Contempt?

[2Mistakes]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? MS

Good morning all.

I have a question about possible contempt, and my attorney is on vacation for the next 2 weeks.

If you remember, my ex-wife and oldest daughter (Punkin, 15) had a confrontation on the phone awhile back, wherein my ex blamed our daughter for everything bad that had happened in the ex's life.

Ex-wife now lives in MI with her BUD, but is in Pensacola this weekend visiting family, and asked if she could have the kids. Of course I said yes. Punkin didn't want to go, and I was confused on whether I should let her make that decision. But then mom said she didn't waqnt Punkin for this weekend, so that was handled.

So anyways, this weekend is here, and my wife met my ex in Mobile to drop off the 2 younger kids last night. They always meet at Waffle House, and have coffee during exchanges, while the kids have hot chocolate. The reason my wife does the exchanges with my ex is 2-fold: 1.) My ex is responsible for transportation, but my wife is a nice person and offered to meet her 1/2 way to take some of the burden off of the ex. Because of my work schedule, I can't meet her over there; and 2.) My ex doesn't like me, but likes my wife and prefers to deal with her whenever possible.

So, when my wife and the ex were having coffee, my ex told my wife that she (the ex) doesn't want to have Punkin this summer when she has the kids for visitation.

My wife told my ex that she would have me call the ex to discuss it, that she didn't feel comfortable getting in the middle of that situation.

So I emailed my ex, telling her that Wifey Poo told me that there was something we needed to discuss about Punkin. The ex emailed back and said that she doesn't want to have Punkin this summer. I emailed her back and asked her if she was sure, and asked her if she thought this was the best way to handle the rift between the 2 of them.

That must have pissed her off, because she fired back, yelling (in all caps) that I have no right ro question how she handles this, and that she doesn't have to see Punkin if she doesn't want to. OK. Not going to respond and fan those flames.

I know that Punkin will be happy that she doesn't have to go. She's been asking non-stop if there is any way that she could just stay home this summer, and I've told her that a court order is not a suggestion and she is going. I haven't told her yet that she doesn't have to go, in case mom comes to her senses and changes her mind.

So, onto the legal question -- If mom does not change her mind and sticks to not wanting to have Punkin this summer, what if anything can I do to legally protect myself? I could envision her filing for contempt, saying that I didn't provide Punkin for visitation.

Would the email exchange between the ex and I regarding this situation be enough to keep my butt out of hot water if she did file for contempt?

Do I need to have my attorney file something changing the court-ordered visitation when he gets back? I don't see a hearing happening before summer visitation starts, though. My attorney gets back on May 1, and ex gets the kids on May 22. This is obviously not a situation for an emergency hearing. I just want to cover my butt in case she gets vindictive.

I also have another question. I'm not sure where my ex is going to have the kids this summer. She and her BUD live in Michigan. She has family in Pensacola, and has told the kids that she might move back down there. Then the next week she says that she and BUD might move to TX next month.

Would it be unreasonable for me to ask her where she will be having the kids this summer? I would also like to request an actual address of where the kids will be, but I know she'll throw a fit. I have no plans of keeping the kids from her if she doesn't give me the info, but it would set my mind at ease to know that I have a place to start if something, God forbid, were to happen.

So those are my questions. Feel free to ask questions if I didn't make sense.

 

[Zephyr]

I think the email would be a good thing to hang onto, maybe- when summer is closer- email mom just to verify that she does intend to not exercise her time with Punkin.....and at the same time, ask for the address of where the children will be

 

[frylover]

2M, I know zippo about the legal stuff but I just wanted to say, after reading your posts:

1)You are an INCREDIBLE daddy!

2) Your ex is really a piece of work!

3) I am so sorry for your little girl that she has to go through this, but she is lucky to have you and your wife.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Just a thought here, but why not suggest a shorter visit for mom and Punkin - like maybe two weeks instead of 6 or 8 or whatever your court order says. Mom and child still see each other, but just for a shorter duration.

 

[penelope10]

There is absolutely nothing unreasonable about wanting to have an address of where the children will be staying this summer. If there was some type of emergency you would certainly want to know where the kiddos are-- as I said it is not an unreasonable request. Heaven forbid something could happen to the ex and her boyfriend while the kids are in their care. You'd want to be able to immediately go to where the children needed you.

Perhaps if you communicate this to your ex she won't "explode" when you ask for the information.

LOL, but is kind of fun to imagine her spontaneously combusting upon reading your email. (I have a sick, sick sense of humor at times when dealing with my ex)
That's why I have an imaginary catapult....sure relieves my stress.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Pen, are you thinking the Ally McBeal type of explosion?

 

[Isis1]

Pen, are you thinking the Ally McBeal type of explosion?

dude...you read my mind!! i LOVED that show!

 

[2Mistakes]

Just a thought here, but why not suggest a shorter visit for mom and Punkin - like maybe two weeks instead of 6 or 8 or whatever your court order says. Mom and child still see each other, but just for a shorter duration.

That is a really good idea. I'm not sure she'll go for it, especially if she'll be having the kids in MI, since she'd have to pay for extra plane tickets.

If I could afford it, I'd offer to split the cost. But our trip to Orlando this last week broke the bank!!!!

My wife will be talking to the ex tonight. They are working on some soft of joint project for the boy's upcoming b'day, so maybe my wife can test the waters with the idea.

Coming from my wife, my ex will probably jump all over the idea. She never ceases to amaze me. LOL There have been times that I've suggested something to ex, and she immediately shuts me down and tells me I'm an idiot. My wife will present the same idea to her, and she'll go on and on about what a great idea it is. I just shake my head. My wife may not be comfortable discussing it with her, though. I'll have to talk to her. If my wife doesn't want to get involved, I'll figure out the most diplomatic way for me to approach it.

Hey Pen, can you send me 1 of those imaginary catapults? Bet that would really relieve my stress.

 

[penelope10]

That is a really good idea. I'm not sure she'll go for it, especially if she'll be having the kids in MI, since she'd have to pay for extra plane tickets.

If I could afford it, I'd offer to split the cost. But our trip to Orlando this last week broke the bank!!!!

My wife will be talking to the ex tonight. They are working on some soft of joint project for the boy's upcoming b'day, so maybe my wife can test the waters with the idea.

Coming from my wife, my ex will probably jump all over the idea. She never ceases to amaze me. LOL There have been times that I've suggested something to ex, and she immediately shuts me down and tells me I'm an idiot. My wife will present the same idea to her, and she'll go on and on about what a great idea it is. I just shake my head. My wife may not be comfortable discussing it with her, though. I'll have to talk to her. If my wife doesn't want to get involved, I'll figure out the most diplomatic way for me to approach it.

Hey Pen, can you send me 1 of those imaginary catapults? Bet that would really relieve my stress.

It's own its way right now--you should be getting it shortly

 

[penelope10]

Pen, are you thinking the Ally McBeal type of explosion?

Absolutely

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

I have found very decent fares with SWA for the summer trips. Thinking Birmingham to Detroit here. AND they don't charge extra for UM.

 

[wileybunch]

IMO, I think if it all possible that 15yo should go for the full time she's supposed to. I realize Mom isn't wanting it right now, but it's probably because she feels guilty, stupid, justified, not justified, confident, helpless, etc. all about the situation with the 15yo that's not so easy to smooth things over with now that Mom has crapped this load and a 15yo isn't as easy to just sweep things under the carpet with. They NEED this time together. And, that family -- Mom and kids -- are a unit that needs to be together, too -- good, bad, and ugly.

That said, if you must modify the arrangement for this summer, I would go for a stipulated agreement that you file assuming you can do that on your own and there's no cost to file it if you are very concerned about needing to be covered for the future, but otherwise your interchanges along with Mom not trying to pick DD up for summer visit should be enough of a record of what the facts are.

 

[2Mistakes]

IMO, I think if it all possible that 15yo should go for the full time she's supposed to. I realize Mom isn't wanting it right now, but it's probably because she feels guilty, stupid, justified, not justified, confident, helpless, etc. all about the situation with the 15yo that's not so easy to smooth things over with now that Mom has crapped this load and a 15yo isn't as easy to just sweep things under the carpet with. They NEED this time together. And, that family -- Mom and kids -- are a unit that needs to be together, too -- good, bad, and ugly.

That said, if you must modify the arrangement for this summer, I would go for a stipulated agreement that you file assuming you can do that on your own and there's no cost to file it if you are very concerned about needing to be covered for the future, but otherwise your interchanges along with Mom not trying to pick DD up for summer visit should be enough of a record of what the facts are.

I agree 100%. I think Punkin needs to go, and I think mom and Punkin need to work this stuff out.

But I don't think that's going to happen. My wife and my ex-wife were on the phone a little bit ago, talking about their suprise for The Boy's b'day, and my wife said, "Hey, I was thinking about this stuff with Punkin. Are you sure you don't want to have her this summer? Even for a shorter visit? If it's a matter of too much travel, I can meet you 1/2 way, even if ya'll are in MI."

The ex-wife said, "I appreciate the offer, but no, I don't want her to come. I've already sold the furniture out of her room and turned it into an office, so I don't have room for her anyways."

At this point, I'm just going to leave this situation alone, and leave it to mom and Punkin to work things out, or not.

I think I will approach my ex that if this is going to be her position in regards to Punkin that we should enter a stipulated agreement to that effect. She may got for it, she may not. If not, I'll just keep all my documentation to prove that I didn't withhold Punkin, and that I in fact encouraged mom to have Punkin.

I had checked with my attorney some time back about the laws of recording phone conversations, and he advised that MS is a 1-party state, and that I could record any conversations I had with her.

I asked him if that was the case if we were on cell phones, and he said it would not be a problem, which sounded funny to me. But he said our particular judge allows recording of telephone conversations, whether on cell phones or land lines into evidence. So my wife did record that conversation with the ex as well, just in case.

 

[Isis1]

The ex-wife said, "I appreciate the offer, but no, I don't want her to come. I've already sold the furniture out of her room and turned it into an office, so I don't have room for her anyways."

merciful heavens. i am so sorry for your daughter. THIS is extremely immature behavior. on the ex's part. i can't remember if your daughter is in therapy. i'm actually dumbfounded. and i KNOW how that feels. my mom did exactly the same thing. i still refuse to speak to the woman.

 

[frylover]

How awful for your poor daughter