Can my DH get more time with his children?

[Proserpina]

Other than spending the night on his weekdays, your husband already has equal parenting time with the children. He has 7 days out of 14. How will spending the night on his weekdays improve the children's lives? What demonstrable difference will that make for the children?

Unless I'm missing something in OP's post, Dad does NOT have equal parenting time.

 

[LdiJ]

Unless I'm missing something in OP's post, Dad does NOT have equal parenting time.

I am based it on this:

Little background, Dh and his ex separated summer 09. He had to move in with his grandmother and she stayed at the marital home. His job just had laid him off and he was going to school. He is ordered to get EOWE and Tues. and Wen. from 4-8. Mondays from 4-8 when it is her weekend. Sometimes on Tuesdays she won't show up to pick them up until 9 when it is bedtime.

That indicates 3 days after school from 4-8 one week, and 2 days after school from 4-8 the other week, plus his weekend. That is 7 days out of 14, other than spending the night during the weekdays. So, the only change would be spending the night.

 

[Proserpina]

I am based it on this:



That indicates 3 days after school from 4-8 one week, and 2 days after school from 4-8 the other week, plus his weekend. That is 7 days out of 14, other than spending the night during the weekdays. So, the only change would be spending the night.

And would you not agree that overnights are a HUGE deal with custody?

No, Dad does NOT have equal parenting time.

 

[LdiJ]

And would you not agree that overnights are a HUGE deal with custody?

No, Dad does NOT have equal parenting time.

Ok, maybe I worded it poorly. The point I was making was that when it comes to actual awake time (non school, non-sleeping) dad already has equal time with the children.

I don't agree that overnights are "huge" when it comes to actually spending time with your children. I think that what is huge is quality time. Dad isn't actually going to be spending more time with his children if they spend the night. Odds are that dad goes to work early if he is available at 4:00 PM therefore its not like dad will spend much, if any time with them in the mornings.

Now, overnights are "huge" when it comes to calculating child support, but you will never convince me that sleeping at dad's house (in this instance) is going to have any significant impact on dad's relationship with the children.

Now...if dad was going for two hours EVERY weeknight, say 4-6, so that he was spending time with his children almost every day (other than mom's weekend) and so was mom, then I would agree that THAT could have a significant impact. Since they only live 7 houses away, that's very viable.

 

[mistoffolees]

Other than spending the night on his weekdays, your husband already has equal parenting time with the children. He has 7 days out of 14. How will spending the night on his weekdays improve the children's lives? What demonstrable difference will that make for the children?

I am based it on this:



That indicates 3 days after school from 4-8 one week, and 2 days after school from 4-8 the other week, plus his weekend. That is 7 days out of 14, other than spending the night during the weekdays. So, the only change would be spending the night.

Wow. So you've not only rewritten the entire Pennsylvania child custody law system, but you've redefined the calendar? Amazing.

Sorry, but EOW plus a couple of hours after school a few days is not equal parenting time.

Let's do the math.

Every other weekend - call it 53 hours (I'll say it's from after school Friday to 8 pm Sunday - which is actually more than it probably covers).
After school hours - 4 hours times 5 days in 2 weeks. So Dad has a total of 73 hours out of 336 (24 hours x 14 days). Just over 20%.

Let's do it your way and count waking hours (even though courts don't do it that way). The kid probably sleeps 10 hours a day. That means that there are 196 waking hours in 2 weeks. That would move Dad up to 35%, not half.

Of course, the way the court is going to look at it is overnights. Dad has 2 out of 14 - or about 15%.

Equal parenting time? Not even close.

 

[CJane]

Dad wants the overnights because it will lower child support (I remember that from his deleted thread) and because he believes it will give him and edge in controlling what happens on mom's time. Like whether they go to school when he thinks they're ill.

I think it's interesting that the 'sickness' issue is still a bigger deal than the alleged punching in the face.

 

[mistoffolees]

Ok, maybe I worded it poorly. The point I was making was that when it comes to actual awake time (non school, non-sleeping) dad already has equal time with the children.

I don't agree that overnights are "huge" when it comes to actually spending time with your children. I think that what is huge is quality time. Dad isn't actually going to be spending more time with his children if they spend the night. Odds are that dad goes to work early if he is available at 4:00 PM therefore its not like dad will spend much, if any time with them in the mornings.

Now, overnights are "huge" when it comes to calculating child support, but you will never convince me that sleeping at dad's house (in this instance) is going to have any significant impact on dad's relationship with the children.

That's silly. My daughter is here every other week (actually more than that). She has a bedroom in both homes, her own wardrobe, bed, bathroom, toys, books, etc. You really don't see how that makes it more of a home for her than simply brining a suitcase every other weekend?

Now...if dad was going for two hours EVERY weeknight, say 4-6, so that he was spending time with his children almost every day (other than mom's weekend) and so was mom, then I would agree that THAT could have a significant impact. Since they only live 7 houses away, that's very viable.

Lots of things are viable - that doesn't make them a good idea. Having the kids living with Mom but 2 hours a day with Dad would be a mess in no time for most parents and kids. Particularly when it comes to homework, activities, etc. Kids need stability and that sure doesn't provide it.

Hey - I 've got it. Since you seem to be pushing for Dad to be involved in every day of the kids' lives, let's just make Dad move back into Mom's house. Then he can see the kids while Mom is in the shower and so on...

 

[LdiJ]

Wow. So you've not only rewritten the entire Pennsylvania child custody law system, but you've redefined the calendar? Amazing.

Sorry, but EOW plus a couple of hours after school a few days is not equal parenting time.

Let's do the math.

Every other weekend - call it 53 hours (I'll say it's from after school Friday to 8 pm Sunday - which is actually more than it probably covers).
After school hours - 4 hours times 5 days in 2 weeks. So Dad has a total of 73 hours out of 336 (24 hours x 14 days). Just over 20%.

Let's do it your way and count waking hours (even though courts don't do it that way). The kid probably sleeps 10 hours a day. That means that there are 196 waking hours in 2 weeks. That would move Dad up to 35%, not half.

Of course, the way the court is going to look at it is overnights. Dad has 2 out of 14 - or about 15%.

Equal parenting time? Not even close.

Try doing waking, non school time.... Nor did I re-write anything. I simply pointed out that dad has about half of the childrens's non-school, awake time. I simply pointed out that dad would not actually have MORE time to spend with the children if he had overnights on his weekdays.

You can turn that around any way that you like. It doesn't make it less true.

 

[mistoffolees]

Try doing waking, non school time.... Nor did I re-write anything. I simply pointed out that dad has about half of the childrens's non-school, awake time. I simply pointed out that dad would not actually have MORE time to spend with the children if he had overnights on his weekdays.

You can turn that around any way that you like. It doesn't make it less true.

Sorry, but your 'calculation' is absurd. Let's take out bath time, school time, church time, time the kids play with their friends, time that they're in the car, time while Mom is taking a shower, homework time, and time when the kids are sick. Maybe if you take out enough things, you can come up with some bizarre scenario where every other weekend plus a few hours a week adds up to equal parenting time.

Fortunately, the courts are smarter than that and don't accept your inane theories.


Oh, and btw, even using your definition, you're wrong. Let's look at it this way:

Weekends - Dad has one and Mom has one out of every 2 weeks

Evenings from 4 pm to 8 pm - Dad has 5 and Mom has 5 every 2 weeks

After school to 4 pm - Mom has 10, Dad has zero

8 pm to bed time - Mom has 10, Dad has zero

So even if we accept your strange definition, they STILL don't have equal parenting time.

 

[LdiJ]

That's silly. My daughter is here every other week (actually more than that). She has a bedroom in both homes, her own wardrobe, bed, bathroom, toys, books, etc. You really don't see how that makes it more of a home for her than simply brining a suitcase every other weekend?



Lots of things are viable - that doesn't make them a good idea. Having the kids living with Mom but 2 hours a day with Dad would be a mess in no time for most parents and kids. Particularly when it comes to homework, activities, etc. Kids need stability and that sure doesn't provide it.

Your daughter thrives with your situation. That's wonderful for you and your child.

My child thrived on exactly the bolded...and absolutely loved the fact that she spent time with both parents everyday. In fact, when she was about 13 she thanked us for it., and her friends were always jealous that she didn't have to switch homes all the time. We had no trouble dealing with homework or activities. We had no trouble with co-parenting.

So, you are biased towards a true 50/50, and am biased towards daily time with both parents.

 

[CJane]

That's silly. My daughter is here every other week (actually more than that). She has a bedroom in both homes, her own wardrobe, bed, bathroom, toys, books, etc. You really don't see how that makes it more of a home for her than simply brining a suitcase every other weekend?

Why would you assume that a child with every other weekend visits wouldn't have those things, and wouldn't consider the NCP's house 'home'?

Dad IS going to have to show that the overnights benefit the kids in some manner. And that's not going to be all that easy for him. There's a reason he wasn't granted weekday overnights at the outset. He's going to need to overcome that reasoning.

 

[kia1987]

Dad wants the overnights because it will lower child support (I remember that from his deleted thread) and because he believes it will give him and edge in controlling what happens on mom's time. Like whether they go to school when he thinks they're ill.

I think it's interesting that the 'sickness' issue is still a bigger deal than the alleged punching in the face.

He tried to do something about the punching in the face. He called the police for a wellness check. They said they were not going to get involved. He contacted CPS as well. He was told that since the child did not have a bruise and there was no other history, that it was not somthing they would investigate. They said the child was probably exagerating.

 

[LdiJ]

Sorry, but your 'calculation' is absurd. Let's take out bath time, school time, church time, time the kids play with their friends, time that they're in the car, time while Mom is taking a shower, homework time, and time when the kids are sick. Maybe if you take out enough things, you can come up with some bizarre scenario where every other weekend plus a few hours a week adds up to equal parenting time.

Fortunately, the courts are smarter than that and don't accept your inane theories.


Oh, and btw, even using your definition, you're wrong. Let's look at it this way:

Weekends - Dad has one and Mom has one out of every 2 weeks

Evenings from 4 pm to 8 pm - Dad has 5 and Mom has 5 every 2 weeks

After school to 4 pm - Mom has 10, Dad has zero

8 pm to bed time - Mom has 10, Dad has zero

So even if we accept your strange definition, they STILL don't have equal parenting time.

How do you know that the children get out of school at 3 PM? My granddaughter gets home from school at 4PM.

Wooo...mom may have 10-20 hours more per two weeks....that is HUGE.

 

[kia1987]

Dad wants the overnights because it will lower child support (I remember that from his deleted thread) and because he believes it will give him and edge in controlling what happens on mom's time. Like whether they go to school when he thinks they're ill.

I think it's interesting that the 'sickness' issue is still a bigger deal than the alleged punching in the face.

Not the case at all. Actually dad offered to keep the child support the same as it is now. As far as how it would benefit? She sometimes doesn't come pick them up until a hour after pickup. So thats 9pm. The kids should be settling down for the night and the youngest should be in bed.

In the summer this arrangement would increase parenting time greatly. For instance. Dad gets off work at 3PM the kids would be here for him to see more. It would also give him more time on his days of during the weekdays that he has off.

Also why is it okay for mom to give dad overnights whenever she feels like going out and convienant for her and not when dad would like to spend more time.

What about vacation time from school. This would be more parenting time as well.

 

[CJane]

He tried to do something about the punching in the face. He called the police for a wellness check. They said they were not going to get involved. He contacted CPS as well. He was told that since the child did not have a bruise and there was no other history, that it was not somthing they would investigate. They said the child was probably exagerating.

All I'm saying is that he's all up in arms about whether or not the kiddos went to school when they were sick - and they've clearly suffered no long term damage due to that - but he's willing to just brush the face-punching under the rug because someone told him it wasn't a big deal.

And he's a deleter. Which isn't good for credibility.

Good day.