legal advice not your opinion. It would be great if this family was such a loving family to begin with. However, if the love ends when they don't get what they want and moan and complain that their needs, desires, and wants aren't being met and then act out with total hostility towards you, leaves harrasing phone messages, threathen you with lawsuits, drive by your house when you are not home that makes even the most oblivious neighbors concerned, then you would sever your ties with them too. I would file for harrassment but that is exactly what these people want.

Quite frankly my spouse would have severed ties with them but this is what he was afraid was going to happen. Well now he's gone and my personal history is not inextricably tied to these people and my identity as a human being is not linked with them that it is easier for me to make that decision. My spouse grew up with these people as his parents and I have been warned by him what this family is capable of doing.

I'll be damned if I will subject my children to this. I'm a strong person and I will not be bullied by grandparents who think they have a right to my children because their child died. My children do not exist to fill their emotional void. And what are you saying about moving on and finding a new spouse like you know exactly how my life is going to play out? You think it would be so easy to move on when your spouse died? Do you know what you are talking about? Are you a widow or have been widowed? Are you taking care of children on your own when you expected a lifetime partnership with a person with whom you had a relationship based on true love, respect and trust? You think after that I would want a stand in? Keep your opinions to yourself. If you have legal advice then post them, otherwise get out of this thread.

And somebody in this forum once told somebody to go pound sand.

GO POUND SAND.

What the H.E. Double Hockey Sticks is YOUR problem? This response is totally out of line for the input you got.

Punds Sand? GO PAY FOR A LAWYER, Mo.

 

[LdiJ]

I disagree. It was probably a bit insensitive, but it was not inappropriate.

OP cut off all relations with the child's grandparents and, therefore, the child's father's side of the family. That's not good for the child nor is it good for the rest of the family. In many ways, it's not even good for OP - if she would only realize it.

That is not meant to convey a lack of sympathy. I'm certainly very sorry for her loss. But to argue that the grandparents have no place in the child's life and that everyone involved should be OK with that is just plain wrong (unless the grandparents are a danger to the child which doesn't seem to be the case).

OP may win, legally, but the child still loses.

Misto, that is a purely personal opinion. You are making an automatic assumption that all grandparents are good for children, when unfortunately, someone of them (admittedly the vast minority) are not.

Candg918, was making the same assumption, in even stronger terms.

Parents do not throw away the help and support of good grandparents.

Some day perhaps someone in your family will experience what its like to have a set of "toxic" grandparents to deal with, and then you will understand.

 

[mistoffolees]

Misto, that is a purely personal opinion. You are making an automatic assumption that all grandparents are good for children, when unfortunately, someone of them (admittedly the vast minority) are not.

Candg918, was making the same assumption, in even stronger terms.

Parents do not throw away the help and support of good grandparents.

Some day perhaps someone in your family will experience what its like to have a set of "toxic" grandparents to deal with, and then you will understand.

I'm not making any assumptions. I simply said that severing ties with grandparents who had previously been in the child's life was not 'nothing'. And that OP's reaction to Candg918's post was way out of proportion to any slight contained there.

I never took the position that grandparents should be allowed to see the child, and I definitely never took the position that they WOULD win. I simply said that they had a right to be upset when their DIL prevents them from seeing their grandkids after their son dies.

 

[LdiJ]

I'm not making any assumptions. I simply said that severing ties with grandparents who had previously been in the child's life was not 'nothing'. And that OP's reaction to Candg918's post was way out of proportion to any slight contained there.

I never took the position that grandparents should be allowed to see the child, and I definitely never took the position that they WOULD win. I simply said that they had a right to be upset when their DIL prevents them from seeing their grandkids after their son dies.

You however, weren't the person she slammed.

I think what got to me the most, and what I found to be the most insensitive of Candg's comments was the following:

The loss of a child - no matter the age - is far more traumatic than the loss of a spouse, IMO. They have also lost their grandchildren; you still have them. They are hurting far more than you can know.

How dare she say that one person's grief over losing a child is greater than another person's grief over losing a husband? To somehow act as though the OP's grief is less "real" because it was a husband she lost?

I have seen many, many parents in exactly this OP's shoes. I could tell you horror stories that you would have a difficult time believing...I had a hard time believing them myself until I saw how real the problems were.

The case that got me involved in gpv in the first place was that of a long term family friend, whose wife died, and who was dealing with truly toxic grandparents.

 

[Rushia]

Anti-GPVMom, I too dealt with a gpv suit. While my spouse and I simply divorced, I said many of the same things that you did. If you'd like someone to talk/vent at please let me know and I'll pm you my number.

 

[stealth2]

You however, weren't the person she slammed.

And neither were you.

 

[Proserpina]

My very controlled and measured response:

(Wow, take out the four middle words and I'm almost...like...You Know Who)

So, show of hands.

How many of us have lost both a spouse AND a child?

Unless we have, we should not - any of us - be suggesting that either one is somehow easier or worse than the other.

(Frankly neither is worse. They're both completely devastating. But they do affect you in different ways)

 

[stealth2]

I actually know several people who have been in exactly that position. And they have been pretty uniform in their view on that question.

 

[candg918]

The GP would come over certain holiday seasons like Thanksgiving and Christmas and my spouse and I would allow the GP to stay over a few days when they visit. GP stayed in their lane and kept opinions to themselves. My spouse's relationship with GP had been strained in the past but my spouse was trying to keep things peaceful and civil. Less stress that way. GP never had physical custody of the children overnight or for a few days (we wouldn't dare). Only for a few hours at our home when GP visited and we would go to dinner kid free or run errands. Kids did enjoy the GP's company. Is that history detrimental to me?

Would OP's spouse have wanted the relationship to continue? It certainly sounds like GP was not a risk to the children.