Daugther vist

[Marshman]

California ...... So I've made some bad decisions drug use anger issues and now I'm Working on myself My daughter is 6I've been able to see her everyday for the last 6 years As of recently The mother of my child will not let me see my daughter I know for 100% fact my daughter loves me I love her Now All of a sudden She's saying my daughter wants nothing to do with me I believe this to be a lie Because we have mutual friends that are still around around my daughter And they've told me that she asked about me We're going to go to court in a Month And she's saying that Basically I will never see my daughter What is the best way to move forward with this.. Let me add is this in there i have no criminal history at all never been arrested never even got a speeding ticket I just wanna know what's the best way to handle this

 

[Taxing Matters]

I suggest the best way to handle it is to get a family law attorney to help you. I don't know all the details of the situations with you, the mother, and your daughter nor do I know anything about the judge who will hear the case. Even if I did, I don't practice in CA and couldn't give you specific legal advice about how to handle the upcoming hearing. I will say, however, that unless your parental rights were actually terminated her threat that you will never see your daughter again is a hollow one, at least legally. You are entitled to visitation with your daughter as a parent. If the court thinks you have some issues that might be a problem it can order supervised visitation, but at least you'd still get visitation.

 

[Marshman]

I appreciate it I honestly just wanna be a dad she was telling me earlier our daughter is 6 and can tell the judge she doesn't wanna see me I honestly think they are coaxing her plus I remember being 6 one day I loved my mom one day she wouldn't get me something I want I hated her not really but u see what Im saying legal age here is 14 I've never abused my daughter in any my drug use was Sporadic here and there been clean almost 10 months it just scared me I do love my daughter

 

[t74]

Court ORDERS are your friends. If you were not married to the mother at the time of the child's birth, make sure you have been legally declared the father. Then file for visitation and to pay support. Be prepared to do whatever the court requires in order for you to have it especially since there is a history of drug abuse and anger issues. Make sure the orders are appropriate for the distance between you and the child - local verses long distance - and work schedules. A competent attorney practicing in the designated family court will know what is appropriate in your area. It is important to have an attorney specializing in child custody/visitation and other family law rather than a generalist who does criminal;, estate, etc.

If the court orders visitation neither mother nor child can deny you that without there being problems with the court as orders are not suggestions depending on the whims of wither of them.. File for contempt when that occurs. When you do get visitation via court orders, follow them exactly. If they are initially limited, be available at all "your" times and be prepared to document you were there if mother does not have the child available..

Remember too that it is "the best interest of the child" that is most important. Normally, it is in the child's "best interest" to have regular contact with both parents. Exactly the format this takes will be the court's decision.

Be sure you are in formal counseling programs for your issues. Take parenting classes offered by your local child services agencies, etc. to demonstrate you are making a commitment to your child's well being. You should get ideas of appropriate programs from talking to professionals in your area.

Read through this forum as your situation is not unique. Good luck.

 

[stealth2]

I was going to ask something t74 touched on - if not married to Mom when the child was born - were you declared the child's father, legally? If not, do not be surprised if Mom tells the court you're not the child's biological father - insist on a DNA test if you believe that to be untrue. Yes, it's a terrible thing to do to a child, but it's not unknown.

How long have you been split up from Mom? Can you document your involvement with your daughter? School records? Dental/doctor appointments? Souvenirs/photos of outings? I'm also sending you a PM with a link you may find useful.

 

[LdiJ]

You also mentioned anger issues. I suggest that you enroll yourself in an anger management class so that you can show the judge that you truly are working on your anger issues.

 

[commentator]

Your whole tone oozes the "i just got into/out of rehab" vibe. "I wanna, I don' wanna" is an immature way to approach life. I really really hope this is true, that you are clean and working on yourself right now. Anger management, drug and alcohol treatment, the best things for you to be doing between now and the time you go to court is not sitting around angsting about what your baby mamma SAYS will happen, or what she SAYS your daughter feels.

Oh come on now, you know darn well that your ex will lie to you to hurt you, and that for a six year old to say they
never want to see you again is not a serious lifetime declaration even if they've been coached into saying it.. It does not give you an excuse to be torn up.. You're the one who has to be the adult in this situation as it sounds like there are a lot of childish and petty others in your world.

And In fact, getting yourself into some good counseling about your issues and your outlook about this situation so that you will be able to be a better parent is the most important thing you might possibly do right now. With the exception of getting yourself a good family court attorney. Put your money where your talk is. If you "can't afford" an attorney, or "can't afford" counseling then all your wa-wa about wanting to be a parent, wanting to see your daughter, etc is just that, talk. And when you get to family court, they'll be able to hear it and scent it immediately if you aren't really committed and are just going for the "I'm so pathetic and I want this...." that is the stock and trade of so many people. Put yourself into this the right way, stop listening to her, stop feeling sorry for yourself about what's happening right now, and take all the steps you can to make it come out right for you and your daughter when the time is right.

 

[Marshman]

You're absolutely right I needed to hear that thank u and I mean that and im not even being a smartass I honestly mean that it's about my daughter nothing else

 

[adjusterjack]

My daughter is 6, I've been able to see her everyday for the last 6 years As of recently The mother of my child will not let me see my daughter

After 6 years of daily contact something specific and appalling must have happened that precipitated your ex's hostility. What was it?

 

[Marshman]

She believes I killed my daughters cat to get at her and any one who knows me knows this to be false I treat cats better than ppl truth is the cat got on the top cabinets where I had roach poison before I noticed the systems it was to late her name was snow I cried as much as my daughter she was the runt the mom had abandoned her I bottle fed her hell helped her poop it still
Hurts and what hurts to is me and my ex were together 9 years and for her to think that

 

[stealth2]

Well.... uumm... yeah, you have to be careful with toxins like that.

 

[Marshman]

I know that's why I had it as high as possible snow had never been up there till then I got rid of it all ill never use poison again when I get another cat poison WIll never be used again definitely a hard lesson to learn

 

[not2cleverRed]

I know that's why I had it as high as possible snow had never been up there till then I got rid of it all ill never use poison again when I get another cat poison WIll never be used again definitely a hard lesson to learn

Mom might also be concerned that there are similar hazards accessible by a 6 year old child.

Be prepared for her to allege that your home is not safe for a child.

 

[LdiJ]

I know that's why I had it as high as possible snow had never been up there till then I got rid of it all ill never use poison again when I get another cat poison WIll never be used again definitely a hard lesson to learn

That might have been traumatic enough for your child, that she really doesn't want anything to do with you right now. You might ask the judge to order reunification counseling for your and your daughter.

 

[t74]

Mom might also be concerned that there are similar hazards accessible by a 6 year old child.

Be prepared for her to allege that your home is not safe for a child.

Let her do it to child services so they will inspect the house for safety violations. Invite someone with children - like your mother or a friend whom your ex trusts - to go through your house to point out problems. Even then you cannot protect a child 100% of the time especially as they become more independent. You just do the best you can to remove hazards and provide safety equipment.

I am sorry for the loss of your pet. I suspect there is still more to the story, and it is not just the loss of the cat.

FWIW, I have had pets for many (40+) years so do not use bait traps but sticky traps for unwanted critters. It has happened more than once that one of the dogs puts his paw under the furniture where I have hidden the trap and gets stuck to it. It is then time to peanut butter the paw.