Let's see if I can fight off the tigers with some further explanations.
Yes, 70 is not over the hill. My husband is 59 and quite young. His parents have CHRONIC health issues and his father has a drinking problem. These are the people that my xhusband learned his parenting skills from which I do have a problem with -- not a new problem as I had a problem with it when we were married and in love as well. They do not supervise children very well and have the philosophy of if they get hurt they will learn. Unfortunately, some "hurts" turn out to be catastrophic and can't be undone. Do I put my children in a bubble -- no. Do I let my 7 year old swim in the lake way out while I drink and take a nap in the sand --- NO. Things HAVE happened to my children in their care so excuse me if I am just trying to watch out for their best interest -- it is my roll as their parent to be their advocate. That should be his roll as well. If he chooses not to take that roll, that is on him, but that does not lessen my responsibility to keep my children out of harm's way.
Secondly, regardless if HE likes it or not, I will be allowed to move with the children. We aren't talking across the country -- we are talking 150 miles.... let's not forget that he doesn't attend any school events or anything outside of his scheduled visitation as it is and I have agreed to transport the children to our current meeting location. His life is not going to change. However, his job is moving him to Trinidad for 5 months and he is only going to see them at a maximum of 1x a month for an extended 3 day weekend. Who is thinking about the children in that?
The children do not currently have passports and have never been out of the country... nor have they ever flown in an airplane. He does not currently follow the doctor's recommendations in regards to my son's seizure disorder and that is just for a weekend and hour away.
I have been more than generous in the previous years in regards to the children and him. I have given his parents a week of MY time with the children and even drove over an hour to pick them up -- not required. He on the other hand will not allow the children to go visit my parents in Texas (which is where we are originally from) because it is "so far away". I give him extra time, I work with his work schedule, I do whatever I can to support his relationship with the children even when some of it should be him setting priorities and "making it happen".
However, as much as everyone here wants to make this be about me and him -- it is not. This is about the children and what is right for them in the BIG picture. He is going to be working the majority of the time that they are there -- I am not under obligation to allow the children to take a vacation with his parents. The time that he wants them to go to Trinidad is outside of what his set summer vacation time is (although he has never taken them for more than a week because his work schedule won't allow it) so once again, I would have to make an exception and say that it is okay.
Also a huge concern is the fact that he still wont give me dates of his engagement and just last week he was threatening to file for physical custody -- for all I know his job is permanent in Trinidad. At this point I have no way of knowing.
Another point of contention is lets not forget that he has changed what he originally requested. Originally when he had this opportunity we discussed it and I voiced my concerns of the children going to Trinidad. He stated that he understood and if I would just make them accessible to him in Texas that would be fine (only a 5 hour plane ride for him). We were in agreement to that. He has now changed his mind after an agreement was already reached and I am just supposed to pretend that we hadn't already reached an agreement.
So -- I thought I was getting some advice from people with real legal experience on this site. Obviously, this is just a place where people boost their egos by flaming people that genuinely are looking out for their children. Until you get the phone call from one of your kids telling you that your 7 year old son was almost mollested by a teenage neighborhood boy that likes to "play" with him while your exhusband sat upstairs drinking beer, don't cast stones of being over protective, self fulfilling and vengeful. I have no doubts that if I posted here 6 months from now and said I let my xhusband take my kids to Trinidad and one of them had a seizue on the beach and died while his parents sat on the beach drinking, I would be flamed for that as well. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Thanks for all of the unbiased advice!
