Changing my baby's last name..or hyphenating

[crystaly]

What is the name of your state?California

This is something I don't know much about. I want to change my daughters last name legally. I don't want her to have her convicted felon's fathers last name. He can stay on the birth certificate but I don't want her name to be the same as his. How do I go about filing this. Oh, and my main reason is she already thinks her name is different cause it HAS been until he went to court and got a judge to order him be put on the BC and at the same time he changed her last name. I just found out this month that he actually changed it. I've tried to tell her her new name, but it's too late this little girl started crying and doesn't understand why she can't have mine and my husband's last name. It might sound trivial to most, but it actually broke this little girl's heart. She thinks she's not one of us anymore or something. It was very very sad. So now mommy wants to fix this. This man isn't even in her life. He has not been around in a year and a half. He did it to be a jerk. When we agreed to the name change I agreed to a hyphenated name. But he did the paperwork on his own and did not put a hyphen after her last name, he took it off all together. Men and their EGO's!! So any advice on how I can change this legally? Or do I just let her have whatever last name she wants until she's a little older to explain it to? Little ones are so easily hurt. Advice and how to handle this little 4 year old would be nice. I've don't want her having an identity crisis this early in life.

Basically do I need his permission to do this?

 

[stealth2]

Yes, you do need his permission to do this. Frankly, the blame for this rests just as equally on your head as it does his. The best thing you can do now is change your name to match your child's. Then at least she won't feel like she's the odd man out.

 

[crystaly]

Well that's not going to happen. I have my husbands last name, I think it would upset my husband to take another mans last name. Thank you for your advice.

 

[stealth2]

Well - and I'm not known for popular answers or questions - you'd rather not upset your husband than your kid? Which one is the adult and able to deal with things more rationally?

 

[Silverplum]

Did you just not even READ the paperwork that changed her name? How on earth did he just up and change her name without your consent and knowledge? He slipped it in...you didn't read the paperwork...you signed off?

 

[stealth2]

Okay, I'll admit that I'd forgotten the details (nor did I reread) when I posted my latest response - so ignore that and accept my apologies.

You do have a problem. You can try filing to have the name changed (again) to a hyphenation), but I'm not sure I'd hold my breath on it. I'm sorry.

 

[Silverplum]

Okay, I'll admit that I'd forgotten the details (nor did I reread) when I posted my latest response - so ignore that and accept my apologies.

You do have a problem. You can try filing to have the name changed (again) to a hyphenation), but I'm not sure I'd hold my breath on it. I'm sorry.

I hope you didn't think my post about not READing was directed at you. It was directed to the poster.

 

[stealth2]

I hope you didn't think my post about not READing was directed at you. It was directed to the poster.

No, I didn't. I actually reread before and was thinking while you posted.

 

[crystaly]

Did you just not even READ the paperwork that changed her name? How on earth did he just up and change her name without your consent and knowledge? He slipped it in...you didn't read the paperwork...you signed off?

I did not consent to anything, I apposed it openly to the judge and the judge ordered her name change anyways. But when we got into mediation and discussed it I asked that he please Hyphenate her name so she would have his name and mine, make both of us happy since she had already had my name for quite some time. I thought he had agreed, but since the judge did not write the name the way I agreed to it on the order and I never saw the final order nor did I sign the final order or however that is supposed to work, her bio father did whatever he wanted to do. I did not find out until yesterday that he had changed her BC. I knew there was an order but he never spoke to me about when he was going to actually act on it. I just want to know if I need his permission to hyphenate her name or if I just have to serve him with the papers. He is in prison so I don't think he will be able to object.

 

[stealth2]

You will need his consent or a court order to do it legally.

 

[crystaly]

Thank you.

 

[Jillian483]

Why don't you try to hyphenate?

Why don't youtry to hyphenate her name to something that meets the needs of all parties? If her birth name was: Jane Joe Smith and her father had it changed to Jane Joe Black. then you could try some of the following: Jane Joe Black-Smith (Yeah I realize it says blacksmith) or Jane Joe Smith-Black,
or take out the middle name and make it one of the last names? What was her father charged with? If it is something drastic it might be worth checking into but otherwize I would just leave it as it is right now. The child will grow into it I am sure. I know that you suggested this before but try again. The father typically has all of the rights to the childs last name but there are other options like going to the courts and saying that people say they know of someone (your ex) with the same new last name as your daughter that is in jail and they are asking if they are related. You could say that by her hyphenating her last name to Jane Black Smith is the best for the child to help her avoid scrutiny or jokes.

 

[crystaly]

Why don't youtry to hyphenate her name to something that meets the needs of all parties? If her birth name was: Jane Joe Smith and her father had it changed to Jane Joe Black. then you could try some of the following: Jane Joe Black-Smith (Yeah I realize it says blacksmith) or Jane Joe Smith-Black,
or take out the middle name and make it one of the last names? What was her father charged with? If it is something drastic it might be worth checking into but otherwize I would just leave it as it is right now. The child will grow into it I am sure. I know that you suggested this before but try again. The father typically has all of the rights to the childs last name but there are other options like going to the courts and saying that people say they know of someone (your ex) with the same new last name as your daughter that is in jail and they are asking if they are related. You could say that by her hyphenating her last name to Jane Black Smith is the best for the child to help her avoid scrutiny or jokes.

That is exactly what I wanted done. Her father is charged with identity theft and forgery. So it's nothing major to some people. But it is to me because he has already used her name on Loan papers. He thinks because he is on the BC he has every right to use her name as he sees fit. "I have my rights" is his most popular phrase. I never wanted her to even have his last name...I fought it but the judge allowed it anyways.

 

[Jillian483]

fight it again

That is exactly what I wanted done. Her father is charged with identity theft and forgery. So it's nothing major to some people. But it is to me because he has already used her name on Loan papers. He thinks because he is on the BC he has every right to use her name as he sees fit. "I have my rights" is his most popular phrase. I never wanted her to even have his last name...I fought it but the judge allowed it anyways.

Then fight it again. There is no limit to your options. I wish you the best of luck. Oh yeah... most courts rotate their judges every 6 months which means that you might not have the same judge that you had last time.

 

[crystaly]

Just an update. I went to court over the name change and the judge said NO. Her name is to remain the same as it is because she said she isn't going to worry about the childs identity. However I did manage to make so that the father cannot have her social security number. that was a big win for me.