Desperate Father Needs Direction !!!

[daywalker34r]

What is the name of your state?Minnesota

My divorce and the decree governing it was settled in Minnesota. I know that whatever changes need to be made go through Minnesota.

I have been divorced for just over a year. The first four to five months went rather smoothly. Child support on time and early in most cases. Visitation was over and above what was required because I still lived extremely close to the children which was planned.

I was laid off from the airline industry due to 9/11 and its backlash and had to move out of state to have a place to live and basically start over again. Since moving out of state my ex has slowly removed the communication lines that we originally set up after I left. There was e-conference communications, and phone calls. The times and days were agreed upon (not in writing) by both parties. Note that the days and times have changed several times because my ex has yet to follow through on any of them. My ex got rid of the internet to save money. Fine. There was an greement that we would not use my ex's cell-phone to talk on because neither myself or the kids could hear anything and the time was spent saying, "can you hear me now?". It was then decided that we would do it from myt ex's home phone. It was clear and the best option, one twist though, my ex said that the long distance would be too much money (my ex works for a large communications/telecommunications company). In order to keep speaking to my children I offered to pay, as well as offered to go back to the cell-phone again because my ex receives free long-distance service on weekends. My ex kept the schedule for 2 weeks and since then has not been available. My ex does not answer her phone and has disontinued service to the cell-phone. I recently discovered that my ex has acces to the internet still and a new cell-phone of which I do not have the number to.

Out of frustration on 2 occasions, one childs birthday and a significant holiday, I have made more than 100+ calls to wish birthday and holiday tidings. There has also been name calling and generally poor behavior by both parties. No threats, no violence or anything like that maybe a threat of attorney involvement but that is the extent.My ex believes that I don't talk with them appropriately after answering some questions that my children asked me about the live-in relationship that they might be introduced to and being uncomfortable with the situation and the person that will be living there. My ex also did the non-answering thing through both of my visitation weeks in the Summer and is now doing it for my alternate holiday visitation for Christmas. Help!

It has been a little over two months since I have spoken to my children and over 6 since I have seen them. The e-mail I have sent to their account lies dormant and unopened. I do have documentation statin that If I want to see the children I have to do it in Minnesota as well as documentation that says my ex won't allow me to see them. For reasons unknown. Yes I am delinquent on 3 child support payments and am rectifying that as we speak. I am paying more than normal out of my unemployment checks to pay what I owe. There is also a paper trail created showing the decline of communication to none the past two months. What can I do. My ex has Legal Custody and we share Joint Physical. What can I do. Any advice would be great. Thank You.............

Regards,
Frustrated, Loving Father

 

[stealth2]

Let's start with what your visitation order says about taking the kids out of state and also phone contact/contact between visitations.

The documentation you have regarding visitations in MN - who does that come from?

 

[daywalker34r]

I have joint legal custody and my ex has sole physical "Subject to reasonable parenting". Unless otherwise agreed by both the parties reasonable parenting time shall be construed to include but not limited toalternating weekends, one evening every week that I do not have the children on weekends, two weeks during the summer, and alternating legal holidays. Any claim or controversy involving custody issues, which cannot be resolvd by the parties through direct communication without mediation, shall be promptly submitted to mediation. Both parties agree to cooperate and cooperate in good faith to resolve visitation issues with the assistance of the mediator. It is in the children's best interest to insure that each has a strong, close, positive and fully developed relationship with each parent. Neither party shall do any act that will estrange the minor children from the other parent or perform any act that will hamper the natural development of love and affectionthat the minor children have for each parent.

Unless otherwise ordered, each party shall notify the other party, and the courtwithin ten days of any change in residential and mailing address,telephone number, drivers license numberSSN, and name, address, and telephone number of the employer. This is from Minnesota State Statutes....sec. 518.551 sub.1, 609.26, 609.375, 518.17 sub.3, Appendix "A" Form 3 sec.vii.

This all pretty much word for word right off of the decree signed by a Judge of District Court, Scott County, Mn. It doesn't say anything regarding phone callsbut whatever the two parties decide. I hope this is what was requested.

Thank You,
Frustrated Loving Father

 

[stealth2]

Since you do have language that includes a more specific schedule if "reasonable visitation" doesn't work, you could file against her for contempt. Then, I would also file a modification to the visitation order to include specific parenting time for you (that reasonable visitation is horrible) - which includes your ability to take them to your home out of state - and a specific telephone schedule.

 

[backontrack]

Frustrated, Loving Father...
I am a mediator in Minnesota, Scott County is one of the counties I practice in. If your court order states you must do mediation before filing a Motion, then you must do that or the judge will most likely dismiss the Motion.
If the parties come to an agreement, the mediator can file a stipulated agreement with the court on the parties behalf.
IF mediation does not work, then the mediator will file paperwork with the court stating that mediation was attempted and that the parties were unable to reach an agreement. But it has to be attempted at least. You should also be able to set this up and do it over the phone (telephone conference mediation) from where you currently live.. Either way, the court must have proof that mediation was at least attempted. I am assuming your order also states that the parties must equally split any costs of mediation??? That is generally the rule, not the exception.
If a Motion must be filed, keep VERY detailed records of each time you have tried to contact your children, each message you have left, each letter you sent, etc. You will need that for court. In this state, with holding visitation CAN be grounds for reversal of custody if it is very flagrant..
If you want to talk further you can contact me at [email protected]. I am also open to mediate for you if necessary. Too often fathers get a raw deal.
Best of Luck to you.
Contact me if you need to.

 

[daywalker34r]

Loving Father Still Needing Direction

Minnesota...

Thank you for your reply. My ex has filed a motion for a hearing on Jan. 20. But I have not been served any papers. I was told they were sent but to the wrong address, our old home that I haven't lived in for approx. 1 1/2 years. The parties on her side must know that I am not in Minnesota. Don't understand the mix up but must be a lawyer game. Anyway no mediation has been tried or even discussed. My ex has not answered her phone and I have yet to speak with my children. She did not let me wish them Merry Christmas or even call and wish a happy birthday. The motion filed was to take away my visitation rights and phone calling priveleges. I don't know why she has done this. Yes, in the past we have written and said some rotten things to eachother but that hasn't gone on for some time now. I know she believes that when the children ask me questions I answer them too honestly and she says it upsets them. I have never had a conversation over the phone with my kids without her listening in on the other end. I know it makes them uncomfortable to talk because they have told me and they also pause and ask her if it's ok to say whatever it is they want to tell me. I spoke briefly with them on Nov. 4 and one other time to one of them on Dec. 10. The other child I have not spoken to since Nov. 4. My ex seems to think that I am trying to find out what is going on in her life. The only time it comes up is when the kids ask me a question that coincides with what she is doing. The real catalyst for some of this is that both my sons are uncomfortable with the idea of her boyfriend moving into the house with them. They asked me about it and said they were uncomfortable with him and they didn't want it to take place. I was sympathetic and told them that if mom wants that then that's what would happen and I could not change or sway her decision. But never delved any deeper or asked any other questions that would seem probing or otherwise. Sorry for babbling on.What am I to do? Do I have to be present for the court date or can I have representation on my behalf instead? I have no money to fly or the time to drive. I am job hunting because I am unemployed. Please help. Thank you.

Regards,
Loving Father

 

[backontrack]

Loving father,
First of all, contact the court adminstrator of family court in Scott County and let them know your employment situation and financial situation about getting back to Minnesota for the hearing. Find out if you can "appear" in court via telephone conference. Here is the link to their web page: http://www.co.scott.mn.us/xpedio/groups/public/documents/web_files/do_doframe15.hcsp
Next, get a copy of those papers. MN law states you have to be served at least 14 days prior to the hearing.
By the way, how did you find out about the hearing on Jan.20th?
You have to send your answer to the court and your ex at least 5 days prior to the scheduled hearing. Ask the court administrator if you can file your papers via fax and if so what the number is for filing. Most counties do allow fax filing. You can do this at a kinkos and or some convenience stores if you do not have access to a fax. It will probably cost about $1.00 per page to fax. Since there is already a court date, file your own Motion asking for the things you want. Specified phone times, visitation times, holiday times, who is going to drive or pay transportation costs if they fly, etc. Motions have to be served on the other party at least 14 days in advance of the hearing date. So, if you mail them, they have to be in the mail by January 3rd. Someone else has to mail them and fill out an affidavit of service to be mailed to the court with the copies of the paperwork you mailed to your ex.
Here is a link to court forms for Minnesota, they work for all counties, you just have to fill out the case info, etc. )There are step by step instructions. However, since you already have a court date, you won't have to call the court to get another.) Or use them as a guide to type up your own. http://www.courts.state.mn.us/ctforms/Custody_index.asp
Get on the internet and get the forms and call Scott County A.S.A.P. in the morning.
Let me know if there is any thing else I can do to help.
Good Luck and think positive!!!!!
Laura

 

[SMURFEELAW]

Posted by OP "It is in the children's best interest to insure that each has a strong, close, positive and fully developed relationship with each parent. Neither party shall do any act that will estrange the minor children from the other parent or perform any act that will hamper the natural development of love and affectionthat the minor children have for each parent."

If this is part of your order word for word I would also bring up that she is trying to estrange the minor children from you by not allowing phone contact. And do whatever you have to do to get the CS current by jan 20th. Good Luck

 

[daywalker34r]

Desperate Father Seeking Guidance

Minnesota

Laura, thank you for all your help. I heard about the papers because they sent them to the home we lived in when married. It since has been sold but I left them my number if they had questions about the builder, or lot, anything like that I could answer for them while they settled in. In filing my own motion, do I need a lawyer? What is it a motion for? Is it for whatever I ask for as far as a visitation schedule, who pays, phone schedule, custody. What am I qualified to ask for? I have phone records, and e-mail that I have saved. In 2 of the e-mails she says that I will not be able to see the kids unless I go there. In another she says that she won't allow me to see the kids at all regardless of where I am. But I have a paper trail that lays out confirming call times she has not lived up to, visitation she has set dates on and then leading into the visitation time she sets these itinerary ultimatums and says the kids wont be coming if they are not met. Is there a real possibility of custody change even if I am not working? I have a great support system here and a good living environment. What happened to mediation?I have paid child suport but when I lost my job I got backed up and she also added to what she thinks I owe her. The money she added on has nothing to do with the children or child support. Also, when I was still living in Minnesota she had no problem dropping the kids off whenever she felt like it or needed to run errands, chiropractor, salon, things like that. I was happy to do it don't get me wrong but since I have moved it's been the total opposite. All of a sudden I am not a fit dad anymore. Sorry for babbling again. I am just confused as to what I am suppose to do, other than what you have told me. It is all very overwhelming. I will start on the documents right now and will fax a copy to the Court Administrator first thing. I do have a fax here. Also, will call the Court admin. first thing in the morning and check on appearing by phone. I will also try to think positive and keep my head up. But I am so afraid of this and the treatment that fathers seem to receive in family court, which is usually the shaft again, and again. I really appreciate all that you have done. My father is helping me both financially and in wisdom (my parents are also divorced and I saw him get the shaft and what he went through), so if a lawyer is needed which it sounds like it might. I will certainly call you hire you or however it works...lol. Thanks again! Happy Holidays to you and yours.

Regards,
Loving Father

 

[backontrack]

Loving father;
When filing a Motion, you can ask for whatever you want. That does not mean that you will get everything you want, but if you don't ask, there is no way to get it.
If you are unemployed, Motion for a reduction in child support as of the date she filed the paperwork. Send in copies of your unemployment stubs showing what you are receiving.
Ask for custody of the kids since she has interfeared with your parenting time rights. Include all paper trails as exhibits. If you are going to Motion for custody, ask for her to pay YOU child support.
Are the court papers getting forwarded to you? Call her attorney directly stating you understand a motion has been filed, ask him to fax them to you.
You also need to respond to those papers.
So you will have your responsive affidavit to her paperwork
Your notice of motion and motions
and your supportive affidavit and exhibits to your motion.
It can be a bit confusing, but try and follow the instructions on the web link I sent you yesterday.
I am not an attorney, but a mediator. I have been dealing with the family judicial system for the past 11 years and am very familiar with it.
If you have any questions, email me directly at [email protected]. Perhaps include your number and we can talk directly.
Oh yeah, one more thing. Being behind on child support is NOT a reason to with hold visitation. With holding visitation is against the law, PERIOD.
Let me know if you need anything else. I will check back often.

 

[daywalker34r]

Desperate Father Needs Direction

Minnesota...

I have finished the the Notice of Motion for Motion paperwork and am currently fumbling throught the affidavit trying to be as factual and precise as possible in correspondence with the exhibits and documentation I have. I also called the court this morning and was told that I will most likely be able to appear by phone conference but she did not confirm until she knows for sure. But as she said, in lieu of my financial and work status it probably would not be a problem.I also have a copy of her motionto suspend visitration and phone priveleges. It was sent to 2 different addresses, not one as first thought. I'll sign those and get them off A.S.A.P. Now does one copy go to my ex and another to the court admin.? Also, do they need to be notorized? In the motion for motion paperwork I asked for a change of custody to joint legal between us and myself for sole physical. I also asked for child support to be paid to me in the event of a custody change. I think my next correspondence will be directly to your e-mail. You really have been a godsend and yes it is very overwhelming. I feel like a chicken with it's head cut-off running into walls. But my motivation is and always has been to have a strong father son relationship and communication with my 2 boys and I will do anything it takes. Thanks again Laura, really, I can't express my gratitude enough. My phone number is 562-694-0115 ask for Dylan. That would be me. I apologize for the noise in the background ahead of time I am living between my brother and mothers home but I am almost always here during the day cranking out job apps. burning up the fax toner at a blinding rate....lol. I will write your e-mail next time. Thanks again.

Regards,
Loving Father - Dylan

 

[backontrack]

Loving father;
You did not say what your ex stated as grounds for suspending visitiation and phone calls. Make sure you respond to her motion and affidavit with your own Responsive Affidavit. You do not need to sign her paperwork that was sent to you. You need to do a responsive affidavit to her paperwork.
Also, in your motion for custody and child support, include a motion that in the alternative if custody is not granted to you, that child support be temporarily reduced according to your current income. Also in that motion, state in the alternative if custody is not awarded to you then the following visitation schedule be put into place: A) nightly phone calls (or whatever you want) B) a detailed listing of the visitation schedule you want. Include the boys to be with you for the entire summer if you want that, 1/2 of spring break, 1/2 of winter break, every other weekend from friday to sunday or monday if it is a holiday weekend. School conference days, teacher workshop days, etc. Ask for everything you want. What school do they attend? Look up their school's web site and find a school calendar so you know when they do and don't have school. Print out a copy of the school calendar and attach it as an exhibit. Use that information to help detail visitation schedules if you don't get custody. Add that you want the parties to meet half way between the homes for pick up and drop offs. I am not sure where you live, so you will have to determine what is half way. Also, if you have the boys for the entire summer, ask for an offset in child support for June 15th through August 25th or whenever it is that you have them for that length of time. Also motion the court for the boys to be able to determine which parent they want to live with when they reach the age of 14.

In your affidavit, you are going to need to explain how you are going to support the children, if a custody change is granted, with not having a job. State what you are doing to find a job. If you have used monster.com, print out a copy of your application history and include that as an exhibit, or make a list of everywhere you have applied to in the past six months (or however long you have been laid off) and include that as an exhibit. Make sure you list your mom or brothers home as your permanent address. The court needs to see that you are as stable as possible.

Early on in your affidavit in support of your motions, make sure you state that you called the district court administrator, state the name if possible, asking about appearing via telephone conference. That way when the judge reads all of the paperwork, he will not be surprised by a telephone hearing later on.

I know I have thrown a lot of information at you, but I am trying to help you cover all possible basis.
Good Luck and keep me posted how things are going.
Laura

 

[daywalker34r]

Desperate Father Needs Direction

Minnesota

Laura....I'm confused. Am I filling out 2 affidavits? One for a custody change, and one to respond to her motion? If so what are the exact names there are several different kinds on the website. I just want to make sure I have filled the right one out there are ones for mail, personal, three that say responsive next to them. Sorry for bothering you again. I am probably thinking too much and confusing an issue that is straight forward. I just want to fill out the proper paperwork because apparently it's extremely important in the beginning. Thanks for your help.

Regards,
Loving Father....Dylan

 

[LdiJ]

Posted by OP "It is in the children's best interest to insure that each has a strong, close, positive and fully developed relationship with each parent. Neither party shall do any act that will estrange the minor children from the other parent or perform any act that will hamper the natural development of love and affectionthat the minor children have for each parent."

If this is part of your order word for word I would also bring up that she is trying to estrange the minor children from you by not allowing phone contact. And do whatever you have to do to get the CS current by jan 20th. Good Luck

I suspect that mom is attempting to use that same verbage against him. It sounds as though he may be telling the children things (or not being honest in an age appropriate way) which can come across as an attempt to alienate mom. In addition, he admitted that he called 100+ times attempting to reach the child on birthdays etc. That is definitely WAY over the top and can be construed as harassment.

Its not mom's fault that he moved out of state. Nor does it appear that mom is required to be home at any specific times/days to facilitate phone visitation. I am not sure that dad has attempted to actually visit with the kids recently.

I hope that the OP realizes that if he has not attempted to exercise visitation, has been saying inappropriate things to the kids, and/or has reached the point of harassment where the telephone is concerned (and it sounds like it did)...that this may not go as well for him as you are all leading him to believe.

Its good that his orders allow for some alternate scheduling if reasonable/agreed doesn't work....however his moving out of state really makes the alternate schedule kind of "moot"...and I honestly think it would be difficult for him to get anywhere with contempt at this point. I also think that if he would tell the whole story, warts and all...that he would get better advice. The judge is eventually going to get the whole story.

 

[backontrack]

Loving father;
Yes, you need to fill out two affidavits. One is a responsive affidavit to her motion and the second is your affidavit is support of your motion.

I know it can be confusing...but take your time...well actually, you need to have someone fax it to her attorney and the court no later than 14 days before the hearing, or the 6th of January. Make sure you have whoever faxes it sign an affidavit of service by fax (it is the same as the mail one except you change the mailing address to fax number) and fax that affidavit of service by fax to the court no later than 5 days before the hearing, or January 15th.
Let me know if you need anything else.
Laura