Custody Modification

[gr8rn]

Second that Mom stays away BECAUSE of your wife working there. And if she lets you have the kids more than the court order, why are you complaining? Its more "structured" in your home, so why complain????

As far as the cereal in a ziplock, I have done that for years. I don't see anything wrong with it, but heck, you are welcome to have eggs and bacon there ready for them. And unless it is in the court order that they should be fed before coming to your house, then it is only YOUR rule, not the courts. Even if, she has fulfilled her duty since they have cereal in a ziplock.

 

[Silverplum]

Second that Mom stays away BECAUSE of your wife working there. And if she lets you have the kids more than the court order, why are you complaining? Its more "structured" in your home, so why complain????

As far as the cereal in a ziplock, I have done that for years. I don't see anything wrong with it, but heck, you are welcome to have eggs and bacon there ready for them. And unless it is in the court order that they should be fed before coming to your house, then it is only YOUR rule, not the courts. Even if, she has fulfilled her duty since they have cereal in a ziplock.

He is just SO PETTY.

 

[stealth2]

As far as the cereal in a ziplock, I have done that for years. I don't see anything wrong with it, but heck, you are welcome to have eggs and bacon there ready for them. And unless it is in the court order that they should be fed before coming to your house, then it is only YOUR rule, not the courts. Even if, she has fulfilled her duty since they have cereal in a ziplock.

My youngest eats breakfast on the bus. Some days it's a bagel/cream cheese, some days it's dry cereal, some days it's chicken cutlets. She's been known to grab a couple of grilled ears of corn... Whoop-de.

 

[Silverplum]

My youngest eats breakfast on the bus. Some days it's a bagel/cream cheese, some days it's dry cereal, some days it's chicken cutlets. She's been known to grab a couple of grilled ears of corn... Whoop-de.

Mmmm...grilled Olathe sweet corn...mmmmm...boiled Olathe sweet corn...mmmmm!!

Why, yes, I did have some Colorado-grown Olathe sweet corn last night for supper!!

 

[CJane]

Crap.

Most mornings, my son (almost 5 (!!!!!!) ) gets dropped off at the sitter's house (and really, that's all SMom is on those mornings, right?) with a baggie of cereal, or a granola bar, or a banana, or a handful of (freshly picked, still wet with dew) raspberries, or a cheeseburger left over from last night, or an instant breakfast shake thingie.

Cuz you know what? I am NOT getting my booty out of bed early enough to MAKE BREAKFAST on a week day. JUST. NOT.

Sometimes, he goes to the sitter's with NOTHING FOR BREAKFAST AT ALL!!!!! And you know what? She feeds him. Amazing, that.

AND most schools serve breakfast (which is awesome, because without it, my 10 year old and 13 year old would NEVER get breakfast during the week).

 

[proud_parent]

Mmmm...grilled Olathe sweet corn...mmmmm...boiled Olathe sweet corn...mmmmm!!

Why, yes, I did have some Colorado-grown Olathe sweet corn last night for supper!!

I suppose a Coloradan (Coloradoan?) must do what one must when there's no Iowa sweet corn to be had.

Say the word, dearie, and I'll hook you up.

 

[hvyhttr]

You need one of two things.

A substantial change in circumstance

Or

Proof of neglect/abuse.

Illegal activity in and of itself is NOT necessarily going to be a reason to change custody - much would depend on the activity itself, any resulting convictions and often whether the kids were involved or endangered.

Crappy parenting is also not a reason to change custody.

Thank you for this response...exactly the kind of information I am looking for, although "a substantial change in circumstance" seems vague.

All you ever hear is that the courts care what is in the best interests of the children...

To the contrary, what I am hearing here and from other research is that their best interests are unequivocally with the mother unless she is endangering them or neglecting them. Bad parenting does not a bad mother make.

However, if it were the man that was displaying bad parenting, custody would go straight to the mother, because that is what is "best"...

It is frustrating...

 

[Silverplum]

I suppose a Coloradan (Coloradoan?)

It's pronounced the first way, spelt the second.

Though some local newspapers have been experimenting with whacking the second out of existence, which is WRONG.

must do what one must when there's no Iowa sweet corn to be had.

You've never had Olathe corn, have you?

(Speaking of pronounciations, that's "Oh-lay-thuh." )

Say the word, dearie, and I'll hook you up.

You're a kindly soul.

 

[hvyhttr]

Second that Mom stays away BECAUSE of your wife working there. And if she lets you have the kids more than the court order, why are you complaining? Its more "structured" in your home, so why complain????

As far as the cereal in a ziplock, I have done that for years. I don't see anything wrong with it, but heck, you are welcome to have eggs and bacon there ready for them. And unless it is in the court order that they should be fed before coming to your house, then it is only YOUR rule, not the courts. Even if, she has fulfilled her duty since they have cereal in a ziplock.

You are correct, a bag of cereal is not all that bad, but she is doing it despite the psychologist telling us both he needs a large breakfast in the morning before he takes his medication because he is extremely thin as is and the meds supress his appetite further...ziplock of dry cereal is hardly a large breakfast

 

[Silverplum]

You are correct, a bag of cereal is not all that bad, but she is doing it despite the psychologist telling us both he needs a large breakfast in the morning before he takes his medication because he is extremely thin as is and the meds supress his appetite further...ziplock of dry cereal is hardly a large breakfast

Spell it for me: P - E - T - T - Y!

What's that spell?

PETTY!

Again?

PETTY! PETTY!

 

[stealth2]

Thank you for this response...exactly the kind of information I am looking for, although "a substantial change in circumstance" seems vague.

All you ever hear is that the courts care what is in the best interests of the children...

To the contrary, what I am hearing here and from other research is that their best interests are unequivocally with the mother unless she is endangering them or neglecting them. Bad parenting does not a bad mother make.

However, if it were the man that was displaying bad parenting, custody would go straight to the mother, because that is what is "best"...

It is frustrating...

That actually is wrong. Parents of either gender get to make less than stellar choices for their children. Unless the children are endangered or truly neglected - parents are allowed to parent as they see fit. Regardless of gender. Status quo makes a difference.

Again - you AGREED to the schedule you have. So you stated that the other parent was fit. You don't get to arbitrarily change your mind now. You will have to prove it.

 

[hvyhttr]

Crap.

Most mornings, my son (almost 5 (!!!!!!) ) gets dropped off at the sitter's house (and really, that's all SMom is on those mornings, right?) with a baggie of cereal, or a granola bar, or a banana, or a handful of (freshly picked, still wet with dew) raspberries, or a cheeseburger left over from last night, or an instant breakfast shake thingie.

Cuz you know what? I am NOT getting my booty out of bed early enough to MAKE BREAKFAST on a week day. JUST. NOT.

Sometimes, he goes to the sitter's with NOTHING FOR BREAKFAST AT ALL!!!!! And you know what? She feeds him. Amazing, that.

AND most schools serve breakfast (which is awesome, because without it, my 10 year old and 13 year old would NEVER get breakfast during the week).

I pay her support for her parenting days, not so she can drop them off starving during her parenting time. She drops them off at my house at the time that I have to leave to get him to school, but I still usually drive through to grab him something to eat.

This is a very small private school for children with learning disabilities. They don't offer breakfast or lunch because they don't have a kitchen. If they did, I would pay for his lunch (since I do most days anyway) despite the fact that I know she would not split the bill...

I don't understand how you attack someone on here who is looking for advice because they want to do what they believe is best for their children, and then turn around and completely defend someone you know nothing about, just because she is "mom"...

 

[gr8rn]

You are correct, a bag of cereal is not all that bad, but she is doing it despite the psychologist telling us both he needs a large breakfast in the morning before he takes his medication because he is extremely thin as is and the meds supress his appetite further...ziplock of dry cereal is hardly a large breakfast

Oh stop it! He's 7, not 17. Have him hold out his hand, fingers together, slightly cupped. that is about the size of his stomach. How "large' a breakfast to you shove into him before he takes that pill?

You are wrong about the courts favoring Moms. Whomever has primary custody is who is favored, because they have (usually) been chosen as the primary caregiver prior to the divorce/separation (there are exceptions) and its not that the primary custodian is favored, its that if the other parent wants to change that, they the burden to prove why changing primary custody is in the best interests of the children. And NOTHING you have said indicates you have met that burden.

 

[gr8rn]

I pay her support for her parenting days, not so she can drop them off starving during her parenting time. She drops them off at my house at the time that I have to leave to get him to school, but I still usually drive through to grab him something to eat.

This is a very small private school for children with learning disabilities. They don't offer breakfast or lunch because they don't have a kitchen. If they did, I would pay for his lunch (since I do most days anyway) despite the fact that I know she would not split the bill...

I don't understand how you attack someone on here who is looking for advice because they want to do what they believe is best for their children, and then turn around and completely defend someone you know nothing about, just because she is "mom"...

I find it funny that you criticize Mom's choice of breakfast food but you have no problem going for fast food for breakfast. I dunno. Seems a little, uhhh, hypocritical. Anyway, if Mom were here bashing you for buying fast food for the kids for breakfast, we wouldl defend you just as "completely".

 

[hvyhttr]

That actually is wrong. Parents of either gender get to make less than stellar choices for their children. Unless the children are endangered or truly neglected - parents are allowed to parent as they see fit. Regardless of gender. Status quo makes a difference.

Again - you AGREED to the schedule you have. So you stated that the other parent was fit. You don't get to arbitrarily change your mind now. You will have to prove it.

So, in custody cases, there is no biased in favor of the mother at all? Seems like the default arrangement, walking into court, is the dad gets every other weekend and a night each week. He has to prove that he deserves more.

You are correct, I did agree to that arrangment because I did not have the money required to fight it further. I regret that every day. I understand the burden of proving her unfit. That is why I am here. I wanted a definition of unfit. Apparantly, I have to wait for their lives to be in danger or physical signs of neglect before she can be deemed unfit...