Child refuses to come home

[kaizen]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Michigan

I'm the CP. Son is 16. He's with dad right now, due home tonight.

Dad just called me and said son won't be coming home - that he's refusing! Dad said "what do you want me to do?" I gave him what I've learned here - if son refused to go to school, what would you do and so on. I suggested he be the parent and do what he's supposed to do.

If I've learned my lessons here, I think unfortunately I'll have to wait till Monday and go file with court (FOC). Is that right, or is there anything else I should do in the interim?

The reason he doesn't want to come home is he's in trouble here for lying and talking disrespectfully last week. As a result, he has lost his privileges and I'm sure it'd more fun at Dad's.

Thank you.

 

[I'ma Menehune]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Michigan

I'm the CP. Son is 16. He's with dad right now, due home tonight.

Dad just called me and said son won't be coming home - that he's refusing! Dad said "what do you want me to do?" I gave him what I've learned here - if son refused to go to school, what would you do and so on. I suggested he be the parent and do what he's supposed to do.

If I've learned my lessons here, I think unfortunately I'll have to wait till Monday and go file with court (FOC). Is that right, or is there anything else I should do in the interim?

The reason he doesn't want to come home is he's in trouble here for lying and talking disrespectfully last week. As a result, he has lost his privileges and I'm sure it'd more fun at Dad's.

Thank you.

You might have learned, but that doesn't mean that dad has learned. You'll just have to let this play out over the weekend and then deal with it on Monday. Sadly you and dad don't seem to be on the same page. It will come back to bite dad in the behind, so don't worry too much.

If you hear from Dad again, tell him not to worry, that you'll deal with it on Monday and that if you incur any expenses over his inability to parent, you'll ask that he be responsible.

 

[ecmst12]

Any reason you can't go get him?

 

[kaizen]

Good question.

I thought about it, but I think it'd just create a scene - if dad even answered the door. If so, I can imagine son yelling at me and then slamming the door.

 

[I'mTheFather]

Any reason you can't go get him?

If I were the judge, this is the first question I would ask after you explained that dad wouldn't make him go.

Especially when your reason for not doing so is that he will also refuse to go with you.

 

[MedusasRevenge]

Glad you said that, Dad. I was kind of thinking this is a pot calling the kettle black situation...

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

It does not sound like you completed the "responsible co-parent" conversation. Sometimes, figuratively speaking, you need to insert a finger in the co-parents nose and lead them around, until they are properly trained. It is sometimes cheaper than keeping a lawyer on retainer. Tell dad to take of his BFF panties and put on his daddy drawers.

 

[kaizen]

Well, I was thinking a few things. Son has issues that require some extra efforts in parenting. I handle every one of them solo. I find it interesting that dad is really hostile tonight because he's dealing with attitudes and defiant behavior that is fairly common, that I've always shared with him and told him I could surely use some support.

Instead, he undermines me and does not support the relationship with son and I. In short, he's son's friend. Tonight he was called on to be the parent and here we are...

So if you really think it's prudent, I will go there in the morning. I thought since it was his house, his time, and his responsibilty...that the onus was on him. I'm frankly a bit worried about domestic type issues that could arise if I show up - from doors slamming to dad telling me to leave (or cussing at me in front of son) or them even calling the police. These are all quite possible.

Nonetheless, I am an adult and will do what is the most prudent. That's why I wrote here initially. If you think that is to go there, then I will. I will also add that this same kind of incident happened last summer. I went there and the authorities came. They told me he was safe and they weren't getting involved.

Also, son does not have his meds with him (he took just enough for scheduled visit). Dad said he'd just give him some of his (anti-depressant). I think that's illegal.

* I wrote all that before I saw your post OHRoadwarrior about dad's BFF panties. Spot on, for sure.

 

[Ladyback1]

Also, son does not have his meds with him (he took just enough for scheduled visit). Dad said he'd just give him some of his (anti-depressant). I think that's illegal.

ummmm....unless dad is one the same exact dosage of the same exact meds, it could be very harmful for your child! Anti-depressants (brain meds in general) aren't interchangeable and shouldn't be stopped or changed abruptly (except under advisement of a medical professional)

 

[I'mTheFather]

Well, I was thinking a few things. Son has issues that require some extra efforts in parenting. I handle every one of them solo. I find it interesting that dad is really hostile tonight because he's dealing with attitudes and defiant behavior that is fairly common, that I've always shared with him and told him I could surely use some support.

Instead, he undermines me and does not support the relationship with son and I. In short, he's son's friend. Tonight he was called on to be the parent and here we are...

This is pretty common with NCPs who have limited time with their children. It's not right, but it is a reality in many situations.

So if you really think it's prudent, I will go there in the morning. I thought since it was his house, his time, and his responsibilty...that the onus was on him. I'm frankly a bit worried about domestic type issues that could arise if I show up - from doors slamming to dad telling me to leave (or cussing at me in front of son) or them even calling the police. These are all quite possible.

Then you'll have a reason to take it to court.

Nonetheless, I am an adult and will do what is the most prudent. That's why I wrote here initially. If you think that is to go there, then I will. I will also add that this same kind of incident happened last summer. I went there and the authorities came. They told me he was safe and they weren't getting involved.

To be expected, but you will have exhausted all options.

Also, son does not have his meds with him (he took just enough for scheduled visit). Dad said he'd just give him some of his (anti-depressant). I think that's illegal.

Well, that's a good reason to go there. You can take his extra dose.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Go get your child. If they slam the door, call the police. They MAY go in and talk to the parties, but they can't force anyone's hand. Only after YOU have exhausted your options, then go to court.

<-- BTWTT

 

[kaizen]

Okay...I went and sheriff's deputy came along. Son refused to come. She wrote report and then suggested I ask the judge to cut down on some of the visitation time.

I brought my son's meds.

And now I'm going to write dad an email recapping the events, including his quote about "If they want to throw me in jail, let them". I'll let him know if son is not home by tomorrow night with a make up weekend to me, I will be in court Monday morning.

Thanks for the help here!

 

[MedusasRevenge]

I, *personally*, would not sweat a make-up.

 

[kaizen]

I have the motion form to fill out, and need some help.

The first page is "Request for Hearing on a Motion". The two things I'm unclear how to fill out are:

Motion(s):_______

Relief sought:_____

Would the first line read like this: that Mr. Dad be found in contempt of court.

And the relief sought be: child is returned home immediately, make up parenting time granted to Ms. Mom, and Mr. Dad be required to pay the costs incurred with this motion.


The second page is "Motion Regarding Parenting Time" and that is simpler. It gives me a box to check saying "has made changes to the parenting time w/o court order as follows:" It goes on to allow me to check the box asking that parenting time be made up.

I would appreciate feedback on the first two blanks and the best way to fill those in. Thank you.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

http://www.mfia.state.mi.us/olmweb/ex/foc/485X10.pdf