Can an executor change, alter, or in anyway ignore the directives or intent of a will?

[not2cleverRed]

The executor was requested there be no services upon her death. The children of the deceased requested and were granted permission for a service.

The executor was directed to not notify children of their mother's demise. They were notified with two days of her death.

The executor was instructed to have the ashes of both deceased to be combined and placed in a specific location. The children of the deceased requested the ashes be shared between the two. This request was also granted.

The executor/friend was instructed her children were not to be involved or informed as to the details of the will. The children of the deceased were given answers to specific questions regarding the disposition of the major assets such as the house, investments, savings and checking accounts.

Edits in bold.

Services benefit the living, not the dead. A person can request "no services", but that can't stop others from arranging a gathering to remember the deceased's life. Actually, a close relative of mine, in spite of such a request, had not one, but TWO memorial services - because more than one minister approached the family. (Different denominators, no less.)

It's a good thing the children were notified of their mother's death. Legally, there could be more problems if they weren't. And besides, it's just the right thing to do. (<-- Really, it's not appropriate to find out through the grapevine about your parent's passing. Finding out because some former high school classmate or distant relative you haven't seen in 30+ years send a message on social media "My condolences on your Mom's passing" is just... Oof!)

As it is, if the executor leans over backwards to be a mensch about this, and the will was competently written, the children will not get far attempting to contest it.

But, most of all, you are clearly a meddler, and you clearly cannot convey basic information in a factually correct way so BUTT OUT.

 

[Dandy Don]

What is the value of the assets in this estate?
Was her husband's will processed through the probate court at the county courthouse?
Did she have her own separate, individual will or is her will identical to that of her husband's will?
Did she name the children that she didn't like (or who she didn't want to receive an inheritance) as beneficiaries?
Is there a sentence in the will that specifically disinherits anyone?
Is there a sentence in the will that states anyone who contests the will doesn't receive anything?