Boyfriends Ex wife is CRAZY

[worriedIL]

What is the name of your state? Illinois

My boyfriends ex wife is completely out of her mind. To the point where I actually feel sorry for her. She is constantly calling him, 10 times a day to say different things. One day she says he's a terrible father, the message he's a great father. The next message she'll tell him what time to pick up his daughter, when he already knows due to the court order. She is just crazy. She is constantly harrassing him, saying things about me as well. She is to be married to the man she had an affair w/ in 6 mnths and still will not leave us alone. Is there anything he can do? Can he have an attny write up a letter stating she is not allowed to contact him unless it is directly involving his daughter? She also calls a million times when he has her on his weekend. I dont see the point. Due to his work schedule he doesn't get his daughter until saturday afternoons, she only lets him have his daughter on his fridays when she wants to go out of town or when its conveniant for her. She constantly says how her and her new husband to be have decided not to share my boyfriends daughter w/ him anymore. What is that? She can't do that, it's not her decision. He is her father, he is a great father. She keeps claiming she's going to take custody away, and how she hates me being around her daughter. I am so good to their daughter. She's an innocent 6 yr old child caught in the middle of this non-sense and it makes me so sad. What can this ex really do if anything? Can my boyfriend do anything to get her harrassing phone calls to stop? It's mentally disturbing. Last night alone she told him she's not doing him any favors w/ visitations (which she doesn't anyways) and that shes taking him back to court, for what I dont know. Then 3 hours later she called him saying she knows he cares for his daughter and wants to share her w/ him. It's emotionally damaging to him and Im very worried. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[DelanaH]

He needs to start documenting everything...... every phone call or contact, time it took place and general info about the contact/call. Good and Bad.... log it all. If she leaves messages .....save them. This won't help you now but if she takes Him back to court for God knows what, you will have harassment documentation.

Due to his work schedule he doesn't get his daughter until saturday afternoons, she only lets him have his daughter on his fridays when she wants to go out of town or when its conveniant for her. This statement doesn't really make since to me? What do the court papers say? Thats when his visits should be. She can't deny him what the papers say.

 

[DelanaH]

A lot of times you can talk to an attorney for free (1time) When my ex was making those type of threats to me, I contacted an attorney and he really eased my mind. Your B/F will need to be the one doing this... not you. As much as you want to help..... its best if he does it..... just make sure you are there for moral support.

 

[worriedIL]

Thank you so much for replying. I feel like Im all alone in this!

The court papers say that he is to have his daughter every other weekend from i believe friday at 7pm-Sunday at 8pm. He doesn't get out of work until 7-8pm during the week and has to work saturday mornings from 9-12pm. The divorce papers say that the ex will be flexible with this. Before they were divorced the child came to work with him all the time. Now that they are divorced, the ex says he can't have the daughter at work because it's not save. Now she lets him have her at work every so often (once a month) when it works into her schedule. It drives me absolutely nuts. He has been a few minutes late dropping his daughter off, and has called her due to the traffic or what not and she always calls the police or threatens too.

She always sends his daughter to us FILTHY!!!!!!!!!!! Her hair smells, her clothes are ragedy, and it's disgusting. I just went out and bought $300.00 worth of clothes for his daughter to wear when she is with him, and i wash what she came in and send her back in it, i (we) also make sure she is bathed.

He does save all of her voicemails, they are so crazy, i have to laugh now when i hear them because i can't believe it! So all messages are recorded. I have talked to him about documenting everything, but you know how men are! I feel like i need to start it for him, but i dont know how to go about that. Do i start w/ her behavior yesterday? I know she logs everything he does or she claims he doesn't do. She signs the child up for all these activities and doesn't consult him about it, just tells him how much he owes. Then she says he never asks for his daughter on extra days, well its because she won't let us have her! I told him we should ask anyways and document when she denies. She claims he's not involved at all in anything extra. I asked him to findout where and what all these extra activities are so we can attend any functions parents are asked to go to. She said she's taking custody away from him because she's having another baby w/ her new husband to be and wants her daughter home more. Its just ludicris! Also, she has converted to jewdism (sp?) I told him why should the mother get the child for christmas then if she doesn't even celebrate it! Can't he go to court and ask for christmas now?

Thanks for your time.

 

[Just Blue]

What is the name of your state? Illinois

My boyfriends ex wife is completely out of her mind. To the point where I actually feel sorry for her. She is constantly calling him, 10 times a day to say different things. One day she says he's a terrible father, the message he's a great father. The next message she'll tell him what time to pick up his daughter, when he already knows due to the court order. She is just crazy. She is constantly harrassing him, saying things about me as well. She is to be married to the man she had an affair w/ in 6 mnths and still will not leave us alone. Is there anything he can do? Can he have an attny write up a letter stating she is not allowed to contact him unless it is directly involving his daughter? She also calls a million times when he has her on his weekend. I dont see the point. Due to his work schedule he doesn't get his daughter until saturday afternoons, she only lets him have his daughter on his fridays when she wants to go out of town or when its conveniant for her. She constantly says how her and her new husband to be have decided not to share my boyfriends daughter w/ him anymore. What is that? She can't do that, it's not her decision. He is her father, he is a great father. She keeps claiming she's going to take custody away, and how she hates me being around her daughter. I am so good to their daughter. She's an innocent 6 yr old child caught in the middle of this non-sense and it makes me so sad. What can this ex really do if anything? Can my boyfriend do anything to get her harrassing phone calls to stop? It's mentally disturbing. Last night alone she told him she's not doing him any favors w/ visitations (which she doesn't anyways) and that shes taking him back to court, for what I dont know. Then 3 hours later she called him saying she knows he cares for his daughter and wants to share her w/ him. It's emotionally damaging to him and Im very worried. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Delana gave you the legal advice...I'm going to give you some not-legal advice...RUN!! AS FAST AS YOU CAN!!

 

[worriedIL]

HAHAHAHAHAHA! Well its been a year now and believe me the thought has crossed my mind. I've lost 35 pounds over this, been stressed out like you can't believe, and now the guy im dating is telling me he doesn't think he'll ever want to re-marry or have children! WHO CAN BLAME HIM! So now i'm tryin to figure out if im wasting my time! I cant sleep at night! I can't believe this kinda crap goes on! What is the world coming to!

 

[DelanaH]

I am the same situation with my child coming home filthy. Sometimes she has knots in her hair so bad that I am tempted to just cut them out. When I mentioned this to her dad he said something to the affect of.... well we (him and his wife) have so many kids (4 including my daughter) and only one bathroom, that it is hard to make sure they all get baths..... My Lord after 3 days there she is ripe when she comes home.

 

[weenor]

It sounds like you are wondering if she can have b/f's visitation reduced when she has the baby. If your boyfriend is not a danger to his child, she cannot. He needs to be exercising his visitation in accordance with the court order. If the order says 7pm on Friday, he needs to pick the child up at 7pm on Friday or designate someone else to pick up the child. It is his business if he takes her to work with him or leaves the child with you or another suitable sitter. The ex cannot dictate what he does. He needs to write her a certified letter stating that he is going to proceed according to the order and that he will have the child picked up on Friday of his weekend. He may have to show up himself initially with the police and the court order in hand, but he has the right to take the child during his time without her interference.

 

[worriedIL]

That just makes me sick. As much as i dislike my bf's ex, i would be willing to be civil, which i am, for the sake of his daughter. I have NEVER said anything to this little girl about her mother. Yet the mother says things to her about me. The child is confused if she should like me or not. It takes her a few hours to warm up to me then i can't get her off of me. She follows me everywhere, plays with my hair and loves to lay by me. I dont know what to do. The mother is a nut, and i hope this little girl doesn't see that until she's older and can understand. But in all honestly, Im not worried about me, or my bf, well i am a little, but i'm worried about this little girl. Its very sad. HOW DO YOU NOT BATHE A CHILD! It's insane! I hear there's a lesson to be learned in everything, but i dont know what my lesson is w/ this one.

 

[Just Blue]

and now the guy im dating is telling me he doesn't think he'll ever want to re-marry or have children! WHO CAN BLAME HIM! So now i'm tryin to figure out if im wasting my time!

I've figured it out for you...You are totally wasting you time!! ...Unless you never want to get married and have children.

Happy New Year....

Bay

 

[worriedIL]

These are some other concerns of mine/ours and i dont know where to go for the answers.

Since i am just the "GIRLFRIEND" am i allowed to watch his daughter for a few hours on saturday mornings? My bf said something to the fact that if he can't be w/ his daughter for 3 hours then the ex has the right to keep the child. But what abuot when she goes out and gets a babysitter for her daughter? She doesn't call him and say would you like to pick up your daughter, Im going out. We would be all over it! So how do we go about finding out if that is ok? This women has brain washed my bf also. It's just insane. She talks about of her A@@ and he doesn't challenge it because he doesn't want to deal with her. He's just recently starting to come around and listen to what im telling him. Its abuot the child, not the ex! And his child LOVES being with us. She cries and begs to stay longer when we have her. We play with her, read with her, and have a good time, even when we relax. Things her mother doesn't do.

 

[weenor]

Is there a Right of First Refusal in the Order? If not, he can leave the child with any designee and the ex would have to go back to court and show that his designee is danagerous to the child.

Years ago, when my husband and I were dating, he worked as a waiter. His ex wife convinced him that he could not have the child at the time designated in the order because he could not personally pick the child up. He went for years only seeing the child on Sunday afternoons because of the games. When I got in the picture, I explained the law to the ex and started picking the child up at the correct time. The child stayed with me until her father got off of work. The ex gave me a hard time the first few times, but there wasn't much else she could do so and she knew it.

 

[worriedIL]

I believe there is a right to refusal whatever its called. What does that mean!

 

[worriedIL]

He just said that there is what you said in place, but only for up to 3 hours! Im gonna talk to him tonight. If thats the case i want to get her on friday nights and then i can stay w/ her in the morning and bring her to our work (we work together) an hour before he's ready to leave or something!

 

[weenor]

When he gets home, have him pull the order and post the exact wording of that portion of the order. That is the only way anyone here will be able to advise.