Child wants to live with Father

[tx_mom2]

Texas

My 15-year old step-son has always lived with his Mom - and we have always paid her child support. The child has decided he wants to come live with his father and I but we are reluctant to take this entire case back to court to get it modified because we are afraid the child may want to go back to his mother's after a few weeks / months. Then, we are afraid that our child support order will be "refreshed" if / when the child wants to go back and we'll end up paying a higher child support amount to the mother b/c our pay has increased over the last 10 years. So, we'd rather have it "paused" while he is with us...

I guess my question is: Is it possible for the mother and the father to have a legal, enforceable contract between us that states that while the child is living with us, the mother agrees to forward the child support payments to us immediately upon receipt.

Can the courts ever make us pay her again in the future for this time that he was with us, because the actual child support order wasn't changed?

We don't plan to ask her for child support b/c we know she can't afford it but we definitely want to get our child support to her stopped while the child is with us full-time.

Thanks in advance for your advice!

 

[Silverplum]

Texas

My 15-year old step-son has always lived with his Mom - and we have always paid her child support. The child has decided he wants to come live with his father and I but we are reluctant to take this entire case back to court to get it modified because we are afraid the child may want to go back to his mother's after a few weeks / months. Then, we are afraid that our child support order will be "refreshed" if / when the child wants to go back and we'll end up paying a higher child support amount to the mother b/c our pay has increased over the last 10 years. So, we'd rather have it "paused" while he is with us...

I guess my question is: Is it possible for the mother and the father to have a legal, enforceable contract between us that states that while the child is living with us, the mother agrees to forward the child support payments to us immediately upon receipt.

Can the courts ever make us pay her again in the future for this time that he was with us, because the actual child support order wasn't changed?

We don't plan to ask her for child support b/c we know she can't afford it but we definitely want to get our child support to her stopped while the child is with us full-time.

Thanks in advance for your advice!

Only a court order changes or supercedes a previous court order. So yes, if your H stops paying CS on his own, his X can file contempt. It's happened plenty of times before.

Mom CAN return Dad's CS all she wants. As long as he has "officially paid," she can give the money to anyone she pleases.

And another thing: There is no "we" in this legal situation.

 

[penelope10]

I would think that legally the smartest thing to do is go back to the court and have the original order modified switching Dad as CP and Mom as NCP and having child support stopped.

If you aren't sure that this is in the child's best interests than why make the change based on a 15 year old's whim....


And as far as your concern about CS going up if the order had to be modified again to make Mom CP, you do realize that she can file a motion to have CP increased now if she so desired.

 

[tx_mom2]

So yes, if your H stops paying CS on his own, his X can file contempt. It's happened plenty of times before

Right - we don't plan to have it stopped - it's taken automatically out of his paycheck anyway. But we want to know if we can "go around" the court order between the mother and father and have an agreement that will stand-up in court if we both sign off on it.

 

[penelope10]

Right - we don't plan to have it stopped - it's taken automatically out of his paycheck anyway. But we want to know if we can "go around" the court order between the mother and father and have an agreement that will stand-up in court if we both sign off on it.

And I want to add once again if this is not in the child's best interests why change things on a 15 year old's whim......Just seems that you guys are unsure if he really wants to live with you or not.

I would think the smartest thing to do would be to go through the courts and have the modification done---I believe its the family court that would have jurisdiction over CS issues irregardless of any agreement signed. If Mom doesn't abide by the agreement,, you'll just end up in family court anyway.....

 

[Bloopy]

Usually NCP’s attempting to do this don’t touch child support in this scenario.

1) Mom and Dad decide to try letting Kiddo live with Dad after A LOT of thought.
2) Mom and Dad transfer Kiddo’s school records to new school by Dad
3) Kiddo moves in with Dad
4) Dad continues to pay CS without whining.
5) Dad could request Mom return the CS.
6) Kiddo changes his mind or stays with Dad for MONTHS to a YEAR.
7) THEN Dad files a modification of custody based on status quo
8) THEN Dad file for a modification of CS

Anything else seems like playing tug-o-war for a cash prize.

If DAD feels this is totaly unfair, he should leave kiddo with Mom.

 

[penelope10]

Usually NCP’s attempting to do this don’t touch child support in this scenario.

1) Mom and Dad decide to try letting Kiddo live with Dad after A LOT of thought.
2) Mom and Dad transfer Kiddo’s school records to new school by Dad
3) Kiddo moves in with Dad
4) Dad continues to pay CS without whining.
5) Dad could request Mom return the CS.
6) Kiddo changes his mind or stays with Dad for MONTHS to a YEAR.
7) THEN Dad files a modification of custody based on status quo
8) THEN Dad file for a modification of CS

Anything else seems like playing tug-o-war for a cash prize.

If DAD feels this is totaly unfair, he should leave kiddo with Mom.

Seems that one of step's big issues is if Mom doesn't follow the informal agreement and keeps CS.

 

[Bloopy]

Seems that one of step's big issues is if Mom doesn't follow the informal agreement and keeps CS.

And she legally has the right to do so. That's not a "problem."

 

[KAMIAKI1]

The proper way to protect both the mother and the father would be to go thru the court system and have it all modified. My husband and his ex have 2 children. The oldest came to live with us as it was mutually decided that would be best for the child. His pay check gets the full child support for both children taken out and his ex reimburses us for the child living with us. I guess it all comes down to trust. We printed out a parenting plan and everyone signed it. We did this incase it was going to be a temporary living arrangement. We agreed that it would be a full year and we would touch base to see if it should continue. We have now had her for 3 years. They never went to court as it has been a trustworthy situation on both parties.
Now if you can't trust the person-go to court. JMHO

 

[SJ11]

Texas

Then, we are afraid that our child support order will be "refreshed" if / when the child wants to go back and we'll end up paying a higher child support amount to the mother b/c our pay has increased over the last 10 years. So, we'd rather have it "paused" while he is with us...

I can understand not wanting the mother to get child support if your stepson lives with you and your husband. It sounds to me, though, like part of the issue is that you want to avoid having the child support adjusted to what it really should be given the pay increases (if they are significant). Are you considering not letting your stepson have a trial stay with you over a few weeks of child support and having the support amount potentially raised - because that doesn't seem to be in your stepson's best interest. If you have concerns about him changing his mind, playing games with moving back and forth, etc, that's an issue, but why does the financial part play such a big part in the decision?