Can I force visitation?

[BelizeBreeze]

Mr. Breeze, why the nasiness there? I don't know of any woman who has gone into a marriage thinking "I better not get naked and bounce under my husband because 10 years from now we may get divorced and he will shuck his parental responsibilities."

I did. That's why I have two great daughters. Their mother is a "female dog" to me, but a great mother.....and I knew that before we did the horizontal bop

 

[stealth2]

They miss their dad and want more time with him -- and I don't know how to make that happen for them.

The long and the short of it? You can't. HE has to be the one to do that, and if he chooses not to, then there's nothing you can do about it except pick up the pieces. In time, they come to accept the reality of the situation.

My ex does take his time, for the most part. But I can't tell you how many bdays have gone by w/o a card or a call, how many special events have passed by, etc. Now, to be fair, the ex does live a distance away, but is on assignment w/in driving distance. I've offered on numerous occasions to make them available for the w/e when there's an event he might enjoy with them (Father/Daughter Dance, a Scout activity, etc) as well as to cover half of the expense. Nope - can't make it. We still don't know if Dad's going to be at #1's MS graduation in a couple of weeks. But ya know? My kid's gonna have an awesome time anyway. He's accepted that you can't change some things.

 

[MtDew35]

I did. That's why I have two great daughters. Their mother is a "female dog" to me, but a great mother.....and I knew that before we did the horizontal bop

LOL! Ya know what, Mr. Breeze, I honestly thought the same thing about my ex-husband. I questioned a few things during our marriage, but I never once questioned his parenting abilities. People change.

stealth2- thanks. I can tell that you can identify with my problem. It hurts me to see my kids being hurt and disappointed, and I know that any parent can identify with that. There's an event going on this afternoon that the ex promised to be at for our 13 year old. He just called and said he can't make it afterall. Used the excuse of high gas prices. I offered to give him gas money. Then the excuse changed -- 3 times. I just get so tired of saying the words "Honey, I know you're disappointed that dad can't make it, but ..."

Thanks again to all who replied.

 

[fairisfair]

I did. That's why I have two great daughters. Their mother is a "female dog" to me, but a great mother.....and I knew that before we did the horizontal bop

woof!

 

[fairisfair]

LOL! Ya know what, Mr. Breeze, I honestly thought the same thing about my ex-husband. I questioned a few things during our marriage, but I never once questioned his parenting abilities. People change.

stealth2- thanks. I can tell that you can identify with my problem. It hurts me to see my kids being hurt and disappointed, and I know that any parent can identify with that. There's an event going on this afternoon that the ex promised to be at for our 13 year old. He just called and said he can't make it afterall. Used the excuse of high gas prices. I offered to give him gas money. Then the excuse changed -- 3 times. I just get so tired of saying the words "Honey, I know you're disappointed that dad can't make it, but ..."

Thanks again to all who replied.

Most of us understand how you feel, but "legally" there is nothing you can do about it.

Unfair? yes, sucks? yes hurts your kids? you damn betcha!
but enforceable visitation, nowhere on the horizon.

 

[freelady1]

Help for the children

I hope you are getting professional help for the children. If their father does not want to visit with them, there must be feelings of rejection and somehow it is all their fault. This is very common. Perhaps group therapy sessions with kids their own age in similar situations.

 

[goodneighbor2]

Extreme situation

I agree with all who posted. I agree with the OP that no, it's not fair. However, the NCP is not obligated to do anything but pay child support as the CO dictates. My ex has not seen our children in 6 years. Hasn't even spoken to them in 5. Our oldest has been hopitalized off and on since December 2005 and, you guessed it, not one word. Although I have had to go above and beyond to keep him informed even though he will only give me his e-mail address. He has refused to give me any contact information since our 1998 divorce.

That's life. It's unfortunate for the kids. It's unfortunate for the CP who has to shoulder all of the responsibilities. It' s a pathetic copout of the NCP. I look at it this way - my children are beautiful, wonderful people and I have had the privilege of raising them and loving them. NCP has not. I have had the gift of their love. NCP has not. NCP has taken that from himself. I have learned the world from them and I have become a better person for it. I know they will grow up and remain close to me and they will know that, although I'm nowhere near perfect, I did my very best for them. You can only control what YOU do. You can't control anyone else.

Every time we go back to court for NCP's failure to pay child support or medical bills, contempt of the CO, the judge does not look upon NCP's actions favorably.

 

[ceara19]

Why would any parent want to send their children to a place where they are not WANTED? Talk about feeling rejected!

 

[Nesto]

Mtn Dew, enable your PM function and I'll e-mail you some other sites you might find helpful

 

[MrsK]

Why would any parent want to send their children to a place where they are not WANTED? Talk about feeling rejected!

Yeah, I was thinking the same thing.

 

[heartwood]

increased child support

I am not a lawyer, nor do I play one on this site - I'm just wondering, if your child support is based on how much time he is supposed to have the children, can you go to court and have that amount changed based on his pattern of NOT exercising visitation?
I don't know... but it might be worth checking into.

 

[ceara19]

I am not a lawyer, nor do I play one on this site - I'm just wondering, if your child support is based on how much time he is supposed to have the children, can you go to court and have that amount changed based on his pattern of NOT exercising visitation?
I don't know... but it might be worth checking into.

For the most part he IS exercising his court ordered visitation. The OP is wanting him to have the children more often. There are NCP's out there that would LOVE to have that opportunity. But then again, the OP may just be trying to find something to complain about. There are parents that will b*tch no matter what. If he started asking for extra time, she may very well start complaining that he is wanting to take all of HER fun time with the kids away.

Even if that's not the case, if a CP tried to have CS raised because the NCP is not using the Court Ordered visitation, 9 out of 10 times, the NCP will start using visitation as opposed to paying more CS.

 

[tigger22472]

It sounds as if the NCP has set 'standard' visitation. About the only thing the OP could MAYBE do is a support modification based on the fact he doesn't use his 6 weeks in the summer. However, if he can show that maybe he gets them every so often in the summer just not weeks at a time that wouldn't fly. It's really a losing battle. Even if he isn't using the holiday schedule or a weekday visit it would be like pulling nails to get a judge to legally take that from him.

OP, you have gotten some really good advice here. As the children grow they really see what is happening. As others have said, the NCP is doing this to himself and it is he who is damaging the relationship with the children. Children bounce back more than we give them credit for. I always try to keep the thought in mind in these situations that although it's hurtfull for the kids, they take that lesson to make them a better person and parent when they grow older.