corporal punishment battle

[ariane00]

My husband and I live in California in a small town. My husband has 50/50 custody split of his 5 yr old son. Starting when son was 2 Mother starting spanking hard enough to leave red marks lasting over 24 hours stating religious discipline as validation. One particular spanking (dec 2015) left bruises that lasted for days after we got him, he could not sit down without being in pain. We took him to the Dr. to document. We made CPS and police report to which Mother proudly confessed. Criminal charges were filed by the ADA with loads of evidence but dismissed after several months with an agreement she take parenting classes. Her spanking continued (with bruising) sporadically through 2016. My husband filed more CPS reports and RFO's, the commissioner gave a verbal warning to stop but left penalty up to criminal case that didn't end up doing anything. More photos of spankings leaving bruises submitted in 2017 when my husband requested full custody, this time to the judge. The judge made an order for no corporal punishment instead. 2018 mom dragged son by pinching ear while yelling at him (in public) leaving a bruise on back of ear that was visible for 12 days. Father filed contempt of court order and again asked for full custody. The judge denied increased custody and gave another warning to mother. CPS, police, ADA, and judge all agree the bruises are child abuse so why does nothing happen to mother? Both mother and father are responsible, working, drug free, financially stable individuals. There is no reason Father is not taken seriously. My personal thought is Mother is very religious as is judge, creating bias. What can Father do to get full custody or minimum to get Mother to stop?

 

[CdwJava]

Is the father represented by an attorney in Family Court? If not, perhaps he should be.

This is not an issue of religion. Mom may well be hiding behind some veneer of her interpretation of what discipline means in her particular brand of faith, but as one who has also been occasionally described as "very religious" I can say that swatting a child so as to leave bruises and red marks that last for hours or days is NOT the tenet of any faith I am aware of. Certainly not any Christian sect I know of. Corporal punishment does not require bruising.

The prosecutor is free to file criminal charges should they choose to pursue them. It seems that the practice is to obtain parenting help for mom rather than throw her in jail. It will be up to the court to decide if she has substantially violated the terms of the order or not, and that may be a case of presenting the evidence in a proper fashion. That is why dad may need the assistance of an attorney in order to do so and to obtain sole physical custody,or, to obtain a restraining order against mom that will prevent or limit contact with the child.

 

[ariane00]

We had a lawyer for 15/16 filings but it got too expensive, so we've been doing it on our own, he didn't do much anyways. He didn't even submit photos saying case was strong enough without them. Mother has been given parenting help options by the court for 6 separate incidents over 2 years. She's not changing. CPS says all they can do is hand it over to ADA. ADA agrees it's abuse but says that a jury won't convict a mother and to file family court RFO. Though I know cases that got convictions with less evidence with less trauma. Family court judge gives long lectures but no penalties. Can we get the case moved to different court? Can we challenge the ruling on last RFO if we did get a lawyer? Do we just wait for another abuse incident (the mental abuse on son is ongoing and hard to prove) and go through motions again? I was considering posting the many photos to social media to try and get public outcry for the court to do something but I don't want to make the court mad at husband.

 

[CdwJava]

Only a local attorney can provide you information on the likelihood of moving the matter to another courtroom (to another judge). If you live in a small county, this may not be possible. A larger one, maybe.

Family Courts tend to seek reconciliation and education over draconian punishments, but they also tend to take adherence to their orders seriously ... though, the honed edge of the Sword of Damocles wielded by these courts can vary by judge.

You may have no recourse but to wait for a new act in order to take further action. Dad can try and be proactive and proceed with a motion for sole custody, but if that's been tried and failed, then there may be little point in that.

Ultimately, there is nothing you can do to compel the DA to file a criminal case (and nothing you can do to guarantee a conviction even if they did), and no way to appeal a judge's decision on Family Court matters simply because you dislike their ruling. And, of course, keep calling CPS and the police whenever there is an allegation of abuse taking place.

 

[Zigner]

What's all this "we" stuff?

 

[CdwJava]

Well, they are a "we" because they are married. While she has no specific legal standing with regards to her stepson, the fact that she is married to dad and this inherently makes them partners in whatever issues go on in their lives, this is a "we" issue. Stepparents are not merely spectators on the sideline - not if they take their vows and their relationships seriously.

 

[stealth2]

Father could start by handling his legal situation himself.

 

[Zigner]

Well, they are a "we" because they are married. While she has no specific legal standing with regards to her stepson, the fact that she is married to dad and this inherently makes them partners in whatever issues go on in their lives, this is a "we" issue. Stepparents are not merely spectators on the sideline - not if they take their vows and their relationships seriously.

How does "we" do anything in court? This is inherently not the OP's matter to deal with (legally speaking).

 

[CdwJava]

How does "we" do anything in court? This is inherently not the OP's matter to deal with (legally speaking).

The OP never said that SHE filed anything in court. But, they are a part of the situation since they are the husband's spouse and partner. These matters affect the family as a whole including the steps. Dad is not in it alone, or, rather, he should not be in it alone. If, for not other reason that support, it is most certainly a "we" endeavor.

 

[not2cleverRed]

We had a lawyer for 15/16 filings but it got too expensive, so we've been doing it on our own, he didn't do much anyways. He didn't even submit photos saying case was strong enough without them. Mother has been given parenting help options by the court for 6 separate incidents over 2 years. She's not changing. CPS says all they can do is hand it over to ADA. ADA agrees it's abuse but says that a jury won't convict a mother and to file family court RFO. Though I know cases that got convictions with less evidence with less trauma. Family court judge gives long lectures but no penalties. Can we get the case moved to different court? Can we challenge the ruling on last RFO if we did get a lawyer? Do we just wait for another abuse incident (the mental abuse on son is ongoing and hard to prove) and go through motions again? I was considering posting the many photos to social media to try and get public outcry for the court to do something but I don't want to make the court mad at husband.

Please don't post photos of this poor child on social media. Not only is it legally a bad idea, it is just overall in poor taste. Things show up in search engines years later.

Dad should keepon keeping on, documenting everything, and reporting as needed.

But Dad should also get the kid into therapy, even if he has to pay out of pocket, and do it on his own parenting time. (If it's someone properly credentialed, they can also testify credibly.)

 

[Zigner]

The OP never said that SHE filed anything in court. But, they are a part of the situation since they are the husband's spouse and partner. These matters affect the family as a whole including the steps. Dad is not in it alone, or, rather, he should not be in it alone. If, for not other reason that support, it is most certainly a "we" endeavor.

We had a lawyer for 15/16 filings but it got too expensive, so we've been doing it on our own...

Can we get the case moved to different court? Can we challenge the ruling on last RFO if we did get a lawyer?

OP certainly is asking about being involved in the family court matters, and that's now how it works.

 

[CdwJava]

OP certainly is asking about being involved in the family court matters, and that's now how it works.

She's part of it even if she's not a legal party. I am not a step parent, but I know a great many who are, and when they are doing it right they are a part of the process for good or bad. These issues do not occur in a vacuum, and no one can expect a step parent or new spouse to step aside and be an observer. When you are married, anything you do is "We." To expect otherwise is to minimize the commitment of that relationship.

We seem to regularly denigrate and minimize step parents on this site for some unknown reason, and it makes no sense. I have known a great many more evil parents than step parents in my day, and I have seen step parents being the far better choice than the bio parent.

The point is that the OP is supporting her husband. WE know that the paperwork is not in her name. SHE knows the paperwork is not in her name. But, she is married and supporting her spouse, hence the "we." It affects both of them so if she wants to use the supportive partnership term, "we", I don't see that there is a problem with that.

 

[HRZ]

I get it that Mom is over the line of corporal punishment and into child abuse if there are bruise marks and welts etc ...and somehow the system is not responding to need to intervene ....I suggest good solid records, photos, dates etc. ..

If 15 filings to court by Dad don't seem to be getting anywhere and the child is still the victim of physical abuse ...then perhaps Dad needs to find a new road...such as a doctor or school official who is a mandatory reporter of any likely abuse he or she sees ...yes it may mean takIng to the child for medical services immediately upon return from Mom if there are visible red marks etc. ...there may be a lot off grey area as to permissible amount of corporal punishment ..Dad needs to use a lot of common sense as to size and color of mark.