Can I move out of state with disabled son ?

[jkejakesmom]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law) ? Wisconsin
My son's father and I were never married and we split up when our son was 9 months old. I had primary placement and full custody and he had our son only a few hours during the week/weekend ( his choosing ).When my sons father meet his now wife , when our son was about 4 yrs. old ,We went to mediation and had the placement/custody agreement changed. ( we didn't fight about it we were both willing to change it ). We agreed to 50/50 placement and shared custody. I do have to mention that I don't get child support. And with the 50/50 placement they have relied on me for the last 4 yrs to take our son to school on their days because they both work 1st shift. So I either take him the night before or early in the morning.
From the time our son was 2 yrs. old I knew there was something medically wrong with him He was delayed on all of his milestones , said very few words by age 3 and had uncontrollable behavior. I had him to doctors and therapist . At age 4 his doctor diagnosed him with ADHD and he was put on medication and ordered speech and occupational therapy. The whole time his father did not agree with the decisions I made (the meds ) . At one point he REFUSED to give our son his medication. I took him to court and was granted SOUL medical rights.
But I do discuss ALL medical aspects with them ( more the step mom ) before anything is done and I have NEVER pulled the "I have medical custody" thing . I ALWAYS discuss it with them and WE make the decision together.We all have a VERY good relationship with each other. We do whats BEST for our son. I deal mostly with the step mom and she pretty much takes care of our son. If it wasn't for her I don't think the dad would be as involved.
2 years ago, after countless doctor appointments and testing , our son was diagnosed as being moderately Autistic. My sons father has never really been involved with the medical part since day one. Step mom has stepped up and has become involved. I do almost all the medical stuff for him. I make ALL appointments, refill medication , make sure they have what they need, research things etc.
At 12 yrs old our son is at a 2-3 grade level . School is not going good for him. He is struggling .I don't feel they have the proper training for him and there is really no resources for him or us to help him advance. We were told by his therapist that he may never live on his own.
I have done A LOT of research and have found that Texas has tons of programs for Autistic children and their public schools have the training that a private school would have.
So I spoke with my sons father and step mom today and told them that I did some research and found that Texas had a lot of resources available and that my husband and I were discussing moving there to help my son hopefully advance in life.I told them I would send him home once a month to visit and they can have him in the summer and for holidays. They flew off the handle. I know they need some time to adjust to what I just threw on them.They said they would fight me on this and that I was taking him away from his family. I told them it's not about US it's about whats best for HIM.
So I am wondering if I have a leg to stand on ? They have money available from family for a lawyer if it goes to court. I don't. I have mediation papers ready if they don't come around.
I know that if we don't agree on it during our 3 sessions at mediation it goes to a Judge . But will I have a chance to to tell him my side before it would go as far as a custody issue ? Will the Judge make a decision based on what evidence I have that it will BETTER our child's disability.
Thank you for your time . Sorry this is sooooo long.

 

[CJane]

There is NOWHERE in the ENTIRE STATE of Wisconsin w/services available to your son? Nowhere closer than TEXAS?

Be prepared for this: Why do you REALLY want to move your child to the OTHER END OF THE COUNTRY from his FATHER?

 

[nextwife]

I live in WI. I have a developmentally delayed child, ADHD, PTSD, and she has had an IEP since age 2.

You have GOT to be kidding me with this "Texas has more resources" bologna! There are tons of great resources here in WI!

 

[Gum_Drop]

Does your son have an IEP? If not you need to call the school board and have a meeting scheduled to get your son an IEP.

 

[jkejakesmom]

????

NO there isn't any place where we live. I have spent hours and hours researching. Texas is about the best there is . Plus that is where my husband can get a good paying job in his field.Our city is moving all of it's work over seas so our town is going to crap.
What's with the assuming that I'm trying to take him away.
And I am not trying to TAKE my son from his father. I am trying to BETTER our son's life.
What would you do if you were told that your child has Autism and that the best case scenario was that maybe with a LOT of help your child may be able to live in assisted living when he becomes an adult. But worst case scenario was that he will live with you for the REST of his LIFE. Put yourself in a mothers place when she hears that her son will probably never have friends , but he wants them sooo bad but doesn't know how to make them or kids don't want to because he's weird, that he will never have a girlfriend but wants one because his big brother has one, how he will never get married but he wants to so he can have kids.

 

[CJane]

NO there isn't any place where we live. I have spent hours and hours researching. Texas is about the best there is . Plus that is where my husband can get a good paying job in his field.Our city is moving all of it's work over seas so our town is going to crap.
What's with the assuming that I'm trying to take him away.
And I am not trying to TAKE my son from his father. I am trying to BETTER our son's life.
What would you do if you were told that your child has Autism and that the best case scenario was that maybe with a LOT of help your child may be able to live in assisted living when he becomes an adult. But worst case scenario was that he will live with you for the REST of his LIFE. Put yourself in a mothers place when she hears that her son will probably never have friends , but he wants them sooo bad but doesn't know how to make them or kids don't want to because he's weird, that he will never have a girlfriend but wants one because his big brother has one, how he will never get married but he wants to so he can have kids.

I'd probably feel pretty bad. But I probably still wouldn't be able to convince a judge that Texas was the ONLY STATE in the ENTIRE US with the resources to help my son.

And you stating that your jobs are being shipped out and hubby can get a good job in TX sounds like the REAL reason w/the 'resources' a nice benefit.

Not gonna fly. I'm sorry.

ASW - Wisconsin Autism Resources

 

[Gum_Drop]

Again you need to get your child to the school board and have him evaluated there, and then get him an IEP. With the IEP the public school in your area HAVE to step up and take the extra steps and care that is needed for your son.

 

[jkejakesmom]

OK, NEXT WIFE You tell me where there is resources in Wisconsin that I will be able to move my family to and that my husband will find a job that makes what he makes in the field he is in. Where we live there ISN'T anything close enough we don't have 3-4 hrs of extra time because by the time we get home from school , do homework and make supper it's almost time for bed.I am looking for a place that will not only better him but the rest of the family as well.It shouldn't matter WHERE we are going as it should be WHY we are going. My husband can get a better paying job . Texas offers social skill and behavioral classes in the PUBLIC school setting. Our district does not.

And for gum drop, We do have an IEP in place but the school doesn't know how to handle him.He is regressing. He started out as a 6th grader at a 4th grade level he is now a 7th grader at about a 2-3 grade level. They cant handle his behavior . They don't try and help with his behavior . He NEEDS social skills they don't provide it.

 

[Isis1]

NO there isn't any place where we live. I have spent hours and hours researching. Texas is about the best there is . Plus that is where my husband can get a good paying job in his field.Our city is moving all of it's work over seas so our town is going to crap.
What's with the assuming that I'm trying to take him away.
And I am not trying to TAKE my son from his father. I am trying to BETTER our son's life.
What would you do if you were told that your child has Autism and that the best case scenario was that maybe with a LOT of help your child may be able to live in assisted living when he becomes an adult. But worst case scenario was that he will live with you for the REST of his LIFE. Put yourself in a mothers place when she hears that her son will probably never have friends , but he wants them sooo bad but doesn't know how to make them or kids don't want to because he's weird, that he will never have a girlfriend but wants one because his big brother has one, how he will never get married but he wants to so he can have kids.

there goes the underlying reason......

 

[jkejakesmom]

I'd probably feel pretty bad. But I probably still wouldn't be able to convince a judge that Texas was the ONLY STATE in the ENTIRE US with the resources to help my son.

And you stating that your jobs are being shipped out and hubby can get a good job in TX sounds like the REAL reason w/the 'resources' a nice benefit.

Not gonna fly. I'm sorry.

ASW - Wisconsin Autism Resources

I would sure hope that we looked for a GOOD job somewhere else before we made other decisions. Texas is a place that we found :
A) a good paying job
B) a good public education
C) outside resources
D) low cost of living
What should it matter that we picked Texas and maybe not Indiana. If I'm going to move my whole family somewhere else it's going to be to a place that seems to offer more than ANY where else and so far it's Texas. If you can find me the 3 qualifications I'm looking for somewhere else please tell me and I'll consider going there.

 

[CJane]

Look, even if your son had NO developmental issues, it would be virtually impossible to relocate WITH THE CHILD given the fact that you and Dad share the child on a 50% timeshare. Your child's issues make that LESS likely and not MORE likely.

Can you really afford to fly WITH THE CHILD back to WI in order to facilitate visitation? If he acts out as severely as you say, he can't fly alone. Or were you planning to drive? Regardless of weather and the time suck?

It will likely be 100% your responsibility to pay for transportation if you're granted the move.

It is far more likely that Dad will be granted primary custody and you'll be granted a long distance plan suitable to your child's specific needs.

 

[jkejakesmom]

Yes I would fly home with him and that is where my husband getting a good paying job would come in handy. We WOULD be able to have that luxury of sending him home for extended weekends , holidays and summers.
I was only trying to find a simple is this possible or not answer and everyone has to ASSUME that there are other motives. I am just trying find options that I think might benefit our sons life.

 

[CJane]

Yes I would fly home with him and that is where my husband getting a good paying job would come in handy. We WOULD be able to have that luxury of sending him home for extended weekends , holidays and summers.
I was only trying to find a simple is this possible or not answer and everyone has to ASSUME that there are other motives. I am just trying find options that I think might benefit our sons life.

There ARE no simple answers when it comes to child custody.

Yes, it's POSSIBLE. But it's not LIKELY. Especially if they lawyer up and you're on your own.

 

[CourtClerk]

What benefits your son is continued, CONSTANT contact with his FATHER. If you think that that's not important, then you go ahead, move to Texas, leave your child in Wisconsin and YOU visit your child since your husband will have such a great job. You'll be able to afford to come back whenever you want, and it'll be cheaper to buy one ticket as opposed to two.

Somehow, I see this as not being an option for you - but you'd like to make it an option for this child's FATHER.

Easter Seals has been around for forever, and wonder of all wonders, they have programs in Wisconsin.
Easter Seals Wisconsin : Services for Children and Adults with Disabilities and Special Needs

In this instance, I would suggest dad lawyer up now and fight you on this until you either decide not to move or leave the child with him and I wish him good luck.

 

[LdiJ]

Normally I would agree that she wouldn't have a chance due to the 50/50 situation with custody. In fact, I am one of the first people who would normally say that here.

However, the courts have apparently recognized that its in the best interest of the child for mom to have sole decision making regarding medical issues for the child. That makes this case just a tad different than a normal 50/50 situation.

Its also possible that in her town her son cannot get the level of services that would help him the most. Unfortunately not all school districts are equal when it comes to providing services for students who are challenged...particularly students that are riding the fence between being able to be independent adults or not.

I am not saying that I think that she will win. I am simply saying that I am not convinced that she will automatically lose either...despite my normal convictions that parents don't stand a chance when custody is 50/50.