Dad wants visitation with Daughter after 10 yrs

[stealth2]

My favorite was a year or so ago when the new wife told me that our son is a "very disturbed young man". Actually, he's a great kid. I've had fathers from Scouts tell me that they wish they had a troop full of boys like him as he epitomizes Scouting.

 

[onmytime]

What you do is sit her down and explain that this is (a) not her decision to make and (b) is not optional. If she refuses to go willingly - she's grounded. No computer, no tv, no phone, no friends, no afterschool activities. Nothing. Frankly, you are letting your child control the situation. Stop it.

Everyone sees things differently, however to the OP I would not advise taking the suggested route of grounding your daughter because she refuses to go. Why would you make her life miserable at home and what your daughter may perceive as being miserable away from home. If you have a solid relationship with your daugther continue to keep an open line of communication. Therefore she will be able to continue to talk with you about her feelings and what experiences she has while with her dad (however don't try to "get" information out of her about her dad, just allow her to express herself).

I have a 12yr daughter who at the age of 3 would tell me she didn't want to go with her dad (At the beginning he wasn't as consistent as he should have been). She would say mommy tell daddy I don't want to go. I told her I wasn't and that she would have to tell her dad. She did and he ignored her and told her to get ready to go. As long as I knew he was not going to hurt her (which I knew he would never do) I was not going to intervene in her getting to know her dad. Today she loves him very much and they have a excellent relationship. In the beginning he had a crazy girlfriend too. But I knew who I was as a person and a mother and nothing she could have said would shake my belief in me.

Take a look at who you are, what you do for your daughter and disregard any negative or CRAZY comments. It is hard to let go. But allow your daughter's father to "enforce" his visitation. He should be the one to have to "force" her out the door if he wants to see her not you.

 

[misslawli]

If nothing else, sit her down, and let her know you understand her concerns. But also explain the consequences to her. She doesnt stay at dad's and he will file an order of contempt. After a couple of contempt orders it is grounds for change of custody. Which means she would have to live with him and spending EOW with you. It is a possible reality. Happens often. A change of custody would really devastate her from the sound of it. If you think she is old enough to make that decision then she needs to understand the impact. And a side note..... odds are that a Judge won't listen to her wishes. At 12 or 13 they may take into consideration what thier wishes are according to custody. But probably not visitation.
I understand that it is hard for her, but it is important that she stay the night,your freedom could depend on it.