change of custody/disagreement on schooling

[blueboy]

What is the name of your state? ca
My child is 11 and supposed to start 6th grade next school year. I thought she was doing ok in school. The school never sent report cards or IEP paper work to me and niether did mom, but mom said she was doing good.

I just saw a copy of her IEP and they are scoring her in 2nd grade and 3rd grade depending on the subject, but are still sending her to jr. high. They also say she has an unidentified learning disability. Mom doesn't want to hold her back and I want to get her caught up via tutoring and a free home school accadamy. I want her to see a develpomental pediatrican for a diagnosis. Mom just wants to pretend like nothing is wrong.

Because of the school stuggles my daughter has been passing out, getting dizzy, and loosing weight. The doctors have tested her and said the only thing that could be casuing the problems is stress.

Mom thinks I'm nuts and I think she is. She is custodial and I am non-custodial.
The biggest problem is bio-mom and I both work full time and my wife would have to do the home schooling with my daughter which would mean my daughter would have to move in with us. Would I be nuts for going after a change in custody based on this?

 

[CandiceH]

Blue, delete your thread in Child support and then there wont be confusion and getting answers on two different boards. If you dont know how....go to edit and you can choose delete thread.

 

[blueboy]

old thread deleted
thanks

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? ca
My child is 11 and supposed to start 6th grade next school year. I thought she was doing ok in school. The school never sent report cards or IEP paper work to me and niether did mom, but mom said she was doing good.

I just saw a copy of her IEP and they are scoring her in 2nd grade and 3rd grade depending on the subject, but are still sending her to jr. high. They also say she has an unidentified learning disability. Mom doesn't want to hold her back and I want to get her caught up via tutoring and a free home school accadamy. I want her to see a develpomental pediatrican for a diagnosis. Mom just wants to pretend like nothing is wrong.

Because of the school stuggles my daughter has been passing out, getting dizzy, and loosing weight. The doctors have tested her and said the only thing that could be casuing the problems is stress.

Mom thinks I'm nuts and I think she is. She is custodial and I am non-custodial.
The biggest problem is bio-mom and I both work full time and my wife would have to do the home schooling with my daughter which would mean my daughter would have to move in with us. Would I be nuts for going after a change in custody based on this?

A change in custody so that the child can be homeschooled by stepmom? I don't see that one flying...sorry. In fact, it would be really iffy even if you would be the person doing the homeschooling. Judge's aren't opposed to homeschooling per se, but aren't all that likely to order that it can be done if one of the parents objects.

However, tutoring is a great idea....particularly over the summers.

As far as stress is concerned....the stress has to be coming from somewhere. If mom thinks that the child is just fine then the stress isn't coming from mom....so where is it coming from?

You definitely could take the issue of taking her to a developmental ped for diagnosis and treatment to court, if you can't convince mom to agree....since the school feels that she has an unidentified learning disability.

 

[NotAnAttorney]

As far as stress is concerned....the stress has to be coming from somewhere. If mom thinks that the child is just fine then the stress isn't coming from mom....so where is it coming from?

This may be true in some cases... but it may also be that one parent simply claims the child is "doing fine" simply because they choose to ignore the signs of a problem with the child, or they aren't noticing the child because they aren't paying any attention to the child even though they live in the same house, or one parent may be lying through their teeth simply because they are afraid they will look bad if they tell the truth. So may things to consider. One mustn't just assume that if one parent says the child is not stressed and the other says they are, the parent noticing the stress is definitely the one causing it. A good counselor could visit with the child and determine more. In this particular case, I think an evaluation could help! But... that's just a personal non-legal opinion!

 

[LdiJ]

This may be true in some cases... but it may also be that one parent simply claims the child is "doing fine" simply because they choose to ignore the signs of a problem with the child, or they aren't noticing the child because they aren't paying any attention to the child even though they live in the same house, or one parent may be lying through their teeth simply because they are afraid they will look bad if they tell the truth. So may things to consider. One mustn't just assume that if one parent says the child is not stressed and the other says they are, the parent noticing the stress is definitely the one causing it. A good counselor could visit with the child and determine more. In this particular case, I think an evaluation could help! But... that's just a personal non-legal opinion!

You missed my point. I wasn't talking about whether or not mom agrees that the child is stressed....I was talking about where the stress itself comes from.

The child isn't going to stress out about school unless someone else puts stress on her.

Mom obviously isn't putting stress on her since mom thinks she is doing fine. Therefore someone else is putting stress on her. Who is doing that? Its got to be pretty severe is the child is passing out etc., over it.

 

[stealth2]

What is the name of your state? ca
My child is 11 and supposed to start 6th grade next school year. I thought she was doing ok in school. The school never sent report cards or IEP paper work to me and niether did mom, but mom said she was doing good.

Okay, I understand you live a distance away. But did it never occur to you to contact the school yourself to see how she was actually doing?

 

[haiku]

and moms mantra to dad could be "deny, deny, deny" as far as stress goes. from the sounds of things, the OP has a child who tests at a second grade level while entering 6th, and mom is putting her head in the sand as far as communication with Dad.

I think dad needs to get WAY more involved here. And he can contact the school directly if going thorugh mom is not getting him anywhere.

if this child already has an IEP, that means there is SOMETHING already diagnosed going on. dad needs to have some in depth meetings with the school, and counselors, to see exactly what the plans should be for this childs future.

 

[BL]

If the Child has an IEP , and you have reviewed it , what does it tell you .

Some children with IEP's are integrated into " regular " up to grade classes , while being restricted in others .

Do the IEPs state the child is expected to pass and move on , or not ?

What has the school's councilors told YOU directly when you talked to them ?

Get involved , even from a distance . If the School thought there were issues beyond there capabilities , they should recommend outside counseling .

It not good that a Child that likes education suddenly doesn't .

Is there drug/alcohol use at home ?

Try working with the school to get to the bottom of this . The school's councilor could talk to the child directly .

 

[blueboy]

I recently moved a distance away from my child. I was taking her to counseling, but mom refuses. I did contact the school, but they never sent me any paper work. As a matter of fact I was in my childs area when her IEP meeting was hapening, but was not informed of the meeting so I couldn't go. I have even offered to pay all postage for them to keep me updated on my child, but never heard back. I went to the office and spoke with principal who assured me I would recieve something, but never heard back. I am dealing with the school on thier violations of the law.
Our court order states that it is up to each parent to contact school so mom refused to send me anything until the end of this school year because it wasn't her responsability.
I know I am partly to blame for my duaghters stress, but I cannot take majority on this one. I believe her stress is coming from trying to keep up with kids in her class that are 3- 4 years ahead of her. They have her in reg. classes, but taken out for services 3 times a week, with class room work adjusted for her.
My plan isn't to homeschool her for the rest of her school life either. I want to do it for one school year while she plays catch up, so she won't have to be held back. Then I would want her to go back to reg. school. I hope this clarifies things.

 

[BL]

I recently moved a distance away from my child. I was taking her to counseling, but mom refuses. I did contact the school, but they never sent me any paper work. As a matter of fact I was in my childs area when her IEP meeting was hapening, but was not informed of the meeting so I couldn't go. I have even offered to pay all postage for them to keep me updated on my child, but never heard back. I went to the office and spoke with principal who assured me I would recieve something, but never heard back. I am dealing with the school on thier violations of the law.
Our court order states that it is up to each parent to contact school so mom refused to send me anything until the end of this school year because it wasn't her responsability.
I know I am partly to blame for my duaghters stress, but I cannot take majority on this one. I believe her stress is coming from trying to keep up with kids in her class that are 3- 4 years ahead of her. They have her in reg. classes, but taken out for services 3 times a week, with class room work adjusted for her.
My plan isn't to homeschool her for the rest of her school life either. I want to do it for one school year while she plays catch up, so she won't have to be held back. Then I would want her to go back to reg. school. I hope this clarifies things.

FERPA look it up and demand any regular info. sent , be sent to you also . And see where it states you have a RIGHT to set up an appointment to review the records .

Now a suggestion , don't talk to your daughter about what mom does , just encourage her to do her best , and reiterate that she can do it and keep doing what she likes to do and not let ANYTHING distract her . Don't get into the nitty gritty . That's why you two Adults aren't together . Focus on the child , with out putting her in the middle . Happy Happy .

 

[NotAnAttorney]

You missed my point. I wasn't talking about whether or not mom agrees that the child is stressed....I was talking about where the stress itself comes from.

The child isn't going to stress out about school unless someone else puts stress on her.

Mom obviously isn't putting stress on her since mom thinks she is doing fine. Therefore someone else is putting stress on her. Who is doing that? Its got to be pretty severe is the child is passing out etc., over it.

Oh! Yes, I see your point now! I didn't catch that the child was stressed about School at first. I only caught that the child was stressed in general, not about school in general. I get it now! And I agree with you 100% LdiJ!

 

[blueboy]

FERPA look it up and demand any regular info. sent , be sent to you also . And see where it states you have a RIGHT to set up an appointment to review the records .

I acctually sent the school a copy of FERPA where it stated that they had to do or else. I am giong there in a few days to discuss it further and give them another letter.


I am just so sick of watching my child slip through the cracks and when I try to get mom on board with me she pushes me away, and tells me if I feel I need to do something without her consent to go to court and get a judge to sign off on it. I have told her that I want us to find a way to help her and she tells me she's busy or she is doing the best she can as "A Single Parent",( She is always throwing that at me) but if I try to help I'm told that she is the custodial parent and she has the final say unless I want to go back to court.

The problem is she knows she is behind and she knows that her class work is different from everyone elses. The kids in her class point that out I'm sure. I know that part of the stress comes from traveling to see me, and part of it comes from me having to move away in the first place. We saw eachother nearly everyday before I moved and now it's only on three day weekends, every other holiday and 7 weeks in the summer.

I can't be the only non-custodial parent to be giong through this type of thing so if anyone has anyone has been through this and has some advice please send it. If anyone has legal advice please send it. I appriciate all the advice given to me so far, but wouldn't mind gettimng more feed back.

 

[BL]

FERPA has a compliance office if you are denied your rights . Write them .

 

[weenor]

FERPA look it up and demand any regular info. sent , be sent to you also . And see where it states you have a RIGHT to set up an appointment to review the records .

I acctually sent the school a copy of FERPA where it stated that they had to do or else. I am giong there in a few days to discuss it further and give them another letter.


I am just so sick of watching my child slip through the cracks and when I try to get mom on board with me she pushes me away, and tells me if I feel I need to do something without her consent to go to court and get a judge to sign off on it. I have told her that I want us to find a way to help her and she tells me she's busy or she is doing the best she can as "A Single Parent",( She is always throwing that at me) but if I try to help I'm told that she is the custodial parent and she has the final say unless I want to go back to court.

The problem is she knows she is behind and she knows that her class work is different from everyone elses. The kids in her class point that out I'm sure. I know that part of the stress comes from traveling to see me, and part of it comes from me having to move away in the first place. We saw eachother nearly everyday before I moved and now it's only on three day weekends, every other holiday and 7 weeks in the summer.

I can't be the only non-custodial parent to be giong through this type of thing so if anyone has anyone has been through this and has some advice please send it. If anyone has legal advice please send it. I appriciate all the advice given to me so far, but wouldn't mind gettimng more feed back.

Similar situation with my stepdaughter, who now lives with us. The child was doing miserably in school (still catching up three years later). She had three IEP classes, with no specific disorder but an extremely low IQ. The last year with her mother she missed 23 days of school. No one was monitoring her homework (must be a daily thing) and she was never made to do anything that she didn't want to do. The bottom line is that Mom in your case is not stressing the importance of an education and is not working with her at home. You need to either move back so that your are closer and can control the stuff that Mom is unwilling to do, or fork over the money for summer AND school year tutoring. If Mom refuses you will need to take the issue before a judge and get an order. Please note that you are LATE in the game. In a few short years she will be high school and may end up quitting cause doesn't like school.