Dad has full physical custody. Mom wants joint physical custody.

[jcneedshelp]

I live in San Diego, California. My sons father was granted full physical custody in May of 2012. We got joint legal custody. I was granted visitation 2 1/2 days of the week, due to the parenting plan we agreed on. I was ordered to stay on my medication. Which I have done. I have planned to go back to court to get joint physical custody. Was just waiting on my job to allow for the change in my work schedule so that I would have no trouble having my son an extra day in the week. My sons father recently filed for a modification to the court order that I no longer have overnights. Our son goes to a school that we both live out of the district of. Our son has a limited amount of days that he can be tardy or absent. Last year I was late 7 times. The school placed our son on a attendance contract this year. I have called the school numerous times because of lack of informing me of things that are going on with our son's education. No one contacted me to attend the contract meeting. I am still trying to get a paper copy of the contract. The school says that it was done verbally but I need to know what I am violating if we are ever late or absent. My sons father says that if I do not have any overnights with our son that then he can be assured that our son will get to school on time the next morning. My son's father also claims that I have poor parenting skills and he believes I have a different diagnosis than the one I already have. He also says in his support evidence that he spoke to me last year about me not being able to afford my medication. I remember telling him that last year just before I had gotten approved for a prescription savings program that pays for my medication each month. He is not a doctor to suggest that I have any other diagnosis. This year I have been late 2 times and plan not to be late again. I will get the attendance record to help my case. I want to counter for joint physical custody. I am trying to find all the legal advice and support I can get to help me on this.

 

[TheGeekess]

I live in San Diego, California. My sons father was granted full physical custody in May of 2012. We got joint legal custody. I was granted visitation 2 1/2 days of the week, due to the parenting plan we agreed on. I was ordered to stay on my medication. Which I have done. I have planned to go back to court to get joint physical custody. Was just waiting on my job to allow for the change in my work schedule so that I would have no trouble having my son an extra day in the week. My sons father recently filed for a modification to the court order that I no longer have overnights. Our son goes to a school that we both live out of the district of. Our son has a limited amount of days that he can be tardy or absent. Last year I was late 7 times. The school placed our son on a attendance contract this year. I have called the school numerous times because of lack of informing me of things that are going on with our son's education. No one contacted me to attend the contract meeting. I am still trying to get a paper copy of the contract. The school says that it was done verbally but I need to know what I am violating if we are ever late or absent. My sons father says that if I do not have any overnights with our son that then he can be assured that our son will get to school on time the next morning. My son's father also claims that I have poor parenting skills and he believes I have a different diagnosis than the one I already have. He also says in his support evidence that he spoke to me last year about me not being able to afford my medication. I remember telling him that last year just before I had gotten approved for a prescription savings program that pays for my medication each month. He is not a doctor to suggest that I have any other diagnosis. This year I have been late 2 times and plan not to be late again. I will get the attendance record to help my case. I want to counter for joint physical custody. I am trying to find all the legal advice and support I can get to help me on this.

Without a significant change in Junior's life, I don't think you will accomplish what you want to happen.
http://www.courts.ca.gov/1187.htm

 

[jcneedshelp]

Significant change...

The significant change is that I am the most stable I have been in my life. Also there will be a significant change if my son's father is granted this. Our son needs his mother. Not just his father. And I will not stop fighting to keep my son with his mother. Their is no reason that I shouldn't have joint physical custody. I am a good mother and I don't need my son's father or anyone else telling me otherwise.

 

[Proserpina]

The significant change is that I am the most stable I have been in my life. Also there will be a significant change if my son's father is granted this. Our son needs his mother. Not just his father. And I will not stop fighting to keep my son with his mother. Their is no reason that I shouldn't have joint physical custody. I am a good mother and I don't need my son's father or anyone else telling me otherwise.

That's not a significant change in your child's life.

Your stubbornness is going to sink you.

 

[jcneedshelp]

Changes I am making

Well I am moving back to live next to my son's school and I am going back to school myself to make a better life for me and my son. And like I said I am taking care of myself mentally because if I don't I cant care for myself or my son. That is a significant change. I have been taking a new medication since Jan of 2012 and it has made a world of difference.

 

[stealth2]

Why can't you get your son to school on time?

 

[Proserpina]

Well I am moving back to live next to my son's school and I am going back to school myself to make a better life for me and my son. And like I said I am taking care of myself mentally because if I don't I cant care for myself or my son. That is a significant change. I have been taking a new medication since Jan of 2012 and it has made a world of difference.

It's not a significant change in HIS life.

That's what you're not understanding.

The courts do like to keep the status quo, as a rule, and they'll be looking for a darned good reason to change the current custody situation.

Based on what you've said here, you do not appear to have what is needed.

 

[stealth2]

I have to agree with Pro. You have not articulated a change in your son's life that warrants a change in custody. I have friends in SD, and I knw school has not been going for all that long, so two tardies in that span of time, given your limited overnights doesn't really bode well for you. Instead of wondering what you're violating if he's late/absent, it would make more sense to commit to making sure he isn't, on your time.

 

[jcneedshelp]

Son's tardiness

Well I do live 30 mins away and I am moving back to live close to his school. Last year when the school informed me of a contract that would be written up, I was determined to change this year so that my son doesn't have to leave the school he has been going to since kindergarden. I set our alarm clock ahead 15 min to help. And I basically have to be a drill sargeant in the morning with each step so that he doesn't try to lay back down. I will also start doing some incentives of my own for being on time to school. I also wake up 30 min early now this year. Giving us a 1 1/2 hours till school starts.

 

[Proserpina]

Well I do live 30 mins away and I am moving back to live close to his school. Last year when the school informed me of a contract that would be written up, I was determined to change this year so that my son doesn't have to leave the school he has been going to since kindergarden. I set our alarm clock ahead 15 min to help. And I basically have to be a drill sargeant in the morning with each step so that he doesn't try to lay back down. I will also start doing some incentives of my own for being on time to school. I also wake up 30 min early now this year. Giving us a 1 1/2 hours till school starts.

I'm sorry, but you still don't have - in my opinion - what's need to justify changing the custody situation.

Perhaps it would be better for you to find a clear way of explaining how you've changed to counter Dad's argument that he'd prefer no overnights.

(Though to be perfectly blunt, it does appear that Dad has a pretty good argument)

 

[jcneedshelp]

Start of school

My son went back to school July 25 of this year. He does not go to year around but they start earlier and have longer breaks throughout the year. With only 1 day of being tardy and one other day of an excused tardy. I don't think this is too bad. Being on time is my biggest priority on the days I have him.

 

[TheGeekess]

I live in San Diego, California. My sons father was granted full physical custody in May of 2012. We got joint legal custody. I was granted visitation 2 1/2 days of the week, due to the parenting plan we agreed on. I was ordered to stay on my medication. Which I have done. I have planned to go back to court to get joint physical custody. Was just waiting on my job to allow for the change in my work schedule so that I would have no trouble having my son an extra day in the week. My sons father recently filed for a modification to the court order that I no longer have overnights. Our son goes to a school that we both live out of the district of. Our son has a limited amount of days that he can be tardy or absent. Last year I was late 7 times. The school placed our son on a attendance contract this year. I have called the school numerous times because of lack of informing me of things that are going on with our son's education. No one contacted me to attend the contract meeting. I am still trying to get a paper copy of the contract. The school says that it was done verbally but I need to know what I am violating if we are ever late or absent. My sons father says that if I do not have any overnights with our son that then he can be assured that our son will get to school on time the next morning. My son's father also claims that I have poor parenting skills and he believes I have a different diagnosis than the one I already have. He also says in his support evidence that he spoke to me last year about me not being able to afford my medication. I remember telling him that last year just before I had gotten approved for a prescription savings program that pays for my medication each month. He is not a doctor to suggest that I have any other diagnosis. This year I have been late 2 times and plan not to be late again. I will get the attendance record to help my case. I want to counter for joint physical custody. I am trying to find all the legal advice and support I can get to help me on this.

My son went back to school July 25 of this year. He does not go to year around but they start earlier and have longer breaks throughout the year. With only 1 day of being tardy and one other day of an excused tardy. I don't think this is too bad. Being on time is my biggest priority on the days I have him.

Alrighty then.

 

[stealth2]

I do commend you for making a better effort to get yoru son to school on time. But I will say that living 30 minutes away isn't an excuse. My daughter's HS was a 45 minute drive w/o traffic. The bus made it more like 1 1/2 hours (P/U by bus at 5:50am) and she wasn't late once - because she knew how pissed off I would be if I had to drive her. Getting up? Yep, I got up with her. Made her breakfast, made her lunch, and made sure she was on that bus. Being late was simply not an option. Depending on what besides oversleeping has made you all late, I have no doubt a lot of parents here can give you suggestions to avoid the pitfalls.

But, again, there is no change in the child's circumstances. If *I* were in your shoes, I would be fighting to maintain the overnights I have, tell the judge the changes you are making to ensure the kid gets to school when he needs to, and ask for a review in six months, rather than the change your ex is asking for. Your plan to move closer to school isn't a fact yet, so no one is even going to consider that. NOT having to make a long trip in the morning MAY be considered a CoC, but you need to actually be moved into his district and having a good track record moving forward in getting him in on time will help.

 

[Proserpina]

Look, this may seem harsh, but what I'm seeing here is that it's all about you. Not your son.

And he's the only consideration in the situation. What's best for HIM. Not you.

Why would disrupting his evidently stable life with Dad be in his best interests?

I'm not suggesting that you can never have overnights - keep your nose clean and they'll likely continue or be restored at some point. What I am saying is that all things considered? He's doing better with Dad having primary than perhaps he would if you had a 50/50 timeshare.

Given that you have to be a drill sergeant now, what do you think it's going to be like if you have him 50/50? I'm not convinced you're ready, even if it were possible.

 

[jcneedshelp]

Pro, I came onto this site for support and advice. Thank you for your direction. I am trying to be a better mom. I love my son and just miss him so much when I do not have him. I see all the previous replies as constructive criticism. This has been an eye opener for me. Realizing what I need to do is to show what significant changes my son is undergoing and all the changes I have made that it is not necessary for me not to have my son on overnights anymore. Plus I will have the attendance record in black and white to support me.