Custodial eval based on incorrect basis

[meldresler]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? KY

As quick background, 4 years ago my husband asked me for a divorce - he said he was selling our house, retiring, and moving himself to a place that fit HIS criteria (coastal and near HIS family, thus east coast). Just to clarify, this would mean a move of 3-10 hours from where we were living. I can be more specific if it would help.

We were in one of the most expensive cities in the country, so I asked if I could relocate with our then 5 year old to a place with cheaper housing, lots of family friendly features. I wanted her to have a real house, not, well, a parking spot. He limited our geographic scope even though he didn't know exactly where he was going, so we found a place 9 hours by car (from him, where he was then), cheap housing, and some secondary family - second cousins, etc. [My family is on the opposite side of the country, but he wouldn't let us move that far, etc.].

In the meantime, he was unable to sell his/our house, so he is still in the same house where we all lived together.

So things got ugly and he requested a custodial evaluation.

Their main finding was that I "unilaterally and impulsively" moved my child away either to isolate her from her father or to make visitation difficult. The report goes on and on about how I made this very poor decision in moving us to a place without family and social support.

And, their recommedation is that we move back to his locale and if I don't, they will recommend that he get custody.

So my question is: once such a report is issued, is there a process for some clarification. There was an amazing lack of closure in the process. There were many things I would have liked to talk through, things in which one record might say one thing (as an example, a pediatrician might make a diagnosis), but then an esteemed specialist amended/corrected the diagnosis. That kind of thing.

May I say it was one of the worst experiences of my life.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? KY

As quick background, 4 years ago my husband asked me for a divorce - he said he was selling our house, retiring, and moving himself to a place that fit HIS criteria (coastal and near HIS family, thus east coast). Just to clarify, this would mean a move of 3-10 hours from where we were living. I can be more specific if it would help.

We were in one of the most expensive cities in the country, so I asked if I could relocate with our then 5 year old to a place with cheaper housing, lots of family friendly features. I wanted her to have a real house, not, well, a parking spot. He limited our geographic scope even though he didn't know exactly where he was going, so we found a place 9 hours by car (from him, where he was then), cheap housing, and some secondary family - second cousins, etc. [My family is on the opposite side of the country, but he wouldn't let us move that far, etc.].

In the meantime, he was unable to sell his/our house, so he is still in the same house where we all lived together.

So things got ugly and he requested a custodial evaluation.

Their main finding was that I "unilaterally and impulsively" moved my child away either to isolate her from her father or to make visitation difficult. The report goes on and on about how I made this very poor decision in moving us to a place without family and social support.

And, their recommedation is that we move back to his locale and if I don't, they will recommend that he get custody.

So my question is: once such a report is issued, is there a process for some clarification. There was an amazing lack of closure in the process. There were many things I would have liked to talk through, things in which one record might say one thing (as an example, a pediatrician might make a diagnosis), but then an esteemed specialist amended/corrected the diagnosis. That kind of thing.

May I say it was one of the worst experiences of my life.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

I think you really, really need an attorney.

Generally a custody evaluation carries an incredible amount of weight with the court. Something, somewhere, made Dad's side of things more convincing than yours.

When did you move? How long after the move did Dad file?

 

[LdiJ]

I think you really, really need an attorney.

Generally a custody evaluation carries an incredible amount of weight with the court. Something, somewhere, made Dad's side of things more convincing than yours.

When did you move? How long after the move did Dad file?

I agree, particularly if your move was more than six months ago. You need an attorney to help you challenge that evaluation.

 

[meldresler]

Yes, our move was 4 years ago.

During the evaluation, we were losing our home - it was on the market and we finally did a short sale to avoid a foreclosure auction. (This was in large part because the ex withheld a 50K transfer that was part of the divorce settlement and I had to sue him for it in his state, and I won but it delayed it 9 months, too late for the bank!).

The evaluator, for what it's worth, lives 8 houses away from us. I'm mainly saying this to indicate that it elevated my stress and paranoia level. I was under ACUTE stress during the process.

The day I went in for my testing, I has just learned that an auction date was set on my house and that an uncle had died unexpectedly. A lot of their comments seem based on that day, my behavior that day, I was brain dead, upset.

I do have a lawyer, whew. Weekends are frustrating because I can't do anything!

 

[Proserpina]

Yes, our move was 4 years ago.

During the evaluation, we were losing our home - it was on the market and we finally did a short sale to avoid a foreclosure auction. (This was in large part because the ex withheld a 50K transfer that was part of the divorce settlement and I had to sue him for it in his state, and I won but it delayed it 9 months, too late for the bank!).

The evaluator, for what it's worth, lives 8 houses away from us. I'm mainly saying this to indicate that it elevated my stress and paranoia level. I was under ACUTE stress during the process.

The day I went in for my testing, I has just learned that an auction date was set on my house and that an uncle had died unexpectedly. A lot of their comments seem based on that day, my behavior that day, I was brain dead, upset.

I do have a lawyer, whew. Weekends are frustrating because I can't do anything!

So you were both being psych tested?

I'm sorry - I haven't read your post hx. A bit of background might really help

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? KY

As quick background, 4 years ago my husband asked me for a divorce - he said he was selling our house, retiring, and moving himself to a place that fit HIS criteria (coastal and near HIS family, thus east coast). Just to clarify, this would mean a move of 3-10 hours from where we were living. I can be more specific if it would help.

We were in one of the most expensive cities in the country, so I asked if I could relocate with our then 5 year old to a place with cheaper housing, lots of family friendly features. I wanted her to have a real house, not, well, a parking spot. He limited our geographic scope even though he didn't know exactly where he was going, so we found a place 9 hours by car (from him, where he was then), cheap housing, and some secondary family - second cousins, etc. [My family is on the opposite side of the country, but he wouldn't let us move that far, etc.].

In the meantime, he was unable to sell his/our house, so he is still in the same house where we all lived together.

So things got ugly and he requested a custodial evaluation.

Their main finding was that I "unilaterally and impulsively" moved my child away either to isolate her from her father or to make visitation difficult. The report goes on and on about how I made this very poor decision in moving us to a place without family and social support.

And, their recommedation is that we move back to his locale and if I don't, they will recommend that he get custody.

So my question is: once such a report is issued, is there a process for some clarification. There was an amazing lack of closure in the process. There were many things I would have liked to talk through, things in which one record might say one thing (as an example, a pediatrician might make a diagnosis), but then an esteemed specialist amended/corrected the diagnosis. That kind of thing.

May I say it was one of the worst experiences of my life.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

When was the custody evaluation completed? Has custody been decided? When was the recommendation made? How long did it take to complete?

 

[meldresler]

The evaluation went from June and the lawyers just received the report about 10 days ago. Generally then, 95% of people "settle". Honestly, I think the dad just wants reconciliation therapy and then to work out a visitation schedule, which is fine, I think this case was swallowed up by the legal system.

But back to the evaluation. My daughter's been seeing a therapist on a weekly basis for over a year. The therapist had previously been the big person in this case and had written affidavits on my behalf. They didn't talk to her and reviewed her notes submitted by the DAD. (He had made a request for her therapy notes and her university allows her discretion to take out things that may be harmful to the child, so they were a cleansed copy of the notes). She has since written to the evaluators and given them the full set of notes.

And ... my daughter has missed a lot of school due to throat infections (all documented and excused). They wrote that she "somatizes" illness, but her pediatricians and ENT said "impossible" to somatize strep, fever (she's scheduled for a tonsillectomy). And guess what: they didn't get her medical records either. My attorney said her number of absences (despite straight As) is enough for me to lose custody, but they were excused by doctor notes and her pediatrician just says her immune system needs to kick in gear (and they have since said a tonsillectomy would help).

And then as I previously mentioned, we relocated because the dad said he was selling our house, retiring and moving to the coast. (But he couldn't sell the house, market downturn). So a lot of the finding of parental alienation was based on the presumption that I impulsively moved her away from her father, likely so he couldn't see her. [So did he lie? I mean, really].

 

[LdiJ]

The evaluation went from June and the lawyers just received the report about 10 days ago. Generally then, 95% of people "settle". Honestly, I think the dad just wants reconciliation therapy and then to work out a visitation schedule, which is fine, I think this case was swallowed up by the legal system.

But back to the evaluation. My daughter's been seeing a therapist on a weekly basis for over a year. The therapist had previously been the big person in this case and had written affidavits on my behalf. They didn't talk to her and reviewed her notes submitted by the DAD. (He had made a request for her therapy notes and her university allows her discretion to take out things that may be harmful to the child, so they were a cleansed copy of the notes). She has since written to the evaluators and given them the full set of notes.

And ... my daughter has missed a lot of school due to throat infections (all documented and excused). They wrote that she "somatizes" illness, but her pediatricians and ENT said "impossible" to somatize strep, fever (she's scheduled for a tonsillectomy). And guess what: they didn't get her medical records either. My attorney said her number of absences (despite straight As) is enough for me to lose custody, but they were excused by doctor notes and her pediatrician just says her immune system needs to kick in gear (and they have since said a tonsillectomy would help).

And then as I previously mentioned, we relocated because the dad said he was selling our house, retiring and moving to the coast. (But he couldn't sell the house, market downturn). So a lot of the finding of parental alienation was based on the presumption that I impulsively moved her away from her father, likely so he couldn't see her. [So did he lie? I mean, really].

Your attorney really needs to get that evaluator on the stand and challenge the evaluation. I have NEVER seen a case, ever, where a judge actually ordered a parent to move back to the original state 4 years later. Plus, if all of the other negatives can be proven inaccurate by hard evidence (ie the amount of school she missed) then those factors should be tossed out by the judge as well.

You really shouldn't settle this one. You really should get the recommendation tossed in court.

 

[meldresler]

thanks ... I guess it's a question of where the dad takes it from here. So far he just wants to start "reconciliation therapy" and we got the child's therapist involved early on to get the new (reconciliation) therapist the right records, etc. The dad has never really wanted custody, just sued for custody because it was necessary to request an evaluation.

If the dad pushes for full custody, or to have us move back, or if an issue is made of the school records, then we have a problem. My attorney agrees that the judge would NEVER make the child move back, especially out of his jurisdiction, but my attorney also says we shouldn't waste our time challenging the report (and unfortunately/fortunately, this is a new attorney, she has never lost a custody case, and actually, coincidentally, won against my previous attorney in his divorce, so it's not like I think I don't have the right attorney or I'm getting bad advice, it's just hard to live with).

I have also thought of saying "OK, we'll move back as long as the dad agrees to stay in the area until her graduation in 2020" and he'll say "oh wait ... I'm trying to get to the coast". (he'll be 68 in 2020).

 

[LdiJ]

thanks ... I guess it's a question of where the dad takes it from here. So far he just wants to start "reconciliation therapy" and we got the child's therapist involved early on to get the new (reconciliation) therapist the right records, etc. The dad has never really wanted custody, just sued for custody because it was necessary to request an evaluation.

If the dad pushes for full custody, or to have us move back, or if an issue is made of the school records, then we have a problem. My attorney agrees that the judge would NEVER make the child move back, especially out of his jurisdiction, but my attorney also says we shouldn't waste our time challenging the report (and unfortunately/fortunately, this is a new attorney, she has never lost a custody case, and actually, coincidentally, won against my previous attorney in his divorce, so it's not like I think I don't have the right attorney or I'm getting bad advice, it's just hard to live with).

I have also thought of saying "OK, we'll move back as long as the dad agrees to stay in the area until her graduation in 2020" and he'll say "oh wait ... I'm trying to get to the coast". (he'll be 68 in 2020).

The way that I see it you either have to come to an agreement with dad, or challenge the evaluator. I don't see how you can defend against moving back to the original state without challenging the evaluation.

 

[gr8rn]

They wrote that she "somatizes" illness, but her pediatricians and ENT said "impossible" to somatize strep, fever (she's scheduled for a tonsillectomy). And guess what: they didn't get her medical records either./QUOTE]

Who exactly wrote that she somatizes her illness? Was it her therapist or the custody evaluator(s)? Because if it was the custody evaluator that wrote that, I would have a real problem with them saying that...and I would be questioning where they got this impression (Probably Dad?)

 

[meldresler]

yes, it was the custody evaluators (a psychologist and a social worker) who wrote that she somatizes stress, and they even contradicted records from a specialist from the top ranked hospital in the country (in a particular pediatric area).

Since the report came out, her pediatrician has contradicted that assertion and the ENT, like I said, contradicted the assertion. The pediatrician's exact wording was "she'd have the same illnesses wherever she lived" and the ENT said "you don't somatize fever or strep".

But even if she is highly sensitive, even if she does somatize stress, I am the parent who is loving and reassuring; he is the parent who is bullying and loud (none of this is challenged, they just think I'm anxious and impulsive and therefore they would attribute her sensitivity to me rather than to him).