Can I force visitation?

[MtDew35]

What is the name of your state? Oregon

My ex husband and I divorced in 1993, I am the CP. At that time, the CO for visitation was EOW, certain holidays, he gets Father's Day every year, I get Mother's Day, we split the kids' birthdays, and he gets them for 6 weeks in the summer.

I've read several posts on this site about kids not wanting to go with the NCP, and the replies are always "The children do not make the decision to not go, you must force them to go if there is a CO stating that they must go." But what about a father who doesn't exercise his visitation? Can I take him to court for not taking the kids for visitation?

He's really good about the EOW visits. He never gets them on Father's Day, unless it falls on his EOW time (same with birthdays), and in the 13 years we have been divorced, he has never --- not even once --- taken the kids for his 6 weeks in the summer.

Since he chose to move over 2 hours away, the judge ordered the ex to provide 100% of the transportation, but I didn't think that was fair and have driven the kids to his house many times, or met him halfway. I have bent over backwards to see that our children get as much time with their father as possible, but he blows them off a lot.

Legally, is there any way to enforce the CO'd visitation?

 

[MrsK]

What is the name of your state? Oregon

My ex husband and I divorced in 1993, I am the CP. At that time, the CO for visitation was EOW, certain holidays, he gets Father's Day every year, I get Mother's Day, we split the kids' birthdays, and he gets them for 6 weeks in the summer.

I've read several posts on this site about kids not wanting to go with the NCP, and the replies are always "The children do not make the decision to not go, you must force them to go if there is a CO stating that they must go." But what about a father who doesn't exercise his visitation? Can I take him to court for not taking the kids for visitation?

He's really good about the EOW visits. He never gets them on Father's Day, unless it falls on his EOW time (same with birthdays), and in the 13 years we have been divorced, he has never --- not even once --- taken the kids for his 6 weeks in the summer.

Since he chose to move over 2 hours away, the judge ordered the ex to provide 100% of the transportation, but I didn't think that was fair and have driven the kids to his house many times, or met him halfway. I have bent over backwards to see that our children get as much time with their father as possible, but he blows them off a lot.

Legally, is there any way to enforce the CO'd visitation?

LMAO. No.

I love when people ask this question. It amazes me that they think this is possible.

 

[MtDew35]

I don't understand what is so amusing about this question. It's such a double standard! If I denied visitation, I would be in contempt of court -- but why is he not in contempt for NOT seeing his kids? If the kids didn't want to go, and I didn't force them, I would be held in contempt -- but if he doesn't want to see them, that's fine?

Why is this "ok"?

 

[MtDew35]

And another thing --

If the ex calls and says "I'm not coming to get the kids this weekend, I'll just see them on my next weekend to have them." that's perfectly fine, but if the next visitation weekend rolls around and, say, one of the kids has a school dance or other function they want to go to instead of going to dad's, then I have to force the visitation or wind up in court with a contempt charge against me? WTH is up with that?

If I am legally responsible to FORCE my children to go to visitation, why isn't HE legally responsible to come get them every time he should? Don't get me wrong, I know that things come up, and I am very flexible if he does ask to reschedule.

It breaks my heart to see them hurt when he doesn't show.

 

[MrsK]

I don't understand what is so amusing about this question. It's such a double standard! If I denied visitation, I would be in contempt of court -- but why is he not in contempt for NOT seeing his kids? If the kids didn't want to go, and I didn't force them, I would be held in contempt -- but if he doesn't want to see them, that's fine?

Why is this "ok"?

As a CP, you MUST abide by the court order, it is your responsibilty and your OBLIGATION.

He is not obligated to visit with the children. Its not considered something he has to do. If he never wants to see them again, he doesnt have to.

In addition, I find it amusing that this man DOES exercise his visitation, he just doesnt do it enough for your taste. Perhaps there is a reason (not that he needs one) that he doesnt keep the kids 6 wks in the summer. He takes them EVERY OTHER WEEKEND. There are so many parents who wish their children's father would see them every other YEAR, let alone weekend.

Furthermore, if he isnt taking them, that means YOU have more time with the children. So what's the problem?

 

[MrsK]

And another thing --

If the ex calls and says "I'm not coming to get the kids this weekend, I'll just see them on my next weekend to have them." that's perfectly fine, but if the next visitation weekend rolls around and, say, one of the kids has a school dance or other function they want to go to instead of going to dad's, then I have to force the visitation or wind up in court with a contempt charge against me? WTH is up with that?

If I am legally responsible to FORCE my children to go to visitation, why isn't HE legally responsible to come get them every time he should? Don't get me wrong, I know that things come up, and I am very flexible if he does ask to reschedule.

It breaks my heart to see them hurt when he doesn't show.

Dad's parenting time supercedes any dances or functions the children have. Every time. You have to force the visitation because you are the CP and its your obligation.

See, that's the bottom line...a CP *must* give the children over for visitation, but the NCP doesnt have to take the time.

You may not like it, but its how the system works. End of story. Trust me, there are PLENTY of flaws with the system, but frankly...its not gonna change.

 

[LdiJ]

I am going to clarify a few things.

Dad gets every other weekend. If he chooses not to exercise one of his weekends that doesn't mean that he gets the next weekend (your normal weekend) instead. So if he is doing that, then you are fine to deny him.

However you can't deny him a weekend that would normally be his...even if the kids have something special going on. You should certainly feel free to ask him if the kids can attend the special event....and maybe even offer to trade weekends....or to bring the kids to him Saturday morning (if the event is on Friday), but you can't "deny".

The only time that I have seen judges enforce visitation on the ncp (and I DO know of some cases), have been situations where the cp has arranged their work schedule so that they are normally working on the ncp's weekends. I have seen several cases like that where the judge has informed the ncp that they either have to take their time, or find, arrange and pay for alternate care for the children while the CP is working.

 

[stealth2]

To simplify it further... A CP denying visitation (for any reason) is affecting the NCP's relationship with the child(ren) - against his/her choice. An NCP refusing to take visitation is affecting his/her own relationship with the child(ren) - by his/her choice.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

I don't understand what is so amusing about this question. It's such a double standard! If I denied visitation, I would be in contempt of court -- but why is he not in contempt for NOT seeing his kids? If the kids didn't want to go, and I didn't force them, I would be held in contempt -- but if he doesn't want to see them, that's fine?

Why is this "ok"?

O.K. then you get the "STOCK" answer.

Yes, it's unfair. so, the best solution for you is to approach the court with a motion to modify custody. Tell the judge that the laws concerning custody are grossly unfair and that you wish to modify custody so that you have the same rights as your ex.

the judge will be more than happy to grant your wish.

Upon leaving the courtroom be sure to kiss your kids goodbye and reassure them that your child support will be on time and that you will be seeing them every other weekend and certain holidays.

You now have the same rights as your ex.

 

[MtDew35]

Wow. Lots to take in here.

As a CP, you MUST abide by the court order, it is your responsibilty and your OBLIGATION.

Believe me, I understand this -- but it is a double standard. It's my obligation to see that the children are available to him, and yet it isn't his obligation to share in parenting them.

In addition, I find it amusing that this man DOES exercise his visitation, he just doesnt do it enough for your taste.

My taste has nothing to do with it. Our children are hurt every time he doesn't show.

Furthermore, if he isnt taking them, that means YOU have more time with the children. So what's the problem?

Again, this has nothing to do with me or my time with them. This is about THEM wanting to see their father more often.

Perhaps there is a reason (not that he needs one) that he doesnt keep the kids 6 wks in the summer.

Yes, actually there is. He claims that having 2 girls in the house for 6 weeks straight would drive him to drink. He, by his own admission, "can't handle" the hormones, the typical sibling bickering, and "trying to entertain" 2 kids for 6 weeks. I don't know about anyone else, but I find those to be ridiculous reasons not to spend time with your own children.

Dad gets every other weekend. If he chooses not to exercise one of his weekends that doesn't mean that he gets the next weekend (your normal weekend) instead. So if he is doing that, then you are fine to deny him.

This isn't happening, he normally just skips his weekend visit and gets them on his next weekend. Sometimes he will ask to change weekends with me, and unless I have already planned something for that weekend, I will switch with him. I try to be as flexible as possible so that our children get as much time with their dad as possible.

The only time that I have seen judges enforce visitation on the ncp (and I DO know of some cases), have been situations where the cp has arranged their work schedule so that they are normally working on the ncp's weekends.

This happened only the first year we were divorced, after that I stopped trying to rearrange my work schedule around visitation.

I find it so sad that the NCP's legal obligation ends with child support (which I also don't see on a regular basis, but that's not my biggest problem with my ex). As a CP, and mother, I am told (and I'm not saying that any of you have said this) "Well you chose to have these kids, so you are obligated to feed and clothe them, take care of them when they are sick, take them to various appointments, read to them, play with them, mold and shape them into respectable adults..." and yet a NCP is told "Well, yeah, you have kids, but all you have to do is pay X-amount of child support every month, you don't ever have to see them again if you don't want to. Don't worry, the CP will take care of everything."

Flawed system? Most definitely.

 

[stealth2]

Then I suggest you follow BB's advice.

 

[MtDew35]

Mr. Breeze:

I appreciate your "stock" answer. I do sense just a wee bit of sarcasm in it, though.

I do appreciate the replies I have received here, and I do understand what a NCP's legal obligations are. I just don't understand the "why's" behind it -- or why a parent, any parent, wouldn't want to spend as much time as they possbily could with their children.

It takes 2 parents to make a child, and the courts see to it that 2 parents are legally obligated to support a child financially, but what about the emotional needs of that same child? A child NEEDS and DESERVES to have BOTH parents in its life.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

Mr. Breeze:

I appreciate your "stock" answer. I do sense just a wee bit of sarcasm in it, though.

you are correct. Because the 'stock' answer is something neither party to such a situation ever thinks about. so, how long will it take you without your children to realize you have one hell of a nice situation?

I do appreciate the replies I have received here, and I do understand what a NCP's legal obligations are. I just don't understand the "why's" behind it -- or why a parent, any parent, wouldn't want to spend as much time as they possbily could with their children.

the "why" BEHIND it is because, like custodial parents, no two people are alike.

It takes 2 parents to make a child, and the courts see to it that 2 parents are legally obligated to support a child financially, but what about the emotional needs of that same child? A child NEEDS and DESERVES to have BOTH parents in its life.

That's something that needs to be considered BEFORE ploping down naked in bed and bouncing under your chosen man.

 

[MtDew35]

so, how long will it take you without your children to realize you have one hell of a nice situation?

As I have stated before, this isn't about me. My children, and I know many other children in this world, want more time with their dad. They miss him. No, that's not a legal problem, or one that you or anyone else can give me legal advice on, that's just the cold, hard truth. They miss their dad and want more time with him -- and I don't know how to make that happen for them. If he can't handle 6 weeks in the summer with them, he sure as hell can't handle having 50-50, or even full custody of them. (Not that I would ever offer him full custody, but I would go for 50-50 if he lived closer)

That's something that needs to be considered BEFORE ploping down naked in bed and bouncing under your chosen man.

Mr. Breeze, why the nasiness there? I don't know of any woman who has gone into a marriage thinking "I better not get naked and bounce under my husband because 10 years from now we may get divorced and he will shuck his parental responsibilities."

 

[MtDew35]

Oops...forgot to add this-

Mr. Breeze, I do appreciate your responses. Maybe I need to go in search of a support-based website, as my problems/concerns are really not of a legal nature. My legal question was answered, and the rest of it has just been about my desire to see my children have the time they desire with their father.

Thanks again!