Dad is Trying for an Earlier Return On Mother's Day...

[NC Mom in Indy]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Indiana

I have visitation according to the Indiana State Parenting Time Guidelines. Visitation for Mother's Day is as follows:

A. Special Days.

[1] Mother’s Day. With the child’s mother from Friday at 6:00 P.M. until Sunday at 6:00 P.M.

My daughter's dad is usually not working, but I work fulltime, so I send him an email reminder each week with the drop off and pick up times for the weekend and the midweek visit. Sometimes I pick her up midweek, sometimes my husband. My daughter's father brings her to the 1/2 way point some weeks, and we drive to his hometown other weeks. I always take her back to his town on themidweek morning.

So, this coming weekend is Mother's Day. We have dinner plans. Not a restaurant, but a big party at our house. It is my sister's first Mother's Day, and probably my MIL's last (she is ill). My ex replied to my 6pm Fri to 6pm Sun reminder with a note that I have to pick her up at 5pm on Friday, fine with me, BUT I have to bring her back at 5pm on Sun. I am upset by his actions. He has sole legal and physical custody. In the past he has changed times usually 7pm Fri to 7pm Sun. I didn't protest. A few weeks ago he changed the weekend times to 5pm Fri til 5pm Sun.

I want to tell him that I will pick her up at 5pm on Friday, but I am keeping her until 6pm on Sunday, because it is my right according to the ISPTG. It is Mother's Day, and my daughter and I have plans.

Would I be wrong to keep her til 6:00pm Sunday?

Since he is the CP he thinks that he can dictate everything to me. If I stand up to him and he calls the plice when I don't bring her back at 5:00pm on Sunday would they actually arrest me?

If he files for contempt, or files to modify or reduce my parenting time would a judge actually say that I ONLY have 48 hours with my daughter on the weekend?

How should I handle this?

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

If your court order says you have her till 6, then you can keep her to 6 pm. He cannot file a "contempt" motion when YOU are following the court order.

A court order is just that - an order. It is NOT a suggestion.

 

[Isis1]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Indiana

I have visitation according to the Indiana State Parenting Time Guidelines. Visitation for Mother's Day is as follows:

A. Special Days.

[1] Mother’s Day. With the child’s mother from Friday at 6:00 P.M. until Sunday at 6:00 P.M.

My daughter's dad is usually not working, but I work fulltime, so I send him an email reminder each week with the drop off and pick up times for the weekend and the midweek visit. Sometimes I pick her up midweek, sometimes my husband. My daughter's father brings her to the 1/2 way point some weeks, and we drive to his hometown other weeks. I always take her back to his town on themidweek morning.

So, this coming weekend is Mother's Day. We have dinner plans. Not a restaurant, but a big party at our house. It is my sister's first Mother's Day, and probably my MIL's last (she is ill). My ex replied to my 6pm Fri to 6pm Sun reminder with a note that I have to pick her up at 5pm on Friday, fine with me, BUT I have to bring her back at 5pm on Sun. I am upset by his actions. He has sole legal and physical custody. In the past he has changed times usually 7pm Fri to 7pm Sun. I didn't protest. A few weeks ago he changed the weekend times to 5pm Fri til 5pm Sun.

I want to tell him that I will pick her up at 5pm on Friday, but I am keeping her until 6pm on Sunday, because it is my right according to the ISPTG. It is Mother's Day, and my daughter and I have plans.

Would I be wrong to keep her til 6:00pm Sunday?

Since he is the CP he thinks that he can dictate everything to me. If I stand up to him and he calls the plice when I don't bring her back at 5:00pm on Sunday would they actually arrest me?

If he files for contempt, or files to modify or reduce my parenting time would a judge actually say that I ONLY have 48 hours with my daughter on the weekend?

How should I handle this?

pick up your daughter at 5.....bring her back at 6. the court order says 6. you are not in contempt if dad allows you an extra hour at the beginning of the visitation.

 

[NC Mom in Indy]

If your court order says you have her till 6, then you can keep her to 6 pm. He cannot file a "contempt" motion when YOU are following the court order.

A court order is just that - an order. It is NOT a suggestion.[/QUOTE]


I'm going to quote you on that to her dad.

pick up your daughter at 5.....bring her back at 6. the court order says 6. you are not in contempt if dad allows you an extra hour at the beginning of the visitation.

Okay, I'm keeping her until 6:00pm. What do I do if he calls the police on me? I don't want ourdaughter to witness anything like that.

I am trying to keep peace, but all he wants to do is control everything.

 

[Isis1]

If your court order says you have her till 6, then you can keep her to 6 pm. He cannot file a "contempt" motion when YOU are following the court order.

A court order is just that - an order. It is NOT a suggestion.[/QUOTE]


I'm going to quote you on that to her dad.



Okay, I'm keeping her until 6:00pm. What do I do if he calls the police on me? I don't want ourdaughter to witness anything like that.

I am trying to keep peace, but all he wants to do is control everything.

send daughter inside with a family member to watch a movie or keep her otherwise occupied. i do the same thing everytime the NCP did this to me. with CPS and the police.

i tell my kids the school does surprise checks on all children to make sure everything is okay.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

This is civil. Just have your court order ready in the event that dad does pull a stunt like that. If you land up back in court, have all your documentation to show that dad is not doing his job as CP:

A custodial parent's job is to facilitate a relationship between the child and the non-custodial parent.

It's not a matter of what you want - it's a matter of what is best for the child.

So, the child will get to celebrate Mother's Day with multiple generations. Great.

Now, WHY is dad wanting the child back early? Is this the case of wanting to spend time with a paternal grandmother?

 

[proud_parent]

Would I be wrong to keep her til 6:00pm Sunday?

Would you be violating the order? No.

That said, you know your ex, and you know the likely conflict that will result if you do so. You're the one who needs to decide whether standing your ground over this hour is worth that conflict.

BTW, if it were me, I'd try to time it to pull up to the ex's house at 5:59pm. Then I'd take 60 seconds to walk Kiddo to the door and say my goodbyes.

Since he is the CP he thinks that he can dictate everything to me. If I stand up to him and he calls the plice when I don't bring her back at 5:00pm on Sunday would they actually arrest me?

Again, if it were me, I'd have a copy of the court order and the ISTPG at the ready, with the relevant section highlighted, to show to anyone who might be interested. And then I would enjoy my weekend with my family to the fullest.

If he files for contempt, or files to modify or reduce my parenting time would a judge actually say that I ONLY have 48 hours with my daughter on the weekend?

IMO, if your ex were to file suit based solely on what you've posted here, he'd make himself look like a complete ass.

Happy Mother's Day, NC Mom.

 

[JacobJoel]

i wouldn't say a word about the return time, in any fashion.

i'd just have the court order with me when i returned child.

the CO dictates times that MUST be with you. it's dad's business if he lets her go early.

it's YOUR business if you return her earlier then you are ORDERED to.

 

[wileybunch]

Please don't pull out the "it's not a suggestion" line. You can simply say that if he needs you to pick her up an hour early on Friday at 5PM that you can accommodate that favor, but you will be returning her at 6PM Sunday per the court order Mother's Day drop off schedule, that you have prior plans that can't be changed.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

I'm never one to offer an explanation if one is not needed. Nothing more really needs to be said other than, the court order/ parenting time guidelines (whatever it is called) says that the end of Mother's Day is 6pm. You'll just follow the order.

no name calling
no accusations
no tweaking comments
nothing

Don't stir a pot that doesn't need stirring.

 

[NC Mom in Indy]

I emailed him that I am able to pick her up early on Friday, at 5:00pm, and I will return her at 6:00pm on Sunday per the CO.

Hopefully there won't be any problems with this. I can see his lawyer filing something to try to stop my parenting time, or change it in an emergency CO prior to Sunday. Of course she won't get a hearing this week. Our judge is Wayyyy to busy.

My ex didn't say why he wanted to cut my visitation short. He frequently does this, and in the past I have told myself that 5 on Fri til 5 on Sunday is the same number of hours as 6 on Friday til 6 on Sun. Other times he has been unable to drop her off until 7 on Fri. I agreed to that and kept her until 7 on Sun.

I have been asking ex to meet me at the 1/2 way point on Wed. for my midweek overnight, because he is no longer using the daycare he was using. He is not working, and when he does work he lets our daughter (9) go home alone. Our CO does not specify any details about the midweek overnight. It just says to follow the ISPTG. They state the following:

B. CHILD 3 YEARS OF AGE AND OLDER



1. Regular Parenting Time



(1) On alternating weekends from Friday at 6:00 P.M. until Sunday at 6:00 P.M. (the times may change to fit the parents’ schedules).



(2) One (1) evening per week, preferably in mid-week, for a period of up to four hours but the child shall be returned no later than 9:00 p.m.



(3) On all scheduled holidays.



Commentary

Where the distance from the non-custodial parent’s residence makes it reasonable, the weekday period may be extended to an overnight stay. In such circumstances, the responsibility of feeding the child the next morning, getting the child to school or day care, or returning the child to the residence of the custodial parent, if the child is not in school, shall be on the non-custodial parent.



So there are no specified hours for the midweek visit. During my extended Summer time Dad was talking about picking her up on Wednesday morning and returning her to me on Thursday evening. I told him that he gets the same hours I do, or similar hours.

I have always been too scared to stand up to him. He lies about everything. Now that he feels "in control" he is becoming bolder. He is becoming more controlling and starting to violate the guidelines and interfere with our phone calls. He thinks he is "doing me a favor" "allowing" me to exercise my visitation. He does not respect or understand that visitation and a relationship with our daughter is my right.

***edited to add more info***

 

[Isis1]

I emailed him that I am able to pick her up early on Friday, at 5:00pm, and I will return her at 6:00pm on Sunday per the CO.

Hopefully there won't be any problems with this. I can see his lawyer filing something to try to stop my parenting time, or change it in an emergency CO prior to Sunday. Of course she won't get a hearing this week. Our judge is Wayyyy to busy.

My ex didn't say why he wanted to cut my visitation short. He frequently does this, and in the past I have told my self that 5 on Fri til 5 on Sunday is the same number of hours as 6 on Friday til 6 on Sun. Other times he has been unable to drop her off until 7 on Fri. I agreed to that and kept her until 7 on Sun.

I have bee asking ex to meet me at the 1/2 way point on Wed. for my midweek overnigth, because he is no longer using the daycare he was using. He is not working, and when he does work he lets our daughter (9) go home alone.

i wouldn't have e-mailed him. but that's just me. my two older kids dad was just like this. he's still learning. but i stand my ground. he found out the hard way not to push me around anymore.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Court ordered parenting time are the MINIMUM time the NCP gets. So, dad is giving you an extra hour. It's a bonus hour.

If he makes a big deal about the 6pm return because Friday is 5pm, then, well, inform him then that you'll just pick up at 6pm.

No drama.

 

[wileybunch]

My ex didn't say why he wanted to cut my visitation short. He frequently does this, and in the past I have told myself that 5 on Fri til 5 on Sunday is the same number of hours as 6 on Friday til 6 on Sun. Other times he has been unable to drop her off until 7 on Fri. I agreed to that and kept her until 7 on Sun.

Honestly, that sounds like all it is. It's not that he's trying to cut visitation shorter, for whatever reason, he needs you to take child a little earlier, but he wants to be a bean counter and take that time off the tail ends of the visit. Because the earlier time at the beginning is for HIS convenience, he really has no right to dictate taking it off the back end. It would be different if YOU were requesting child earlier on the front end.

 

[NC Mom in Indy]

i wouldn't have e-mailed him. but that's just me. my two older kids dad was just like this. he's still learning. but i stand my ground. he found out the hard way not to push me around anymore.

Since Dad moved 35 miles from me we meet at a 1/2 way point. The judge ordered our communication to be done thru email, so I thought that if I emailed him with the dates and times I can show that I am trying to cooperate. He emails me back and says that the weekend will be 5pm Fri til 5pm Sun. I'm not going to argue with the jerkwad but when does it end? He says 5. I say 6. He says 5. I quit replying, so he'll of course be there at 5. He is really thick. Unfortunately since he frequently requests changes for the drop off and pick-up times for my weekends I have to email with him.

Court ordered parenting time are the MINIMUM time the NCP gets. So, dad is giving you an extra hour. It's a bonus hour.

If he makes a big deal about the 6pm return because Friday is 5pm, then, well, inform him then that you'll just pick up at 6pm.

No drama.

That's the plan. Unfortunately he does this, and when I don't cooperate he terrorizes our daughter. He's going to spend the next week telling her how she is never coming to my house again. Stuff like that.

Honestly, that sounds like all it is. It's not that he's trying to cut visitation shorter, for whatever reason, he needs you to take child a little earlier, but he wants to be a bean counter and take that time off the tail ends of the visit. Because the earlier time at the beginning is for HIS convenience, he really has no right to dictate taking it off the back end. It would be different if YOU were requesting child earlier on the front end.

He is a bean counter. He tried to start Spring Break 3 days late, because HE and his Wife had made plans. He gave our daughter to me last year on Spring Break, because he had to work, so he thought that I owed him my Spring Break time this year!

I'm going to be at the 1/2 way point by 5 on Friday. He has a horrible temper and has been extremely violent. I am scared of his reaction to me returning our daughter on time Sunday, but I refuse to cower to the bean counter any longer!