custody, modifying

[southernandi]

What is the name of your state?
Oklahoma.

I recently divorced and my husband and I agreed on most things amicably. I had an affair shortly before I left and I let him be the custodial parent because I felt guilty. He is an extremely fair person and I thought we would be able to work it out. We came up with a good child support payment plan and 50/50 visitation plan. He hired private investigators the week after I told him I wanted a divorce (May 25th) and that's how he found out about the affair. I broke it off, but he is still having them follow me. They had a gps system on my car, my cell phone traced, and they've been following me since then. He is very angry and now wants full custody with me only having 120 days a year. He said if I give it to him now and not wait until they go to school ( they are 4 adn 2) he won't make me pay child support and won't sue me for the infidelity. He says he has a good lawyer and that there were many things that would hurt my case. I have gone out a lot on nights I don't have the kids and I've seen other people and I moved out a month before our divorce was final, but it was supposed to be final a few weeks after I moved. I don't do drugs, I don't have anyone else other than girl friends around my kids and I take good care of them. He says my 4 year old says my house is dirty, which it isn't, and that he wants to go to dad's house. He says the same to me, i want to go to mommy's house. He says he needs to know asap if I am going to give him the visitation back. I am not, but he says he has a good lawyer and I need to know what I should do/ what my chances are.

Also, he has been harrassing me via email. I printed off 160 pages he had sent between the 24th and the 29th of August. He sends about 30 a day to my office and I've told him to stop, but he sends it until I respond.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state?
Oklahoma.

I recently divorced and my husband and I agreed on most things amicably. I had an affair shortly before I left and I let him be the custodial parent because I felt guilty. He is an extremely fair person and I thought we would be able to work it out. We came up with a good child support payment plan and 50/50 visitation plan. He hired private investigators the week after I told him I wanted a divorce (May 25th) and that's how he found out about the affair. I broke it off, but he is still having them follow me. They had a gps system on my car, my cell phone traced, and they've been following me since then. He is very angry and now wants full custody with me only having 120 days a year. He said if I give it to him now and not wait until they go to school ( they are 4 adn 2) he won't make me pay child support and won't sue me for the infidelity. He says he has a good lawyer and that there were many things that would hurt my case. I have gone out a lot on nights I don't have the kids and I've seen other people and I moved out a month before our divorce was final, but it was supposed to be final a few weeks after I moved. I don't do drugs, I don't have anyone else other than girl friends around my kids and I take good care of them. He says my 4 year old says my house is dirty, which it isn't, and that he wants to go to dad's house. He says the same to me, i want to go to mommy's house. He says he needs to know asap if I am going to give him the visitation back. I am not, but he says he has a good lawyer and I need to know what I should do/ what my chances are.

Also, he has been harrassing me via email. I printed off 160 pages he had sent between the 24th and the 29th of August. He sends about 30 a day to my office and I've told him to stop, but he sends it until I respond.

Don't agree to anything. Make him take you back to court and let the judge decide. He is trying to bully you into something that he knows a judge isn't likely to do....otherwise he would have simply taken it to court.

Also, you are already divorced....its too late for him to do anything regarding the infidelity.....and I am not sure that he could have done anything about it in OK, during the divorce, anyway.

 

[southernandi]

oklahoma
Thank you so much for responding. Yes, he has bullied me the whole way through. I've made mistakes regarding our marriage but never our kids. I stayed home for 3 years after graduating college because that was what 'we' decided. I wouldn't take it back. But, he has always controlled everything. He has sole legal and physical custody but we have in our decree a 50/50 visitation plan that was in the decree. Can he take me to court over me charging debt on my own credit card, going out when I don't have the kids? He said because I'm drinking and going out and because he found out about other people that I saw while we were technically married that he could still sue me for it. Is that true? I wanted to be fair and give him equal time. He said let him be the sole guardian to reassure him I wouldn't move (my family is in TN) and I agreed. Now he is angry and wants to push things.

Also, i don't have any money, what do I do about representation? Where do you even start? I emailed an attorney today and the retainer was $2000! I can't even begin to think about what to do. Can he just file and try and me not get counsel. I should get counsel but I don't know what to do.

 

[Zephyr]

going back to court even without an attorney may be the best thing you could do now, judges really need a reason NOT to award joint custody these days, if there is no question of your fitness then you should be able, with a good deall of research on your part be able to get joint legal custody, and a solid visitation schedule lined up. maybe you should even file first and request mediation.