Can I take my daughter with me ?

[geniusmagic]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New Jersey


I live with my wife, parents and 3 year old daughter.
I had an heated argument with my wife last week over a very silly thing but she ended up calling the cops as she wanted to 'teach me a lesson'. She has also in the past threatened me with bad consequences whenever screaming , shouting gets a bit much. There were no real consequences of the cops as they just came , warned and left.

Since then we haven't talked to each other and I have lived in a hotel only visiting during the day to see my daughter . I wanted to avoid my wife as much as possible. I am now strongly thinking of making this separation somewhat permanent as in I would like both of us to maintain separate residences simply because I feel insecure at her volatile nature and her calling the cops at the slightest pretext. I am on a work visa (and she is dependent on me ) so I wouldn't want my status in the country to be affected under any circumstance.

My question is how can I preserve my rights as a parent . I would like to get joint 50-50 physical custody of my daughter as I am an involved and caring parent ( as is she ). My parents asked my wife if she is fine with this separation and she seemed ok except that she would like to keep the daughter full time ( which is obviously not acceptabe to me )

What should I do now - send her an email asking for joint custody OR file for custody in courts ? or simply take my daughter with me for 2-3 days a week while I continue to live away from home ?

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New Jersey


I live with my wife, parents and 3 year old daughter.
I had an heated argument with my wife last week over a very silly thing but she ended up calling the cops as she wanted to 'teach me a lesson'. She has also in the past threatened me with bad consequences whenever screaming , shouting gets a bit much. There were no real consequences of the cops as they just came , warned and left.

Since then we haven't talked to each other and I have lived in a hotel only visiting during the day to see my daughter . I wanted to avoid my wife as much as possible. I am now strongly thinking of making this separation somewhat permanent as in I would like both of us to maintain separate residences simply because I feel insecure at her volatile nature and her calling the cops at the slightest pretext. I am on a work visa (and she is dependent on me ) so I wouldn't want my status in the country to be affected under any circumstance.

My question is how can I preserve my rights as a parent . I would like to get joint 50-50 physical custody of my daughter as I am an involved and caring parent ( as is she ). My parents asked my wife if she is fine with this separation and she seemed ok except that she would like to keep the daughter full time ( which is obviously not acceptabe to me )

What should I do now - send her an email asking for joint custody OR file for custody in courts ? or simply take my daughter with me for 2-3 days a week while I continue to live away from home ?

Can you clear up a few things? Is your wife a US citizen or is she also from your home country? Are your parents US citizens or are they from your home country? What is your home country? Where was your child born?

Who would care for your child while you are working if you "take her for 2-3 days"? Does your wife work or has she been staying home with the child?

 

[geniusmagic]

Can you clear up a few things? Is your wife a US citizen or is she also from your home country? Are your parents US citizens or are they from your home country? What is your home country? Where was your child born?

Who would care for your child while you are working if you "take her for 2-3 days"? Does your wife work or has she been staying home with the child?

Answers below:-

Is your wife a US citizen or is she also from your home country?
- Wife is also from home country and is dependent on me for her immigration status in US . I have my green card filed through my employer.

Are your parents US citizens or are they from your home country?
- they are also from home country . They often come to visit us for 3-6 months every year .

What is your home country? Where was your child born?
- Child was born in US and is American citizen

Who would care for your child while you are working if you "take her for 2-3 days"?
- I have flexible work options and can work from home on most days while caring for daughter. On other days I could ask my parents to help me out with the child.

Does your wife work or has she been staying home with the child?
-She has been working for the last 6 months but she makes much less and her job is temporary. Also , I have often helped her go to work by working from home myself and looking after the child in the past.

 

[LdiJ]

Answers below:-

Is your wife a US citizen or is she also from your home country?
- Wife is also from home country and is dependent on me for her immigration status in US . I have my green card filed through my employer.

Are your parents US citizens or are they from your home country?
- they are also from home country . They often come to visit us for 3-6 months every year .

What is your home country? Where was your child born?
- Child was born in US and is American citizen

Who would care for your child while you are working if you "take her for 2-3 days"?
- I have flexible work options and can work from home on most days while caring for daughter. On other days I could ask my parents to help me out with the child.

Does your wife work or has she been staying home with the child?
-She has been working for the last 6 months but she makes much less and her job is temporary. Also , I have often helped her go to work by working from home myself and looking after the child in the past.

You did not answer one of my questions. When you do, I will be better able to comment.

 

[Ohiogal]

You did not answer one of my questions. When you do, I will be better able to comment.

He has the right to take his daughter if he moves out of the house and somewhere else. Just like Mom has that right. Until a court orders otherwise. However, he should file in court for a divorce, and a custody plan and request joint custody and shared parenting.

 

[geniusmagic]

Sorry but are you referring to " what is your home country " ? If yes the answer is China that does not allow dual citizenship . And the child is only a citizen of America and has never been outside.
Just providing slightly more info , I don't think I have missed any now.

 

[geniusmagic]

Thanks. But I do not want to file for divorce just yet . I am only looking to live separately where I can have my daughter half the time . Is this possible to achieve ? If yes , how ?

 

[Ohiogal]

Thanks. But I do not want to file for divorce just yet . I am only looking to live separately where I can have my daughter half the time . Is this possible to achieve ? If yes , how ?

Then that is an issue. You are putting your child in the middle of you two while you can't figure out what you want to do. When will the tug of war of her end and the parents not be selfish?

 

[LdiJ]

Sorry but are you referring to " what is your home country " ? If yes the answer is China that does not allow dual citizenship . And the child is only a citizen of America and has never been outside.
Just providing slightly more info , I don't think I have missed any now.

You have some potentially sticky issues if your wife does not also have a green card. You also cannot claim your parents as backup since of course they are not legally living here and could lose their visas if they do not regularly return to China. If your wife also has a green card you are on a much stronger footage.

 

[geniusmagic]

You have some potentially sticky issues if your wife does not also have a green card. You also cannot claim your parents as backup since of course they are not legally living here and could lose their visas if they do not regularly return to China. If your wife also has a green card you are on a much stronger footage.

How am I on a stronger footage if my wife has green card ? Neither of us have a green card yet but we are likely to get one in the next 6-12 months if we stay married, which is another reason I am not too keen on a divorce yet.

Having said that, my wife definitely does not want to go back to china in any case. The child also does not have a passport.

I understand my parents are not a guarantee as a back up but they do have the ability to stay 6 months out of 12. We do not have any other family in NJ.

 

[geniusmagic]

Then that is an issue. You are putting your child in the middle of you two while you can't figure out what you want to do. When will the tug of war of her end and the parents not be selfish?

How am I putting the child in the middle of two by not being ready for divorce yet ? I just want to live away from this woman while still being able to live with my daughter every now and then . If this arrangement works for all of us then we go for divorce to make it permanent

 

[t74]

How am I on a stronger footage if my wife has green card ? Neither of us have a green card yet but we are likely to get one in the next 6-12 months if we stay married, which is another reason I am not too keen on a divorce yet.

Having said that, my wife definitely does not want to go back to china in any case. The child also does not have a passport.

I understand my parents are not a guarantee as a back up but they do have the ability to stay 6 months out of 12. We do not have any other family in NJ.

Childcare is working. A visitor to the US is not permitted to engage in any employment.

If immigration believe your parents are trying to "live" in the US on a visitor visa, they can be denied entry, given a short stay or even have their visa revoked. They cannot be your backup plan.

 

[LdiJ]

How am I on a stronger footage if my wife has green card ? Neither of us have a green card yet but we are likely to get one in the next 6-12 months if we stay married, which is another reason I am not too keen on a divorce yet.

Having said that, my wife definitely does not want to go back to china in any case. The child also does not have a passport.

I understand my parents are not a guarantee as a back up but they do have the ability to stay 6 months out of 12. We do not have any other family in NJ.

You stated the following in a previous response:

I have my green card filed through my employer.

That indicated that you already have your green card. Obviously that was an "English as a second language" confusion but that is the sort of thing that you want to be very clear about. If you do not yet have your green card, then perhaps what you meant was "my employer will be filing for our green cards".

 

[Just Blue]

You stated the following in a previous response:



That indicated that you already have your green card. Obviously that was an "English as a second language" confusion but that is the sort of thing that you want to be very clear about. If you do not yet have your green card, then perhaps what you meant was "my employer will be filing for our green cards".

ESL does not seem o be an issue with OP based on his postings.

 

[geniusmagic]

You stated the following in a previous response:



That indicated that you already have your green card. Obviously that was an "English as a second language" confusion but that is the sort of thing that you want to be very clear about. If you do not yet have your green card, then perhaps what you meant was "my employer will be filing for our green cards".

No, no...let me clear the confusion, the green card has indeed been filed through my employer, but it is currently pending approval. Due to my home country ( immigration is currently backlogged ) , it can take many years before one gets the actual green card. So while it has been filed by my employer on my behalf ( and also my wife as a beneficiary of my application ), it can easily take 6-12 months more for the approval to come. By virtue of this pending application, we are both allowed to stay legally and work in the country until a decision is made.

Obviously if we get divorced before the approval, I will probably have to inform the immigration and my wife's application could be in jeopardy ( which I hate to do but I would have to follow the law if I could not avoid divorce )