change of circumstances?

[faithnlve]

Thank you. I also just found out they BOUGHT a new house already!!!!!! Is this change how this will pan out in court now? Faith

OK,.....now his wife just called me. She screamed at me that she can prove that she has been a better mom than I have and that I have done nothing but cause problems and issues with the schools, and that HER husband can give her guardianship and more responsibilities and decision making since HE HAS full custody and sole legal. SO HE CAN give her permission! The school she claims agreed with her (must be true since they had her as the other parent at one point), and that SHE is the one who goes to all the school activities, she is the one who is responsible with him when he is sick, she is the one who gets him off to school in the morning, and she can make all these decisions because her HUSBAND lets her in his place. The move was planned months ago, and they will not let it interfere my visitation. But, IF I make anymore issues of this then when SHE goes to court with her husband SHE will make me look bad as a mom. So right now I am sitting here with terrible hiccups from crying too hard, but shining up my boxing gloves. It took me over 2 years battling with the school for information and still the school did not schedule me a parent teacher conference with all my bellowing and letters. Now another school 50 miles away???? AND I CANNOT do anything because they already bought the house? CAN I GET CUSTODY BACK?? Or is this going to be another losing battle of heartache. Thanks Faith

 

[milspecgirl]

seems to me that dad jumped the gun here.
you need to file NOW to stop this move.

 

[3UofMfans]

Get off the computer and go get the paperwork started!

 

[faithnlve]

I called an attorney this morning. She said to write up a new visitation schedule to suite my needs. And to include where to pick up and drop off. This way he will be responsible for getting my son to me. I will keep you updated..if this does not work...then I will be filing to stop the move until an agreement is made. Thanks Faith

 

[milspecgirl]

make sure he is to do the driving. i would make drop off and pick up at your house.
on another note- if he gets to move, you need to go to the school this summer and explain last year's issues and head them off

 

[Humusluvr]

I called an attorney this morning. She said to write up a new visitation schedule to suite my needs. And to include where to pick up and drop off. This way he will be responsible for getting my son to me. I will keep you updated..if this does not work...then I will be filing to stop the move until an agreement is made. Thanks Faith

I think you should FILE NOW, and then agree to a visitation plan that suits your needs as a bargaining chip. Don't let him just take them and do as he pleases when it will hurt you. Its not about stepmom, its about YOUR rights.

Screw her. There are TWO parents ONLY here - AND ONE OF THEM IS YOU!!! SO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!!

 

[milspecgirl]

agreed- the man has never given you the respect you deserve as the mother. he wasn't going to tell you about the move.
go in strong and be willing to compromise with the visitation agreement later.
file to stop the move- now. show him and her that they are not going to walk all over you anymore

 

[Humusluvr]

agreed- the man has never given you the respect you deserve as the mother. he wasn't going to tell you about the move.
go in strong and be willing to compromise with the visitation agreement later.
file to stop the move- now. show him and her that they are not going to walk all over you anymore

AMEN!!!

They never were going to tell you about the move until they could sock-it-to-ya, so now that you know - you better do something about it! Regain your upper hand!

 

[Isis1]

Thank you. I also just found out they BOUGHT a new house already!!!!!! Is this change how this will pan out in court now? Faith

OK,.....now his wife just called me. She screamed at me that she can prove that she has been a better mom than I have and that I have done nothing but cause problems and issues with the schools, and that HER husband can give her guardianship and more responsibilities and decision making since HE HAS full custody and sole legal. SO HE CAN give her permission! The school she claims agreed with her (must be true since they had her as the other parent at one point), and that SHE is the one who goes to all the school activities, she is the one who is responsible with him when he is sick, she is the one who gets him off to school in the morning, and she can make all these decisions because her HUSBAND lets her in his place. The move was planned months ago, and they will not let it interfere my visitation. But, IF I make anymore issues of this then when SHE goes to court with her husband SHE will make me look bad as a mom. So right now I am sitting here with terrible hiccups from crying too hard, but shining up my boxing gloves. It took me over 2 years battling with the school for information and still the school did not schedule me a parent teacher conference with all my bellowing and letters. Now another school 50 miles away???? AND I CANNOT do anything because they already bought the house? CAN I GET CUSTODY BACK?? Or is this going to be another losing battle of heartache. Thanks Faith

like hell she will! now my blood is all riled up. don't spend your energy talking ot this woman. file with the courts today to stop the move. you weren't even notified of the move. that was a lot of presumption to purchase a house before a judge okay'd it!!

 

[milspecgirl]

Faith-
I want you to calm down.
Then, I want you to get in your car and drive to the court house. I want you to hound them until someone points you in the right direction to find the forms you need to fill out.
I want you to file to stop this move and file to keep stepmom from interfering in your rights
if you do not do this now, you may as well give this woman your child because she is winning.
show your child that you are willing to fight for him
when you go to court make sure she has to stay in the hall (by stating you may call her as a witness)
but if she does get in there and start spouting off- the judge will put her in her place
if you want to file to change custody- please get an atty

 

[faithnlve]

I CAN FILE TO CHANGE CUSTODY?? I didn't know that. My hubby is coming home early this afternoon. I spoke with an attny, whom told me to write up a new visitation agreement to suit ME> She did tell me that judges in this state allow parents to move out of the county as long as that parent can show it will not interfere with visitation. I even posted on here asking what would be a good new visitation schedule. Well, now my fire is being stoked, so to speak. I won the battle with the school situation, and I think I will go down this afternoon and file for a change of custody, if that is what I can do. I thought it could only be for a change of circumstances. Oh , and this attny I spoke with informed me that she didn't see a problem of me driving an extra 15 miles round trip as an issue, and the courts might side with him on that one, even though he is making the move, he is not making such a drastic move. Soooo confusing. How should I word it to stop the move? Faith

 

[milspecgirl]

you can file to change custody based on the father not working with you and allowing interference from the stepmom. it is a LONG shot, and you would probably lose this time, however, it could show a precedent in the future.
my first choice would be to file a petition to stop the move based on the ex not telling you about it AND based on the fact that you have been kept out of the loop in the past- probs with stepmom overstepping, etc
chances are they will get to move, but you should get a firm parenting plan out of it and make sure no stepmom interference and no talking bad about the other parent are included in this.
your key here is to show a pattern of dad and sm overstepping and trying to alienate you from your child. judges DO NOT like that
make sure in any order you get that stepmom is to refrain from interfering.
just because he has sole legal does not mean he can give her your rights as the mother

 

[jbowman]

I CAN FILE TO CHANGE CUSTODY?? I didn't know that.

Ok Faith, HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN ON THIS BOARD??? Why do you always act like you know nothing. Come ON now! You know what to do but IMO you will keep this thread open for 300 more post to get attention. Get off your butt and go PHYSICALLY do what you need to do.

 

[proud_parent]

I CAN FILE TO CHANGE CUSTODY?? I didn't know that. My hubby is coming home early this afternoon. I spoke with an attny, whom told me to write up a new visitation agreement to suit ME> She did tell me that judges in this state allow parents to move out of the county as long as that parent can show it will not interfere with visitation. I even posted on here asking what would be a good new visitation schedule. Well, now my fire is being stoked, so to speak. I won the battle with the school situation, and I think I will go down this afternoon and file for a change of custody, if that is what I can do. I thought it could only be for a change of circumstances. Oh , and this attny I spoke with informed me that she didn't see a problem of me driving an extra 15 miles round trip as an issue, and the courts might side with him on that one, even though he is making the move, he is not making such a drastic move. Soooo confusing. How should I word it to stop the move? Faith

Frankly, faith, if I were you I would listen to the attorney to whom you spoke in YOUR state regarding the likelihood that the court will side with your ex in allowing the move. He/she is in the best position of any of us to know.

Vermont has a presumption in favor of relocation to the extent that the proposed relocation will not significantly impair either parent's ability to exercise responsibilities the parent has been exercising. The non-relocating parent bears the burden of proof.

Thus, as LdiJ pointed out, if you have not been exercising all your court ordered visitation, you will not be successful in arguing that the move would interfere with that visitation. You certainly may still file to stop the move, but realize that you will need to demonstrate how the move would impair your relationship with the children and/or infringe upon your rights. By all means, do ask that he bear any increased transportation costs related to your exercising visitation after the move.

I appreciate that you are livid that you weren't notified by your ex of his intent to move. I would be upset as well. HOWEVER, I can find nothing in Vermont statutes requiring either party in a custody action to give notice before relocation, and no geographic limitation on the move. A move by the custodial parent in Vermont is NOT sufficient change in circumstance in and of itself to warrant a modification of custody. What your ex did was inconsiderate and poor coparenting, but -- so far as I can discern -- not illegal.

If / when you do file to contest the move, the court will consider these factors in determining whether the move should be allowed: 1) the amount of custodial responsibility the parties have been exercising, and for how long; 2) the distance and duration of the move; 3) the availability of alternative visitation arrangements. See Hawkes v. Spence, 178 Vt. 161, 878 A.2d 273 (2005).


Best of luck.