Daughter does not want to visit dad

[Obirek]

What is the name of your state? FL

My ex who is contempt right now(we are waiting on a court date) for not paying CS, reimbursement of medical, not having insurance, keeping the kids longer than court ordered, and a few more minor issues. He changes jobs and cities like the wind then we have to modify the agreement which he doesn't follow anyway. The latest situation was he kept the children 6 and 5 a day longer than what was court ordered. I found this out when he slid an itinerary in my mailbox. I did call the police when he did not return them and filed contempt charges. Well, something happened that weekend to my daughter. My kids go to thier counselor--to have someone else to talk to. Dad goes months without seeing them, and just recently started following the court order of "every three weeks from Saturday to Monday morning". Well, since that weekend she has refused to go back with him. I took her to the counselor (and invited him--but he couldn't make it) and she told her counselor that she asked her dadd and new wife if she could call me and they said, NO. then she asked to go home, and they said, No. Then she started crying and she was put in the corner.

Our counselor was not happy, and wants to talk to him, but he does not want to cooperate. He feels this is his visitation and she should go kicking and screaming.

There is more to this, without going into details....he does not have a home and they live out of hotel rooms when he has the kids. So there is no stability whatsoever.

My question....do I have to let her go kicking and screaming. She has lost her trust and security with him, and he has no intention of fixing it. Has anyone else had to deal with this? I've offered to have him come over and play, take her to the park for an hour, etc...but all I get are excuses from him.

Thanks!!

 

[BelizeBreeze]

What is the name of your state? FL

My ex who is contempt right now(we are waiting on a court date) for not paying CS, reimbursement of medical, not having insurance, keeping the kids longer than court ordered, and a few more minor issues. He changes jobs and cities like the wind then we have to modify the agreement which he doesn't follow anyway.

Irrelevant.

The latest situation was he kept the children 6 and 5 a day longer than what was court ordered. I found this out when he slid an itinerary in my mailbox. I did call the police when he did not return them and filed contempt charges. Well, something happened that weekend to my daughter. My kids go to thier counselor--to have someone else to talk to. Dad goes months without seeing them, and just recently started following the court order of "every three weeks from Saturday to Monday morning". Well, since that weekend she has refused to go back with him. I took her to the counselor (and invited him--but he couldn't make it) and she told her counselor that she asked her dadd and new wife if she could call me and they said, NO. then she asked to go home, and they said, No. Then she started crying and she was put in the corner.

O.K. still irrelevant.

Our counselor was not happy, and wants to talk to him, but he does not want to cooperate. He feels this is his visitation and she should go kicking and screaming.

And what right does YOUR counselor have to demand such?

There is more to this, without going into details....he does not have a home and they live out of hotel rooms when he has the kids. So there is no stability whatsoever.

So, you want a valid answer without full details? Good Luck.

My question....do I have to let her go kicking and screaming.

Yep

She has lost her trust and security with him, and he has no intention of fixing it. Has anyone else had to deal with this? I've offered to have him come over and play, take her to the park for an hour, etc...but all I get are excuses from him.

Thanks!!

you have given this forum absolutely NO LEGAL reason for you to withhold visitation and thereby violate a standing court order.

Send the brat or face the consequesces.

 

[Obirek]

Well first off A**hole she is not a brat. Our court agreement states that they are allowed to contact me. He forbids it, and when she asks, she gets put into a corner. That is mental abuse. Our counselor is court ordered and wants him to work with her so we can come to a happy medium and get my daughter comfortable with him. It is my job to protect my children, and it just so happens I'm going against their father. I will under no curcumstances send a 5 year old kicking and screaming, especially when he treats her like this. I was looking for more suggestions before I get the state involved.

Thanks for your input.

 

[tigger22472]

I will under no curcumstances send a 5 year old kicking and screaming, especially when he treats her like this.

So why then come and ask if you had to? If you have no intention of doing it despite the fact that the law would make you why ask? Although BB may not have been tactful, he was correct. You did not state anything that warrants denying dad his right to visitation, your counselor has no legal right to suggest you deny dad his right to visitation, in fact neither woul a lawyer you have (if you have one). Only a judge has the right to deny a parent those things in which they are given through a court order.

I was looking for more suggestions before I get the state involved.

No, you were looking for someone to tell you it was ok and feel bad for you and for your kids BLAH BLAH BLAH

Sweetheart you might be the first TODAY to ask this question but you wont' be the last and you aren't even close to being the first person this week to ask this.

Judges make orders for reasons and they are expected to be followed. I seriously doubt that your child is given the right to call you anytime that she wants and it is ordered that no matter what everyone is to stop what they are doing so your child can call you.

My question to you is what the heck you think the state is going to get involved with? You haven't even remotely suggested anything that they would care to even bother with

 

[ilovemykids]

kid has no say in visitation neither do you

Well first off A**hole she is not a brat. Our court agreement states that they are allowed to contact me. He forbids it, and when she asks, she gets put into a corner. That is mental abuse. Our counselor is court ordered and wants him to work with her so we can come to a happy medium and get my daughter comfortable with him. It is my job to protect my children, and it just so happens I'm going against their father. I will under no curcumstances send a 5 year old kicking and screaming, especially when he treats her like this. I was looking for more suggestions before I get the state involved.

Thanks for your input.

if shes not a brat, then why is she acting like one? you either send her, or you could be the one dragging her kicking and screaming from dad's, get the point now? either obey the order, or lose custody to dad, its that simple. and yes, dad COULD get custody because YOU are violating a court order, and denying him visitation.

 

[Ohiogal]

Well first off A**hole she is not a brat. Our court agreement states that they are allowed to contact me. He forbids it, and when she asks, she gets put into a corner. That is mental abuse. Our counselor is court ordered and wants him to work with her so we can come to a happy medium and get my daughter comfortable with him. It is my job to protect my children, and it just so happens I'm going against their father. I will under no curcumstances send a 5 year old kicking and screaming, especially when he treats her like this. I was looking for more suggestions before I get the state involved.

Thanks for your input.

BB is correct. And he is not an A**hole. You on the other hand are looking at contempt. It is NOT abuse to punish the child. You have no idea why she got put in the corner because you weren't there. Many kids when they get in trouble want to call mommy or daddy to see about them taking their side. Your counselor may be court ordered but the counselor DOES NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO OVERRIDE THE COURT ORDER! Only the judge does. You go against their father and you will be in contempt. You have to send the 5 year old kicking and screaming. You have no clue if he is abusing her. She could be playing games. Kids that age are very adept at playing one parent against the other. I have seen it many times. You are going to get the state involved for what? YOU HAVE NO BASIS!

 

[Obirek]

My attorney explained to me that they can file contempt (we go to court next month for him not returning the children). If he files contempt against me our court orderd psy. will testify against him. I find it hard to believe there is a judge out there that will tell me I'm wrong. The last time he showed up on my doorstep and wanted to talk to her she was crying and wet her pants. This man is mentally abusing her, I realize most people stick to the agreements which I do, however what kind of a parent am I to force that on a child. If he was any kind of a father he would work with us on this to help her. We filed a motion last week to get supervised visits because of his actions...I will take my chances. I was just wondering if this happened to any other *parent*. I understand what is court ordered, but what it comes down to is what's in the best interest of the child. And yes, it is court ordered that both kids are to call me at 7pm every night they are with him.
We have been in court every year since 2001 because he does not follow what is court ordered. He is not going to get custody, he does not want it. He wants to be able to come and go as he pleases.

Thanks for your input.

 

[tigger22472]

BB is correct. And he is not an A**hole. You on the other hand are looking at contempt. It is NOT abuse to punish the child. You have no idea why she got put in the corner because you weren't there. Many kids when they get in trouble want to call mommy or daddy to see about them taking their side. Your counselor may be court ordered but the counselor DOES NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO OVERRIDE THE COURT ORDER! Only the judge does. You go against their father and you will be in contempt. You have to send the 5 year old kicking and screaming. You have no clue if he is abusing her. She could be playing games. Kids that age are very adept at playing one parent against the other. I have seen it many times. You are going to get the state involved for what? YOU HAVE NO BASIS!

Oh I remember the days! My step-daughter was 4 when I came into her life and EVERY SINGLE time her daddy told her to do something she didn't want to do or punished her for disobeying or whatever we heard "I want my mommy." Mom claims she never heard that from her but a photographer told me different when I saw pictures of a grumpy child. She didn't want to be there and cried that she wanted her daddy the whole time she was with mom getting pictures taken. This is such a tactic. I tried breaking it first by reminding her that it hurt her daddy's feelings when she did it. When that didn't work I played the silent/ignore game with her and she didn't like that at all. She never did it again.

 

[GrowUp!]

if shes not a brat, then why is she acting like one? you either send her, or you could be the one dragging her kicking and screaming from dad's, get the point now? either obey the order, or lose custody to dad, its that simple. and yes, dad COULD get custody because YOU are violating a court order, and denying him visitation.

Hi there Kelly!!!

 

[BelizeBreeze]

My attorney explained to me that they can file contempt (we go to court next month for him not returning the children). If he files contempt against me our court orderd psy. will testify against him.

Really? On what grounds?

I find it hard to believe there is a judge out there that will tell me I'm wrong.

You mean you think a judge of a court of competent jurisdiction writes a court order so that you can decide IF and HOW you will follow it?

The last time he showed up on my doorstep and wanted to talk to her she was crying and wet her pants. This man is mentally abusing her, I realize most people stick to the agreements which I do, however what kind of a parent am I to force that on a child.

And you have stated NOTHING which gives rise to the FATHER'S actions or lack thereof resulting in the trauma to the child.

If he was any kind of a father he would work with us on this to help her.

and if you were any kind of a mother you'd try to find the reason your child is acting out and not come to an internet forum slinging accusations without facts .

We filed a motion last week to get supervised visits because of his actions...

And again, WHAT actions?

I will take my chances. I was just wondering if this happened to any other *parent*. I understand what is court ordered, but what it comes down to is what's in the best interest of the child. And yes, it is court ordered that both kids are to call me at 7pm every night they are with him.

then why have you not come here and typed, EXACTLY WORD FOR WORD where this is entered into your visitation order?

We have been in court every year since 2001 because he does not follow what is court ordered. He is not going to get custody, he does not want it. He wants to be able to come and go as he pleases.

Thanks for your input.

and that is his right under the current law.

 

[GrowUp!]

Well first off A**hole she is not a brat. Our court agreement states that they are allowed to contact me. He forbids it, and when she asks, she gets put into a corner. That is mental abuse. Our counselor is court ordered and wants him to work with her so we can come to a happy medium and get my daughter comfortable with him. It is my job to protect my children, and it just so happens I'm going against their father. I will under no curcumstances send a 5 year old kicking and screaming, especially when he treats her like this. I was looking for more suggestions before I get the state involved.

Thanks for your input.

Congratulations dumbass! You got the LEGAL ADVICE that this board is for. This is not for suggestions on how to deny someone their parenting time. Why stupid a**es like you come on this forum, ask a question, then come back on here when a bug has crawled up your a** is beyond me.

Oh yeah...that's because you didn't get what you wanted to hear.

www.drphil.com

 

[BelizeBreeze]

Congratulations dumbass! You got the LEGAL ADVICE that this board is for. This is not for suggestions on how to deny someone their parenting time. Why stupid a**es like you come on this forum, ask a question, then come back on here when a bug has crawled up your a** is beyond me.

Oh yeah...that's because you didn't get what you wanted to hear.

www.drphil.com

Again, it's enough.

 

[tigger22472]

My attorney explained to me that they can file contempt (we go to court next month for him not returning the children).

And do NOT be surprised when the judge rips YOU AND your lawyer a new one for wasting court for dad having the child ONE extra day that technically you knew was going to happen, even though you say he 'slipped' it to you.

If he files contempt against me our court orderd psy. will testify against him.
For???

I find it hard to believe there is a judge out there that will tell me I'm wrong.

Go on believing that. I have seen people walk in with books of evidence, proof etc and ask for STANDARD things and be ripped one end to the next by a judge.

The last time he showed up on my doorstep and wanted to talk to her she was crying and wet her pants. This man is mentally abusing her, I realize most people stick to the agreements which I do, however what kind of a parent am I to force that on a child.

You have NOT stated anything to prove this. Granted you have a dr. telling you this stuff and the emotions you keeping coming back with could be that but you have NO proof or at least not stated of any.

If he was any kind of a father he would work with us on this to help her.
And you would work on this also, that's part of your job as a custodial parent.

We filed a motion last week to get supervised visits because of his actions...I will take my chances.

What actions? Because he didn't let her call you when she wanted? What kind of lesson is that teaching your children? If daddy doesn't do what I want, when I want I will just tell mommy and she'll get him in big big trouble!

I was just wondering if this happened to any other *parent*. I understand what is court ordered, but what it comes down to is what's in the best interest of the child.
And you gave up the right to totally control this when it went in front of a judge.

And yes, it is court ordered that both kids are to call me at 7pm every night they are with him.

I for some reason DO Not buy this one. And even if it is, let me guess, dad didn't have an attorney and this was just signed. Are the kids also court ordered to call him EVERY night they are with you??


We have been in court every year since 2001 because he does not follow what is court ordered. He is not going to get custody, he does not want it. He wants to be able to come and go as he pleases.

You do not want to hear what the law is, you do not want to hear that you can be found in contempt... once again you want to make excuses for your behavior and want someone to you what a great and wonderful person you are!!

 

[GrowUp!]

You do not want to hear what the law is, you do not want to hear that you can be found in contempt... once again you want to make excuses for your behavior and want someone to you what a great and wonderful person you are!!

Maybe this woman should simply follow her attorney's ADVICE. Then when it goes in front of the Judge, it'll be interesting to see how correct that "advice" was if the OP follow through with her actions of disobeying a court order.

 

[CJane]

The last time he showed up on my doorstep and wanted to talk to her she was crying and wet her pants.

So, either 1) You have the worst counselor in the world seeing this child or 2) She's being severly abused by dad and you're not telling us details so that we could actually help you or 3) You're so invested in disrupting the children's relationship with their father that you're undermining any progress the therapist does make.

It should NEVER be left up to a child that age to decide what their going to do - and certainly not whether or not they're going to visit a parent. YOU allowing her to make that decision is borderline abusive. It's far too much responsibility for such a small child... because to her, you're not allowing her to choose what she does, you're encouraging her to choose one parent over the other. Thats twisted, and it's wrong. Be a parent. Send the child.