Divorce advice

[ajkroy]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NH

I have a lawyer, but have an uneasy feeling about this and would like information from others. I filed for divorce last November. We had a single hearing before Hearing Master in April to decide who gets temporary use of the marital home. Our final hearing is two weeks from today, but there is so much up in the air, I am very concerned.

My lawyer sent a 22 page document to his lawyer requesting all sorts of information about debts, tax returns, bank statements, gifts, and the values of our possessions. It was sent about two weeks ago. Isn't that "discovery"? Our paperwork states that discovery must be completed and in to the court no later than 30 days before the court date. As of yesterday, STBX has not received the questions. Some of the information (such as retirement account info) may take a while to obtain.

Should I also be collecting this information? I took it upon myself to get a home appraisal -- should I be doing that with other items in our home? Is there a certain format for assets, or do I just bring a list? Do I bring photographs? Receipts?

In addition, both STBX and I have been asking our respective attorneys for several months to set up mediation so that we can decide who gets which items. Is this something that we are supposed to do on our own? Understandably, we argue when trying to figure out who is entitled to what. I've read that mediation gets us in a room with an impartial person who helps us reach a fair division of the assets. With two weeks to go, I am concerned that we will not have time for this step.

So what happens if we both show up to court, basically unprepared? Will the Hearing Master just say "You're divorced, split everything in half"? Will it be continued to another day (would take another six months or so)? What happens if I bring a list of assets to court and he does not? What if an asset is overlooked/forgotten/hidden from the court?

This has been an hugely expensive process for both of us, and every time I call my lawyer, he actually answers very few of my questions. He just tells me not to worry about it and he has everything covered.

I've never been through this process, and I am just looking for any guidance or advice that any of you could share...even if it is just "be patient and trust your lawyer." Thank you in advance for your time.

 

[ajkroy]

Just a bump to see if anyone has any advice for me. Thanks to all who read this.

 

[ajkroy]

in case anyone sees this...

I am hoping that someone new may see this and have any type of advice for me, and I am thankful for any responses I get.

My lawyer is not returning calls or emails. He set up a mediation appointment at the courthouse for tomorrow, and my ex plans to go empty-handed. I have no idea what to bring with me. I have been attempting to make a comprehensive list of our possessions, but find that it is hardly foolproof. I keep finding/remembering items that should be on it. I have also been scouring eBay to try to find reasonable value for our possessions. Our final divorce hearing is six days away.

My ex is approaching me with an offer that we postpone the divorce for six months in order to try to "work" on our relationship. He said that if I agree, then he won't "fight" the divorce in six months. This offer is only good until 1PM tomorrow (when we walk into mediation), but there is no guarantee he won't go back on his word in six months, either.

I honestly don't know what to do. I have reason to believe that he has hidden some assets, but can't prove it. He also has some retirement funds that I think I should be able to negotiate items I want against, but I don't have access to that info and have no idea what is in there. He has no intention of giving that info to the court or my attorney.

If I go through with the divorce, can the judge divide assets without knowing their value? Or will they just tell us to come back at another time? Doesn't that just reward him for being uncooperative? I also don't want to spend more legal fees on my attorney for tomorrow and Monday if it isn't going to go through. I am a single parent and sole support for my son.

This has just been a long and draining process. I had no idea that a divorce would take this long and I just want the stress to be over.

Any advice or experiences would be appreciated.

 

[mistoffolees]

I am hoping that someone new may see this and have any type of advice for me, and I am thankful for any responses I get.

My lawyer is not returning calls or emails. He set up a mediation appointment at the courthouse for tomorrow, and my ex plans to go empty-handed. I have no idea what to bring with me. I have been attempting to make a comprehensive list of our possessions, but find that it is hardly foolproof. I keep finding/remembering items that should be on it. I have also been scouring eBay to try to find reasonable value for our possessions. Our final divorce hearing is six days away.

My ex is approaching me with an offer that we postpone the divorce for six months in order to try to "work" on our relationship. He said that if I agree, then he won't "fight" the divorce in six months. This offer is only good until 1PM tomorrow (when we walk into mediation), but there is no guarantee he won't go back on his word in six months, either.

I honestly don't know what to do. I have reason to believe that he has hidden some assets, but can't prove it. He also has some retirement funds that I think I should be able to negotiate items I want against, but I don't have access to that info and have no idea what is in there. He has no intention of giving that info to the court or my attorney.

If I go through with the divorce, can the judge divide assets without knowing their value? Or will they just tell us to come back at another time? Doesn't that just reward him for being uncooperative? I also don't want to spend more legal fees on my attorney for tomorrow and Monday if it isn't going to go through. I am a single parent and sole support for my son.

This has just been a long and draining process. I had no idea that a divorce would take this long and I just want the stress to be over.

Any advice or experiences would be appreciated.

You have to take anything that you have a court order or a discovery request (but give it to your attorney first). You do not voluntarily have to bring anything else.

If there are discovery requests and your stbx doesn't comply, your attorney can file for the court to order him to comply.

Be very suspicious about "just delay it for a while and I won't contest it". You can't enforce that, so he can contest it all he wants. You could find yourself a year down the road and back to exactly where you are today, just a year older and a year poorer. When my ex tried that, I said "we'll proceed with the divorce and if we change our minds later, then we can stop it". I would suggest that you do the same - unless you really think you're going to be able to save the marriage.

 

[ajkroy]

You have to take anything that you have a court order or a discovery request (but give it to your attorney first). You do not voluntarily have to bring anything else.

If there are discovery requests and your stbx doesn't comply, your attorney can file for the court to order him to comply.

Be very suspicious about "just delay it for a while and I won't contest it". You can't enforce that, so he can contest it all he wants. You could find yourself a year down the road and back to exactly where you are today, just a year older and a year poorer. When my ex tried that, I said "we'll proceed with the divorce and if we change our minds later, then we can stop it". I would suggest that you do the same - unless you really think you're going to be able to save the marriage.

Thank you so much for your help, misto. I am suspicious about the delay, but I am absolutely panicked about an incomplete division, too. I can't really offer the "we'll stop it down the line" to STBX because the end of the line is Monday. With things the way they are now, I don't want to stay in the marriage.

I'm sorry, but I still have a question about what to bring to mediation or court. I haven't been asked to bring anything by anyone. If I don't bring anything and STBX doesn't bring anything, what happens? How can we divide assets if there is no list of them?

Before we had mediation scheduled, I guess I thought that the judge was going to go down a list of items and say "this is for him, that is for her" etc. I figured that if I had an asset appraised and he didn't have a disputing appraisal for that item, the court would take my appraisal as the value.

If we have to file to compel STBX to comply with discovery, it would give him the extension he wants, right? It takes 4-6 months just to schedule a new hearing...and that would be after waiting for the motion to compel to be heard.

I am thinking of asking the court to have STBX pay my legal fees for this, because intentional or not, I wouldn't have these extra fees if he would cooperate. Is that appropriate?

 

[mistoffolees]

Thank you so much for your help, misto. I am suspicious about the delay, but I am absolutely panicked about an incomplete division, too. I can't really offer the "we'll stop it down the line" to STBX because the end of the line is Monday. With things the way they are now, I don't want to stay in the marriage.

I'm sorry, but I still have a question about what to bring to mediation or court. I haven't been asked to bring anything by anyone. If I don't bring anything and STBX doesn't bring anything, what happens? How can we divide assets if there is no list of them?

Before we had mediation scheduled, I guess I thought that the judge was going to go down a list of items and say "this is for him, that is for her" etc. I figured that if I had an asset appraised and he didn't have a disputing appraisal for that item, the court would take my appraisal as the value.

If we have to file to compel STBX to comply with discovery, it would give him the extension he wants, right? It takes 4-6 months just to schedule a new hearing...and that would be after waiting for the motion to compel to be heard.

I am thinking of asking the court to have STBX pay my legal fees for this, because intentional or not, I wouldn't have these extra fees if he would cooperate. Is that appropriate?

I should have explained my first answer more fully. You don't HAVE to bring anything unless it's ordered by the court. But in the interest of expediency, you will probably want to bring the documents you have. That puts you in a position to have the other side penalized for delaying. Ask your attorney what to bring.

You really should ask your attorney about what to bring. If the hearing is for final division of assets, I would guess that one or both attorneys would want to delay it while gathering info.