Dad wont let her go.

[msfurman]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? Va

I have sole custody of 12 year old. Father wont let her grow up. Refuses to switch weekends if she wants to go to her friends, misses functions and parties if it is on his weekend. The problem though is that she has a chorus competition coming up for her school. It is part of her grade and is a school function, not a personal function. He has already given me cause to think that he will not let her go because it falls on his weekend. he's not willing to switch or make any adjustements. This is for her school. Not personal. Is there anything I can do to get an order so that she can go.

 

[stealth2]

You most likely would be able to get a court order forcing him to allow her to go - especially since it counts for her grade. I would suggest, though, that you consider talking to the school to see how they would handle it if she can't go due to visitation and Dad's noncooperation. I was told by our school (somewhat similar situation) that if missing a required event was due to court-ordered visitation, the child would NOT be penalized in the final grade.

 

[momupset]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? Va

I have sole custody of 12 year old. Father wont let her grow up. Refuses to switch weekends if she wants to go to her friends, misses functions and parties if it is on his weekend. The problem though is that she has a chorus competition coming up for her school. It is part of her grade and is a school function, not a personal function. He has already given me cause to think that he will not let her go because it falls on his weekend. he's not willing to switch or make any adjustements. This is for her school. Not personal. Is there anything I can do to get an order so that she can go.

Unfortunatly, this sounds similar to what I am going through with my 10 yr old daughters father. I had a concern I spoke to my attorney about - my daughter is a part of our parish we attend church every Sunday morning. Well 4 days ago an order went into affect that he will have everyother weekend with her. She is sooo upset (and doesn't want to go), she brought up the fact that she wants to go to church my lawyer told me that is something tht needs to be worked out between her father & I. There is no reasoning with her Father he made it clear when he has her he will do as he pleases. I feel so helpless and it hurts to see my daughter miss out on what has been her normal schedule for the past 10 years. I have tried to explain that when she has class (church) they will discuss what mass was about and she will not be able to take part in the discussion...he could care less. Its amazing how they act like they are doing whats best for there child and don't see how much they disturb there life while doing it! I would give it a shot to discuss this with her Dad to see if he could take her - as it means something to his daughter! Good luck!

 

[Ambr]

You might try talking with your daughter and daddy BOTH.

While she is 12 and starting to grow up, she isn't ready to start dating or the prom. Growing up and being with friends is great, but she also need to be with her father. If he is getting every other weekend, then she has time (other than his weekends) to spend with her friends. Although it is wrong to keep her from school events.

It might be as easy as making a give and take with both of them. She'll be there, without fuss on his time and he can make arrangements so that she can participate in school events (sports, choir, whatever). If its over nights, possibly working out makeup time. The only problem you might have with him agreeing would be if there is an event on every one of his weekends.

She could even try working out an agreement with dad about doing something with her friends on his weekend. Friends sleeping over, movie nights, Getting to go skating, whatever for a couple hours with her friends. Dad is capable of dropping her off and picking her up.

 

[msfurman]

Well actually, she is going with the school. We live in 2 different states. She has practice before hand and then the class is going on a bus to travel to a competition, so he would not be able to take her. I just didnt know if there was a form I coud fill out to request for an order. It is sad though. Mine is the same, his time is his time. Even if she doesnt want to go. I think he is thinking about himself more than her. She begged and pleads all the time about birthday parties and things she misses and begs to go. But he wont let her. He wont switch weekends with mewhen I offer. Its jsut terrible. Hes not willing to budge.

 

[stealth2]

Well actually, she is going with the school. We live in 2 different states. She has practice before hand and then the class is going on a bus to travel to a competition, so he would not be able to take her. I just didnt know if there was a form I coud fill out to request for an order. It is sad though. Mine is the same, his time is his time. Even if she doesnt want to go. I think he is thinking about himself more than her. She begged and pleads all the time about birthday parties and things she misses and begs to go. But he wont let her. He wont switch weekends with mewhen I offer. Its jsut terrible. Hes not willing to budge.

Thing is - sometimes a kid simply will not be able to do some of those things. Even when parents AREN'T divorced. What I've told my kiddos when a bday party or something falls at a time they can't make it is that we'll make arrangements for them and the bday child to do something on their own - I'll take them to a movie, out for dinner, sleepover, whatever. There are very few events that I even consider asking for a change in visitation for.

 

[Ambr]

OP also mentions that are in two different states. So dads time is pretty much limited to his weekend visitations, etc.

 

[msfurman]

Yes, Im not all worried about personal things like birthday party's and such. Just this school related activity. She has been staying afterschool for practice once to twice a week for the past 4 months. Last year, he and his attonrey got a court order so that he could take our child to Florida during my time. If anyone had asked me, I would have said yes. But that is not the rout he took to approach. So, this is the type of person Im dealing with. Im not trying to get an order for her to go to parties and things. Just this school matter. Also, last yr whenhe took her to Florida, he borrowed my health insurance card. He provides medical insurance per court order. He never gave it back. Now, she is in need of medical attention and since I live out of state, I need to set up new providers for her. This was like, 12 months ago almost that he took the card. And refuses to get me another one or give it back because he lost it. I have asked him for the policy number and group number so I could work with that, and he just wont give it to me. Keeps saying he will and doesnt. What can I do? I have sole custody and he tried for 3 years to take that from me citing medical neglect. A crock of, well, you know. Luckily the courts saw through that, but Im scared that he will try and use this against me. What can I do? Can I order a medical card? She in the past has had a chronic illness. Though much better, I like to follow up on it w.the doctors. And her school has requested that I take her to the eye doctor as well. Eyes site is terrible even withglasses. But I cant get a new provider without my insurance.

 

[msfurman]

Also, insurance compnay will not give me an insurance medical card because I am not apolicy holder. So I have to go through him to get it.

 

[Ambr]

Go to your old doctor and ask for a copy of the medical records for your daughter. Most doctors copy the front and back and all medical cards. It might be possible there is a copy there.

PLUS....your new doctors office would more than likely request the old records anyway. There might be a fee to get the copies directly to you. I think I paid like $5 for the copies that I got (me and ex use different doctors).

 

[mommy02]

Sole custody?

If you really have "sole custody" and the father has no offical custody such as a court ordered visitation then your child does not legaly have to visit him. He would have to petition the courts for it.

 

[msfurman]

I have Sole Custody. So I have the right to make all final decisisions legally and the child lives with me. However, dad has visitation rights. So, its sole custody with visitation to the father. I adhear to that.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Why do you neglect to give all the facts, such as you are residing in MD not VA, VA has jurisdiction and you moved without permission, VA also has laws against cohabitation which you are violating and your ex is contesting......

 

[msfurman]

I did not neglec to say that we live in seperate states:
Now, she is in need of medical attention and since I live out of state, I need to set up new providers for her.


Ambr OP also mentions that are in two different states. So dads time is pretty much limited to his weekend visitations, etc.
Today 08:29 AM

Well actually, she is going with the school. We live in 2 different states.

So I fail to see where it was not mentioned that we live in different states.

Secondly, cohabitation is not an issue anymore becasue I am married. I got married on Tuesday. My child Guardian Ad Litem thoguht the courts even told me that my exhusbands attny is scared now that he doesnt have a case because I verified my notice of relocation was sent in the approriate amount of time to the appropriate people (him & court), and I am married now. The Guardian has told my ex husband that he doesnt have a case at this point. It's looking as though my ex will be dropping it becasue the Guardian is not backing him up.

So, that's why when asking how I can get my daughter to make sure she is able to go on the mandatory school graded event, without his interjection or problems, I did not mention other issues in my life that dont have too much to do with it. Me illegally co-habitating because I am not married is not an issue, if Im married. Me living in another state was stated and everyone BUT YOU seems to have missed that I said it.

Weve all made mistakes in life. I'm not saying that I havent or that Im perfect, Im not. If I was, I woudnt be on here. But instead of critcizing people, like Ive see you jump and do other times on here and sounding like an angry man, come on here to help people. I embrase your critique with a grain of salt. I dont have to prove to you that I got married Tuesday, that's what my marriage certificate is for, if the judge wants to see it or my ex-husband wants to see it.

 

[MinCA]

Screw friends. She needs her dad more. He shouldn't offer to switch so she can go to a birthday party of movies with her friends. And don't you dare go off telling her she can't do those things because of her dad.

He might be afraid to switch once thinking if he does it once, he will be expected to always do it. But for school, that is something else.

Go to court to get a one-time alteration, and be prepared to let him take her the following weekend, which will make it two weekend in a row, to compensate.

It could be that the though of going three weeks without seeing her is too painful. Going two weeks (okay, 12 days) is a long time as it is. Adding a whole week.... I doubt you would like being asked all the time to go 19 days without seeing your daughter. Try to understand him in this. As he sees it, you get her 25 days per month. His time with her is precious to him.