Custody hearing Thursday

[KSilva_1982]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? MA

I am the mother & I now live an hour away from my ex because I do not have a place to live near my ex so I moved in with my father who owns a house. We have our custody hearing on Thursday & I have been trying to get my ex to take the kids overnight for even 1 night me providing transportation & asking him to help me a little with gas money because I am currently not working, but am searching for a job around here. He is currently living with his mom who lives in a 1 bedroom apartment, he also does not have a car. He has a job where he is working full time at the moment, but it will not be full time for long. He says he can not take the kids overnight because he does not have a place for them to sleep & he expects me to drop whatever I'm doing to drop the kids off to him whenever he feels like seeing them. I told him that when we go to court the judge will probably set up a visitation schedule, he said that it's fine, but he will not be able to take the kids overnight (his mom says the kids can't stay there because there's not enough room).

1) He's going to tell the judge that he's working full time right now, but he will have a note from his boss stating that he is not going to stay full time when they hire more people this way he doesn't have to pay child support according to his current income.

2) Also, he's going to say that he is unable to take the kids overnight because he has no place for them to stay.

3) He's going to say that he is working on getting a car & an apartment so he can try to pay less child support also.

Yes, he has come straight out & told me this stuff. He's also accusing me of having a new boyfriend, even though I do not. I took my kids to a water park the other day & he asked to talk to our 5 year old, so I let her talk to him & I found out afterward that he questioned her about who was with us & she told him. When I got back on the phone with him, he was threatening to smack one of the people that was with us (he is married & his wife was with us). I am very upset that he questioned our daughter about who was with us because I feel that he should not be putting her in the middle of it. She is a very honest child & always tells people more than they need to know, so he knew she wouldn't lie to him. He's also telling me that he does not want my kids to be around a friend of mine from work (she has 2 kids & a fiancee) because he thinks that she influenced me to leave him (which she did not, I just happened to meet her right before I left him). He has been harassing me about everything in the past. What might happen in court? I'm a little nervous that he's going to make himself look like a big jerk, which I do not want, because he is still the father of my kids & I want the best for him even though I am not in love with him anymore. I still care about him as a person. I am also wondering if there is any way if I ask the judge (if it even exists) if he could order my ex to only talk to me about the kids and money to stop harassing me about everything else in my life & in our past because he is causing me a lot of stress. If anybody could give me any advice on how to handle this situation I would truly appreciate it. ThanksWhat is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[profmum]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? MA

I am the mother & I now live an hour away from my ex because I do not have a place to live near my ex so I moved in with my father who owns a house. We have our custody hearing on Thursday & I have been trying to get my ex to take the kids overnight for even 1 night me providing transportation & asking him to help me a little with gas money because I am currently not working, but am searching for a job around here. He is currently living with his mom who lives in a 1 bedroom apartment, he also does not have a car. He has a job where he is working full time at the moment, but it will not be full time for long. He says he can not take the kids overnight because he does not have a place for them to sleep & he expects me to drop whatever I'm doing to drop the kids off to him whenever he feels like seeing them. I told him that when we go to court the judge will probably set up a visitation schedule, he said that it's fine, but he will not be able to take the kids overnight (his mom says the kids can't stay there because there's not enough room).

1) He's going to tell the judge that he's working full time right now, but he will have a note from his boss stating that he is not going to stay full time when they hire more people this way he doesn't have to pay child support according to his current income.

2) Also, he's going to say that he is unable to take the kids overnight because he has no place for them to stay.

3) He's going to say that he is working on getting a car & an apartment so he can try to pay less child support also.

Yes, he has come straight out & told me this stuff. He's also accusing me of having a new boyfriend, even though I do not. I took my kids to a water park the other day & he asked to talk to our 5 year old, so I let her talk to him & I found out afterward that he questioned her about who was with us & she told him. When I got back on the phone with him, he was threatening to smack one of the people that was with us (he is married & his wife was with us). I am very upset that he questioned our daughter about who was with us because I feel that he should not be putting her in the middle of it. She is a very honest child & always tells people more than they need to know, so he knew she wouldn't lie to him. He's also telling me that he does not want my kids to be around a friend of mine from work (she has 2 kids & a fiancee) because he thinks that she influenced me to leave him (which she did not, I just happened to meet her right before I left him). He has been harassing me about everything in the past. What might happen in court?

What is your question here? seems like Dad does not WANT any overnights and you want him to have some?

I'm a little nervous that he's going to make himself look like a big jerk, which I do not want, because he is still the father of my kids & I want the best for him even though I am not in love with him anymore. I still care about him as a person. I am also wondering if there is any way if I ask the judge (if it even exists) if he could order my ex to only talk to me about the kids and money to stop harassing me about everything else in my life & in our past because he is causing me a lot of stress.

Hon, no you cannot! as for the "stress", welcome to divorce, don't listen to anything he says and stop "stressing"

 

[KSilva_1982]

My question is, I have been told by other people that the judge will make a visitation schedule that we have to follow, will that include overnights? Because my kids really want to spend time with him & he doesn't seem to want to see them often.

 

[LdiJ]

My question is, I have been told by other people that the judge will make a visitation schedule that we have to follow, will that include overnights? Because my kids really want to spend time with him & he doesn't seem to want to see them often.

Here is the deal:

Even if the visitation schedule has overnights in it, dad is not required to exercise those overnight visits. In fact, dad is not required to exercise any of the visitation that he is given. Also, apparently grandma is not willing to have the kids overnight, and he has no control over that.

You on the other hand, as the custodial parent, will be required to make the children available to dad according to the schedule....and then if he chooses not to exercise the time, its on his shoulders.

 

[KSilva_1982]

Ok thank you for the answer, I am just concerned about my children. They do need stability & he is not giving them any kind of stability. I have tried to make an agreement with him regarding visitation, but he wants them whenever he feels like it, my kids are in daycare during the week because I am currently looking for a new job & he will call me on a weekday during the day & ask to see them. I tell him no because they are in daycare & I feel that they need stability. I'm hoping that there will be a visitation plan set up & that he sticks to it because I feel bad for my kids that they do not see him very often. He sees them for 1 day on the weekend & this past weekend he did not see them at all because he was too "busy". I just feel like he is trying to make everything harder for me than it already is, & in turn the kids are the ones being punished because he is trying to punish me...

 

[Farfalla]

Ok thank you for the answer, I am just concerned about my children. They do need stability & he is not giving them any kind of stability. I have tried to make an agreement with him regarding visitation, but he wants them whenever he feels like it, my kids are in daycare during the week because I am currently looking for a new job & he will call me on a weekday during the day & ask to see them. I tell him no because they are in daycare & I feel that they need stability. I'm hoping that there will be a visitation plan set up & that he sticks to it because I feel bad for my kids that they do not see him very often. He sees them for 1 day on the weekend & this past weekend he did not see them at all because he was too "busy". I just feel like he is trying to make everything harder for me than it already is, & in turn the kids are the ones being punished because he is trying to punish me...

Welcome to divorce. Many non-custodial parents act the way your husband is. I don't get ti but that's just how many people are.

How long have you been separated? Get a strict visitation schedule as soon as you can. And than stick to it.. he only gets the children during his appointed visitation times not whenever it suits him.

As for his harassing you: My ex did that. I stopped talking to him and would only communicate via email and letter. It keeps the level of emotional garbage way down. For a long time I saved every email and letter I got from him.... he was writing me letters telling me what a bad mother I am, etc. There came a day when he was telling the judge that he never harassed me, never bad mouthed me, and I was just trying to make trouble for him in bringing up that he was harassing me. I gave the judge the pile of nasty letter/emails from him. Gave her mine too so he could see the difference in tone. The judge got pretty angry at my ex and told him that if it did not stop he’d be in contempt. That was the end of the harassment from my ex.

 

[Farfalla]

Ok thank you for the answer, I am just concerned about my children. They do need stability & he is not giving them any kind of stability. I have tried to make an agreement with him regarding visitation, but he wants them whenever he feels like it, my kids are in daycare during the week because I am currently looking for a new job & he will call me on a weekday during the day & ask to see them. I tell him no because they are in daycare & I feel that they need stability. I'm hoping that there will be a visitation plan set up & that he sticks to it because I feel bad for my kids that they do not see him very often. He sees them for 1 day on the weekend & this past weekend he did not see them at all because he was too "busy". I just feel like he is trying to make everything harder for me than it already is, & in turn the kids are the ones being punished because he is trying to punish me...

When he calls to see them when they are in day care.... is he in town? Or is he asking that you drive them 100 miles to see him?

If he is in town... and can pick them up from daycare for a few hours.... that I don't see a problem with. Time with dad is much, much better than time in daycare for a child.

If he's asking you to drop everything and drive them to see him instead of job hunting... than of course don't agree to that.

 

[KSilva_1982]

When he calls to see them when they are in day care.... is he in town? Or is he asking that you drive them 100 miles to see him?

If he is in town... and can pick them up from daycare for a few hours.... that I don't see a problem with. Time with dad is much, much better than time in daycare for a child.

If he's asking you to drop everything and drive them to see him instead of job hunting... than of course don't agree to that.

No he is not in town. If he was in town, then I would tell him to get them from the daycare, (he is on the pick up list for the daycare) but he is expecting me to drop what I'm doing to drive them an hour away for him to see them for a few hours then pick them back up (with no help with gas either). I am also currently on state assistance until I find a job (which I hate, makes me feel like a loser). So, basically, no I do not have the money to provide the kids constantly for him to have visitation.

 

[Isis1]

one thing she may need to watch out for, is she created the distance so she may be ordered to provide the transportation. but it will be on a schedule. if he doesn't want overnights, then don't force him. it will only cause more ammunition for when he sees the children.

having a car and apartment does not reduce child support. it reduces HIS left over fun money. he will be ordered to pay something.

 

[KSilva_1982]

one thing she may need to watch out for, is she created the distance so she may be ordered to provide the transportation. but it will be on a schedule. if he doesn't want overnights, then don't force him. it will only cause more ammunition for when he sees the children.

having a car and apartment does not reduce child support. it reduces HIS left over fun money. he will be ordered to pay something.

Ok, I understand that I may need to provide the transportation since I created the distance. But, I would hope that the judge would only make me drop them off & pick them up once per week as it is right now, he thinks that I should provide them more than once a week, at one point he said that he wanted them 1 day during the week & 1 day during the weekend with no overnights & he thought that I should provide them for both days which would include me driving there & back 2 times a week which I don't think is right. I am hoping to move back to that area eventually, but I do not have anything to move back with right now, so I am stuck here for now, but as soon as I can move back to that area then I will, I'm even thinking about getting a job & putting my kids in daycare & school over there so it will be easier when I have the money to move back there. My mom lives there, even though she doesn't have the room for us to live there completely, I can at least use her address to put my 5 year old in kindergarten there.

I'm just nervous, I worry about everything I'm hoping that everything turns out ok for my kids, because they are the most important people in this whole thing.