Can I keep my children away from the "Other Woman"?

[momwithacause]

What is the name of your state? Florida

I will try to be as short as possible but I really need some advice on my situation.
My military husband and I decided to separate about 6 weeks ago...since then I have learned that he is involved with a fellow military woman and I am confident that it started before we separated. His story along the way was that she was just a friend and she along with him and another military guy were going to be "roommates"...thank goodness I never believed a word! The other military guy never moved in.
I have told my husband that my children will not be around her in any way shape or form...and am currently working with my lawyer to see that it is in writing. What legal recourse will I have when I am divorced? I do not know if they will even last longer than month or two but I do not trust her and do not appreciate my husband's lack of better judgement too.
Will I be able to keep my husband from having "sleepovers" while my children are present after divorce? Please help because I feel very strongly about my children's well being.

 

[titansfan]

yes you can but

yes you can-but understand the same thing could also apply to you-no "sleepovers" when the kids are with you.and if he marries this woman, unless you can prove shes a danger to the kids, you cant restrict visitation, or you could be held in contempt.

 

[momwithacause]

yes you can-but understand the same thing could also apply to you-no "sleepovers" when the kids are with you.and if he marries this woman, unless you can prove shes a danger to the kids, you cant restrict visitation, or you could be held in contempt.[/QUOTE

I understand the remarriage thing...and I am pretty sure he doesn't plan to get remarried anytime soon. I have no problem abiding by the "no sleepover" rule if it means it protects my kids from their father's very immature ways. His past decisions prove to me that he doesn't put his children first...and I want to protect them. I totally could see him changing girlfriends every couple of months and I just don't want my children to go through that. Am I doing the right thing? Like I said, we decided divorce about 6 weeks ago and he hasn't known the other girl much longer than that and they already live together.
Thanks for your help!

 

[dallas702]

Judges don't like to get involved in the extended relationships because it is always a no-win situation. They seldom make orders based on the presence of another "friend" unless your state has specific statutes about this.

You have a simpler course of action in your husband and his "friend's" commanding officer(s). The military is pretty strict about this kind of activity...even moreso when it involves two military members who work together. A conversation with his CO should end the problem for now, but that won't likely change the longterm situation unless your hubby comes to his senses and honors his vows.

 

[robintucson]

My judge considered it a non-issue

I’m sure this is not what you want to hear but, when I was divorced ex tried to stop the children from being or spending the night at my boyfriends house where I was living at the time or around him at all. The judge said he considered it a non-issue.

 

[momwithacause]

Judges don't like to get involved in the extended relationships because it is always a no-win situation. They seldom make orders based on the presence of another "friend" unless your state has specific statutes about this.

You have a simpler course of action in your husband and his "friend's" commanding officer(s). The military is pretty strict about this kind of activity...even moreso when it involves two military members who work together. A conversation with his CO should end the problem for now, but that won't likely change the longterm situation unless your hubby comes to his senses and honors his vows.

Funny you should mention the commanding officer because I actually had to make that phone call last Wednesday. It was something that I never thought that I could do but he pushed me over the edge. I do not regret doing it because I have no respect for him or the other girl who blatantly went after a married man. Anyways, I am not exactly sure what has happened since then...I know that my husband was spoken to and some stuff has seriously hit the fan BUT he hasn't moved out. I do believe that they were told to stay away from each other. Until I talk to the CMC again, I will not know for sure.
I am just trying to protect my children...he has only been a real part time Dad since this happened.

 

[momwithacause]

I’m sure this is not what you want to hear but, when I was divorced ex tried to stop the children from being or spending the night at my boyfriends house where I was living at the time or around him at all. The judge said he considered it a non-issue.

Yeah...I know that I can't fight the cause forever but do you think that a judge would look at it differently where the words Adultery and Abandonment come into play. If my husband would have taken the proper steps before getting into a new relationship, I am sure that I would feel differently about it. He is now doing his own thing and maybe spends 8 hours with the kids a week.

 

[laurakaycraig]

I hope this can you help you a little. When this goes to Court the adultry part maybe, but the Abandonment "No". People lose definition of that word. Its when a person leaves with no intentions of going back , having no communication , or visitation. If he spends even 1 hour a week he still has contact. i know that is not enough. trust me i live in the Uk and my 2 children live in the TX, I grew up In Florida its a hard State, unless you have physical or material proof of adultry that will even be hard to prove. My ex husband (father of my 15 yr Old) lives in Florida I wanted him( my son) to live in the UK with me, took his dad to Court in Got Sole Custody, didnt ask for it but got it, because of the distance. His father had not seen or talked to him in 6 yrs, but even to this day if he wanted his summer visits I couldnt stop it. Only my 15 yr can say no. Because of his age.

best advise is take a deep breath... think of your child, say to yourself, when my child is with his/her father will he give the child the care they need? Dont be concerned of the girlfriend, unless she hurts your child or be cruel,I wouldnt do to much. It could come back on you as a jealous soon to be x and it could hurt the relationship between child/dad.

the ohter woman will have to pay for her adultress so will your husband, but they are not your concern "your child is". Some compasssionat advise: keep them out of your thoughts, dont think about what you can do to keep them apart when the child is there, do what you can do to make your child happy to be with his father. NO matter what. Its their relationship that is importmant most of all. Not their relationship.

 

[needscadvice]

question

ok - question here - I was told once that military personnel get in BIG trouble if they steal another one's spouse - is that true - can they be courtmartialed? Just curious.

As far as keeping the other woman from seeing the kids - you can't keep anyone from seeing the kids unless they are in harm's way. You can, however, ask a judge to put the 'no sleepovers' part in the court papers but you will have to abide by the same rules.

 

[gatorguy3]

Most judges will authorize the no sleepover rule if the child is younger. I don't think there is a specific age, however, the number of times the no sleepover rule is approved deminishes as the children age.

 

[momwithacause]

ok - question here - I was told once that military personnel get in BIG trouble if they steal another one's spouse - is that true - can they be courtmartialed? Just curious.

As far as keeping the other woman from seeing the kids - you can't keep anyone from seeing the kids unless they are in harm's way. You can, however, ask a judge to put the 'no sleepovers' part in the court papers but you will have to abide by the same rules.

Oh yeah...they do get in big trouble. It just depends on how far the complaining party wants to take it.

 

[stealth2]

Just be careful that you don't cut off your nose to spite your face - you could be costing yourself in terms of support.

 

[legalcuriosity]

I understand the remarriage thing...and I am pretty sure he doesn't plan to get remarried anytime soon.

Once you two are divorced, it's really none of your business if he "plans to" or not.

I have no problem abiding by the "no sleepover" rule if it means it protects my kids from their father's very immature ways.

Oh, they aren't his kids? So, who provided the sperm?

His past decisions prove to me that he doesn't put his children first...and I want to protect them.

And you will have to prove that. Unless you can prove he is unfit, then he will get visitation, joint custody, etc. if he's asking for it.

I totally could see him changing girlfriends every couple of months and I just don't want my children to go through that. Am I doing the right thing? Like I said, we decided divorce about 6 weeks ago and he hasn't known the other girl much longer than that and they already live together.
Thanks for your help!

Who he's meeting, again, is none of your business quite frankly. You two BOTH came to an AGREEMENT to divorce, so he's starting to move on (and before someone reads into what I said, I am not approving of what he's allegedly doing before the divorce is finalized).

You really need to watch what you want to request, but it WILL apply to you as well. Plus, if you ask for too much, you can be accused of interferring with his parental rights (& it could come back to bite ya). You do not get to call all the shots.

 

[legalcuriosity]

Oh yeah...they do get in big trouble. It just depends on how far the complaining party wants to take it.

Do you have actual proof or is this a revenge-like tactic? After all, you didn't have proof to back up this statement you made in the beginning:
"...since then I have learned that he is involved with a fellow military woman and I am confident that it started before we separated."

Where's your actual proof to support your "confidence"? But, to answer your question you posed in the subject header of your thread: No.

 

[momwithacause]

Do you have actual proof or is this a revenge-like tactic? After all, you didn't have proof to back up this statement you made in the beginning:
"...since then I have learned that he is involved with a fellow military woman and I am confident that it started before we separated."

Where's your actual proof to support your "confidence"? But, to answer your question you posed in the subject header of your thread: No.

I thought that this was a nice forum where people like myself come for advice. I accept that it comes good or bad but I don't appreciate any of your tones against me. Let me make one thing clear to you, my children are my first priority and I inquired about what to do regarding their well being.
Perhaps you are a little hostile about life in general..don't take it out on me.