child support nightmare

[LSIMMONS]

I need some major help. My husband was married and got divorced from his wife around 1988. He was paying child support but his ex decided to take the child when she was almost 3 years old to Indiana. She told him that the judge said that since she was bettering herself she could go (which we recently found out that it was a lie). He did continue to send money to the ex but she moved and left no forwarding address. Her family wouldn't tell anything about where she was. We could not afford to get a lawyer and to track her down. We ere both working but not making much money. I had a son and we have 2 children together. In August 2003, my husband finally found out where the daughter was b/c the mother moved bake to our area but left the daughter in Indiana telling a judge that she no longer wanted her. We have a wonderful relationship with the daughter and have made numerous trips to Indiana. We recently received notification from child support agency that he owes almost $77,000 in back child support. We talked to a lawyer but have to pay $2,000 for retainer. We wen't and talked to child support and explained everything and they told us that they wouldn't do anything yet. They now have garnished his wages and we barely had the money to live from payday to payday. I need advice badly. Please help

 

[VeronicaGia]

You say he continued to pay the support. If that's true, how is he $77K in arrears? Was he paying her directly? Does he have proof of payments, whether he made them to her or through wage garnishment?

 

[LSIMMONS]

He was paying her until she moved and left no forwarding address.

 

[stealth2]

Unfortunately, he's sunk. There was a court order, and he could not simply stop paying the support. I understand that he didn't know where she was, but he should have either taken it back to court or stashed the support money in the bank. As long as the order is in effect - he owes the money. And the only thing that can change a court order is another court order. I'm sorry.

 

[LSIMMONS]

She didn't have this child on 4 different occasions b/c she was in a group home. This last time she was there for 9months and 2 days. Can she collect on that? Can we take her to court b/c she violated the divorce decree. He was to have visitation and she was not to take the child away without getting permission from the court first and we have searched and there was no order.

 

[tigger22472]

She didn't have this child on 4 different occasions b/c she was in a group home. This last time she was there for 9months and 2 days. Can she collect on that? Can we take her to court b/c she violated the divorce decree. He was to have visitation and she was not to take the child away without getting permission from the court first and we have searched and there was no order.

Yes she can still collect on when the child was in the group home as either A the state will take it or B she had to help financially provide for the child there too (which I've seen) and in turn your husband would be responsible for also.

He can take her to court for violation but in reality there is little that will probably be done to her. If the child isn't living with mom and isn't living with dad then the best option is to file for custody now. AND BTW... I hope your husband is paying support now because it IS still adding up until a court order changes that.

 

[kat1963]

Oh brother. If she was in a group home it sounds like at some point she was made a ward of the state. Which could mean the back support is owed to the state not biomom (sounds like bio was probably on welfare too, again, owed to state).
What did the lawyer say he could do for you? I really think your husband is going to need one...this isn't looking good at all.
KAT

 

[LSIMMONS]

We have talked to a lawyer but we have to pay the retainer before anything can be done. She daid that we could put in the petition that she was ward of the state of Indiana. She was let out on March 22nd this year and she has visited us on 2 occasions. The last time she visited she tried numberous times to see her mother but the mother wouldn't even answer the door. My husband and I went to family therapy when she was in the center and we found out that the mother physically abused her since she was about 12 years old. I think that was the reason she came back here b/c she was about to get in trouble there. We were also told that we could put in the petition that she violated the order. How come she can get away with this and that she doesn't have to do what the court ordered but he does. He would have paid the support, he has been through heck b/c not being able to see the daughter. it's not fair.
She turned 18 in Jan. and is there any way the money can go into an account for the daughter and not given to the mother b/c the daughter will never see any of it?

 

[stealth2]

Well here's a question for you.... When Mom moved away - what did DAD do to find her and exercise his rights?

 

[tigger22472]

She turned 18 in Jan. and is there any way the money can go into an account for the daughter and not given to the mother b/c the daughter will never see any of it?

Not that agree with a parent taking off with a child but the first point you aren't getting is that visitation and support are separate issues.

The answer to your question is no. That money does not belong to the daughter. It belongs to mom and/or the state and the state will handle that part. Child Support is not the child's money. Child support goes to the custodial parent or the person caring for the child as in the court order.

 

[LSIMMONS]

Well here's a question for you.... When Mom moved away - what did DAD do to find her and exercise his rights?[/Q

He did nothing. It takes money to do anything and that was something we never have had. We were told that we make too much money to get any help. He didn't know what his rights were.

 

[LSIMMONS]

Not that agree with a parent taking off with a child but the first point you aren't getting is that visitation and support are separate issues.

The answer to your question is no. That money does not belong to the daughter. It belongs to mom and/or the state and the state will handle that part. Child Support is not the child's money. Child support goes to the custodial parent or the person caring for the child as in the court order.

I have no problem with the money going to the state or to the child but her mother is mean. I do know that support and visitation are separate so she can get away with "kidnapping" the child?

 

[stealth2]

Well here's a question for you.... When Mom moved away - what did DAD do to find her and exercise his rights?[/Q

He did nothing. It takes money to do anything and that was something we never have had. We were told that we make too much money to get any help. He didn't know what his rights were.

Well, there's the problem. Ignorance is not an excuse. The court will see it as Dad threw his hands up, said "oh well" and quit paying support. Which is basically what he did. If he didn't care enough to make the effort - why should the court? I realize that's not what you want to hear.

 

[tigger22472]

Firstly Child support does NOT go to the child. It goes to who takes care of them to help pay their bills.

I have to ask this... How old was the child when the parents divorced? How long ago was it and when did you meet him?

I ask these because personally here is what I am seeing. I see a man who either A. really didn't know where his child was and didn't do anything about it and just decided to stop paying or saving the support or B. a guy who didn't know where his child was due to HIS own fault of not having contact. Then once the child turned 18 in Jan. thought he was off the hook for CS and 'found' her in less then two months and is just now finding out that the SOL for CS isn't up and he still owes for all those years he didn't pay. This is how your story is sounding. Now you say you don't have a problem giving the money owed but just not to the mom. Well, sorry it doesn't work that way. And again, I'm sorry but I do believe that he didn't know what his rights were... but then again a parent would of found out. Money or not something could of been done. Hell, he owes 77,000$ which means even if it meant saving that money every week to save for an attoney to find her at least the money would of gone somewhere..

I'm done with this thread. You've been given your answers.