Chance of custody change

[chronicle]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NC

I am NOT trying to "beat" the other parent here. Under what circumstances would a judge order a change from 50/50 (week on/week off) to a more traditional every other weekend/vacation, etc. Child is 9. The possibly relevant (possibly irrelevant??) reasons I’d like the change:


Custody arrangement has been in place since spring, 2010, 50/50, every other week alternating.

-Child is failing in school, weekly grades go from As & Bs on parent 1 week, down to Ds & Fs on parent 2 week. (Avg test scores parent 1 week: 94/ parent 2 week: 47)

-Parent 2 refuses to communicate in a timely or polite manner.

-Parent 2 owes a few thousand dollars in court agreed-upon bills (no child support on either said) but refuses to answer inquiries about the money.

-Parent 2 will not consider any outside school help for child. On parent 1 weeks, child sees a tutor, and does online assistance (supervised by parent) as well. Parent 2 refuses to use either, even if parent 1 pays.


Possible other considerations:
-Because of the above, and general lack of rules at parent 2 house, child prefers parent 2 house
-Parent 2 house belongs to parent 2’s paramour. There are 2 other children in the house, another reason child prefers parent 2 house over parent 1 (just parent & child)
-Parent 2 is involved in the child’s life, with some activities, some volunteering in school occasionally, as is parent 1.
-Parent 2 is possible unemployed (they will not answer the question) but definitely underemployed at least.

I know this may seem petty, but child failing school seems like a big deal. Is there any chance of changing custody schedule, OR does anyone know of other avenues of help (forced mediation? custody evaluation?) Parent 2 will NOT speak with me (parent 1, obviously) about any of this.

Oh- what I would like: less time with parent 2 during school weeks, a chance to have more time/greater influence on study habits/homework/testing during school time. I am willing to give up weekend/vacation time if I have to, but I don't want to have to watch child continue to fail in school.

 

[stealth2]

What were the child's grades prior to this alternating week situation? I realize taht may not be much of an issue (prior grades) due to the child's age...

I see the grades as the main issue - the rest is sort of irrelevant, IMO.

 

[chronicle]

Child has never been a great student, but this is the first year he has to take the dreaded End of Grade tests. If he fails those, he can't go to the next grade level. Last year, his teacher talked about the possibility of holding him back (last year we were also on the week-on/week-off) but parent 2 would not HEAR of that.

I realize the grades are the most relevant part, I just don't know if the child preferring parent 2 house will matter.

 

[stealth2]

I just don't know if the child preferring parent 2 house will matter.

He's 8. No court is going to let him have that kind of input.

 

[chronicle]

In general, are school issues and communication issues such as the ones I describe be considered a change of circumstance, or would this be seen as a waste of the court's time?

I want to see my kid succeed in school, and the situation as it is now is not accomplishing that. However, if these concerns do not amount to a "change" then I would like to focus on another way.

Thank you in advance.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

How well do you have it documented on the grades as for what is happening on the various weeks?

Have you talked with the teacher about this?

 

[chronicle]

I have spoken with the teacher (who for apparently the first time all school year said, "Oh. I guess there is a pattern here..."), and the documentation is there, but I only have the school work that has come home to me. I got her to copy out the grades by date from her gradebook, but she only had them for this grading period (so only 5 weeks-worth)

I could get more, I would be willing to guess, but her gradebook (said with respect for how busy teachers are!) is not the most well organized thing I have ever seen.

The documented fact that can not be disputed is that kid is failing, and over two years of this same living situation, the problems have gotten worse, not better. And parent 2 simply refuses to do anything about it. Kid tells me that parent 2 is never even in the same room when homework is done, and they do not study spelling or math for tests together (again, 13% on last spelling test while at parent 2's house for the week, but 93% with me)

I understand that may be his right to his own parenting style, which is why I am trying to find out if this is grounds for change, or if this is something I (and kid) will have to deal with until graduation.

 

[chronicle]

I have a meeting set with an atty (a new one, my old one, who handled my divorce/custody is great, but NEVER available) next week.

What info would be useful to her? I have some of kiddo's school work with grades, and a written account of this grading period from the teacher. I got a phone call from the teacher today that she is again concerned with the inconsistency. All the work I do every other week is undone the next- and kiddo has obviously figured out that he doesn't have to work hard on his father's weeks ("this is why I hate your house, Daddy never makes me do homework!")

What, other than schoolwork, would be useful to an atty in determining whether or not there is enough to warrant a new look at the custody schedule?

 

[chronicle]

Would the atty find it useful to have examples of emails showing the other parent's refusal to communicate effectively? Bills that the other parent has refused to pay? Or should leave financial questions out of this entirely for the moment?

 

[chronicle]

Hi. Just "bumping" one last time to see if anyone would like to weigh in on what kind of paperwork/background/information an atty will find helpful for this first meeting- JUST school stuff, or should I also bring emails/bills/etc.?

Thanks- and I promise not to "bump" this thread again if no one replies.

 

[CJane]

I would take everything, and leave it with the attorney - indexed for ease of reference - so that S/HE can determine what is useful and what is not.

 

[chronicle]

Help with a proposed custody schedule

I am heading to mediation soon to try to change the current 50/50 week-on/week-off custody to a more traditional weekdays with Mom- the change of circumstances is school failure and incredible inability of Dad to communicate. **See above for grade info

I am hoping someone can help me with a proposed schedule that still gives Dad as much time as possible, while keeping kiddo in a consistent and helpful environment during the school week. Dad loves kiddo very much, but has been unable to work with kiddo on school, and cannot get past hatred of me to communicate about school (ie- information about projects or tests that come home on Dad’s weeks never gets to me, leading his teacher to contact me regularly to see if I can get things done, because Dad has shown no interest in doing homework, outside projects, sending in supplies, field trip $, etc) PLUS, again, see above grade info.

I am willing to give up extra weekends (maybe Dad can have three per month?) and extra summer vacation time, and holidays, but I need to know what is reasonable? Can someone point me in the right direction? I’m not doing this just to reduce Dad’s time, I am doing it to try to make my son’s education better.

 

[PQN]

Maybe give dad 1st, 2nd, and 4th weekends from Friday after school until Monday drop-off at school as well as the one-day Monday holidays (Labor Day, Columbus Day, Veterans Day, MLK, Presidents, Memorial Day). Dad gets all of spring break.

Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years rotate. Summer is two-weeks with dad/one week with mom with mom choosing one of her weeks to add a 2nd week (allows for vacations) with dad getting the first two weeks after school ends (If summer is 12 weeks, dad gets 8 weeks, mom gets 4). Exchanges will happen Friday at 6pm.

Dad had 182-183 overnights (50%), this would give him roughly 146 (40%). Dad would still have a significant part of junior's time but mom would have nearly all school nights.

You may want to consider the weekend before the high stakes testing and include something in there...maybe if the weekend before the test is dads, it becomes mom's and dad gets mom's next scheduled weekend.

 

[chronicle]

This is great. Thank you. One more question:

Can anyone help me with what to expect during mediation, and what to bring? This is NC so we have to go to mediation prior to court, and I will try to stay positive, but I am POSITIVE Dad will not agree to anything (though, the above schedule does seem like a pretty fair one)

1. What should I bring to mediation as far as back-up materials (schoolwork, emails from Dad, schedules of how things have been going)

2. What to expect with the mediation?

Thank you.

 

[PQN]

Mediation is when you and dad are suppose to have a mature, adult conversation and (hopefully) reach an agreement about any modifications. The mediator is there to help you.

What is dad's "big thing"? Is there an activity/sport that he wants junior in that would require you to take him to some practices/games? Is he worried about child support if time isn't split 50/50? Does he just want to see his kid as much as possible? If you both can get what you want, then it is a win/win.