Child Visitation and suspicion of sexual abuse

[computer_guy]

Yeah, I'm thinking that "felony kidnapping" was maybe at the far end of the range of things the advocate was saying *might* be possible.

I'm sure you're right, but it's just a risk that weighs into the options.

 

[Ohiogal]

I understand this and it sucks... The mother went through a lot of trauma while living with the father, and I feel it is required that I step up and attempt to give her as many tools as possible in her arsenal.

Really? Try backing off and not inserting yourself in her legal business. She chose to make this man a father and she chose to have a child with this man. She made decisions like a big girl so she should continue acting like one.

There are also many other pending situations that the father and his family have complete control over that we are trying to remove ourselves from... Long story short, the mother bought a house with the father before he was incarcerated, during the fathers time in jail he harassed her through having hundreds of packages being delivered to the house, and she was denied all ownership of the house after trusting that family with her money on the purchase.

Really? She didn't attend the closing? She didn't sign the ownership papers? She didn't get herself put on the deed? All real estate purchases and deals MUST be in writing. Just because she was stupid or ignorant doesn't mean dad is to blame. Hundreds of packages huh?

The mother has been severely oppressed and is absolutely mentally exhausted from all the compounding situations regarding the father. As we are finally able to, and currently moving out of this house this weekend, after struggling for months to find another place to reside.

Severely oppressed? Really? Now she has another man to do her thinking for her. Maybe mom needs to get into serious counseling. And you two were STILL living in the father's house even though he is a horrible person? Apparently he wasn't that bad because quite frankly he could have evicted her a long time ago if she has no ownership in the house.

 

[Silverplum]

IMHO, it's the poster that seems like the hard-core kook in this situation.

 

[MichaCA]

When I first read the post I was concerned. The second time I wasn't. Then I saw your post she is 6 and felt a little concerned. One thing I can offer you and mom is to consider looking at some info differently.

For example: My dad took baths with me and my two sisters (we used to all fit - almost - then it was just one at a time)...I don't recall how old I was when he stopped. He's a great dad.

I raised our daughter with the family bed thing. When she starting transitioning over to extended time periods with her dad (very young), I asked him to continue the family bed thing. Inappropriate of me...its his call...but it was his style too. She did merge out around age 6, maybe 7.

It is totally normal for a 6 year old to know a penis. Agree with Ohiogal completely, it would be weird if she didn't know. By age 4 or 5 our daughter and her girlfriends were sneaking off to touch and we parents taught the whole...thats a private thing to touch...if you want to touch you need to do so in private and alone...

So there are some parenting differences here, thats going to happen.

Maybe TMI...however it does sound - irregardless of whats really going on here - that mom is a bit hyped up around some pretty natural things...which raises the concern that she is building on her own fear.

It concerns me mom is inquiring of the child about physical/sexual questions after the visits with dad. IMO,THAT can cause problems for the child. In contrast, as already advised, mom needs to teach the whole safe/unsafe touch information.

If mom withholds the child - my legal understanding is that you need CPS or court willing to hold an investigation. They're not. Point is, mom withholds child one weekend...but then what - she keeps withholding the child for months? Cause what is she going to do next.

Keep the counseling going, mom keeps a journal of unusual comments child makes...but doesn't go asking for them.

By the way, how do you know the child was thrown against a wall?

 

[CJane]

I was concerned, until the post where this guy actually professes a belief that the father will murder the child in a fit of fear and frustration because he's reading a pulp novel.

Now, I'm more concerned that Mom and Boyfriend are feeding off each other's paranoia and creating a situation in which the child will be led to believe she's being abused even when / if she isn't.

 

[Isis1]

I was concerned, until the post where this guy actually professes a belief that the father will murder the child in a fit of fear and frustration because he's reading a pulp novel.

Now, I'm more concerned that Mom and Boyfriend are feeding off each other's paranoia and creating a situation in which the child will be led to believe she's being abused even when / if she isn't.

i think they are both being quite ignorant. i had a "friend" say my two boys sleeping in the same bed was disgusting and inappropriate. they had bunkbeds, the younger one ASKED his brother to sleep with him because he was scared. "friend" was under the impression i was going to put a stop to it. uh...no.

 

[Proserpina]

I was concerned, until the post where this guy actually professes a belief that the father will murder the child in a fit of fear and frustration because he's reading a pulp novel.

Now, I'm more concerned that Mom and Boyfriend are feeding off each other's paranoia and creating a situation in which the child will be led to believe she's being abused even when / if she isn't.

THAT is what concerns me, CJane.

I know I was raised in a different country (I don't think that's particularly relevant, but a couple of others have mentioned it previously....), but when I was a kid? My stepfather (who raised me from babyhood) bathed me right up until I was about 7. That was his job and because he worked freaky shifts, it was Daddy/daughter bonding time too.

I also saw his penis. More than once. I ran into their bedroom more than a couple of times when he and/or my mother were dressing.

A different time, I was playing on the landing and he had to run to the bathroom before HE had an accident (too many beers and all).

Was that exposing himself to me in a sexual manner? Hardly. Then again, we were also raised to understand basic biology and that nudity was not something to be ashamed of.

I'm sorry - I know my response here will inflame one or two people, but so be it. I see more paranoia than red flags on this thread.

Oh - and statistically, this child is more at risk from a boy/girlfriend or stepparent abusing her than the actual parent.

 

[gam]

It's just another fairly poorly-written shlock horror.

I've read worse.

For the record - I also have books on my shelf going into great detail about serial killers, their victims and crimes, forensic text books detailing how crimes are committed, a gazillion cheap-and-shlocky horror/gross-out authors......you name it.

I'm also not a child molester, nor a serial killer.

And ditto CJane's post.

This is OT, but based on what's on your shelf and what part of the country you live in, are you an Ann Rule fan?

 

[Proserpina]

This is OT, but based on what's on your shelf and what part of the country you live in, are you an Ann Rule fan?

I don't know what would ever give you that idea

And also OT - I do want to make it crystal clear that nobody on this thread is making light of child abuse, condoning child abuse or that it's not "normal" or "right" to be concerned.

However it is also very important to keep things in perspective. Sometimes hashing out ideas with a group of strangers is a most excellent way of gaining new insight.

I'm just saying.

 

[gam]

I don't know what would ever give you that idea

And also OT - I do want to make it crystal clear that nobody on this thread is making light of child abuse, condoning child abuse or that it's not "normal" or "right" to be concerned.

However it is also very important to keep things in perspective. Sometimes hashing out ideas with a group of strangers is a most excellent way of gaining new insight.

I'm just saying.

I agree with what you said and I feel the same way on it. The book itself can be looked at in many different ways, and keeping it in perspective, he needs to know that far more then that will be needed.

On the OT, I just couldn't resist asking about Ann Rule, just figured you had to be a fan, I just love her books.

 

[Isis1]

THAT is what concerns me, CJane.

I know I was raised in a different country (I don't think that's particularly relevant, but a couple of others have mentioned it previously....), but when I was a kid? My stepfather (who raised me from babyhood) bathed me right up until I was about 7. That was his job and because he worked freaky shifts, it was Daddy/daughter bonding time too.

I also saw his penis. More than once. I ran into their bedroom more than a couple of times when he and/or my mother were dressing.

A different time, I was playing on the landing and he had to run to the bathroom before HE had an accident (too many beers and all).

Was that exposing himself to me in a sexual manner? Hardly. Then again, we were also raised to understand basic biology and that nudity was not something to be ashamed of.

I'm sorry - I know my response here will inflame one or two people, but so be it. I see more paranoia than red flags on this thread.

Oh - and statistically, this child is more at risk from a boy/girlfriend or stepparent abusing her than the actual parent.

All my kids have seen me naked at one time or another. my YOUNGEST daughter knows how to pick the bathroom lock so even going to the potty is a non private party. my husband grew up with going to the bathroom with the door open. his dad STILL goes to the bathroom with the door open. it's not sexual. and it wasn't even an issue until i had a daughter. the men in my house walk around in boxers. sometimes....someone makes an appearance. it's still not sexual. "put that back in" is all that is said.

honestly, OP is searching. and being quite disgusting about it.

i read V C Andrew books. it is riddled with rape and incest. doesn't make me at risk for abusing my children.

 

[stealth2]

I remember seeing my Dad (and my brother, actually) naked at different times growing up. All in non-sexual situations. My daughter and my son have each walked in on the other (and myself) at inopportune moments and seen one another naked. Both have also walked around in underwear (sports bra/underwear or boxers) and yes, in the latter case, things sometimes fall out. There is nothing sexual about any of it.

I have read all sorts of books, and have all sorts of books on my bookshelves. All it means is that I like to read - and am not overly discriminating in what I read. Frankly, if I come across it, I will likely read it - no matter WHAT the subject matter.

Oh... growing up, my parents had a painting of a nude smack in the middle of our living room - right where you could see it when you walked into the house. Yes, that's right. A nude woman. TO make it even more interesting, the model was one of my grandmothers (heh, THAT shocked some of the more straight-laced in our community!). The artist was my grandfather, and, at the time, was the only piece of his that my Dad had. It held a place of pride in our home, and still does. As it should. Said nothing about my family except that we were proud of my grandfather.

 

[Proserpina]

Oh, I see. Going 'pottymouth' on the people answering posts is intolerable, but OhioGal can call the asker an idiot, be rude and sarcastic, and give horrible 'advice' and that is indeed tolerable???? Yes, that is why I would express to you, computer_guy, that you should seek help elsewhere. It is 'tolerable' to bash the people who ask questions here, but not to get it in return. What a joke!!!! OhioGal is a miserable person.

And that is all MY OPINION.

Have a wonderful day!!!!

Couple of things.

1. computer_guy has no standing to do anything. If he goes elsewhere online, I'm sure he'll get the same responses.

2. You don't understand the law, or anything about human sexuality and family dynamics.


My day is going superbly though.

 

[Reeni79]

You do not know WHAT I know, or what I do NOT know. I see a post about someone concerned for a child who needs protection.... and a rude commenter. This site isn't supposed to be for bashing people, calling them names, making fun of their posts or questions, and continuing on an established path of hateful replies and negative posting. However, it appears that that is the case on this site, so I am gladly moving on. Reporting her does no good, and I am sorry to see such a person is a guardian ad litem. I hope that she is never assigned to my children!!!

 

[Proserpina]

You do not know WHAT I know, or what I do NOT know. I see a post about someone concerned for a child who needs protection.... and a rude commenter. This site isn't supposed to be for bashing people, calling them names, making fun of their posts or questions, and continuing on an established path of hateful replies and negative posting. However, it appears that that is the case on this site, so I am gladly moving on. Reporting her does no good, and I am sorry to see such a person is a guardian ad litem. I hope that she is never assigned to my children!!!

I honestly don't care how you feel about OG, me or anyone else.

However, your earlier (reported) post was out of line.

And given the content, it was clear that you're at the very least misinformed when it comes to the legalities and dynamics of this situation.

There's nothing wrong with being misinformed or misunderstanding something. Both give us the opportunity to learn. But digging our heads into our derrieres when we're told something we don't like is rarely productive.

Overreacting doesn't help, either.