Cheating newlywed

[single317dad]

As part of the divorce order, your son should ask the judge to order that his wife be solely responsible for the current lease. That's a "sort-of" solution, as it is in many divorce cases. The judge cannot break the lease between your son and the landlord, but can order a party to the divorce (the wife) to perform a particular action (pay the whole rent, and maintain the apartment in good condition) under penalty of the court (contempt). Your son would still be liable to the landlord if the lease was broken, and his remedy for such would be to take the wife back to court after the fact. It doesn't get him out from under the contract, but it might free up some money for him to afford his own place sooner. At least he didn't buy a house with her on 100% financing!

He could also ask the landlord nicely to draw up a new lease with only the wife on it, and ask her nicely if she'll sign it.

 

[CliveB]

Here's the deal though... because you're an outsider to their relationship...

Admittedly.

Has your son ever previously lived on his own?

Yes, very briefly. Didn't turn out well.

What is the nature of his disability?

Not sure I want to get that specific on a public forum.

Is it REMOTELY possible that while she seemed willing and eager to take on the burden of providing care... she didn't REALLY know what that entailed because they'd never been on their own?

Absolutely. I don't blame her for that. It isn't easy. Where they lived right after the marriage was "on their own", but things seemed OK.

Is it possible that your son isn't quite the same as a HUSBAND as he is a SON, and since you're only hearing his side of things, you don't have the whole picture?

Undoubtedly. Since, I'm not planning to act as an attorney or mediator, I'm just doing research based on what I know. Not trying to drive anything here. Just going to share what I find out. Whatever he decides, we're behind him

It sounds like he's invading her privacy, having expectations that perhaps he didn't before (his anger at her "leaving him alone"), etc.

He's not invading her privacy. She's volunteering it all, just telling him she doesn't care about his feelings. I don't think he's snooped into anything. Even the thing about bringing a man over while he was gone was something she admitted to. She declared that she was locking her phone so he couldn't read it. He hadn't tried to read it. It was kind of like announcing, "I'm going to be texting things I don't want you to see, so there."

It's very very rare that a marriage falls apart based on the actions of only one of the people involved.

I know this quite well. I'm a social worker. Again, I'm not thinking I have the whole story at all. Just trying to get some options for him. He's not really able to do this himself. What he does with what I learn is totally up to him and how he perceives his own situation.

THAT is why I suggest counseling for your son. So that he can learn to correctly allocate responsibility, and take some on himself.

I agree. I think he's doing some of that taking responsibility. I don't think that is all that relevant to the legal questions. I'll take his word for it that he's ready for counseling.

 

[CliveB]

As part of the divorce order, your son should ask the judge to order that his wife be solely responsible for the current lease. That's a "sort-of" solution, as it is in many divorce cases. The judge cannot break the lease between your son and the landlord, but can order a party to the divorce (the wife) to perform a particular action (pay the whole rent, and maintain the apartment in good condition) under penalty of the court (contempt). Your son would still be liable to the landlord if the lease was broken, and his remedy for such would be to take the wife back to court after the fact. It doesn't get him out from under the contract, but it might free up some money for him to afford his own place sooner. At least he didn't buy a house with her on 100% financing!

He could also ask the landlord nicely to draw up a new lease with only the wife on it, and ask her nicely if she'll sign it.

Good information, thanks.

 

[CliveB]

He has to live in Oregon for 6 continuous months before he can file there. He CANNOT file in WA if he's not living in WA.

So, if he moves home FIRST, he has to wait. If he waits to move home and files in WA, he'll need to either stay in WA while things are working their way through the system, or travel to WA for court hearings.

Thanks. Actually, it's just across the river, so the travel thing isn't a big deal.

 

[CliveB]

He has to live in Oregon for 6 continuous months before he can file there. He CANNOT file in WA if he's not living in WA.

So, if he moves home FIRST, he has to wait. If he waits to move home and files in WA, he'll need to either stay in WA while things are working their way through the system, or travel to WA for court hearings.

OK, so help me with "lives in". As I said, we're just across the river, pretty much the same metropolitan area. If his address is the WA apartment but he doesn't want to be in the apartment because of the environment and sleeps on our couch, does he "live in" WA or OR? He spends most nights in the apartment, but finds it increasingly intolerable. Lots of OR friends are willing to let him spend a night or two while he decides what to do. Doesn't really know anyone in WA.

If he goes on a couch-surfing tour of Oregon but doesn't establish residency here, can he file in WA?

 

[CJane]

OK, so help me with "lives in". As I said, we're just across the river, pretty much the same metropolitan area. If his address is the WA apartment but he doesn't want to be in the apartment because of the environment and sleeps on our couch, does he "live in" WA or OR? He spends most nights in the apartment, but finds it increasingly intolerable. Lots of OR friends are willing to let him spend a night or two while he decides what to do. Doesn't really know anyone in WA.

If he goes on a couch-surfing tour of Oregon but doesn't establish residency here, can he file in WA?

I live in a border city too, so I know how murky it can be. BUT if he's on a lease in WA, and his mailing address is WA, and he spends a substantial amount of time in WA, then he's a resident of WA. If those things aren't true, then he doesn't live in WA.

Funnily enough, I'm marrying an Oregonian in a week, and we're moving to WA this summer. We JUST had a conversation the other night about how we're both scared that even though we've been together for a little over 3 years, there's a lot of hidden crazy that's just going to pop right on out once we've said our vows.

 

[TigerD]

The person you divorce is never the same person you married. But it's a little unbelievable that she became a completely different person virtually overnight.

A friend of mine's ex became a totally different person overnight. Of course, he spent that night with her sister, but really - she changed.

DC

 

[Bali Hai]

I live in a border city too, so I know how murky it can be. BUT if he's on a lease in WA, and his mailing address is WA, and he spends a substantial amount of time in WA, then he's a resident of WA. If those things aren't true, then he doesn't live in WA.

Funnily enough, I'm marrying an Oregonian in a week, and we're moving to WA this summer. We JUST had a conversation the other night about how we're both scared that even though we've been together for a little over 3 years, there's a lot of hidden crazy that's just going to pop right on out once we've said our vows.

God I hope it isn't Kansas City....

 

[Proserpina]

A friend of mine's ex became a totally different person overnight. Of course, he spent that night with her sister, but really - she changed.

DC

I should know better.

*wipes tea off of the keyboard*

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

Once the election ends, the campaigning is over and you get to see who you elected for the next several years.

I live in a border city too, so I know how murky it can be. BUT if he's on a lease in WA, and his mailing address is WA, and he spends a substantial amount of time in WA, then he's a resident of WA. If those things aren't true, then he doesn't live in WA.

Funnily enough, I'm marrying an Oregonian in a week, and we're moving to WA this summer. We JUST had a conversation the other night about how we're both scared that even though we've been together for a little over 3 years, there's a lot of hidden crazy that's just going to pop right on out once we've said our vows.