concerned & desperate grandmother

[Just Blue]

that's what grandparents do, least that i can do for screwing up my daughter. i was too young and didn't know it. 17 when she was born

So you want a do over? You can't make up for your failures that way...especially as you seem to think 16 is a proper age for children to be off on their own.

Have you taken the time to report the abuse to CPS in New York?

As an aside: My elder sister was 16 when her eldest was born. The day her baby was born she grew the hell up and became a proper parent. Both of her children are college graduate, successful adults. Stop using your age as an excuse for your epic failure as a parent. You failed and, if I believe you are not a troll, are failing the grandchildren by not reporting the abuse to people that can help them.

Congratulations on keeping a cycle of abuse, teen pregnancy, substance abuse, criminal behavior and poor parenting through your family tree.

 

[Zigner]

So what? They are certainly NOT to young to be protected from abusive parents. I really don't understand your purpose.

IF the OP is not a troll:

The OP feels as if she failed as a parent, so now wants to be a shining angel who swoops in and rescues the children from the horrible abuses they are suffering at the hands of their parents. Of course, she wants to make sure that SHE is the one who receives all the credit and SHE wants to be the one they come running to saying "thank you, thank you, thank you for rescuing us!"

IF the OP is not a troll, then this is not at all about the safety of those three children, rather, it's about the grandma wanting to feel some sort of redemption for her own perceived missteps and misdeeds in life.

This is all about the OP and nothing about the children.

 

[theresajengle]

i am getting there, big decision with great consequences!, the few hours on discussing this has made me think that I am gonna have to do this, after i read all the posts. not easy but i only want what is best, no more mistakes

 

[cbg]

Teri, the bottom line is this:

As a grandmother, you are UNDER THE LAW an uninvolved third party with no standing to do anything. I am not talking emotions; I am talking legalities. I completely get how emotionally involved you are. That doesn't change what the law allows you to do.

There is one thing, and one thing only, that you can do. That is to call the authorities. Either call them, or don't call them; your choice. But that is the ONLY thing you have legal standing to do.

The law does not grant your granddaughter the right to have her own phone. Whatever the laws may have been when you were 16, today a 16 year old has the right to a roof over her head, weather appropriate clothing, and food; after that she has the rights to whatever her parents choose to allow. She does not have the right to leave home without parental consent, and you do not have the right to take them out of the home without the permission of both their parents. That is how the law is today; I don't care what it was when you were a teen.

So either call the authorities or don't call them, but stop wasting your time trying to come up with scenarios where you can rescue everyone without assistance from CPS or the cops. Those dogs aren't going to hunt.

 

[not2cleverRed]

like I said before " I have already wrote the letters, all ready to go" I just wanted to get information before I send it because when I do I know it is over, they will all be mad at me, maybe forever. i know im gonna have to do it

And where are these letters being sent to?

I'm sorry, but the welfare of the children comes before your wants and needs. If you know your daughter is a drunk and you suspect Dad is abusive, then you are part of the problem. Stop being part of the problem and do the right thing: contact the authorities ASAP. Aim for the best interests of the children.

If you do things for the best interest of the children, in the long run the children will be better, and might even respect you.

If you are more concerned about the short term, in the long run the children will recognize you as an enabler, or at least spineless. Wringing your hands changes nothing and helps no one.

 

[Just Blue]

So what? They are certainly NOT to young to be protected from abusive parents. I really don't understand your purpose.

But their too young to get a job when fairy grandmother "saves" them. Apparently, in OP's world, 16 is a magic age where one is expected to pay their way.

 

[theresajengle]

Then she IS in school.

no, school is online, not in person

 

[Just Blue]

i am getting there, big decision with great consequences!, the few hours on discussing this has made me think that I am gonna have to do this, after i read all the posts. not easy but i only want what is best, no more mistakes

Pick up the freaking phone and call child protective services.


Have you read the news lately? Children being stabbed, shot, suffocated, starved in dog pens, drowned, decapitated by their abusive parents/guardians.

 

[theresajengle]

And where are these letters being sent to?

I'm sorry, but the welfare of the children comes before your wants and needs. If you know your daughter is a drunk and you suspect Dad is abusive, then you are part of the problem. Stop being part of the problem and do the right thing: contact the authorities ASAP. Aim for the best interests of the children.

If you do things for the best interest of the children, in the long run the children will be better, and might even respect you.

If you are more concerned about the short term, in the long run the children will recognize you as an enabler, or at least spineless. Wringing your hands changes nothing and helps no one.

letters will be sent to Oneida county of social services, department of family and community services, Utica police department, central NY mental health services, Whitesboro area school district, plus 5 other domestic violence, suicide hotlines, and shelters.

 

[not2cleverRed]

no, school is online, not in person

She IS enrolled in school. And if she logs in like she is supposed to, then she is IN SCHOOL.

Attending school virtually is being IN school.

I even know people, in NY no less, that are PAYING for their kids to go to school online. Just because it's challenging doesn't mean it's not possible.

 

[Just Blue]

letters will be sent to Oneida county of social services, department of family and community services, Utica police department, central NY mental health services, Whitesboro area school district, plus 5 other domestic violence, suicide hotlines, and shelters.

Pick. Up. The. Phone. And. Call. CPS.

 

[Zigner]

letters will be sent to Oneida county of social services, department of family and community services, Utica police department, central NY mental health services, Whitesboro area school district, plus 5 other domestic violence, suicide hotlines, and shelters.

Call the local (NY) police and the local (NY) child protective services department. There's no reason to defame the family elsewhere.

 

[Ohiogal]

no, school is online, not in person

You are an idiot. Signed, an Attorney GAL.

 

[theresajengle]

because i have 30 years to tell of, this guy is smart, he is good at lying and manipulating, they are scared of him to speak. i got one chance and i have to get it right.

 

[Ohiogal]

letters will be sent to Oneida county of social services, department of family and community services, Utica police department, central NY mental health services, Whitesboro area school district, plus 5 other domestic violence, suicide hotlines, and shelters.

Lady, you are stupid. Half those places won't care and don't matter. But then again, you don't give a damn. You really don't. This is not about the safety of the children. HELL, give me the names of your daughter and grandchildren and their address and I will freaking call. I care more than you do if you are spouting anywhere near the truth. I work with abused children every day of my life and recommend where they should be. YOU would not be recommended because you haven't done anything to protect these children. NOTHING. BTW, if you live in Wilkes Barre, weather must be cold.