Divorce-Fair Settlement?

[LdiJ]

So, HOW LONG was the marriage? What you did or didn't choose to do about your career and retirement savings during decades of adult life that may have occurred BEFORE this marriage is irrelevant to this marriage dissolution.

Since they have an adult child (as mentioned in the first post) its obviously been a long marriage.

 

[LdiJ]

Does he pay the bills ?
Are you sure he hasn't taken out a 2nd or a line of equity on the house ?

I'd do a title search to ensure the mortgage is the only emcumbrance on house.

I am glad you thought of that, because its important.

 

[nextwife]

No, not necessarilly. WE are well aware that many couples have and raise kids together for many years BEFORE marrying!

 

[Bali Hai]

He works for the city as a police officer, that is why he doesn't pay SS. He didn't start working there until age 40, so I guess there would be some SS from his jobs prior.
I'll admit, I did nothing to protect myself and I regret that. That's why I have to be smart now. He has also agreed to get a quit claim deed and turn the house over to me. My goal is to keep the house, at least for now. My mom has offered to help me and I'm trying to look for other job opportunities to make more money.
As for the $70K, that's the total at this time, not per year. That's what he has earned in the 12 yrs he's worked in the dept.
Thanks for the responses!

And we all know that your "being smart now" will be a HIS expense.

You women that sit on your dead @sses all your life and do nothing HAVE to be smart enough to beat someone out of their hard earned money or you couldn't survive. You make me sick.

 

[Bali Hai]

I have to agree with this advice.

However, my impression was that her husband had 70k a YEAR in retirement income. I could be completely wrong on that, but that was my impression. If not, then she didn't tell us what his yearly income is, just hers.

In any case, wisely invested 400k (with the rest in more liquid accounts) could net you a tidy 15-20k per year in additional income, and that, along with your earnings would allow you to support yourself comfortably. Its also likely to be more than you would receive in spousal support if you ended up going another direction with the property division, and it will also provide you retirement income if you don't touch the principal.

However, I would not recommend discussing that plan with your husband. Get the divorce finalized and a court ordered agreement that the house is your sole property before making any overt plans to sell it. When he realizes that you are going to be netting more than 400k from the sale, he may regret agreeing to allow you to keep the equity.

I'm surprised that you are suggesting that she surreptitiously hides facts that would lead to an unfair settlement.

 

[LdiJ]

I'm surprised that you are suggesting that she surreptitiously hides facts that would lead to an unfair settlement.

Pound sand Bali. Her husband has offered her the equity in the home. I am suggesting that she get that finalized before her husband decides to renige on the deal because he suddenly sees dollar signs as a result of a pending sale.

However, of course, if he were to attempt to renige, then she can always go for her half of ALL assets, and alimony to boot.

 

[Bali Hai]

Pound sand Bali. Her husband has offered her the equity in the home. I am suggesting that she get that finalized before her husband decides to renige on the deal because he suddenly sees dollar signs as a result of a pending sale.

However, of course, if he were to attempt to renige, then she can always go for her half of ALL assets, and alimony to boot.

Splitting the assets would put $200k in his pocket. She can go for alimony but that doesn't mean she will get it. Even if she gets alimony, there is always a chance she'll croak. That's a chance I would take.

Better??

 

[tuffbrk]

Bali - quite simply- you crack me up! thanks for the chuckle....

 

[dreamlovrs]

And we all know that your "being smart now" will be a HIS expense.

You women that sit on your dead @sses all your life and do nothing HAVE to be smart enough to beat someone out of their hard earned money or you couldn't survive. You make me sick.

This is a joke right? This has to be a joke. No one can be so, well, I won't say.
I hardly sat on my behind my entire marriage. I raised a wonderful daughter and I have no regrets. I did work on and off when she was in school, doing temp jobs, because my responsibility was always my family. Actually, if it wasn't for me, we wouldn't even have this house (which is something even he will admit).
BTW, we have been married for 23 yrs next month.

 

[LdiJ]

This is a joke right? This has to be a joke. No one can be so, well, I won't say.
I hardly sat on my behind my entire marriage. I raised a wonderful daughter and I have no regrets. I did work on and off when she was in school, doing temp jobs, because my responsibility was always my family. Actually, if it wasn't for me, we wouldn't even have this house (which is something even he will admit).
BTW, we have been married for 23 yrs next month.

Unfortunately its not a joke. Bali is VERY bitter about his divorce and the financial results of his divorce.

 

[nextwife]

This is a joke right? This has to be a joke. No one can be so, well, I won't say.
I hardly sat on my behind my entire marriage. I raised a wonderful daughter and I have no regrets. I did work on and off when she was in school, doing temp jobs, because my responsibility was always my family. Actually, if it wasn't for me, we wouldn't even have this house (which is something even he will admit).
BTW, we have been married for 23 yrs next month.

Lots of my friends have wonderful daughters, and sons, too, and houses, and they worked full time. This is just a BTW that the two are not mutually exclusive!

The logistical problem with PART time, is that one is not building up social security credits and, especially they are not building up a retirement of their own. IT is critical that ALL women , well all women without trust funds, have both, esp SS disability credits. PLEASE teach your daughter this!

Anyway, research what SS credits hubby may have from BEFORE he was 40, and what you might be able to draw as retirement off his credits following a marriage over 10 years.. This is critically important information. You need to contact SS administration.

 

[dreamlovrs]

Sorry, I disagree with you guys on one thing. I believe Moms should stay home with their kids. Working full-time and being a mom is difficult. I tried it and I've seen others fail at it. Maybe it worked for you and it's worked for others, but look at our kids today. Something is missing and I believe it's their parents.
I was assuming that 100% of his retirement meant his police retirement. I didn't think about SS. Would I be giving up a percentage of his SS too if I sign this paper?
I asked an attorney on allexperts.com and his response to me was, "you have a house worth xx amount, he should take care of you the rest of your life".

 

[nextwife]

Here is how my contemporaries see it:


Children don't just belong to the moms. Why shouldn't BOTH parents be able to play an active role in raising their kids? If a child has two involved parents (my hubby and I trade off doing breakfasts and after school with our kiddo. Some nights I have work events, some he does, but she gets BOTH parents TOGETHER co-parenting. Why should a hubby's "reward" for having to work for both (if I didn't work) and having to MISS out on much of his daughter's youth be to have to take care of me the rest of my life? When is it HIS turn for me to take care of HIM in exchange for taking care of me? After all, if he gave me to gift of all those years off of work to GET to play mommy, he'd deserves more back in return than being forced to support me the rest of my life, IMHO. Men who are overstressed and do the work of two even die young, like my dad did. Sometimes directly because of the toll and stress, (face it, it's no accident that women outlive men) Far better for parents to both share parenting and share the financial responsibility. Children deserve equal time with BOTH parents, not all of one and very little of the other.

But we're only in our 50s and 60s (we have a nine year old), not young, open minded and progressive.

 

[LdiJ]

Sorry, I disagree with you guys on one thing. I believe Moms should stay home with their kids. Working full-time and being a mom is difficult. I tried it and I've seen others fail at it. Maybe it worked for you and it's worked for others, but look at our kids today. Something is missing and I believe it's their parents.
I was assuming that 100% of his retirement meant his police retirement. I didn't think about SS. Would I be giving up a percentage of his SS too if I sign this paper?
I asked an attorney on allexperts.com and his response to me was, "you have a house worth xx amount, he should take care of you the rest of your life".

Eligibility for SS benefits has nothing to do with a divorce agreement. You will be able to collect SS benefits on his credits, and it won't diminish his benefits at all.

However, I will repeat, if you get the house, sell it and invest the money wisely, you won't need a retirement plan, the house proceeds will provide for you.

 

[dreamlovrs]

Thank you for the replies! I really appreciate the input. This will make the process easier for me.