Dad is Trying for an Earlier Return On Mother's Day...

[wileybunch]

Just be prepared for him to take back the Fri @ 5 pick up then.

 

[NC Mom in Indy]

Just be prepared for him to take back the Fri @ 5 pick up then.

I'm sure he'd love to, but I don't think he will. I'm fairly confident that he has made plans for Friday evening, so he will drop her off early this time. He does not allow me to have any extra time, and this will drive him nuts.

He emailed me that they are taking a vacation in June during his Summer visitation, so my visits are cancelled that week. I know that either parent can do that during the sumer period. There is nothing in the Guidelines about a make-up date, so I guess I am out a night.

I won't worry about the weekend. It is Mother's Day, a weekend for all Mothers, whether they are a CP or NCP. In the past, when I was the CP he was given EOW and Mother's Day always fell on his weekend. He would refuse to give me the time. Father's Day was usually on my weekend. I was willing to give him Father's Day even if he wouldn't give me Mother's Day. He never wanted it.

 

[wileybunch]

He clings to rigid like a liferaft.
Bet you're glad you don't have to live with that as much any more!!

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Do you have uninterrupted parenting time in the summer?

 

[LdiJ]

Do you have uninterrupted parenting time in the summer?

If they are following the guidelines, she should have half of the summer.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Reason I asked is that even if dad's summer parenting time trumps her time now, she'll get a portion of his later.

 

[LdiJ]

Reason I asked is that even if dad's summer parenting time trumps her time now, she'll get a portion of his later.

Absolutely...which is something that many ncps don't really recognize/understand.

 

[Isis1]

Absolutely...which is something that many ncps don't really recognize/understand.

very true. NCP in my case has NO idea he could have asked for it. his attorney tried, but the judge shut her up real quick. i just sat back and waited.

 

[lilbnp]

I have always been too scared to stand up to him. He lies about everything. Now that he feels "in control" he is becoming bolder. He is becoming more controlling and starting to violate the guidelines and interfere with our phone calls. He thinks he is "doing me a favor" "allowing" me to exercise my visitation. He does not respect or understand that visitation and a relationship with our daughter is my right.

***edited to add more info***

This is how the situation w/ my ex started. You need to stand your ground now otherwise you will end up in a situation like I am in where you have absolutely no say in your child's life and are treated as nothing more than a glorified babysitter!!! You need to know your orders inside and out. My son's father has tried bs like this alot and if it is a matter that the CO can fix I am quick to whip 'em out and set him straight now! You keep your child 'till 6pm and just let him know you are just following your CO.

 

[lilbnp]

I have always been too scared to stand up to him. He lies about everything. Now that he feels "in control" he is becoming bolder. He is becoming more controlling and starting to violate the guidelines and interfere with our phone calls. He thinks he is "doing me a favor" "allowing" me to exercise my visitation. He does not respect or understand that visitation and a relationship with our daughter is my right.

***edited to add more info***

Another piece of advice....start documenting EVERYTHING now!!! Every little detail, even if you think it's insignificant. Phone calls-time you called, if someone answered or not, length of call, what prompted the call to cease (voluntary or not). (This is a situation in my case) Any changes you mutually agree upon or disagree and the outcome, conversations, arguments, everything. This can be invaluable in proving he is uncooperative and unwilling to foster a relationship b/t you and your child.

From what my attorney has told me the one of the biggest reasons for modifications in custody cases is d/t custodial parents not fostering the childs relationship w/ the non custodial parent. After the judge gave domiciliary custody to my ex in our original case my son's GAL told me to start documenting now (that was 7 yrs ago) and he is going to eventually hang himself. Just wait! You need to do the same. It starts small and eventually blows up to full blown Gestapo behavior....see my "Neglect?" post. DOCUMENT DOCUMENT DOCUMENT!!!

 

[sipa]

Above all do not allow any of this to ruin your Mother's Day with your child, that would be giving your ex everything he wants. Enjoy don't worry and cross the bridge the best you can when you get there!

 

[NC Mom in Indy]

He clings to rigid like a liferaft.
Bet you're glad you don't have to live with that as much any more!!

LOL
If he tried to be flexible he'd crack.

Do you have uninterrupted parenting time in the summer?

I have 1/2 of summer vacation. He actually counted the ON and informed me that I had too many. The 4th of July is mine, so I had that plus my half, but stupid me.... I backed down and gave up a night, now 2, to even it out.

If they are following the guidelines, she should have half of the summer.

Exactly half due to Mr. Rigid.

Reason I asked is that even if dad's summer parenting time trumps her time now, she'll get a portion of his later.

How could I get a portion of his?

very true. NCP in my case has NO idea he could have asked for it. his attorney tried, but the judge shut her up real quick. i just sat back and waited.

I know that during the Summer Parenting time we each get half the summer. Each parent gets visitation during the other parties time, EOW and 1 midweek overnight.

There is a clause that states something about 2 weeks of uninterrupted time when out of town vacations make the visitation impossible. We cannot go out of town this year.

Is there still a way to get time uninterrupted?

This is how the situation w/ my ex started. You need to stand your ground now otherwise you will end up in a situation like I am in where you have absolutely no say in your child's life and are treated as nothing more than a glorified babysitter!!! You need to know your orders inside and out. My son's father has tried bs like this alot and if it is a matter that the CO can fix I am quick to whip 'em out and set him straight now! You keep your child 'till 6pm and just let him know you are just following your CO.

I already have no say. Mr. Rigid has sole custody. He has told the teacher, doctors, Girl Scout Leaders, and school Principal all kinds of lies. He told them that I was not entitled to information. He has even presented his wife, Mrs. Cheap-N-Rigid as our daughter's mother on occassion.

Another piece of advice....start documenting EVERYTHING now!!! Every little detail, even if you think it's insignificant. Phone calls-time you called, if someone answered or not, length of call, what prompted the call to cease (voluntary or not). (This is a situation in my case) Any changes you mutually agree upon or disagree and the outcome, conversations, arguments, everything. This can be invaluable in proving he is uncooperative and unwilling to foster a relationship b/t you and your child.

From what my attorney has told me the one of the biggest reasons for modifications in custody cases is d/t custodial parents not fostering the childs relationship w/ the non custodial parent. After the judge gave domiciliary custody to my ex in our original case my son's GAL told me to start documenting now (that was 7 yrs ago) and he is going to eventually hang himself. Just wait! You need to do the same. It starts small and eventually blows up to full blown Gestapo behavior....see my "Neglect?" post. DOCUMENT DOCUMENT DOCUMENT!!!

I document. The problem was in court the attorney I had did not present all of my documentation. I am keeping records. I need to keep track of the phone calls better. He has limited her calls to 15 minutes, and they don't answer the phone. I called 3 times last night before he let her answer. When I started leaving my second message at 8:15 she picked up the phone. I was happy that she did, but sad that she was sitting there watching the phone ring, and her dad wouldn't let her answer it.

Above all do not allow any of this to ruin your Mother's Day with your child, that would be giving your ex everything he wants. Enjoy don't worry and cross the bridge the best you can when you get there!

I am planning a wonderful Mother's Day with my family. I have learned from past experience that each moment with my child is special. I will not let Mr. Rigid's personality issues ruin another day.

 

[lilbnp]

I document. The problem was in court the attorney I had did not present all of my documentation. I am keeping records. I need to keep track of the phone calls better. He has limited her calls to 15 minutes, and they don't answer the phone. I called 3 times last night before he let her answer. When I started leaving my second message at 8:15 she picked up the phone. I was happy that she did, but sad that she was sitting there watching the phone ring, and her dad wouldn't let her answer it.



I am planning a wonderful Mother's Day with my family. I have learned from past experience that each moment with my child is special. I will not let Mr. Rigid's personality issues ruin another day.

NC Mom I feel your pain. I am going through the same thing except I have Joint Custody and my ex does this sort of stuff. My heart goes out to you. As far as I know (not sure about your state) but even if the custodial has sole custody unless you have been declared "unfit" and the is a protective order in place you still have the right to access to your child's dr, school records etc. I know how it can be when you have to jump through hoops just to see your childs report card. Luckily for me now the school puts them online and we have a password to access them, so dad cannot keep me from seeing them. You might want to see if your daughter's school offers anything like that. Also find out who he has listed a mother on those records...that is a big deal in court if he put SM as her mother....really big big NO NO. Good Luck and Have a Happy Mother's Day.

 

[Just Blue]

NC Mom I feel your pain. I am going through the same thing except I have Joint Custody and my ex does this sort of stuff. My heart goes out to you. As far as I know (not sure about your state) but ...blah blah blah...totally irrelevant diatribe by newbie that can't be bothered to look up the statute/case law for the state in question, yet feels the "need" to post anyway...blah...blah..

If you don't know the law for the state in question...DON'T post.

 

[JacobJoel]

Indiana

I know the state!!!

this is my post!